Attack of the Mutant Underwear (15 page)

It's only after Libby and I roll to a stop, and I'm telling her, “It's okay, you're safe,” and trying to get her to quit crying, that I notice the crowd. They heard the commotion and came running. Now they stand all around us with their flashlights shining like one big spotlight. And there I am, wearing nothing but a bunch of underwear. It's my worst nightmare come to life. “Aw, man!” I groan, and cringe, waiting for the Old Me teasing to begin. “Haw! Haw!” they'll say. “Cody's covered in underwear! It's even on his head! Haw! Haw!”

But here's the really cool thing: instead of mean laughter, what I hear is the sound of clapping. Yep, applause. And voices cheering: “Way to go, Cody!” “You did it!” “You saved Libby!” “Yay!”

And the next thing I know, Libby is holding my hands and thanking me over and over again: “Thank you, Cody! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” And Amy is gently putting her blanket around my shoulders. And Ms. B is hugging me. And Tyler and Emerson and all the kids in my class are crowding around patting me on the back. They don't care that I'm wearing nothing but a bunch of underwear, even on my head.
Hear Ye, Hear Ye! Listen Up, Everybody!
They like me anyway! And it makes me, Cody Lee Carson, feel like an honest-to-goodness, no-doubt-about-it-this-time, New Me!

Really.

Monday, June 11

I guess if this story had stopped right then and there, it would have just seemed like one of those sloppy, happily-ever-after endings in a Hollywood movie. But like I said before, whoever Mr. Murphy is, he must have been thinking of our Incredible-Fantastic-End-of-the-Year Camp-Out when he came up with Murphy's Law. Not more than two seconds later, there was a big flash of lightning, a boom of thunder, and it was like someone cranked the faucet open full blast. It POURED!

We all ran for our tents, but with it raining that hard, most of them leaked. Emerson ended up with a lake inside his. And then, of course, it fell down. Just about everybody got soaked, and hardly slept. So we had to cut our Incredible-Fantastic-End-of-the-Year Camp-Out short and go back to Benton early the next morning.

Where Ms. B gave me a C on my stinky feet project. And Zach got into BIG trouble and is probably grounded for the rest of his life. And Emerson sneezed on me and gave me a cold. And MC said, “Gotcha, Mr. Underwear Head!” when she heard how well her and Jordy's suitcase prank had worked. And Mom and Dad made me go to bed at seven o'clock, even though I told them that just because I fell asleep at the dinner table, it didn't mean I was
that
tired. I was just resting my eyes, that's all.

But Mr. Murphy didn't get it all wrong, like he wanted. Libby said she took back everything bad she's ever said about me, even “dork accessory.” And Zach wrote Libby a “Sorry About That” letter, telling her that he had just meant to scare her, not send her skiing in a Porta-Potti, and that he was really really sorry, and I could tell he really really meant it. And today all the kids in my class surprised me with a Dress Like Cody Day. They wore underwear on their heads (for a few minutes, anyway, until Ms. B made them take it off), and everybody said it looked cool and maybe that would become the new style. Or maybe not. But anyway, it was funny, and everybody laughed, not at me but with me. And Tyler said, “Let's go swimming together this summer.” And last but no way least, today was Amy's birthday. She invited me over for chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream sandwiched between homemade chocolate chip cookies. (Which, in case you didn't know, is the best dessert in the universe.) I got her a really cool gift—a hamster. Its name is Ralphsterina. She liked it so much, she gave me a kiss!

Yep, a real live kiss, not just a chocolate one. I can still feel it, right here on my cheek. Wow!

Can't go on about the love life of Cody Lee Carson anymore, though. I'm out of room in this journal, last page. Way back in September, Ms. B said I should find my true writing voice. Well, I guess this is it. No fancy words out of the thesaurus. No trying to sound like someone I'm not. Just me talking on paper.

Which turned out pretty okay, if I do say so myself. Who knows, I may even send it to one of those New York publishers and see if they'll make it into a book!

Starring Cody Lee
New Me
Carson.

Who, in brilliant-hero-type-guy style, defeats the …

ATTACK
OF THE
MUTANT
UNDERWEAR

Acknowledgments

Hear Ye, Hear Ye! Listen Up, Everybody!

I, Tom I-Thought-I'd-Never-Get-This-One-Done Birdseye, have an announcement to make. I am very,
very, VERY
grateful to all the people who helped me turn what began as a fuzzy, vague story idea into this book: Debbie Never-Ending-Support Birdseye, Amy Editor-in-the-Making Birdseye, Kelsey Unique-Perspective Birdseye, Regina Hit-the-Nail-on-the-Head Griffin, John and Kate We-Love-Books Briggs, Dan Stinky-Feet Arp, Gayle Field-Trip Larsen, Connie Always-an-Answer Anderson, Candace Cheerfully-Helpful Hawley, Robert Field-Research Raffield, Dave Gotta-Grant Groth, Chaundra Yay-Kids Smith, Gary Literacy-Man Phillips, and the many inspirational, off-the-wall-wacky kids and wonderful educators I've met in schools around the planet.

About the Author

As a kid, Tom Birdseye was decidedly uninterested in writing—or any academic aspect of school, for that matter—never imagining that he would eventually become a published author. And yet, nineteen titles later—novels, picture books, and nonfiction—that is exactly what has happened. His work has been recognized for its excellence by the International Reading Association, Children's Book Council, National Council of Social Studies, Society of School Librarians International, Oregon Library Association, and Oregon Reading Association, among others. Combined, his books have either won or been finalists for state children's choice awards forty-three times. Life, it seems, is full of who'd-a-thought-its. He lives and writes in Corvallis, Oregon, but launches mountaineering expeditions to his beloved Cascades on a regular basis.

All rights reserved, including without limitation the right to reproduce this ebook or any portion thereof in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of the publisher.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, events, and incidents either are the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Copyright © 2003 by Tom Birdseye

Cover design by Connie Gabbert

ISBN: 978-1-4976-4587-5

This edition published in 2014 by Open Road Integrated Media, Inc.
345 Hudson Street
New York, NY 10014
www.openroadmedia.com

EBOOKS BY TOM BIRDSEYE

FROM OPEN ROAD MEDIA