Awakened Desires (25 page)

I sighed heavily, running my fingers over my hair. “I’m not sure what we should or shouldn’t tell her.” I thought including Quinn in the decision would help her accept me again and make her trust me.

“I know. I don’t want to scare her.” Quinn yawned. She was obviously fatigued. The daily draws were not only draining her blood, but draining her physically and mentally. She wasn’t getting enough proper nutrition or hydration to begin with, let alone enough to properly restore her levels. “I’m going to need a day or two of rest before you draw again.”

I nodded. “Right. I think I can go a couple of days.” That was a lie because I wanted it every day. It had been my only interaction with her during the epic silence.

Quinn smiled at me, reaching over and touching my hand. I took a slow deep breath, enjoying the feel of her hand on mine. Then I picked up the tracking device and rolled it around in my fingers.

“Look, I’m sorry about the other night. It’s just hard for me. I still think about James all the time.”

“As you know, I have apologized more times than I can count. Let’s just sweep it under the carpet, shall we?” I questioned with such uncertainty that my vulnerable side overshadowed my entire personality.

“Yeah, we can do that.” She propped her elbow on the table and rested her cheek against her fist. “So…how do you want to destroy it?”

“Maybe I could shoot it. I could always use sharpshooting practice.”

“I think we should conserve bullets.”

“Yeah, you are correct and brill,” I said as I looked at my bandaged arm. So very true. She was damn brill.

Quinn was ignoring my compliment, though. Maybe she was still feeling uncomfortable around me. But she was sitting at the table with me anyway. “How does your arm feel?”

“It’s throbbing, but I’ve had worse pain.” So fucking true. Her not talking to me hurt me more than her digging that tracking device out of my arm.

“I know. I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

I half-smiled at her. There was an electric current running between us, so I leaned toward her. I stroked her face and was close enough to kiss her. She closed her eyes and parted her lips, enjoying my soft, gentle touch. Her breathing hitched. I almost went for it, but Quinn grabbed my hand and pushed it away.

“I can’t. I can’t do this.” She looked down and a couple tears trickled down her face. I felt a flash of anger rush through me, but I kept it below the surface.

At that moment, I realized what I was feeling was real. I was angry that she refused me when I wanted to touch her so badly. She was still hung up on her husband. She needed to live in the now and forget about the bastard who left her high and dry. What she needed was sitting right in front of her.

“Quinn, I’m sorry. The last thing I want to do is make you feel uncomfortable.” I pulled myself back around to the table and rested my face in my hands.

“I just… I’m still holding out hope that James is alive somewhere.”

“I know. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. You have done so much for me. I just feel so connected to you.”

It was so true. Quinn was the first woman I felt real affection for in well over twenty-five years of chasing skirts. My feelings went far deeper with her than they did with Carly. Every other woman in my life was a wine them, dine them, fuck them, draw them, and push them out the door. I had to admit, my feelings for Quinn were scaring me. I never had anyone love me properly, and I spent my entire life pushing people away. Although Carly seemed to want to love me. Once again, I had to shake her out of my mind. I was having mixed emotions. I questioned whether I should just tell her the whole truth about the program and get it over with, or keep her at arm’s length and continue to give half-truths. Quinn’s voice brought me out of my internal battle.

“My heart says to fall into your arms, but my head says to hold out hope for James.”

Well, I have some hope now. “I understand, love. Sometimes you need to listen to your heart, though.” I saw Quinn staring at my chest. I looked down and realized she was looking at the scars from the taser probes.

She reached out and traced her finger over them. My body trembled in an effort not to feel anything. “Where did these come from?” Her voice was quiet and meek.

“Taser.”

“Jesus.” I looked down, full of shame. “I’m so sorry.”

Her face was so close to mine, our eyes locked when she looked up. Her warm breath danced all over my face. Bloody hell, I wanted those lips on my body. I leaned forward and brushed my lips against hers. She grabbed onto my top lip with her teeth and shuddered. I took her face into my hands and pushed my tongue through to hers. When they touched, she returned my kissing with a quiet moan.
Moan for me, love.
Her warm hand pressed firmly on my chest, and I knew what was going to happen next.
Here we go again.

Quinn pushed me away.

I looked down and sat in silence for a few moments. I didn’t understand what was going on. She was kissing me back. She wanted to touch me, but she would push me away every damn time. There was so much sexual tension between us, I hoped she would give in at some point.

