aterovis_bm_reapthewhirlwind.p65 (35 page)

“It’s enough, Dad,” I said around a lump in my throat.

“I’m a bit tired now,” he said. And he did look even worse than he had when I’d come in, if that were possible.

“I’ll let you rest,” I said softly.

“Will you be here when I wake up?” he asked feebly.

“Yes,” I promised.

I turned to find Mom crying, slumped against the doorway. She shook her head, signaling me not to speak, then she turned and walked back to the kitchen. I followed.

“That’s what he’s been waiting for,” she said once we were there. “He’ll go now.”

“What do you mean?”

“He’s been hanging on; I wasn’t sure why. Now I know.”

“For me?”

“Yes, he needed to know you forgave him.”

“I’m getting married tomorrow, Mom,” I blurted out 322

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suddenly.

“You’re what? To who?”

“To Aidan.”

She pulled out a chair and sat down heavily.

“I don’t expect you to be happy,” I said quickly. “I just wanted you to know. It seemed like you should know.”

“Don’t tell your father.”

“I won’t. I wasn’t—”

“How can you get married?”

“It’s not a legal wedding. It’s just a commitment ceremony between Aidan and me. I don’t even know all the details. A friend of ours is doing all the planning.

We’re just showing up.”

“When is it?”

“Tomorrow night at seven. And there’s more.”

“More?” she repeated in a voice that made me wonder if she could handle more.

“This is complicated. I’m going to be raising a baby.

Legally I guess I’m the baby’s father now.”

She stared at me dumbstruck for several minutes before she spoke.

“How in the world— I thought you were gay. You’re marrying a boy. Where’d the baby come from?”

“It’s not really mine. The baby is Joey’s.”

She shook her head in confusion. “But Joey is dead and you just said you were the father.”

“Caitlin got pregnant before Joey died; she’s the mother. And I said I’m the legal father, not the biologi-cal father. We signed papers.”

“What? Why would you do something like that?”

“Joey was my best friend, Mom. I loved him. This baby is all I have left of him. And this baby deserves a 323

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father. I wanted to do this. I can’t explain it. It’s just something I knew I had to do.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I’m not asking you to understand. I just—I’m going to need some help, some advice. And you’re the person I respect most in the world when it comes to raising a child.”

Fresh tears rolled down her cheeks as she buried her head in her hands.

“I need to call Aidan, let him know where I am,” I said as I walked over to the phone.

“I’m going to go check on your father,” she said as she fled from the room.

I dialed our number and was relieved when Aidan answered on the second ring.

“Hey, the papers are all signed,” I told him.

“Good. Where are you? I expected you back a long time ago.”

“I’m at Mom and Dad’s.”

“You’re where?” he asked in disbelief.

“At my parents. I know. It was a whim. I don’t know why I did it. I just ended up here somehow. Dad had some sort of attack last month, a bad one. They don’t know how he’s lived this long. Mom said it was just because he wanted to see me again, but he was too stubborn to make the first move. Aidan—it was like he was a different man.”

“Did you tell him about you and me?”

“No, but I told Mom.”

“How’d she take it?”

“I’m not sure. She was kind of stunned, I think. My news about the baby kind of took precedence though.”

“Jeez, Will, you really know how to dump it on some-324

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one, don’t you?”

“It just kept coming out. I think I’ll stay here awhile.

I’m sure she’ll have a lot of questions once it all sinks in.”“Okay. If you need me, call me.”

“I will. I love you, Aidan.”

“I love you too, Will.”

I hung up just as Mom rushed back into the kitchen.

“I can’t wake your father. Call 911.”

I snatched the phone back up without even thinking and dialed 911.

“Is he alive?” I asked as the operator answered on the other end.

“Yes, I think so,” Mom said sounding slightly hysterical. I couldn’t blame her. She clasped her hands in front of her face as if she was praying. She probably was.

“Hello?” the 911 operator said for the second time.

“Yes, we need an ambulance. My father had a heart attack last month and now we can’t get him to wake up.”

