Athena's Daughter (23 page)

With a sigh that sounded completely
satisfied, Derek propped his feet on the big wooden cable spool
Athena used as a coffee table, and crossed his hands over his lean
belly. Athena tried to ignore the fluttering in her chest when she
thought how at home he looked.

“Is she always that easy to put to bed?” he
inquired.

“Mm-hm.” Athena nodded. “She’s an easy kid.
Yeah, there was a time when she was two or three when bedtime was a
battle. I don’t know what it is about little kids that they think
going to sleep is so horrible. But it didn’t last long, and now she
hardly protests at all when I tell her it’s time for bed.”

Derek leaned his head against the back of the
couch, closed his eyes and smiled. “She’s an amazing kid is what
she is. She’s so bright and outgoing, and she’s so smart.” His eyes
opened a slit, and he cast a bright blue gaze her way. “You’ve done
such a super job with her.”

“I tried.”

“You succeeded.” A half-smile curved his
lips. “She’s happy, healthy and knows she’s loved. Can’t ask for
more than that.”

Heat washed into Athena’s cheeks. “Yeah, you
can. She needs both her parents, and I’m really glad she’s got that
now.”

His unblinking gaze unnerved her, and the
backs of her knees prickled as a fine mist of nervous perspiration
washed over her. Derek opened and closed his mouth several times
before he spoke again.

“I have to thank you.”

Surprise made her jerk back, causing her
ankle to come into hard contact with the wooden spool. Glad of an
excuse to look away, she bent over and rubbed it, letting her hair
fall forward to hide her face. “I’d think that was the last thing
you’d have to do.”

“No, I mean it.” A soft sigh made Athena
glance up for a moment to see his look of consternation. “Look, I’m
still in shock over the whole thing, but I look at her and I see
what a wonderful child she is. And that’s thanks to you. Despite
everything, I know it was far from easy for you, but it’s clear
you’ve put her needs ahead of your own. So when I see my daughter
healthy and happy and smart, I’m thankful to you for it.” He leaned
forward, and she was forced to meet his eyes. “I also want to thank
you for naming her for my mum.”

“Oh.” She abandoned her ankle – it didn’t
hurt that much anyway – and sat back, fingers twisting together in
her lap. “Well, I always knew if she was a girl that’s what I’d
name her.”

“It’s made Mum very happy, if you want to
know. And that reminds me.” He cleared his throat, betraying his
nervousness. “I want to take her to meet my family before she
starts school again in the fall.”

“Absolutely,” Athena replied with no
hesitation. “Whenever you want.”

“Okay.” He visibly relaxed at her statement.
“That’s good. The band’s going to record our new album at Muscle
Shoals Studios in Alabama; that’ll be in July. So I suppose she and
I can go the first part of August, since I’ll be on tour in the
fall.”

Athena nodded. “Just let me know. She’ll need
a passport, but there’s plenty of time to get that.”

“Thanks.” He cast a sideways glance in her
direction. “So if she had been a boy would you have given her my
dad’s name?”

“No.” Her face scrunched in an apologetic
grimace. “But that’s because I never heard his given name, and I
didn’t think it would be cool to name a kid Mr. Marshall.” After
Derek’s snicker died away, she took a deep breath. “If she had been
a boy, I would’ve named her Derek.” She heard his sharp indrawn
breath, but couldn’t bring herself to look at him. “I just want you
to know that I never forgot she was your child. Ever. I know I
screwed it all up so bad, and I’m sorry. There hasn’t been one day
since then that I haven’t wanted to try to find you and tell you,
but I let it go too long, and I didn’t know how to even start.” She
hurried to finish before he could interrupt. “I know I don’t have
the right to ask for your forgiveness, but I still hope that maybe
someday you might be able to forgive me.”

“Athena…”

“It’s okay.” Screwing up her courage, she
turned to face him. The stricken look on his face wrenched her
heart. “It really is. I mean that. I’m just so glad that you have
her now, and that she has you.” A smile tugged at her lips. “She’s
really crazy about you.”

