Atonement (Heart of Stone) (23 page)

I paused with my knuckles resting against the hard wood
of the door as my stomach somersaulted and my throat quivered.

Before I yielded and ran, I rapped twice and took a step
back.

The door opened and Kade’s surprise registered openly on
his face before he softened, smiled and moved aside to let me in.

“Wow, two Fox’s in a week, I am honoured.” His voice held
no mockery but I could hear the harsh sarcasm in it along with the shock.

I walked into the vast room, surveying the place with a
shocked admiration and a pleased respect. “It’s stunning” I breathed as I took
in the soft chic furnishings and the sense of peace in the uncluttered space.

He was silent and I turned to him, his face clouded but
his eyes bright, “Yes, yes it is.”

My throat closed when I realised he wasn’t talking about
the room and I chewed furiously in nervousness on my finger.

We gazed at each other for a while, both apologising
silently for our behaviour the previous week, each of us asking what couldn’t be
asked as we feasted on one another.

I grimaced as the old feelings surfaced and my heart
clenched in guilt, my emotions feeling as betraying as my actions eight years
ago.

“How are you?” he eventually asked, his tone as soft as
his expression.

“I’m good” I nodded and smiled, “You?”

His eyes flicked before he blinked and smiled gently,
“I…” he shrugged and I pulled in a breath.

“I need your help, Kade.”

His jaw dropped slightly as he frowned at me, “How?”

I looked around the room and pointed a hand at the sofa,
asking him to sit before I pulled him into the mess of my life.

We both sat, Kade at one end of the sofa as I reluctantly
perched beside him, my treacherous body angering me when it heated and
moistened.

I handed him a file which he frowned at before he cocked
his head questioningly at me. “It’s a list of Mason’s employees, from both
Allure and personal. I need you to find a connection.”

His brows pinched harshly, “Allure?”

I gulped, knowing how this was going to sound as Kade’s
relentless protection and safeguard over me for many years would see his anger
flare. “It’s a brothel what Mason owns.”

His eyes widened as he stared at me open mouthed, “What
the…”

I rolled my lips and looked into my lap, my confidence
that brought me here shattered in his presence, leaving me feeling vulnerable
and small and I hated it. “I need you to do this for me Kade and I… I wouldn’t
ask if I didn’t need to…”

My belly pulsed as his eyes darkened, his dominance and discipline
dragging the blood from my brain and into my core.

His teeth sank into his bottom lip, his anger bubbling
forcefully as the news of Mason’s new sedition covered my face with hurt. “Why
do you let him do this Ava, why?”

My anger surfaced, Kade’s never-ending gibes and pushes
tearing me in half, as I stood “I shouldn’t have come here.”

I picked up my bag and walked towards the door but his
next words halted me, “Did he tell you?” he asked calmly from his place on the
couch.

I stopped instantly; my footing shook slightly as I
stared at the apartment door, my escape within reach but my inquisitiveness
wondering where he would go, my sick mind wanting his attention as my pussy
twitched in taunting glee, “Yes.”

I jerked when I felt his breath on the back of neck. My
whole body trembled in delight as I chastised it and shut it down immediately.
I would not got there again, would not give in to the connection we still held,
the passion we both still fought fiercely.

“Did he tell you how hot I was for him, Ava? Tell you how
hard he was for me, for my cock, just like you always were.”

I spun round, my palm connecting harshly with his cheek
as I forced his head sharply to snap sideways, “Why Kade? Why do you do this? God
damn, don’t you think it’s hard enough, why do you always make it fucking
harder? Why won’t you let us be?”

I stormed towards the door but his arms wrapped around my
waist before he lifted and twisted me back round, holding me to his chest in near
hopelessness as his heavy inhalations hammered his chest rapidly beneath me. I
struggled desperately against him as his strong arms enveloped me and held me
firmly, the frantic beat of his heart heavy at my ear as a choked sob caught in
my throat and my fists battered against him. “Stop it! Stop... Please…”

“Ssshhh, Sweetheart, Ssshhh.”