“Okay, an ambulance is being sent out now. I need your name and address, sir,” the operator said.

I gave her the information and answered some more questions. She had me stay on the line while we waited for the ambulance. Mom went back to stay with Dad.

The next half hour was a blur. The ambulance arrived and soon the house seemed full of technicians as they ran back and forth between my Dad’s bedside and the emergency vehicle. They ended up taking him to the hospital. I called Aidan and drove Mom there. Aidan was waiting for us when we arrived. After that, things settled into a long, tedious wait.

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After some time had passed, a doctor came out to tell us that Dad had slipped into a coma and they didn’t really expect him to come out of it. Medically, they still couldn’t explain it, but it didn’t look good. It could be hours, it could be days, but it was just a matter of time now.

“What do you want to do?” he asked mom.

“I think he’d want to be at home,” she said softly.

“Are you sure?” he asked.

“Yes, his sister will come and stay with me.”

And so that’s what we did. We arranged for Dad to be transported back home, and Aidan and I stayed with mom until my aunt, Asher’s mom, arrived to spend the night. Aidan and I drove our separate cars back home where I collapsed into a fitful sleep filled with nightmares about Joey, Blake, Robbie, and my father, all dead, and all demanding something of me that I felt I couldn’t give.

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I called Mom first thing the next morning. She said that there had been no change since the night before.

While I was on the phone, a polite knock came at the door.

“Who could that be? Can you get that?” I asked Aidan.

“Well, we know it isn’t Nikki or she’d be beating the door down by now,” he said as he started for the door.

When he opened it, Adam swept in with his arms loaded with shopping bags, which were brimming over with flowers, ribbon, and Christmas lights. In all the confusion of Dad’s crisis, the wedding had completely slipped my mind.

“Oh my gosh!” I gasped.

“What is it?” Mom asked on the other end of the line.

“I forgot all about the wedding! We’ll have to cancel it.”Both Adam’s and Aidan’s faces fell so quickly it would have been comical if I wasn’t so upset.

“What’s going on?” Adam asked Aidan who proceeded to bring him quickly up to date.

Meanwhile, Mom was talking to me. “No, you can’t cancel your wedding. Your father—well, I can’t say he would have wanted you to go ahead with this, but he 327

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would want you to be happy; and if this is what will make you happy, then—at any rate, don’t cancel it.

Please. You heard the doctors. It could be today; it could be next week. They just don’t know.”

“It doesn’t seem right—”

“Will, you’ve been living your life separately from us for months now, by your father’s choice and my silent agreement. You shouldn’t stop living your life now simply because his is coming to an end. I want you to do this. Celebrate life. Please.”

“If—if you’re sure.”

“I am. I love you, Will.”

“I love you, Mom. I’ll try to get by the house sometime today before the wedding.”

“Okay. Tell Aidan I said hello and thank him for being there last night.”

“Aidan’s been there for me many nights. He knows how grateful I am.”

“Well now he needs to know how grateful I am.”

“I’ll tell him.”

I hung up and turned to face Adam and Aidan.

“The wedding is still on,” I said.

“Woohoo!” Adam and Aidan yelled together. Adam quickly grew serious again. “I’m sorry about your father, Will.”

“Well, like Mom said, I’ve been living without him for months now…”

“It doesn’t make it any easier.”

“I’ve got to get ready for work,” I said as I felt tears building. I fled to the bathroom where I turned on the shower to cover the sound of my muffled sobs.

I should have known I couldn’t fool Aidan. He followed me right in and wrapped me in his arms.

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“Are you sure you want to go ahead with this?” he asked me when I had calmed down.

“No, but I feel like we should anyway. I feel like if we don’t do it now we might never do it.”

He squeezed me tight. “Why don’t you call and tell Nikki you won’t be in today. You’ve got too much going on, your Dad, the wedding, all this with Joey’s killer.”

“No, I need the distraction. I’ll go in for at least part of the day. I want to go see Dad this afternoon, too.”

“Do you want me to go with you?”