“I can’t even begin to describe what it feels
like to hear her call me ‘Daddy.’” Blinking rapidly, he looked up
at the ceiling. “I never thought I could love anyone so much, and I
just met her this morning.” He rolled his shoulders as if to ease a
tightness there. “I want to do so much for her, to give her
everything.”

“I know how you feel.” Athena turned toward
him, tucking one foot under her, and rested her head on her hand.
“But, Derek, you can’t do that. She needs to learn that you don’t
get something just because you want it. You have to work for it,
and earn it. To give her everything she wants just because she
wants it wouldn’t be good for her.”

“I know.” His smile was rueful. “It’s just
hard not to rush out and shower her with everything she desires.”
Dark hair spilled over the back of the sofa as he rolled his head
in her direction. “But you’ve already taught her so much. She’s
watched you work and save with the goal of having a home. She knows
the value of working for something you want just from watching you.
And when you get that house then she’ll know the satisfaction of
seeing that hard work pay off.” His lips twitched under his
moustache. “I promise I won’t undermine that by acting like Father
Christmas every day, much as I might want to.”

Grinning, Athena shook her head. “That’s good
to know.”

“But speaking of things I can give her…” All
amusement fled from his expression. “Tell me more about the school
her cousins go to. She talked a lot about that today.”

“Oh, that.” One shoulder lifted in a slight
shrug. “It’s a private school that just started last year, but it’s
really good. Andi’s told me a lot about it, and I know Calvin and
Carrie are really happy there.”

Derek’s voice was soft. “Would you like for
Elizabeth to go there?”

Uncomfortable, she reached down and fiddled
with the strings of her shoe. “Well, yeah. It’s just that I can’t
afford something like that.”

“I can. Athena, this is something I can do
for her. And if you think this is a good school and that it would
be good for her to go there, I’ll pay for it.”

“It’s not just the tuition, though. They wear
uniforms, and there are extra fees for things, and…”

“It doesn’t matter,” he stated with finality.
“If this is the best school for Elizabeth, then I don’t mind paying
for it.”

“I know. It’s just that I’ve been doing it on
my own for so long that it’s a little difficult to accept any
help.”

“It’s not help, angel. It’s part of my
responsibility as her parent.”

Athena nodded at his words, and repressed a
shiver at what she knew had to be an unintentional slip in using
the endearment he’d called her when they were together. On the one
hand, it was nice to know he felt comfortable enough with her again
for it to slip out, but on the other, it brought up too many
emotions in Athena that she knew she shouldn’t be feeling. Pushing
them aside, she forced a smile.

“I know. And I promise to get over myself
about it.”

His answering laugh helped to dissolve some
of her tension, and her shoulders relaxed.

“I’ll hold you to it,” he said. “So what
should we do now? Hire an attorney?”

Nose wrinkled in confusion, Athena looked at
him. “I guess so. I mean, we’ll probably need one anyway to get
Elizabeth’s name changed and put your name on her birth certificate
and everything. I hadn’t really thought about all that.”

Derek sighed. “Yeah, it’s a bitch to have to
bring in lawyers, but I guess it’s best to have it all laid out
legally and such.” One hand rose to cover a yawn. “Sorry about
that.” He chuckled. “I didn’t sleep well last night. Too nervous
about seeing her. And I have to admit that she exhausted me on that
playground today. She definitely has more energy than I do.”

A genuine laugh shook Athena’s shoulders.
“She never has lacked for energy.” She uncurled her leg and got to
her feet. “I’ll call a cab for you so you can go back to the motel
and get some rest.”

“Ah, yes. Rest sounds good.” Derek leaned his
head back against the couch again, and closed his eyes. “I think
I’ll probably sleep like a baby tonight.”

“Try not to wet the bed,” she joked. She
padded into the kitchen to get the phone book, but her hand paused
as she reached for it. Instead of the directory in its accustomed
place on the counter, she saw only bare Formica. Even the pen and
pad of paper she kept there was missing. She glanced around the
room with a perplexed frown before she remembered taking everything
into her bedroom earlier in the week to look up names of local
realtors.

After a search of her room, she at last
located the phone book halfway under her bed. The paper and pen
were still nowhere in sight, but she didn’t need those to call a
cab for Derek. She returned to the living room, but came to a halt
just inside the doorway, her apology for taking so long dying
unspoken on her lips.

