Awake (4 page)

I closed the inch between us when I couldn’t stand it anymore. Her lips were smooth and soft and melded to mine perfectly. Scarlett was warm and felt like home. It was more than I had ever imagined.

Her hands found their way into my hair, and I pulled her tighter against my body. I grazed her bottom lip with my tongue, and she twisted her fingers through the light strands at the back of my head. My heart hammered every second I kissed her. We pulled away at the same time.

I saw, for the first time, that she
was
the light.

“So…
Batman Returns
then?” I asked, clearing my throat and holding onto her. I tried to control my breathing and my erratic heart rate so she wouldn’t know just how much she had affected me.

Nodding with a show-stopping smile, she replied, “Good film.”

I gave her a chaste kiss and let go. “Get comfortable. I’ll put it on.”

Scarlett sat closer to me when I got on the bed. Before we left a small gap between us but now her arm was firmly pressed against mine. I wanted her closer and further away at the same time.

“Ready to experience a movie night?” she asked as the film started.

My arm was itching to be around her. I could smell her berry shampoo; it was as confusing as it was comforting.

“I’m ready,” I replied, lying. Whatever was going on between us was real, and I was definitely not ready for that.

IT WAS ALMOST
Easter, and I found out just how much Scarlett loved the holiday. Her room was full of decorative eggs, chicks and rabbits. Light blue and yellow banners hung twisted around each other on the wall above her bed.

Her enthusiasm was both cute and addictive. Since we got together officially, my parents had kept an eye on us from afar, and hers had been… Well, less far. As much as I wanted to spend time with her completely alone and uninterrupted, I understood why her parents had a door wide-open rule.

She lay against my side as we watched
Transformers
. Movie days had sort of become our tradition. I grew up without TV, so Scarlett was determined to show me what I had missed out on. I still preferred to be outside but I did love spending time with her – whatever we were doing.

“I remember playing with
Transformers
when I was little. Me and Finn used to fight over who got the yellow one. At least I think it was those.”

She looked up from where she was resting on my shoulder. “I can’t imagine you and Finn fighting, you’re so close.”

“Believe me, we used to. What about you and Jeremy?”

“We got along better when we were little. I’m not sure if we fought before the accident. We probably did.”

I watched her for a minute, taking in the darkness of her midnight blue eyes. They were unusual, beautiful.

“What? You still think I’m weird for not remembering, don’t you?” she asked.

“No, of course not. I find it strange that you don’t
want
to remember but not that you can’t.”

Sitting up her posture became defensive. “I do want to, but I can’t do it. I’ve tried a few times over the years, and it just ends up with me getting so frustrated that I feel like I’m going crazy. It hurts to try, Noah. Physically, too. It gives me headaches.”

“Alright,” I said. “I’m sorry. But if it is something you want to do, I can help. Perhaps I can take the pressure off you somewhat. I don’t like you wanting something but being too afraid to go and get it.”

She pursed her lips. “If I ever decide to try again, I’ll let you know.”

Holding both hands up, I replied, “Alright. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“Can we just watch the movie now?”

I leaned back against the headboard and held my arm out for her. Reluctantly, she lay down with me and tucked herself back into my side again. Something felt wrong, and I realised that I didn’t like her being angry with me, even if it wouldn’t last long.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered again and kissed the top of her head. This needed to be fixed. I didn’t feel right, and I knew I wouldn’t until we were okay again.

“It’s okay,” she replied, holding me tighter and breathing me in. I closed my eyes, enjoying seeing and feeling how she felt about me.

That was our first real disagreement, the first time she’d shied away from me and gotten angry. I wanted to do everything in my power to make sure that never happened again, even though I knew that was impossible.

Scarlett

I WAS ON
such a high. It was the last day of school before Easter. Noah and I walked along the corridor hand in hand, trailing behind Imogen, Chris and Bobby. Noah was gravity. Everything was better when he was around.

In two days, I was going to my grandparents’ for the weekend, and although I would miss Noah, I couldn’t wait. The Easter egg hunt was at the front of my mind. We’d even probably find a few from last year. No matter how old you got you still had a basket, and you still went searching.

“I’ll see you at lunch,” Noah said as we parted ways to go to our one different class.

Imogen pulled me through the door, and we took our seats. She was still a little sour about me being with Noah and him not paying her one bit of attention. I tried to not let it bother me, but it was annoying that she couldn’t be happy for me. If she had a boyfriend right now, I was sure it’d be a different story.

“Have you slept with him yet?” she asked.

I was taken aback. Imogen was a little too open with things like that but I didn’t expect her to come right out and ask, especially since we’d only been officially together four weeks, and it’d be my first time.

“No, but thank you for asking.”

She rolled her eyes. “Don’t be such a prude. Do you think guys like Noah are going to hang around forever?”

“I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t make him wait forever and Noah’s not like that.” He really wasn’t. He didn’t make constant sexual innuendos and talk to girls’ breasts. He’d shown me nothing but respect and hadn’t even mentioned us having sex yet. I wasn’t sure where his head was, although when he kissed me I had a pretty good idea, but he wasn’t the type to push.

“Of course he’s not. You’re too naïve.”

