Attracting Your Extraordinary Love (2 page)

THOUGHT III

The key to finding your love mate is to
find you first.

FINDING YOU
FINDING HIM

The key to bring him to you is to bring you
to you.

To bring you to you, you must search far
below the surface - and immediately inside of you - and find what
makes you happy. You must seek out what speaks most directly to
your hopes and your needs, grab hold of what fills you inside, and
live an expression of that every day. You must look to, and listen
to, the harbinger of your truest feelings and thoughts, the essence
of you – your soul.

To make your soul happy is to make you
happy.
To make your soul complete is to make you complete.

To find and live true to the needs of your
soul is to find and live true to you.

The needs of your soul are two: The
Foundational and the Primary.

The Foundational Need is the need for
quietude and inner peace.

The Primary Need is the need to engage life
in ways that are a true and unique expression of you. It is the
need to: Create, Reach, Give and Take, and Learn.

As your Foundational Need is filled, your
soul will focus on its Primary Need. As your Primary Need is
filled, you will be true to you, and therefore attract your
extraordinary him.

THE FOUNDATIONAL NEED

You begin to fill your Foundational Need by
laying claim to a heightened sense of self-love. By doing so, you
will approach life in a new and proactive way – and eliminate the
things that challenge your quietude and contentment.

Those challenges are the people and
situations that hurt and sadden you.

PEOPLE I

THOSE WHO HURT YOU

Relationships are meant to be platforms of
learning and sharing, of enjoying fulfilling experiences, and
joyfully recounted memories.

Relationships that are true are life
affirming. Others can be a debilitating force in your life, shaking
the foundation of whom you want to be.

Give yourself to the people who are right for
you and accept all they give you. Step away from those who, even in
a subtle way, threaten your dreams and aspirations. You should
never be in a toxic relationship. Claim the courage to remove from
your life those who bring you pain and sadness.

Always be careful and compassionate. Think
before you act and measure each word from the perspective of how it
will be heard. But don’t compromise. Over time, move those who hurt
you out of your life, and away from your life – distancing them
from you.

PEOPLE II

THOSE WHO HURT YOU AND WILL
ALWAYS BE NEAR YOU

There are family members from whom you would
love to receive praise, or an embrace, gestures of sincerity or
sensitivity – which they are unable to give.

The love is there, but the expression as you
need it, will not be forthcoming from them.

Therefore, rather than focusing on what they
cannot give and feeling disappointed over and again - focus
differently.

Hear their words in the language or style
they’re being said - even if it’s different than your own. Feel the
embrace, even though it may not be a physical one. Change your
expectations and enjoy what can be given.

Many people spend decades or a lifetime being
angry at what isn’t in their familial relationships, rather than
celebrating what is.

Love him or her for how each can love you,
rather than how you would like to be loved.

PEOPLE III

THOSE WHOM YOU CAN HELP TO STOP
HURTING YOU

Self-confidence and success, happy moments,
caring friends, and financial security are gifts to be treasured.
You may have worked hard to earn these things, yet they may
challenge others and arouse in them feelings of anger and envy.
That anger and envy may cause them to hurt you – almost
involuntarily.

If someone is hurting you and you can’t
imagine why, think about whether you may unintentionally provoke
negative feelings in that person.

Understand how your lifestyle may challenge
them. Modify your behavior as it relates to them, so that those
things are less pronounced. Talk about subjects other than those
you sense are hurtful to them. Visit them in the car that doesn’t
shine a light on your wealth verses theirs.

You aren’t compromising whom you are by
downplaying that which hurts those you care about. Over time you
may be given the opportunity to address their feelings. If so, do
it in a compassionate, nonjudgmental way. In the meantime you can
take action to stop the spiral of pain.

THE WRONG GOOD THING

A good thing, done with sincere and positive
intent, can have successful results - yet be bad.

The wrong volunteer work, a commitment to
others which was made out of a sense of obligation, or involvement
in a worthwhile and important cause that has gone on for too long -
can drain and sadden you.

The time you spend at the neighborhood soup
kitchen, your work with underprivileged children, aging adults, or
any other needed and worthwhile effort, may be important and
valuable, but may no longer be right for you.

Wrong good things will negate your quietude
and steal your inner peace.

You may spend days, months, or years helping
others and hurting yourself.

To truly serve those around you, make
commitments that are reasonable and fair – to you. Do an
outstanding job and leave when the passion or interest is gone.

LOOSE ENDS

A note that should have been written, a call
that should have been made, an apology that should have been given
– these and other loose ends of pain have the power to steal your
inner peace and contentment. They hang over you and inside of you
like black clouds, that subtly and subconsciously limit your
joy.

These resilient pieces of hurt don’t go away
on their own. Time won’t erase what they’ve created. You must act
to remove them from your life.

Send the note, make the apology, concede a
bit of pride… Do what must be done.

A moment of courage will remove decades of
distance and bad feeling between you and others - and between you
and yourself.

LOOSE ENDS II

It takes strength to forgive.

An ancient practice requires every individual
to take stock each night and forgive all who have hurt him - even
those who did so knowingly and intentionally.

Before ending your day, make an attempt to
express forgiveness regarding anyone who may have hurt you - even
if the emotional pain or the physical and financial injury
remains.

Then circle back and think about how you may
have disappointed yourself, and claim the courage to go
dramatically further and forgive you.

Forgiveness is a key to the elimination of
inner conflict. The situation may not have been figured out yet and
the issue may not be resolved - but for you to harbor anger and
resentment is a misdeed against you.

