At The Stroke Of Midnight (19 page)

She did catch glimpses of Sebastian
from time to time, usually being trailed by Lizzie or his mother or, in one
instance, Angeline.
 
They were talking
to him, or, rather at him might be a more apt description.
 
For he was seemingly ignoring them all,
which made no sense.
 
When they had
parted the night before, he and Jane both knew that this brief romance was
coming to an end.
 
They had not
discussed it, but they both knew.
 
Her
upcoming nuptials to the laird did not change that.

Now he was distracted, angry even,
and she heard him argue briefly with her father about sending a footman out
into the storm.
 
Tempers had flared but,
in the end, Sebastian had prevailed and the servant had gone, presumably back
to Town, though for what reason, Jane did not know.

Nor should she care.
 
Whatever was going on with Sebastian did not
concern her.
 
She needed to learn that
and quickly.
 
Yet she did care, and not
merely because she longed to know all of his inner most thoughts.
 
She was curious as well, even though no good
ever came from being overly inquisitive.
 
Her mother had taught her that.

Still, when he paused in the
doorway to the parlor where she was ensconced with the tree that would be lit
by hundreds of candles in celebration that night, she could not help but look
up and drink in the sight of him.
 
He
was too much temptation to resist and she was weak, especially where he was
concerned.

Finally, on his fifth or sixth pass
by the door, she beckoned to him.
 
"Might I help you with something, my lord?"
 
She was very much aware that a maid was
dusting nearby and would surely report back to Angeline whatever transpired
between the two.
 
Then she held up a
little angel made of a bit of old handkerchief.
 
"Or rather, might I prevail upon you for help?
 
I need to get this angel at the very top and
I am afraid that, even at my height, I am too short to reach."

Watching Sebastian stride into the
room like some ancient, angry warrior was something to behold and it was all
Jane could do not to loose her breath at the sight of him.
 
"Of course, my lady.
 
I am happy to assist."
 
He plucked the bit of fabric from her hand
and began reaching up to place it atop the tree.
 

Then he paused, as if sensing
another set of eyes on him and he turned, his normally laughing brown gaze now
fierce and furious.
 
"Is there
something amiss?" he practically snarled at the maid who had put down her
duster to watch the scene avidly, making no pretense of her purpose.
 
"If so, then go run to your mistress
and tell her that I am assisting Lady Jane with the decorations.
 
If she wishes to come and berate me or foist
that empty headed bit of fluff she has for a daughter upon me, then by all
means, she is welcome to do so.
 
Until
then, I am ever the gentleman."

His words, combined with his tone,
must have truly terrified the maid for she scuttled out of the room quickly,
even leaving her duster behind and heading not in the direction of the family's
area, but that of the servants.

"Sebastian!" Jane chided
though she was secretly happy to have the bothersome woman gone.
 
"What has gotten into you?"

"You," he replied
succinctly, reaching for her immediately.
 
"You have gotten into me, Jane, and I fear there is not cure for
the malady.
 
You who drive me to distraction
with your quick wit and delectable body.
 
You who are everything to me."

Jane held up her hand, a fresh wave
of pain washing over her, stepping back from his grasp.
 
"Stop.
 
Sebastian, please.
 
Do not say those
words.
 
I hurt enough as it
is."
 
Then she backed away farther
as he moved closer, the cloth angel still clutched in his hand.

"I do not wish to hurt you,
sweetheart.
 
I only want to love you as
you desire to be loved."
 
There was
sincerity in his tone and it cut at Jane all the more.
 
He might believe that, but it could not be.
 
He could not speak of love, not when they
were both destined for others.

Yet she could not deny the spark of
life that flared inside of her at his words.
 
In another time and place, a confession of his love would be music to
her ears.

He must have known that for he
smiled, this time like a predator in search of prey.
 
"Yes, Jane.
 
I said
it.
 
I do love you.
 
I have from that first night.
 
And I know that you love me in
return."
 
By this time, he had
cornered her near the tree.
 
When he
reached behind her, she thought he might kiss her.
 
Instead, he reached up and placed the angel at the very top of
the tree, and, with a pat, secured it in place.

Jane felt the first tear slip down
her cheek before she could stop it.
 
"Please do not say such things.
 
I beg you."

"Why ever not?"
 
His gaze was now hot and molten with
desire.
 
"It is true.
 
I do love you.
 
Do not tell me that you do not feel the same.
 
That would be a lie and you, my lovely Jane,
do not lie.
 
Not to me, anyway."

"You know that I do," she
countered, sniffling a bit.
 
"I
love you more than my own life.
 
But you
also know how impossible this is."

"Perhaps it is not as
impossible as you think."
 
The way
he so casually dismissed her fears unnerved her but she was determined to stand
firm.

Shaking her head, she burrowed back
into the tree a bit more, seeking protection in its piney branches.
 
"It is and we both know it.
 
This morning, I even considered becoming
your mistress, at least if you had offered, for that was the only way I could
imagine continuing on with my life.
 
But
now I am to be married once I reach Scotland.
 
I will be bound to that clan and to those children.
 
I will not be able to return."

He smiled again, this time more
seductive than anything.
 
"Ah,
yes.
 
About that marriage."
 