Josie waltzed back into the kitchen, looking refreshed, and headed straight for the cabinets. She stood staring at its contents while Quinn and I stared at one another. I leaned forward against the table and ran my hand over my hair again, thinking maybe I should shave it off again. Josie was completely oblivious as to what just happened.

“Well, poo. I was hoping to find a nice filet or a delicious salad somewhere. Ohhh, you know what would be good? Chocolate cake. I’m drooling just thinking about it.”

“Yeah. Great. Thanks. Now we all are,” said Quinn. As we all started laughing, the awkward tension between us dissipated for the time being.

“Well, I think I will take these…” She pulled out a tin of carrots. “A delicacy in some countries. Anyone care to share?”

We could do nothing except laugh about our circumstances. There was no point in being sorrowful. There was nothing that we could really do to change how things were, thanks to me.

“I’m good but, please, share with Quinn. She needs the nutrition. I’m going to pull out the map. It’s time we move on.” I got up from the table, put my shirt back on, and headed down the hallway to my bedroom, cursing under my breath the entire way.

Josie sat down with the carrots, and Quinn picked at the chipped paint on the old farmhouse table. She felt Josie starring at her. Glancing up at her, Josie was looking at her arm. It was bruised from all of the draws she had been doing for Gunther. “How did you get a bruise there?” she asked with a mouthful of carrots. Quinn looked at the crook of her arm and pushed her sleeve back down.

“It’s nothing,” Quinn snipped.

“It doesn’t look like nothing.”

“Just forget about it. Nothing with which to concern yourself.”

Josie popped another carrot in her mouth and chewed slowly, thinking. “Does Gunther know about it?”

“Yes. I’m fine. Just leave it, please,” Quinn snipped again. Josie mouthed
Okay
to herself. Then she tipped the can of carrots toward Quinn. “I’m good. Thanks.” She got up and walked out of the kitchen.

“Well, that was awkward,” Josie said with an eye roll.

I found the map that I was looking for and headed back to the kitchen while looking at it. “All right, ladies…”

“Lady,” said Josie.

I lowered the map and saw that it was just Josie sitting at the table. “Where’s Quinn?” Josie shrugged. “Is she in the house?” Another shrug. I grumbled to myself, slammed the map on the table, and left the kitchen.

“Quinn! Quinn!” Gunther was panicking. Josie saw him walk past the kitchen door and heard the front door slam. She decided that this might be a good time to help look for Quinn.

When she walked to the front door, she could hear Gunther talking. Josie pulled the curtain back slightly, only to see Gunther stroking Quinn’s hair and tucking it behind her ears. Then he got down on his knees in front of her and took her hands.

“Now, this is getting interesting,” Josie murmured to herself. Gunther continue stroking Quinn’s arms and touching her hands. Quinn was looking off in the distance, trying to hold in her tears.

“Quinn, please, talk to me. I don’t like to see you this upset.” I was working on being compassionate.

“It’s getting to be too much, Gunther. I’m trying to keep my mind off my family by trying to take care of Josie as if she’s my daughter. Then I’m trying to take care of you and making sure you have what you need. But…” She paused.

“But what, love?
Talk to me
,” I pleaded with Quinn while squatting in front of her.

“I just wish none of this shit ever happened. She was asking questions about my bruising. We have to tell her something sooner rather than later.”

I swallowed hard when her lost eyes met mine. “I don’t know how she’s going to take it.”

“I think she will be afraid, really pissed, or both,” Quinn muttered.

“Both, for sure. Let’s go in and have a chat with her.” We stood up and I took her chin in my hand, kissing her on the cheek. “It’s going to be okay. I promise. Just let me do all the talking.”

I had the answers already prepared. I was ready for whatever Josie could possibly throw at me. Some of those answers might shock Quinn, but I had to do what I had to do.

“Don’t make promises you cannot keep,” she mumbled.

I pulled Quinn into my body and embraced her. I nestled my nose in her hair, near her ear. I breathed into Quinn’s ear, causing her to shiver under my cool breath. Holding her in my arms felt so fucking good. My heart pumped faster. She made me feel alive. “I want to make you feel better.” My low voice rumbled through my chest.

Quinn melted into me. We swayed as if we were one. It had been far too long for me. I would take her right then if she would let me. But she pushed me away again.
Fuck me, motherfucker!
I held onto her tightly so she couldn’t run.

“Gunther…please stop,” she struggled to say.

“But you don’t want me to stop.” Leaving a kiss by her ear, I whispered, “I can feel it. You want it as much as I do. You know it’s the case. Stop denying it.” I pulled her closer and groaned as her body rubbed up against mine.