Act quickly to forgive strangers. Be even
quicker to forgive friends and family members. And act most quickly
to forgive yourself. Forgiveness is life’s quiet enabler.

People and things bring the most joy and,
invariably, the most pain.

Love and care for yourself as much as you do
for others. Remove from your life anything that threatens that
love.

Work hard, and sacrifice as necessary to fill
your Foundational Need for inner peace and quietude. Take the first
essential step to be true to you, so you may find him.

THE PRIMARY NEED

All individuals have been endowed with the
ability to express themselves uniquely in four key areas of life.
Those expressions become a primary need of the individual in that
they are a person’s opportunity to engage life deeply and
intensely.

By fulfilling this need, he or she will leave
a noteworthy legacy. But more importantly, doing so will provide
the individual with an ongoing sense of fulfillment and happiness –
creating a perpetual cycle of self-affirmation and growth. Filling
the Primary Need is the second essential step necessary for a
person to live true to whom they are, and thereby attract and keep
their extraordinary love. The Primary Need is composed of four
areas: To Create, To Reach, To Give and Take, and To Learn.

TO CREATE

You have the obligation to create on a
practical level. To master what has been built into your world, and
to realize yourself through your career or profession.

You can do so by pursuing a career or
practical effort that will allow you to ignite your passion,
exercise your differentiating skills, and live your vision. You can
embark on a pilgrimage of personal triumph, which will bring
increasing levels of joyfulness into your life - and will therefore
be resoundingly successful.

You have been endowed with the ability to
discover and burst into an outstanding career possibility. That
possibility is a call to action.

Your expression might be brain surgery or
surfing, real estate or research, retail or teaching. It might be
something for which you’ve been trained but have since given up, or
something about which you’ve only dreamed.

Many find themselves doing one thing with a
passion for another.

You can do a number of things well. The key
is to understand what career or profession is most true to you –
and have the honesty and courage to pursue it.

Identify your passion, your natural
strengths, and your core needs, and combine them into a career
possibility.

Engage in that career possibility a minimum
of five hours a week. Keep your existing job until what you love to
do can carry you financially.

By identifying your true career expression
and engaging it - even in a limited way - you will have taken a
huge step on your journey to identifying him.

TO REACH
OUTWARD

You are imbued with a hunger to reach beyond
yourself and touch what can’t be seen. You have a need to add a
dimension to your life that is beyond simply giving to another, and
that may only be measured in feelings, smiles, and people whose
lives are bettered.

Fulfilling this need begins by committing
your time and your energy, your heart and your mind, to understand
the pain around you. The next step is to find your specific way of
removing some of that pain.

You may visit the sick, teach underprivileged
children, or share an afternoon each week with a lonely person. You
may build on what is, or undertake an effort that has never
been.

What you ultimately do, must be something
specific to your interests, skills, and passion.

You can spend as little as fifteen minutes a
day or an hour a week engaging a greater good, but your endeavor
must be ongoing, direct, and a real expression of what’s inside of
you.

It must lift you and fill you up – as it
touches others.

By fulfilling your need to help others in a
way that is unique to you, you will live true to you and find the
most right him. By reaching out, you build within.

TO REACH
INWARD

To complete the fulfillment of your need to
reach, look inward to who you are and who you have always been.
Re-acquaint yourself with your heritage and your culture.

Your heritage and culture are age old, rich,
and beautiful.

Often times, that richness and beauty is
hidden behind a veil of simplistic impressions developed years
before.

Read a book about your traditions and
religion, go toa lecture, attend services – learn again as an adult
what you may have last learned as a child. Make a serious effort to
connect with the spirituality into which you were born.

As you reach in and discover your heritage,
that discovery will anchor your present and frame your future. It
will fill an area of life that will not be filled by anything else,
allowing you to be more complete, confident and secure.

TO GIVE AND TAKE

To give and receive ever-growing levels of
love is essential to your happiness and success.

You may have the impression that since you’ve
been blessed with a parent or a brother, an aunt or a dear cousin,
you will always love each one, and each one will always love you.
This is not necessarily so.

Love is a force that must be perpetually
growing. The physical expressions you give, the extent and value of
the time you commit, and how you share the things you share -
should be heightened with every passing year and new opportunity.
For every year of life you’ve been given, there should be
additional caring and love that you exchange.

Use benchmarks in time - like a birthday or
anniversary, to assess the levels of love, laughter and sharing
that exist between you and those closest to you. Think about how
those things could be deepened and grown.

Establish goals and a plan - and commit them
to writing. Keep those goals and that plan in the forefront of your
thoughts at all times. Be accountable to them as you would be
accountable to professional or other serious commitments.

There is no limit to the amount of love you
need to give and receive.

Engaging this need will provide an additional
opportunity for your self-expression and self-fulfillment. A
perpetual effort to enhance the love you share with others, will
enable you to love yourself more and to find him sooner.

TO LEARN

The final Primary Need is the need for
knowledge. There is a universal human need to seek out knowledge.
To learn something new every day, and to make sure that the times
of learning are the frame within which the rest of your day is
built.

The accumulation of knowledge is a powerful
contributor to shaping who you are and how you attract others. From
Bible to poetry, from the Science Times to auto mechanics – what
you learn might be profound thought or nothing more than ideas that
are not part of your understanding to date.

You need not be a scholar, nor need you be
someone who did well in school - or even enjoyed it. You simply
have to find what stimulates you and begin to study it.