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“Um…” Kane thought a moment. “I’m thankful that my mom is talking to me again and things are better between us now, so now I get to see my mom and my dad, which, of course, means more presents at Christmas.” He waggled his eyebrows and everyone chuckled.I made a mental note to ask Aidan what that was about later.

“My turn,” announced Killian. “I’m thankful for two 188

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things. Is that okay?”

“Go ahead; we set a precedent with your mother.”

“’Kay, well, I’m thankful that my real dad is behind bars where he belongs and where he can’t hurt anyone else.”

“Here, here,” muttered Meg under her breath.

“I’m also thankful that I found my soul mate too, but to make mine different from Steve’s, I’m glad my soul mate found me.”

Asher smiled goofily at Killian while the chorus of aw’s died down. “I’m thankful that Killian and I were both accepted at Pemberton,” he said. “Next year, we’ll be going to school with you, Aidan.”

After a round of congratulations, it was Aidan’s turn.

“Mine is a multiple part thanks but it’s really all one.

I’m thankful that Aunt Meg brought me down here with her last year because out of that one trip has come so much good. One, I was able to accept that I was gay with a little help from my not-so-little cousin, Killian.

Two, I made a successful move from PA to the Shore.

And three is the part I’m most thankful for, I made the best friend I’ve ever had in my whole life, and he’s my roommate, Will.”

I flushed crimson and stared down at my feet, but it was my turn and every eye in the room was on me. I cleared my throat and spoke up, “I guess it’s my turn, huh? I know most of you don’t know me, but I’m Asher’s cousin. No one knows this but Aidan, not even you, Ash, but about a month ago I tried to kill myself because I’m gay.”

Everyone’s mouth dropped open at once. I almost giggled out loud, they looked so comical. Not even Asher had been told what had really happened; we’d 189

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just simply said that I fell off the fire escape. “There were a lot of other factors, but what it boils down to is that I was a selfish coward and I tried to run from my problems instead of dealing with them. Aidan helped me to see that and ever since then, even though I’ve still had a lot of stuff going on, I’ve known that I had to face my problems head on. So I guess all of that was to say that I’m thankful that God didn’t take the life that I tried to throw away. Instead, He gave me a second chance.”

After that somewhat lengthy speech, I suddenly realized I was still the center of attention and began to blush again. Luckily, Caitlin spoke up and shifted the focus off me, or so I thought.

“I’m new here too,” she began softly. “I really don’t know any of you that well. I’ve even only known Will a few weeks, but you’ve all made me feel so welcome, like I was part of a family. I’m really glad Will asked me to come, but that’s not what I’m most thankful for.

I’m most thankful for Will, himself. He kept me from making a horrible mistake that would have probably haunted me for the rest of my life. You see, I’m pregnant and I’m not married and the father just died. Even before he died though, he told me that he didn’t want to have anything to do with the baby. He told me to have an abortion and that’s what I decided I would do.”

She stopped for a moment to blink back tears. “Then I met Will, and he forced me to see what I didn’t want to see; that this was an innocent life that I created as a result of my bad decisions. And that life shouldn’t have to pay for my mistakes. Then he went beyond just offering advice, he offered himself. He’s going to help me raise my baby so that I can have it and keep it.”

For the third time that night, a stunned silence fell 190

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over the room as I tried to shrink into the sofa. Finally Adam spoke in a somewhat awed voice, “Wow—well—

that certainly gives us all something to work toward.”

I couldn’t stand it any longer. “I’m nothing special,”

I protested. “It was just something that I knew I had to do. Haven’t you ever just known that you had to do something even though you weren’t quite sure why?

You just know you have to.”

“But that’s exactly what makes it all the more special,” Meg said. “I’m sure that all of us have experienced what you just described, but how many of us can say that we actually acted on that urge? Most people just ignore that compelling, pass it off as insensible or unre-alizable. Or maybe they just don’t have the faith to step out and take that kind of risk. Besides, true heroes never know they are heroes. They just simply are.”

“I’m definitely not a hero,” I argued, my face blazing away. “I’m so screwed up, I’ve tried to kill myself not just once, but twice in the last two months. Aidan is the real hero. He saved my life both times.”

