At Last (3 page)

One day the letters just stopped coming completely.  At first I figured that there had been a mix up in the mail. So I continued to write him for about three more weeks. Then the letters started coming back altogether.  I never got anything from him after that.  It took me awhile, but I got the hint that he didn’t want anything to do with me anymore. Later he told me he couldn’t keep writing me because it hurt him too much.

It had been about two months after me and Justin had ceased all communication with one another.  It was the
Fourth of July, 1998.  The fourth fell on a Saturday that year so I was spending the weekend at Missy’s house.  Her neighborhood block club was throwing its annual block party.

They’d been throwing the party for as long as I could remember and it was always huge. There was food as far as the eye could see, the DJ was playing all the jams, and it was hot Detroit day.

The street was filled with kids playing in sprinklers. People eating drinking, just having
an
all around good time. I wore a pair of Guess tight red booty shorts and a matching red halter top with a pair of crisp white Polo tennis shoes. Missy wore the same thing in navy blue.

I had flat ironed our hair earlier.  We both wore our hair down; I braided hers in the front. I wore mine with a swoop in the front covering my eye doing my best Aaliyah impersonation. Once it got darker we made our way down the block.

“Alright y’all, they bout to start the fireworks.
  Take ya places.  And mama in the red Guess shorts, you killin em out here! I got a special song just for you!” The DJ shouted over the mic.  Everyone turned to look at me as Joe’s
“All the Things Your Man Won’t
Do
”
, played.  I was so damn embarrassed.

“I can’t believe he did that!”

             
Missy just shrugged her shoulders, “Get over it girl, you look good.”

I blew her comment off and marched over to the DJ booth.  Once I reached it, I noticed two guys standing there.  One was a chubby light skinned guy with curly hair.  The other was tall and had pretty smooth brown skin.  He had on headphones, so I assumed he was the DJ.

“You like embarrassing people?”  I spewed at him.

He smiled at me, “Sorry Mama.  I ain’t mean to embarrass you, but them red shorts was calling my name.”  He said chuckling as he put on another song. 
“All I Do”
by Stevie Wonder.  His friend began to laugh at our exchange.

“I doubt it, since they don’t know your name,” I replied with my hand on my hip. He kept grinning while stroking his chin before finally extending his other hand to me.

“Durran.”

I extended mine and it disappeared within his large hand.  His eyes smiled at me. “Keisha.”  I said becoming trapped in his eyes.

That’s where it all started; the cheating, the arguments and the rollercoaster that was our relationship.  Even after all these years, we’d never been able to shake the extreme draw we had for one another.

Durran started off DJ’ing at clubs, parties, and events around the city.  His dream was to be a producer.  For as far back as I can remember, he was always making beats and working with unknown singers and rappers trying to get in the music business.

It took a while, but Durran ultimately made it.  He ended up writing a song for a chick named Natina.  I thought they screwed, but he denies it to this day. Our relationship was the so the so-called “muse” for the song.  I shoulda asked for residuals. The song was called
“Fork in the Road”
.  The title spoke for itself.

Durran came from privilege.  His mother had some big fancy job with Ford in the finance department and his daddy was a Doctor.  They lived in a big house in St. Clair Shores off the Detroit River.  He was the only child and was born with a silver spoon in his mouth.

Despite the world of privilege that was handed to him, he tried his hardest to separate himself from it.  No matter how many events, programs, or extra-curricular things his parents tried to put him in, he rebelled every step of the way. 

They put him in the best schools, just for him to get in trouble and get put out. It wasn’t due to him being dumb -he was smart as a whip.  He was given a full ride to Central Michigan University on a musical scholarship and stayed for a year before dropping out. His parents were livid. They threw him out, so he went to live with one of his cousins on Missy’s block.

From then on he was on the grind.  He began selling beats and a little weed here and there to support
himself
. Eventually it paid off because now he is one of the most sought after producers in the music business.  A Durran Johnson production was damn near guaranteed to shoot to the top of the charts.

He stayed in the clubs, bars, and anything that would showcase his talent.  He'd sell his demo tapes with whatever local singer or rapper he was working with at the time.  Any party he was going to he’d beg the Dj to play any of his tracks. Whatever little money he got he would spend it toward studio time until he was able to get his own studio equipment.

Because he dropped out of school, his parents took back his car so he also didn't have any transportation.  My mother had gotten me a little red Ford Escort. I swear I burnt out the clutch on that car taking him all over the city to beat battles, studio sessions and wherever else to get his music heard.

This was also at a time when he was semi-homeless.  He’d be going from pillow to post in those days.
My mother was working nights and when he didn't have any
place to go I'd sneak him into the house. We'd sleep in the basement on the pullout couch. 

There were many a night we had close calls but we never got busted.  Not one time. But none of it matter to me because I believed in his art and his music.  I believed in him.

Finally the demo he made with Natina
happen
to get into the hands of DJ at Hot 105.9. I remember it like it was yesterday. It was in December and there had just been a real heavy snow-damn near blizzard.  I was at home studying.  Durran and I were taking a break.  I had gotten wind of some ill shit between him and Natina. And besides the fact Durran had a tendency to be spoiled. I had decided that I needed some space.

It was around eight in the evening. There was a heavy banging on the door. At first it scared me because I was home by myself, but when I heard someone call my name, I knew it was him.

