Atheism For Dummies (For Dummies (Religion & Spirituality)) (85 page)

There’s also the question of models — examples of others in the culture who have the same identity. Many LGBT people remained closeted, especially in the early years of the gay rights movement, because it often seemed there was only one way to be publicly gay — stereotypically flamboyant and sexually extroverted. As more people from all walks of life came out as LGBT, including many who didn’t fit the stereotype, others felt more comfortable leaving the closet as well. They had models, ways to be LGBT that matched their own personalities and values.

The same dynamic is true of atheists. Some remain closeted in part because the only atheist they’ve seen is the angry atheist, the culture warrior girded for battle against religion. They’ve stopped believing, they’re looking for options, but they see only two choices — continue pretending belief to keep friends and family intact, or immediately declare war on them and all they stand for. And many atheists just aren’t interested in signing up for that confrontation.

As I say in
Chapter 14
, the “culture warrior” approach is often very well justified. But knowing that it isn’t the only one available is important. When I was a doubting teen, the only atheist I’d ever heard of was Madalyn Murray O’Hair (see
Chapter 8
). She did courageous and important work — and she terrified me! She was so confident, so aggressive, and so unrelenting in her attacks on religion. Years later I’d agree with much of her outrage. But at 15, I couldn’t identify with it. So without other role models, I remained closeted for years.

Eventually I stumbled on the amazing history of freethinkers that I present in Parts II and III of this book, and I went from isolation to the company of giants. Just as important, I became part of a tradition with a thousand different ways to be. But that history is largely unknown. Between that and relatively few visible role models, it’s no surprise that only a tiny fraction of the more than 50 million nonreligious Americans are open about what they believe.

Fortunately, both are changing. Many books published in the past decade tell the bigger story of religious doubt, including that long and impressive history. And just as there are countless public examples now of “how to be” gay or lesbian, there’s a growing public spectrum of religious disbelief as well, including atheists, agnostics, and humanists who

Make a point of working together with religious people

Stand up for the religious freedom of believers

Call themselves religious, even without believing in God (see
Chapter 8
)

Create communities with rituals, traditions, and mutual support

Focus on doing compassionate work rather than debating theology

Are just plain normal people

They aren’t always in the media spotlight, but if someone cares enough to look, they can certainly be found.

How and whether to come out depends on many things, including whether an atheist is a dependent minor or a self-sufficient adult. The full topic is beyond the space available here and beyond the purpose of this book. (Greta Christina, one of the great atheist bloggers I talk about in
Chapter 13
, is writing a whole book on the subject as I speak.) But check out the nearby sidebar for a few observations and tips.