Then he winked at her.
 

Winked?
 
Truly?

"What of it?" she asked
with a frown, not understanding his nonchalance, though it did worry her
greatly.
 
What had he done?
 
"You cannot stop it."

"I already have."

"I do not take your
meaning."
 
Sebastian did not have the
power to end whatever contracts her father had made.
 
At least Jane didn't think he did.
 
Her head was spinning so fast that she thought she might faint
where she stood, and she was not a woman given to such dramatics.

As if sensing her turmoil, Sebastian
tugged on Jane's hands, pulling her out of the corner and away from the
tree.
 
"I visited the portrait
gallery this morning and while I was there, let us just say that I was
inspired."

Quickly, Jane crossed to the parlor
door and locked it before turning back to Sebastian.
 
She did not want a wayward eye or ear to catch them together and
make the situation worse than it already was.
 
Nor did she relish a member of the staff seeing her collapse.
 
That would spread even more rumors about
her.

"Inspired how?"
 
She had a feeling that his solution was not
one she would approve of.
 
There was a
desperate light in his eyes, as if he was grasping at any solution he could
reach.

"I am giving it all
up."
 
He made the statement with so
much pride that Jane was momentarily speechless, though not for long.

"Are you mad?" she
demanded, her hands on her hips, heedless of the pine pitch she was spreading
all over her gown.
 
"You have
responsibilities, Sebastian.
 
Those
people need you.
 
To turn your back on
them is unconscionable."

He frowned.
 
He thought she would be happy.
 
He was placing her above all others.
 
"No, sweetheart.
 
You misunderstand.
 
I am still the earl, for the time being anyway.
 
I will announce my engagement to your sister
tonight.
 
Or tomorrow.
 
Whatever your family prefers in order to buy
myself the time I need to execute my plan.
 
However, it will merely be a ruse.
 
I will use the time to change my heir in my will.
 
There is a nephew of mine, one that would do
much better as the next earl.
 
I shall
name him and it is, I believe within my power to do so.
 
I've already sent a man to Town to visit my
solicitor about it.
 
I pray that he
returns by tonight so that we might end this charade."

"And after that?"
 
Jane was incredulous.
 
This was not the Sebastian she knew.
 
He did not make rash decisions and this was
a rash decision if ever she saw one.
 
He
would not toss aside duty and loyalty so easily.
 
Not even for her.
 
If he
would, then he was not the man she had fallen in love with.

He shrugged and attempted to take
her into his arms.
 
"Once the
changes are made, I will walk away from the betrothal to your sister.
 
I will take whatever social punishment I
must.
 
It will not matter.
 
I have my own funds and, I hope anyway, that
I will have you as well.
 
Preventing you
from departing for Scotland in a few days will be tricky but it can be
done.
 
I am certain of it.
 
I've already sent a letter to the laird,
explaining that you will not be coming after all and offering to pay him for
his troubles.
 
Now, all we must do is
wait."

"No."
 
Jane pushed away from Sebastian, fighting
with herself to remain strong.
 
Yes, she
wanted to be with Sebastian, but not like this.
 
This was wrong.
 
It was a
horrible plan.
 
Too many people would be
hurt.
 
"You cannot do this.
 
I will not allow you to throw away
everything you have worked for because of me."

"But I love you!"
 
Sebastian did not understand Jane's
objections.
 
He was choosing her.
 
He was putting her above all others.
 
Was that not what she wanted?
 
What she longed for?
 
Or did she not love him as she claimed to?

Swallowing hard, Jane approached
him slowly, placing her hands upon his chest.
 
When he moved to hold her, ever so slightly, she did not pull away this
time, but nor did she fall into his embrace, either.
 
"And I love you, Sebastian.
 
And this is not you.
 
The man I
love would not forsake his duty and the lives of so many others just to marry
me.
 
He has more honor than that.
 
Or I thought he did.
 
He would also not ask me to live with the
guilt of knowing how many lives I have ruined through my own selfishness."

Guilt.
 
It had never occurred to Sebastian that Jane might feel guilty
over his choices.
 
After all, they were
his.
 
Not hers.
 
Yet, at the same time, he did understand how
she might feel that way.

"I don't want to hurt you,
Jane."
 
He caressed her arms,
hoping that she might change her mind.
 
"I love you.
 
More than I
can say, and I don't wish to be parted from you.
 
I thought this might be the best way, though I am aware that it
is not a perfect solution.
 
But I did
not imagine you would feel guilt over this."

She reached up to stroke his face,
her eyes brimming with tears.
 
"I
don't suppose you did, but in a few years time, when an untrained nephew sends
the Covington estate into ruin and those that depend upon it are turned out
into the streets?
 
What of your choice
then, Sebastian?
 
Will you begin to hate
me?
 
Will you wonder if marrying Lizzie
and preserving all that your family has worked for might have been a better
choice?"

"I had not thought of it in
such a manner."
 
He hadn't.
 
The idea had come to him and he had simply
executed it.
 
Without thought.
 
Perhaps that was the wrong thing to do.
 
For Jane was right.
 
This was not like him.
 
He did not make hasty decisions.
 
"All I was thinking of was you.
 
Of what you would suffer when you were sent
to that miserable old laird."