"Open the door Keisha!! Open the door!!"

"What's wrong with you?" I asked mad as hell opening the door.  Like I said we were on the outs, I was getting tired of his selfishness.

"Turn on the radio!" He demanded as he barged into the house.

"What?" I asked

He didn't answer he just turned on the radio in the living room as loud as it would go. Only then did I understand his urgency.

Natina's soft voice danced perfectly with his beautifully crafted production.  It was surreal.  All his hard work was finally realized.  And the first person he thought about sharing it with was me.

"Can you believe it, Mama?" he asked beaming from ear to ear.

"That's my shit! That's my shit!!" He ran picked me up and swung me around.

"I know baby!!” I said while holding his face within my hands. I remember staring into his eyes at that moment and just knowing that we would be together for the rest of our lives.   And that it would be just me and him against the world and him looking back at me with that same knowing.

"I love you, Keisha." he said before kissing my lips.

"I love you too, baby."

Not even a week later labels were scouting the young producer out of the D. First it was New York, then L.A, and finally Atlanta.   Durran had always had his ass on his shoulders, but this shit happened so fast his head was in a whirlwind.  Almost overnight his ego exploded.

He went from calling me several times a day to not answering his phone at all. 
To coming over every other day to not showing up at all.
So when fate called for him to make Atlanta his home, before he left he took me to dinner at Sinbad’s off the Detroit River.

"Why you so quiet?" He asked me.

I was rather quiet.  But I had a lot on my mind. I knew this was going to be our last night together.  There wasn't much to say.  I was happy for his success, but pained to no end that he was leaving. I looked up at him, "No reason." I picked over my food.

"You
lying.”

"I'm fine."

"Since you not gone be straight up with me, I might as well put everything out in the open."

"And what's that? “I asked looking in the opposite direction.

"I want you to come with me." He said taking a sip of his Long Island Iced Tea.

"What?"

"You heard me." He said staring me straight in the eye.

"Durran-"

"What excuse you got?" He said with agitation in his voice.

"This is a big step.  I'm just starting college.  I just can't drop out."

"You can transfer."

"It's not that easy."

"Says who?"

I took a deep breath before I started to speak, "You just starting your career and you really think it would be a good idea for me to go down there with you?  I don't want to crowd you."

He took my hand and held it from across the table, "I want you there with me." Looking into his intense brown eyes I wanted to do nothing more but scream, "Yes!!" at the top  of my lungs, but I knew it was a crash waiting to happen. Durran did what the hell he wanted to do at home.  What would I do in a city all alone with no one? I loved him, but I knew that was something we both weren't ready for.

"I'll visit you."

Needless to say for the rest of our dinner he remained quiet.  That silence seeped into the drive home and he dropped me off without so much as a kiss goodnight. As I made the lonely walk to my front door tears ran down my face like a faucet.  The very next day he left for Atlanta.

Eventually he came back.  He’d recently purchased a condo in downtown Detroit.  He had a place in Atlanta, but I guess he wanted a place up here close to his family.

As we broke from our embrace, I couldn’t think of anything to say.

“I need to run to the restroom real quick.  Will you excuse me?”

I didn’t even wait for a response.  I just dipped.

Upon entering the bathroom, I looked in the mirror to make sure my hair and makeup were still looking flawless-they were.  Once I returned from the restroom, he was gone. I wasn’t surprised.

“Good.”  I said to myself as I walked

back
to the booth.  When I’d reached the booth I found Durran all booed up with my sister.

“Back already?”  He asked smiling at me.

“Not for long.  I need some sleep. See y’all later.”

“See you later, baby.”  My sister said as she stood up to kiss me goodbye.

“Alright, later.”
I hugged her.  I smiled and proceeded to walk away.  Durran was dead on my heels.
“Why you playing?
  He asked smiling before cutting me off.

“Who’s playing?”  I replied with much attitude.

“Why you acting like you ain’t trying to be with me?”

“I don’t.”  I said matter-of-factly; although it was hard for me to lie.

“Where you going?”
  He asked walking up to me until there was no space between us. I could feel my will crumbling.

“Home.”
  I replied looking in the other direction trying to avoid eye contact with him.

“Is that nigga over there?” He asked sternly. I knew he was going to bring Justin up.

“Why?”

“Cause I asked you.”

“No.”

“Where’s the baby?”

He’d always refer to Taylor as “the baby”. It pissed me off and he knew it. I knew he’d always resent the fact that I had her.

“Taylor is at my mother’s.”  I responded rolling my eyes at him.

“Look, I’ma follow you to momma’s house to pick up the baby, then we gone head to my crib.”

“No.  I’m going to pick up Taylor and then I’m going home.
Without an escort.”

He laughed.  “Quit playing yourself, Keish.”

“Who’s playing?”

“Oh, alright.
You a big girl out here, huh?”

“Call it what you want, but I’m going home alone. Peace.”

And with that I left him standing there.  It felt so damn good.

I walked in my mother’s and she was asleep on the couch.  I bent down and kissed her on the cheek.

“Hey baby.”  She rubbed her eyes.

“Hey Momma.”
I replied sitting down on the loveseat

“Where’s Taylor?”

“In her room sleeping.
  You should just leave her so you don’t have to wake her.”

“I’m just going to take her home.”

“Do what you want.”  She said standing up and walking into the kitchen before pouring a glass of apple juice.