Aidan opened his mouth to argue, but Steve cut him off, “The mark of a true hero, or true bravery, is this—

not a lack of fear, that’s just foolishness, but rather to be afraid and do what you know you must do anyway.”

Everyone thought that over quietly for a few minutes.

“Okay, enough philosophical wanderings,” Adam said suddenly. “This night is supposed to be about a celebration of life, so let’s start living! Who’s up for a board game?”

We all played some party games for a while and then the guests began to say their good-byes. Lysander and Ilana were the first to leave, saying they needed to get 191

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Melody to bed. Bryant and Calvin left shortly after, since Calvin was visibly tiring. Aidan, Caitlin and I prepared to leave too, since we had the drive home still ahead of us.“You guys are coming to my show tomorrow night aren’t you?” I asked before we left.

“Are you kidding? We wouldn’t miss it for anything!”

Killian exclaimed.

“Great,” I said. “Why don’t you two plan on staying for a little while after? I have something I need to talk to you about.”

“Sure, that shouldn’t be a problem. It’s not a school night,” he said.

“What was that about?” Aidan asked once we were in the car.

“What was what about?” I asked innocently.

“What do you need to talk to Killian and Asher about?”

“That matter we were discussing the other night; you know, the note?”

“Oh—I don’t understand.”

“We’ll talk about it later,” I said meaningfully.

“What Will is trying to say is drop it while Caitlin’s around,” Caitlin said with amusement in her voice. I laughed as she gracefully changed the subject. “Will, thanks for inviting me. It was great.”

“It was, wasn’t it?” I agreed. “I’m glad you could come. You’re still coming tomorrow night too, aren’t you?”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world. I just hope I can still fit into the dress I was planning on wearing.”

“Are you gaining weight with the baby?”

She laughed. “Not yet! I was talking about that huge 192

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meal we just had. I don’t think I’ll be able to eat for a week.”

We all laughed.

“It was great wasn’t it?” I asked. “I think it was the best Thanksgiving ever and I’m not just talking about the food.”

I settled back into the seat in contentment. If I could just make it through tomorrow night, I thought, I would be home free. If I had only known how wrong I was.

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CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Friday was a whirlwind of activity as final prepara-tions were made for that evening’s show. All the art on display had to be moved out of the gallery and carefully stored in the back room to make room for my work.

Then, my pictures were picked up from the framing shop and hung, often being moved two or three times before we decided it was perfect. Tables were set up that would hold the hors d’oeuvres and beverages. Since I was still underage, Nikki had bought sparkling cider instead of champagne for the gallery refreshments. Finally, everything was just the way we wanted it and we raced back to the apartment building to change.

As I rushed into our apartment, Aidan met me at the door. Grinning like the Cheshire cat, he held up a pair of black leather pants and a rich maroon crushed velvet shirt with flowing sleeves. I skidded to a halt.

“What is that?” I demanded. “That’s not what you’re wearing, is it?”

“No, it’s what you’re wearing,” he said brightly. My mouth fell open. “It’s a surprise,” he added.

“You’re damn right it’s a surprise. Here’s another one, I’ll be damned if I’m wearing leather pants,” I said firmly.

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“Yes, you are,” Aidan said equally firmly. “Nikki and I bought these just for you the other night when I went out without you. You’re a hot new artist and you have to look the part.”

“You’ve got to be kidding! I’ll look like some Ricky Martin wannabe.”

“We don’t have time to argue. Shut up and take off your clothes.”

“Oh baby!” I teased. “I love it when you talk dirty.”

“If you don’t start getting undressed, you’re going really gonna hear me talk dirty.”

I laughed but decided it would be easier for everyone involved if I just went along with him. We both knew I would end up doing as he said in the end anyway. I did as he ordered and started getting undressed.

He helped me into the unfamiliar clothes then dragged me down the hall to the full-length mirror in the bathroom.

“Wait! You’re missing something,” he said.

“Yeah, my dignity. I think I left it in the living room with my real clothes.”