He hadn’t moved, was still sitting with his
feet propped on the table, hands clasped over his midsection, eyes
closed. But his head was tilted to one side, and his face was slack
with sleep. It appeared his exhaustion had caught up with him.

Athena put the now unnecessary phone book on
top of the television, and returned to her room to fetch her second
pillow and an extra blanket. Trying to wake him up would involve
more effort than she was willing to exert, and it would probably
wake Elizabeth, too. Better to just let him sleep on the couch. As
she pulled the blanket from the top shelf of her closet, she
ignored the insistent inner voice that was rejoicing because Derek
was staying at her apartment and would be there in the morning. It
wasn’t like he’d chosen to stay there; and even if he did, it would
be because of Elizabeth, and not because of any overwhelming desire
to be close to her.

Back in the living room, she removed his
shoes before easing him into a reclining position and covering his
legs with the blanket, and then stood staring down at him with her
hands knotted together in front of her.

“Look at you,” she whispered. “Lying there
with your hair spread out over my pillow, and your face all quiet
and beautiful with sleep. Do you know how many mornings I woke up
and just watched you when you looked like this? Not fair, Derek.”
Her eyes traveled down the length of his body. “And why do you have
to lie like that, in the perfect position for my body to spoon
right up against yours? I can almost feel you next to me. But if
you woke up, you’d probably dump me in the floor. I’m going to get
my heart broken all over again, aren’t I?”

Before she could stop herself, she bent over
and pressed her lips to the top of his head, his hair silky and
soft under her mouth, and the barest hint of his sandalwood cologne
tickling her nose. She stood up and shook her head at his sleeping
form.

“Yep,” she said. “One broken heart, coming
right up.”

As the week went by, Athena found herself
battling a demon – a green-eyed demon, to be precise. And,
appalling as it was, she was jealous of her own child. She was sure
her “Worst Mother of the Year” award would be showing up in her
mailbox at any time.

While she was overjoyed that Derek and
Elizabeth had fallen into instant love with each other, it was
still torture that she wasn’t included in Derek’s adoration. It
didn’t help that the man was underfoot all the time; in the
apartment with Elizabeth every afternoon when Athena returned home
from work, eating supper with them in the kitchen each evening,
assisting with Elizabeth’s bath, and then reading bedtime stories
to the little girl every night. Then, when Elizabeth was tucked
into bed, he’d call a cab, give Athena a cheery wave, and
leave.

Yes, he was friendly. Yes, he bent over
backward to make things easier for Athena by helping with the
dishes and such. But all his attention and devotion was directed at
his daughter, with nothing for Athena except a courtesy he’d
probably show to a hired nanny. And it made her mad.

Those brief, radiant weeks with Derek brought
home with clarity how much she wanted something apart from just
being Elizabeth’s mother. She wanted to be desired, valued, loved.
The side of Derek she was seeing was different from the
devil-may-care rock star she’d been with on the road. This was the
Derek she knew in London, the one she’d fallen for so hard. The one
who got down on one knee and presented her with a purple string
tied into a ring and asked her to be his wife. And though Athena
knew she would never again be the total center of his universe the
way she was then, she wanted him to at least acknowledge that she
was more than just the womb that incubated his child. Damn it,
there had to still be some feelings there somewhere! God knows, she
still had them.

Bitchy and aggravated by another night of
broken sleep, she threw back the covers and stomped into the
kitchen. She thumbed on the switch to the Mr. Coffee that Andi and
Walt gave her for Christmas, and glared at it until a thin stream
of coffee started to pour into the carafe.

Though she hadn’t looked into a mirror, she
knew the dark circles under her eyes were more pronounced, and
could feel lines etching into the skin between her eyes. If she
didn’t get a good night’s rest soon, she’d end up looking like her
Great-Grandma Hill when she died at the age of ninety-eight. But,
no; she woke up ten times a night from dreams of Derek, woke with
her heart pounding and her panties moist, the feel of his hands and
lips on her skin still lingering like a sweet refrain.