“That’s the kind of guy you’re used to, Imogen. They’re not all like that.”

“Wow, thanks so much, Scarlett.”

“Come on! You can’t tell me my boyfriend is going to dump me if I don’t put out and then be offended when I come back with the truth. You’re my friend, Imogen, so I’m going to be honest and tell you when you’re being a cow. You get your heart broken because you go for guys that you
know
are only after one thing. Sorry, but that doesn’t really leave you much room to complain or judge.”

Mr Waters started the class, and I’d never been so happy to begin a Math lesson before. Imogen pretended to be engrossed in the equations we were given, but I knew she was only doing it to ignore me. I didn’t like hurting my friend, but I wasn’t going to take keep taking her crap.

My phone vibrated once in my pocket, and thankfully Mr Waters was over on the other side of the room helping someone, so he hadn’t heard it. I slid the phone halfway out of my pocket and opened the message. It was from Noah, of course.
My place after school. Everyone is out.

It wasn’t often that we got time alone so I sent back an immediate reply of ‘yes’ and shoved my phone back away.

School passed far too slowly, but that was only because it was the last day. Me and Noah walked back to his place after I’d got the okay and a back by nine o’clock reminder from my mum. I hadn’t told Imogen about Noah’s text because she would only give me that I-told-you-so expression that I could do without. It wasn’t her business anyway.

“So where are your parents and Finn?” I asked.

“Mum and Dad are visiting friends and won’t be back until the early hours of the morning and Finn is taking a girl from work out on a date. Hopefully, he won’t be back before I have to get you home.”

“I’m sure he won’t, unless the date is really bad.”

He squeezed my hand. “Let’s hope they like each other then.”

We got back to his house and he went straight in the kitchen, knowing I needed a post-school snack. His family were health freaks, though, so I knew I wouldn’t be getting crisps or chocolate. That didn’t matter; their food was amazing
and
healthy.

Noah fixed us some carrot and cucumber sticks, fresh, homemade bread, cheese, and dip. We sat down in the living room to eat and watch their TV that looked like it belonged in a museum. They weren’t big on TV.

We ate, snuggled up on the sofa. It was perfect.

“So, what’re you cooking for dinner to top this?” I asked, taking a bite of carrot.

“I thought you might cook for me. You know, since you are the one leaving me for four days.”

Shrugging one shoulder, I leant further into him. “Sure, if you don’t mind oven chips and a frozen pizza.”

As I thought, he turned his nose up. “No, thanks. I’ll teach you to cook something decent.”

“Pizza is decent.”

“Freshly made pizza is decent,” he countered.

“You’re teaching me to make fresh pizza? Like the dough, too?”

“Yes.”

This could end badly, but I was surprisingly excited. We weren’t completely alone much, and this was likely to be the only time before I went away. I was glad we weren’t just spending the afternoon watching the telly. “Alright. Don’t let me ruin it, though.”

“You won’t ruin it.”

Yeah, we’ll see about that.

We went up to his room to chill before starting dinner in a little while. I sat on his bed, and Noah stood by his desk, tapping his fingers on his sketchpad. He was incredible and could draw pictures that looked like photographs – it was breath taking. He’d only just let me see them, and I seriously hated him for how much artistic talent he had. I had none.

I could tell he was considering showing me something but was nervous and maybe a little unsure of it. Suppressing the urge to beg him to show me, I pretended to look around his room. The decision had to come from him.

He bit his lip, picked the pad up and held it close to his chest. “I’ve been working on something.”

My eyes lit up. “I know. You’ve been keeping it hidden. Are you ready to share?” He would absolutely not let me see anything that was unfinished.

“I am, but I’m worried.”

“Why?”

“You have to promise me it won’t scare you. It’s something I have been thinking about recently.”

“I won’t freak, I promise. What is it?”

“Well, even though we’ve not been together long at all, I do think about our future, and I’m not saying I want to rush into anything, but it
is
on my mind.”

I held my hands out, on cloud nine. “Show me!”

Taking a deep breath, he gave me the pad and turned away. He hated watching someone looking through his work. It was really personal to him, and I loved that he shared it with me.

I flipped the pad over, and the picture made my heart stop. It was me and him, probably about five years older than we were now, standing outside a beautiful wooden house, surrounded by a meadow.

“You said you wanted to live in the city in a posh apartment, but I couldn’t see it. I hope you don’t hate this,” he said.

God, he made me ache.

“Are you kidding? This is incredible.” It brought tears to my eyes. I loved him and our mapped out future so much I thought I might burst. How could he think I would freak out? This was perfect. I was fairly certain that unless he cheated or killed someone, he was with the one I wanted to spend my life with.

There was no way anything could be as beautiful or peaceful in the city. Everything changed as I stared at a drawing of us, arms around each other, happy as a person could be surrounded by nature. I wanted that. I wanted to live a life with Noah where we’d have more time to enjoy things, rather than rushing around a busy city, taking hours to get anywhere and bumping into people every second. I wanted our house to be surrounded by land we could enjoy and fresh air.

“I want this, too, Noah. I have even less idea of what I’d do if we lived in the country like this, but I want it more than a built up city. I don’t care if I don’t earn as much money.”