“Oh, quit bitching. What size shoe do you wear?”

“10.”

“Good, I wear 10 ½, that’s close enough.” He raced out of the bathroom and was back in no time carrying a pair of heavy black shoes. Once they were on, I had to admit that the whole ensemble looked better than I had feared, although I still felt like a kid playing dress-up.

The pants, though, were much more comfortable than I would have ever imagined.

“See, I told you!” Aidan said with his famous grin.

And then we were off again. This time he dragged me out the door and across the hall to Nikki’s apartment 195

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where he knocked on her door. The door swung open to reveal Nikki hopping on one foot while she tried to put in a dangly carved jet earring in the shape of a multi-armed deity. She was wearing a tight bright yellow top that looked like it was made of rubber and an extremely short black leather shirt. She wore a clunky yellow high-heeled shoe on one foot; its mate lay on its side a few feet away next to a pile of black leather. Her hair had turned bright yellow since I had seen her last and I wondered how it had been possible to dye it that quickly. She managed to get the earring in, slip on the other shoe and scoop up the pile of leather in one smooth motion. The pile of leather turned out to be an ankle-length fitted coat, which she now pulled on.

“You look fah-bulous, dahling,” she said, calmly eying me, as if seconds before she hadn’t been hopping around on one foot like a demented stork.

“I think we killed a cow between us,” I said dryly.

“It’s worth it when you look this good.”

“Tell that to PETA. How did you get away without wearing a dead animal?” I asked Aidan, as I eyed his khakis and white oxford shirt enviously.

“Because he’s not the star,” Nikki said. “Now come here, you need a few finishing touches.”

I stepped reluctantly forward and she suddenly pounced on me and mussed up my hair with both hands.

“Hey!” I yelled.

“Oh, hush,” she chided as she unbuttoned the top two buttons of my shirt. “Oh, the necklace is a nice touch.”

My hand went immediately to Joey’s charm. I had forgotten I was even wearing it. I hadn’t taken it off in 196

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weeks. I felt my jangled nerves calm just a bit. It made me feel good to know that in a way, Joey would be with me tonight—the old Joey, who had been my best friend for eighteen years, not the shadow that he had become at the end.

Nikki stepped back and gave me a final once-over then nodded as if she was satisfied with what she saw.

“Let’s blow this popsicle stand.”

***

Nikki gave me some last-minute instructions on the elevator ride down.

“Everyone is going to want to meet you. Shake their hands and be polite but don’t let any one person mo-nopolize you for too long. Circulate. And whatever you do, do not allow yourself to be cornered by one of the Polyester Posse.”

“Huh?”

“You’ll know them when you see them; a group of widows who all wear these horribly tacky polyester pant suits. If someone asks you for your inspiration for a particular painting, ask them what they think of it, then tell them how amazingly perceptive they are and how impressed you are that they nailed it so perfectly on their first try. If they want to know how much, send them to me. Be careful what you say and remember if you can’t bedazzle them with brilliance baffle them with bullshit.”

I nodded although I strongly suspected I had just been baffled rather than bedazzled.

Aidan and I drove to the gallery in his truck and Nikki drove her own car. We didn’t talk much. I was too nervous and, after a few monosyllabic responses, Aidan gave up any effort on his part. Derrick had the gallery 197

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open when we got there but thankfully, no one else had arrived except the classical guitarist Nikki had hired.

Aidan was stationed at the door to check invitations.

It had been Nikki’s suggestion to make this an invitation only event. She said it made it seem more exclusive and it made the “right people” more likely to attend. By “right people,” I assume she meant those with fat bank accounts.

People started arriving shortly after. Everyone made a point of coming up to me after they had made a preliminary sweep of the gallery. It wasn’t long before the gallery was filled with well-dressed people sipping cider and speaking in hushed tones. Adam, Asher, and Killian arrived and waved from the door. Laura and Gabe followed on their heels. As busy as I was, I had been keeping an eye on the door for Caitlin, as it got later and later it became more and more obvious that she hadn’t showed up. I was just about to give up on her when she appeared at my side, as if out of nowhere.

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