Awake at Dawn (10 page)

let’s start with the fact that I didn’t ask about Miranda, or Della, or Perry.

I asked how
you
were doing.”

“So I’m a freak because I care about my friends?” Kylie asked, suddenly feeling annoyed. And yeah, she was about to start her period, too, so it might be a bit of PMS. Or it could just be the hundred other problems sitting on her shoulders like an unhappy gorilla.

“I didn’t mean to imply you were a freak.” Holiday’s soft, caring tone aggravated Kylie more than the psychoanalytical one. Probably because it made Kylie feel less like a freak and more like a bitch.

Holiday dropped her chin in her hands, a gesture so Holiday-like, that in Kylie’s mind the camp leader’s chin was permanently in her hand. “I was implying that I think you hide your own problems from yourself by concentrating on the problems of everyone else.” Kylie recalled that her reasons for her early morning jaunt to the office were not exactly about Perry or Miranda. So okay, maybe Holiday had a point. Not that Kylie really felt up to admitting it right now.

“Then again, maybe I’m just a nice person.” Kylie sank deeper in the chair and regretted getting pissy. None of Kylie’s problems could be blamed on Holiday, and if anything, Holiday and their growing relationship was one of the few things that felt right in Kylie’s life right now. For that reason, she offered an apologetic smile at the end of the sentence.

“Nice? Oh, I don’t doubt that.” Holiday grinned. “So, let’s try this one more time. How are
you
doing, Kylie?” Kylie sat up and propped both her elbows on the desk. “How much time do you have?”

“However much time you need.” Holiday let a few silent seconds pass and then asked, “What’s going on with you and Derek?”

“Nothing. Why?” Kylie asked.

Holiday arched a suspicious brow. “I saw you skip out of the dining hall yesterday when he walked in, and the same thing happened at dinner.”

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“I just didn’t want to talk to him.” It was the truth. Part of it. Neither did she want anyone with the ability to read her emotions or smell her hormones to know how turned on she got by just looking at him. Until she could get her wayward thoughts in check, best not to be close to him in a crowd. Or alone, she admitted. And yeah, sooner or later she was going to have to explain that to Derek. Later being her first choice.

“So something is wrong?” Holiday asked.

Kylie crossed her arms over her chest. “Am I imagining things, or didn’t you just tell me to be careful not to…” She didn’t want to say it out loud. “You warned me to be careful around him? And now that I’m being careful, you act as if that’s wrong. What is it you want me to do?” Holiday pursed her lips to the side in thought. “Careful, yes. But I didn’t mean for you to avoid him.”

“You might not have meant that, but right now this is my way of being careful. My way of dealing with it.”

Holiday held up her hand. “Fine. You deal with it your way.” She paused, then let go of another deep sigh that told Kylie she didn’t approve. “Have you spoken with your stepdad yet?” Kylie rolled her eyes. “Did my mom call you again? I swear. I don’t get why she thinks it’s such a great idea that I forgive the man, when she doesn’t have plans to forgive him anytime in the next century.” Holiday’s mouth did another one of those twists to the right as if she was considering the words before she released them. “He’s divorcing your mom, not you.”

Yeah, Kylie’s mom had sort of said the same thing, but Kylie didn’t buy it. “It sure as heck doesn’t feel that way.” She could still remember begging him to let her go live with him. But no, he hadn’t wanted her, and why? She looked up at Holiday again. “Did my mom also tell you he’s screwing a girl who’s only a couple years older than I am?”

“No,” Holiday said. “But you told me. The day we went for ice cream.” Sympathy filled her eyes. “Look, Kylie, I’m not saying he hasn’t done 81/375

something wrong. But this still isn’t about you and him. If I let the relationship between my father and mother affect how I felt about them, I’d hate them both.”

“I’m sorry, but I totally disagree. It might not be about him and me, but what he’s done affected me,” Kylie said. “It affected me in so many ways. For example, my mom called me yesterday and told me she’s considering selling our house. The house I grew up in, the place I’ve called home all my life.”

Holiday leaned back in her chair. “That’s tough. I can still remember how upset I got when my mom sold our house. But…”

“No buts,” Kylie said. “My mom shouldn’t push me to do something that she can’t even do. She can’t forgive him. Maybe I can’t forgive him, either. So just tell her
that
the next time she calls. Or maybe I’ll tell her myself.”