“No please, please don’t, I… I…”

His arms gripped me harder, his firm body holding me
tight as I fought against old and new emotions. The heat of his body
heightening my desire as the familiar but prohibited sensations ached my heart,
“Please…” I whispered as I gave in and slumped against him, my arms drawing around
his back as I held onto him, pulling him further into me harshly. My hands
fisted the material of his shirt as I breathed in his unique scent, my body
feasting on the forbidden fruit as my heart clashed with the wrong and the
right.

“I was strong Kade; I was so strong but…”

“Ava” he breathed as he nuzzled my hair, one hand sifting
through the strands as the other spanned the dip of my lower back.

A fierce heat raged through my veins as the darkness
whispered in my ear to concede, to give in and take, take everything on offer
and take it hard.

We remained clinging to each other for a long moment,
both of us taking what had been banned for so long. “I want you both, Ava. I
need you both; your touch, Mason’s heat, the feel of silk as I slide inside
you, the grip of your pussy as I stretch you. His screams in my ear as I fuck him
slow and hard. The soft moans that you make as we love you, the look of rapture
on your face as both Mason and I fuck you into oblivion.”

I nodded but blew out a breath I had been holding, “It’s
going to destroy us all.”

He closed his eyes as if in pain before he opened them and
pierced me with a determined longing. “Maybe I want to be destroyed, Ava. Maybe
I’ve had enough of being broken, shattered and damaged. Maybe I want to finally
obliterate the half of me that’s left behind and risk the consequences to feel
whole, even if just for an hour. Just one God damn hour of ecstasy with you
both.”

I swallowed as I took a final pull of his deliciousness,
his masculine aroma, his unique soul pacifying love and his potent adoration.
“Can we do this and be unemotional? Be together without being together?” I
asked with a hard tone, reminding him what would happen if all three of us came
together as one.

“No” he said bluntly, “But do you want to be detached,
Ava?”

“We have to be, Kade, for Mason’s sake as much as ours.
It can’t be done without emotion, without sentimentality. I love Mason, Kade,
so God damn much that it hurts; it kills me to hurt him and I won’t ever do
that to him again.”

He smiled slyly, his lips twisting on one side as he
leaned into me, his lips brushing mine and bringing a tiny moan from me, “Ask
him Ava, ask him what he wants.”

“I have” I rasped as I closed my eyes and pushed my head
away, denying the urge to just kiss the man that had taunted my dreams, my life
for so long.

“And what, what did he want?” he breathed as his lips
wisped over the hypersensitive area below my ear.

“You” I answered and smiled in victory at Kade’s growl,
“He wants you. He wants to fuck you into hell and back. He wants you to screw
me brutally whilst his cock sinks so deep inside you it feels like he owns
every inch of you.”

I placed a chaste kiss on his neck and pulled away,
dipping under his arm as I left him stood palming the wall. I paused as I
gripped the handle and turned back to him, “The thing I asked for?”

He rotated his head slowly to look at me. I smiled when I
caught the bright twinkle in his bright blue eyes, the fun and amusement that
had attracted me to him in the first place flashing back at me. “I’ll be in
touch, sweetheart.”

“As I’m sure Mason will be.” I winked as I exited and
closed the door softly behind me.

I grasped at the wall for support, fighting to pull
myself together as I waited for the elevator. Why wouldn’t my desire, my
yearning for Kade ever fade? Would I forever be tortured with the need for him,
would it ever get easier to resist him? I didn’t know what the pull was between
us but it was always there, always paining and persecuting both of us.

I wouldn’t admit it openly but Mason was right, I did
still love Kade. I had always loved him, nowhere near what I felt for Mason.
Mason was my life, my soul and my entirety but Kade - Kade was the forbidden,
the illicit pleasure, and the outlawed gratification that hounded me. He made
me feral with want and greedy with self-satisfaction, my selfish body demanding
its fulfilment and indulgence.

I shook my head and jiggled my body, releasing the pent
up energy as I prepared myself to make the second visitation of the day that I
needed to make. This one being much harder, knowing what I had to say to
Courtney would either push the breach wider or hopefully see the crack heal. I
loved the bones of my friend and my ache at her loss made my heart falter. I
needed her as much as I needed Mason. She was my rock, my bounce board and my
spirit’s sister and I was prepared to be honest enough to restore the bond
between us.

