At Peace (59 page)

“Yeah, feelings for us,” Keira replied.

“And feelings for you,” Kate told me.

“And we have feelings for him,” Keira went
on.

“And you do too,” Kate finished.

Yeah, I did, but it was good to know they did
too.

“You like him?” I asked quietly.

“He’s Joe,” Kate answered simply.

That kind of said it all. He definitely was
Joe.

I looked at Keira. “Before he came back, you
seemed mad –”

“Mom, it’s cool,” she interrupted me, “I was
mad but now we have him back and he came back when we needed
him.”

“
When
you
needed him,” Kate stuck with her theme.

“I –” I started but Kate kept talking.

“When Uncle Sam…” She stopped speaking
abruptly, looked away then swallowed and looked back at me. “When
we came home, you were in Joe’s lap then he carried you across the
room and he…” She hesitated and her voice dropped to a whisper.
“When we lost Dad, you didn’t have that, someone to be there,
someone to lean on, someone to hold you up because that was Dad’s
job and he was gone and that was why you…” She shrugged and
finished. “I’m just glad that Joe’s gonna be around.”

I felt tears stinging the backs of my eyes
and I pulled in another breath through my nose before I asked,
“You’re sure?” They both nodded so I continued. “It’s only a couple
of months then we’ll talk again. This is
your
home. I want you to feel good in it and
comfortable. If you ever feel funny, you need to talk to
me.”

“
Mawdy, it’s
no big deal
. Really. Yeesh. This is Joe,” Kate
sighed.

“Yeah,” Keira agreed, “yeesh.”

God, they acted like this was no big deal and
I should just…

Relax.

Thinking that, I smiled to myself and also
defended myself. “I’m tryin’ to be a good Mom.”

“You don’t have to try,” Kate told me.

Another sock to the gut. Winded.

I’d never had a more beautiful
compliment.

I took in my wonderful, gorgeous girls,
leaned forward, my forearms on the counter and said, “I just want
you girls to be happy.”

And to that, Kate asked, “Yeah, you ever
think that we want the same for you?”

That’s when the tears hit my eyes.

“God, I love you guys,” I whispered.

“Love you too, Mawdy,” Kate whispered back,
also leaning in, also with tears in her eyes.

“Yeah, me too,” Keira whispered, leaning in
as well with tears in her eyes.

I got off my forearms but reached out and
grabbed both their hands, giving them a squeeze.

Then Keira asked, “Where are they with the
frozen custard?”

Kate and I laughed and finally I relaxed.
They were good. They were even happy for me, for themselves and
even for Joe and Keira was right. Enough of the heavy stuff, we’d
had more than our fair share of that. It was time to move onto hot
fudge frozen custard sundaes.

I let them both go, grabbed my cell off the
counter and called Joe.

It rang twice then, “Yo.”

“Hi, talk’s over, you have the Winters Girls
seal of approval.”

“Good to know, buddy,” Joe said, sounding
like he was smiling then again our talk lasted about ten minutes so
he knew he was golden.

“Though,” I went on to warn, “you’re gonna
lose it if you don’t get home soon with the custard.”

“It’ll be awhile,” Joe told me.

“Is it busy?” I asked.

“Don’t know. We’re at the garden center,” Joe
said.

I blinked at the counter then looked between
Kate and Keira before asking, “Why are you at the garden
center?”

“Buyin’ you a new grill,” he answered and I
blinked again.

My old grill out on the deck was covered by a
tarp, an old tatty tarp which was good because the gas grill was
older and tattier. It destroyed my whole deck vision with my
wrought iron furniture and flowers so it was hidden in a corner.
Tim had meant to build me a built-in grill in our backyard. He had
it all planned, even bought the bricks he was going to use but he
died before he could do it.

“You’re buying a new grill?” I asked and Kate
smiled at a smiling Keira.

“Buddy, don’t even wanna look under that
tarp,” Joe answered.

“It’s not pretty, but it works.”

“A man’s gotta have the grill he’s gotta
have,” Joe told me.

“What?”

“I’m not grillin’ chops on a shitty grill,”
Joe said instead of repeating himself but I was stuck on the idea
of Joe grilling anything.