Holiday frowned. “It wasn’t your mom who called. It was your stepdad. And he said he’s—”

“Oh, crap. He called you?” Kylie remembered how embarrassing it had been when her dad had hit on Holiday, gawking at her as if she was candy and he had a sweet tooth. “Please don’t tell me he asked you out or anything?”

“No. He sounded genuinely worried. He said he keeps e-mailing and calling you but you don’t answer.”

“If he was so worried he could just show up for parents day. But does he do that? No. And you know why? I’ll bet it’s because his girlfriend doesn’t want him to come. Her parents probably won’t give her permission to leave town.”

“Or maybe he doesn’t show up because he thinks you don’t want to see him.” Holiday shook her head. “I just think … maybe you should try talking to him.” She bit down on her lip and then her mouth tightened to the right again. “Oh, hell. I’ve already tossed my two cents in. I might as well go for the quarter. I also think that you are using avoidance as a way of 82/375

dealing with everything that’s going wrong in your life right now. Your dad and now Derek. And frankly, I should add that avoidance is a poor excuse for a coping method. I know because I’ve tried it a time or two.”

“Yeah,” Kylie said, back to feeling pretty bitchy again, yet unable to stop. “But until another coping method magically appears in my bag of tricks, this one is going to have to do.” She almost wanted to defend herself and tell Holiday that she wasn’t avoiding everything. She’d spent the last day and a half calling Dallas area Brightens, trying to find her dad’s adoptive parents, so she might find his real parents, so she might find out what she was.

Holiday frowned. “We all have to learn lessons the hard way, don’t we?”

“I guess so,” Kylie said, not sure it could get any harder. “I’m just not ready to deal with my dad … stepdad … or with what I’m feeling about Derek. Is it too much to ask to just be given a reprieve?”

“No, it isn’t too much to ask. But generally speaking, the longer you put off dealing with something, the harder it is to solve. Sometimes, you just have to face things head-on. My dad used to say that you should look trouble right in the face and spit in its eye.”

“I never mastered the art of spitting,” Kylie said.

Holiday smiled then glanced at the mail again. Sighing, she raised her gaze. “Do you want to avoid this as well?” She pushed a letter across the desk.

“What?” Kylie stared at the envelope and saw her name scribbled in a familiar script.

Lucas’s script. He had written her another letter.

Chapter Eight

A part of Kylie wanted to push the letter back across the desk. Hadn’t she promised to get over him? She knew Holiday wouldn’t force her to take it.

Didn’t Kylie have enough on her plate right now? Why willingly take on more crap?

Holiday pulled the letter back to her side of the desk.

Looking up at Holiday, Kylie expected to see some disapproval in the camp leader’s eyes because, once again, Kylie wasn’t so eager to confront her problems head-on. But all she saw in Holiday’s expression was empathy.

“I’m not sure I want to read it,” Kylie confessed.

“Why?” Holiday asked.

“He ran off with another girl.”

“I don’t think he thinks of Fredericka as—”

“But she thinks of him like that. And if she throws herself at him …

well, he’s a guy.”

“I know,” Holiday said. “However, not all guys—”

“But some are. And telling the difference is like math—it’s hard. You think you understand it and then you get the answer wrong. And don’t even try to disagree because it’s the reason you won’t give Burnett a shot.”

Holiday dropped her chin back into her palm and didn’t argue with Kylie’s assessment. After several beats of silence, she said, “I could just stick it back in a drawer and if you decide you want to read it later, you can.”

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Yes, Holiday could do that, but could Kylie? Could she really walk out of here and not take that letter with her? Could she pretend that she didn’t care about Lucas? That she hadn’t worried about him since he’d left—worried about what it was that he couldn’t tell her, and worried that some of what he couldn’t tell her involved Fredericka?

Oh, and if she still cared about Lucas, what did she really feel about Derek? Or was her feeling about Derek even her own feeling, or was he messing with her emotions?

Oh, hell. Could her life get any more messed up?

Might as well take the letter and let the chips fall where they may.

Kylie reached out and pulled the letter out from under Holiday’s palm.

After staring at it for a few seconds, Kylie folded it and stuffed it in the pocket of her jeans. Later, alone, when she felt like spitting that problem in the eye, she’d deal with it.