I sighed. “Yes, but I don’t think it would be such a good idea. Are we supposed to wear anything special for tonight? Like am I supposed to pick up a tux or something?”

“I hope not. I’ll go ask Adam.”

He left me to my shower and reappeared as I was getting dressed.

“Adam says we’re to dress casual. Since everything else about this has been unconventional he decided we shouldn’t have to dress in monkey suits, which is perfectly fine with me.”

“Me, too,” I agreed.

By the time I came back out the entire entryway was filled with bags full of decorations.

“Oh my God, Martha Stewart died and left us all her shit,” I moaned.

Adam laughed as he appeared from behind a seven-foot undecorated live tree that had miraculously sprouted in the middle of our living room. “Get in the spirit, Will!” he said. “You guys should have been decorated by now. What kind of self-respecting gay couple are you?”

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I started to answer that we were the type of gay couple who, until recently, had been trying to find who killed their best friend, but I stopped myself just in time. Aidan stepped in to fill the awkward pause left by my second thought.

“We’re still trying to get the hang of this whole couple thing. Give us a little time and we’ll figure it all out.”

“I’ve got to get to work,” I said and made my exit.

How am I ever going to get through this day? I wondered as I drove to work. Work did prove to be a distraction, however. There were lots of people out looking for unique Christmas presents. Not too many bought anything though. For the most part, when they got a look at the prices, people’s reactions ranged from shock to abject horror. Finally, though, the façade of geniality just proved more than I could keep up and I asked Nikki for the rest of the day off.

“No problem, bello niño,” she said with a soft caress to my cheek. “I will see you tonight. Take care.”

I drove straight to Mom and Dad’s house. I found Mom dozing in a chair next to Dad’s bed. As for Dad, I had to look closely to see the movement of his chest before I was even sure if he was breathing. I had only been to one funeral, besides Joey’s, in my entire life. It had been for a great uncle on my father’s side. I had thought then that he looked like a wax dummy, as if there had never been any breath of life in him. As I stood looking at my Dad now, that image came back to me. It was how Dad looked now. As if his spirit had already left. I wondered if Mom could see it too, or the nurses.

Maybe it was just my imagination.

I stepped into the room and touched Mom lightly on the hand. She jumped and looked wildly about for a 330

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second before she focused on me. Her tired face lit up when she saw who it was.

“Will, you made it.”

“I told you I’d be by sometime today.”

“I didn’t think you would with everything going on.”

I gave her a hug and then stood by Dad’s side, looking down on him.

“Can he hear us?” I asked.

“They think so. They said to talk to him. The doctor said that many times he’s seen people who hold on until their families tell them it’s okay to go, and then they just slip quietly away.”

I looked over at her. The unspoken words had been as loud as the spoken. “Is that what you want me to do?” I whispered.

She looked at me as tears filled her eyes. She gave a jerky nod and then stood up and walked out quickly.

I looked helplessly after her for a moment, then turned slowly back to my father.

“Dad?” I began in a raspy voice. I cleared my throat and began again. “Dad, it’s Will. I—I don’t know what to say really.” I cast about desperately for something to say. How do you tell someone it’s okay to die? Then it occurred to me that you simply make it so that there is nothing holding them here.

“Dad, I want you to know that I forgive you.” I choked up and it was a while before I could continue without crying. “I know I disappointed you. I wasn’t what you hoped I would be. I’m sorry. I’m doing the best I know how. And I’m doing all right now; I’m going to be okay.

Don’t worry about me. I’ve got my friends. I’ve got—

Aidan. He loves me. And I love him. He’s good to me, Dad. And I’ve got Mom. Don’t worry about her either; 331

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I’ll take care of her. So I guess what I’m trying to say is, it’s okay to let go. You don’t have to stay here and suffer any more. Dad—I love you.”

I broke down and cried at his side for a few minutes.

When my tears had run their course, I backed slowly away. At the door, I turned to find Mom waiting for me, tears rolling silently down her cheeks. She took me in her arms and we cried together.

***