“
You’re
grillin’ the chops?” I asked.

He sounded somewhat impatient when he
replied, “Vi, I go to the grocery store, I grill chops. I’m a guy
but I gotta eat and you get food at the store and guys grill meat,
that’s what we do.”

“So you know how to grill?” I asked
hesitantly.

“You know how Vinnie taught Benny how to make
a pie?” Joe asked me.

“Yeah.”

“Well, my Dad could do one thing good, grill,
and he taught me how to do it. So, yeah, I can grill.”

“Okay.”

“We done talkin’?”

“Um… how long are you gonna be?”

“A lot longer, we’re not done talkin’.”

I smiled at the phone then told him, “The
girls and me may be at the store when you get back.”

“Be a fool’s errand since I took your list
with me.”

“
You’re goin’ to the store?” I breathed,
thinking both of rugged alpha male Joe roaming the aisles of a
grocery store (which was shocking in itself and I’d already faced
this impossibility the day before, but it was such an impossibility
it was worthy of further emotion) and of the fact
I
didn’t have to go to the
grocery store (which was a welcome change).

“Shit,” he muttered into the phone, clearly
not wanting to have the grocery store discussion again.

“Okay, buy a grill, go to the store, be
domestic,” I said quickly, “just don’t forget the custard.”

“I won’t forget.”

“See you later.”

“Yeah,” then he called, “Vi?”

“Yeah, honey?”

“It’s all good.”

“What?”

“Us,” he said, I got that winded feeling
again, liking the idea of “us”, liking that he knew to get me, he
got the girls and he wanted that and he wanted that to be good and
he went on. “Girls’re home, we’re together, it’s all good. Now you
gonna relax, baby?”

I tipped my head to the side and whispered,
“Yeah.”

“Be home soon.”

Yes, he would and I liked that most of
all.

“Yeah,” I whispered, “later, honey.”

“Later, buddy.”

I slid my phone closed and looked at my
girls.

“We’re getting a new grill,” I announced and
they both smiled.

* * * * *

Joe and Dane didn’t buy a grill.

They bought the grill to end all grills. It
took them an hour to set it up on my deck. It was gleaming and huge
and totally went with my deck vision.

Then they loaded up the old, tatty grill and
took it to the dump.

Then they came back and Joe grilled chops. We
ate his chops with my homemade potato salad and blanched green
beans tossed in sesame dressing. We finished this with my homemade
hot fudge sundaes with huge squirts of whipped cream, chopped nuts
and a cherry.

Joe was not wrong. His father must have been
the master grill artist like Vinnie was a master pizza maker. Joe’s
grilled chops were the best, even better than Tim’s and Tim could
man a grill.

We ate on the deck.

All afternoon and evening, pretending to have
stuff to do in her backyard but really being nosy, Tina came out
every once in awhile to watch this activity, the grill building,
the chop cooking, the family eating on the deck.

Tina didn’t look happy about Joe’s sudden
domestication.

Revenge was sweet.

* * * * *

“Buddy?” Joe called when we were in bed, I
was in his tee, my cheek to his chest, his heart beating in my ear
and I was half asleep.

“Yeah?”

“That first time, shoulda made me a hot fudge
sundae.”

My head came up and I looked in the direction
of his face even though I couldn’t really see him because it was
dark.

“What?”

“Before I fucked you over the first time, you
shoulda made me a hot fudge sundae.”

“Why?” I asked.

“I wouldn’t have fucked you over. I woulda
taken you to Vegas.”

“Vegas?”

“Married you, Vi,” he said, sounding like he
was close to laughing.

“What?” I breathed.

“They’re that good.”

“What are?”

His hand curled around the back of my head
and he urged, definitely laughing now, “Stick with me here, honey.
Your sundaes. They’re that good.”

My sundaes were good, I loved my sundaes. The
hot fudge was Bea’s recipe but I made it better simply by putting
in a bit of cinnamon.

Still, I asked, “You wouldn’t have told me
you were done with me if I’d made you a sundae, instead, you would
have married me?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you tryin’ to piss me off when I’m half
asleep?”

“Just givin’ you a head’s up on what’ll keep
me happy.”