I just hoped she would feel the same.

***

I pushed open the door to her nail parlour. The scent and
fumes of masses of nail polish and other shit used to manicure hit me and I
blinked as I looked around the room for Courtney.

She was stood behind a counter, her head buried in what
looked like a large diary as another girl smiled at me, “Hey, Ava.”

I returned her bright smile as I noticed Courtney’s head
pop up. Her eyes fixed on me and I could see her anger as well as her slight
regret but she pulled in a breath as I approached. “Hi” I said quietly as I
noticed her stiffen when I drew close.

To be honest, it ached my heart but also bubbled my gut
with anger. I hadn’t done anything wrong, it wasn’t me who had gone with her
ex, someone she knew still mattered a lot to me.

“Can we talk?” I asked softly, not wanting to alert her
clients and her staff to our problems.

“No” she answered bluntly as she dropped her face back to
the book in front of her and exaggeratedly scanned the page.

“Please, Courtney.”

She continued to ignore me and I leaned onto the counter,
“Fine, I need my nails doing then.”

Her brow lifted as she slowly raised her head to stare at
me, “You –
you
want a manicure?”

I nodded as I begged wordlessly for her to give in; I
knew the look on her face was surprise. I was the last person who ever had
their nails done, hell; I didn’t even have nails, just stumps of chewed
cuticles and dead skin. “Yeah, I think it’s about time I looked after them now.
Mason thinks they’re mank so…”

She huffed loudly before pointing to a table and I
scurried over before she changed her mind.

She plonked heavily into the chair opposite me as she
nodded her head, gesturing for me to prop my hands on the small velvet cloth
she placed in front of me. “How are you?” I asked as I bit the bullet and dove
straight in, needing as much time as possible to win her round.

She shrugged as she wiped some weird stuff over my finger
ends but didn’t answer. I nodded as though she had replied and ventured on,
“The twins miss you.”

Her eyes flicked up to mine as a small smile curled her
lips, “I miss them too.”

She continued with the hopeless task of fixing my stumps
as I persevered, “
I
miss you.”

She scoffed and I sighed, “Look Courtney, I’m sorry okay,
you just shocked me, that’s all.”

Her eyes shot to mine as she proper glared, her temper
finally rising at me and I knew it was coming, but it was needed, essential for
us to move forward. “You hurt me, Ava. For over ten years I have been there for
you, dragged you up time and time again; supported you through each of your
crazy notions and stupid ideas. Hell, your relationship with Mason provided
more drama than a west end musical, but I was there, right beside you to pull
you through.”

I nodded as tears pooled in both our eyes, and fuck, she
was right, she
had
always been there and where had I been when she
needed me… nowhere near.

“I know….”

“I fucking needed you, Ava. I needed my best mate when my
lover told me I was just a fuck and that he still loved my best friend.”

My eyes widened with her revelation and I closed my eyes
in guilt as I pictured Kade and mine’s tryst this morning. “Oh Jesus, Courtney,
I…”

She shook her head and sighed heavily, “Don’t, it’s not
that much of a huge sorrow.”

“What? But I thought you said you loved him.” I swallowed
in confusion as I lifted my hand to rub over my face. Courtney caught my palm
before I managed to smear the gooey tonic crap currently moisturising my nails
all over me.

She rolled her lips and sat back into her chair as she
fixed her sad eyes on mine, “I… Oh, I dunno Ava. It’s all a mess, but it’s true
what they say, you don’t realise what you’ve got until it’s gone. I miss Greg,
God I love him, Ava, so fucking much and I… What the fuck have I done?”

I scrambled off the chair and swiftly moved round to her
when her face crumbled and her tears fell rapidly, washing her thick mascara
over her cheeks and smudging the smoothness of her foundation. “Hey, talk to
him.”

She shook her head, “I can’t Ava, he hates me.”

“He doesn’t hate you, he’s a mess too. He’s permanently
pissed, always itching for a fight; he loves you Courtney; you know he does.”