When she looked up, Holiday nodded as if somehow telling Kylie she’d done the right thing. Not that Kylie was sure about that. Very little in life felt like a sure thing right now.

The room went back to the awkward kind of silence and Holiday shifted to another subject that was just as disturbing. “Has the ghost given you anything new?”

“New, yes. Helpful, no.” Kylie frowned and wished she could avoid this problem like she did her stepdad and Derek. But the violence and the threat issued by the ghost didn’t leave Kylie any option. “I think she was tortured by her abductors.”

“Ouch,” Holiday said. “And you really think this happened, or do you think it’s just her trying to communicate something to you?”

“I think it happened.” Kylie bit down on her lip, her thoughts going to the warning that this would happen to someone she loved if she couldn’t stop it. “It felt too real, sort of like the dream I had where Daniel got shot.

I was her in the dream. And they were coming at me with weird knives. I felt drugged and when I tried to fight back they tied me down.” 85/375

Remembering the terror, Kylie felt her heart rate quicken. Panic once again started building in her chest.

Holiday reached over and touched Kylie’s hand. Her touch sent calming warmth up Kylie’s arm. The fear collecting in Kylie’s heart ran away like scared mice. And just like that, the panic faded into something less overwhelming.

Kylie looked up at the camp leader. “Thanks, but that’s not going to fix anything. It’s like a Band-Aid on a bullet wound.”

“I know.” Holiday frowned. “But when all you have to offer someone is a comforting touch, you want to offer it.” Kylie released a deep breath. “What’s going to happen if I don’t figure this out?”

Holiday’s hand, resting on Kylie’s wrist, grew warmer as if she sensed Kylie would need another shot of calm. “You accept that you did everything you could in your power to try to stop it and move on.” The enormity of exactly what Holiday was saying, coupled with the responsibility that rested on Kylie’s shoulders, suddenly felt like too much.

Kylie jerked her hand from under Holiday’s palm. “No. I couldn’t … I couldn’t live with myself. I mean, if I understand this right, someone is going to die. Actually die and it’s not going to be an easy death, either.” All the problems in Kylie’s life started bouncing around her head like ping-pong balls. Tears filled her eyes. It still hurt to think about her grandmother’s funeral—she couldn’t lose someone else. “Failure isn’t an option.”

Kylie’s mind started racing, trying to figure out who she loved that could be in danger. Was it her mom? Was it someone from back home?

Someone here at camp? It could even be Holiday. Oh lord, what if it was Lucas or Derek? She glanced at the door and fought the overwhelming desire to leave.

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Holiday cleared her throat. “As much as we don’t ever want to fail, our gift isn’t a guarantee that we can help everyone. Sometimes we have to accept that we can’t fix things.”

Kylie shook her head. “You might be able to accept that, but I can’t.” She bit down on her lip until it hurt. “I should have refused this gift. I can’t do it. I should have sent it back with a big note that said thanks, but hell no.” The knot grew larger in her throat, crowding out her tonsils. “Is it too late to refuse it now?”

“I’m afraid so,” Holiday answered. “You opened yourself up when—” Kylie jumped up so fast that the wooden chair shot out from beneath her and hit the floor, filling the small office with a loud crack.

“Kylie, wait.” Holiday’s voice chased Kylie as she hurried out the door, but she didn’t pay it any heed. Damn it. She had to figure out a way to decipher the ghost’s message. Had to, because if not, someone she loved would die and Kylie couldn’t live with herself if that happened.

* * *

With her throat still tight with emotion, Kylie moved up the steps of her cabin right about the time the sun finally crawled out of the corner of the eastern sky. The golden spray of light hit her back and cast her elongated shadow on the porch. As she took the next step, the sun must have risen higher because her shadow seemed to dance on the porch planks. Dancing shadows reminded her of … the falls.

Kylie’s breath caught. She needed to go to the falls. As crazy as it seemed, it was as if something was telling her that she’d find the answers there. She let the idea sink into her tired brain. And like the sun against her back, the first glimmer of hope started to grow.

Taking in a big gulp of air through her nose, she suddenly felt refreshed, energized.

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She could do this. She just didn’t want to do it alone. Her gaze returned to the cabin’s front door. Why should she have to do it alone? She had friends. Ghost or no ghosts, they would help her if she asked.