I pushed up higher. “You
are
tryin’ to piss me off when I’m
half asleep.”

He curled up, his arms went around me and
suddenly I was on my back, Joe on me.

His mouth against mine, he muttered, “I’m
teasin’ you, baby.”

“I don’t like to be teased.”

“Then whoever did it wasn’t doin’ it right,”
he whispered.

My breath caught, my body stilled and I
stared at his shadowed head in the dark.

He
did
remember everything.

“Joe,” I whispered back.

His mouth slid from mine to my ear and he
murmured. “Don’t say my name like that in this bed unless you want
me to fuck you, Vi.”

My arms went around him, my hands gliding
across the skin of his back, my head turned slightly so my mouth
was at his ear and I whispered, “Joe.”

He laughed softly in my ear.

Then he fucked me.

* * * * *

In the middle of the night I jolted awake,
breathing heavily, the dream still had hold of me.

“Buddy.”

“I’m okay.”

We were spooning, his arms tightened around
me and I pressed back into his body.

“Same dream?” he asked.

“Bits different but mostly, yeah,” I
answered.

Joe rolled closer, giving me some of his
weight, pressing me into the bed, his big body cocooning mine.

“You wanna tell me what it is?” he asked.

“No, no, I need to let it go.”

“All right, buddy.”

“Just, keep close,” I whispered.

“Not goin’ anywhere.”

“Good.”

I felt his face in my hair, his breath
stirring it and he held me close, his body a protective shell,
until I fell asleep.

* * * * *

Sunday, Joe (and Dane) learned what being a
part of the Winters Girls clan meant when we all went to look at
bathroom and kitchen fittings.

Kate and Keira’s visions for Joe’s house
clashed significantly, they couldn’t agree on anything and
discussion got heated.

In store three when the salesperson was
backing away, Dane was faking getting a text and I was about to
intervene, Joe waded in.

“Right,” he said in a commanding way, both
Kate and Keira stopped arguing and their eyes cut to him, “Kate,
you get the kitchen, Keira, the bathroom…” he turned to me, “Vi,
you pick the paint and the carpet.”

“I want the kitchen,” Keira unwisely put in
and Joe’s eyes went to her so she snapped her mouth shut.

“That’s cool because I’d prefer the
bathroom,” Kate said.

“Done,” Joe decreed and the girls smiled.

Simple, logical and doable.

Shit, he was like Superman.

* * * * *

Monday I went back to work, so did Kate, Dane
went home to his folks and we managed our first day living life the
way it was going to be without any real drama.

I was relieved to see that both girls acted
like Joe was a natural fit in the house but it became clear Joe
didn’t feel it was so natural. Joe had things on his mind.

This became clear at the end of the day when
I was cleaning off my makeup in the bathroom, Joe was in my bed and
I was thinking about our evening.

When I got home from work, Kate was already
home and Keira arrived ten minutes after me. She’d been laying out
by Heather’s pool all day, dedicated to building her tan to the
highest possible heights prior to school starting. When Keira got
home, Joe told us he was taking us to eat at Shanghai Salon. I was
thrilled at this idea; it meant I didn’t have to cook. The girls
were thrilled because they loved Chinese food.

When we came back, Joe got a phone call that
lasted awhile and the girls and I put in a movie. Kate was in an
armchair, Keira and I were stretched out on the couch, Keira in
front of me, my arm around her, not unusual for us (or for Kate and
me for that matter). Also not unusual for Tim and one of the girls
when he was alive.

Joe was taking his call in the study, I heard
it end then I felt him approach the back of the couch.

Then I felt the cushions behind me being
pulled out and both Keira and I looked up as Joe put a hip to the
couch then rolled over it, sliding in behind me. With his elbow in
the couch, head in hand, his eyes went to the TV as his arm circled
both Keira and me.

I laid still and breathless but looked at my
daughter.

She was still and breathless, her neck
twisted, looking at me.

Then her face went soft, her lips tipped up
at the ends and she snuggled into me, forcing me to snuggle into
Joe, his arm tightened, my body relaxed and we watched the movie.
But before I looked back at the screen I glanced at Kate to see her
eyes on the television but her lips were tipped up like her
sister’s.