At Any Cost (24 page)

Chapter Twenty-Five

“How you holding up?” He approached the bed cautiously, as though afraid he'd spook her.

“I feel horrible,” Livy said after a moment. “I hurt everywhere. My face feels like it's been run against a cheese shredder and I'm so cold I don't think I'll ever get warm.” That bothered Livy more than she wanted to admit. She liked the cold. Lived for winter sports. What if her frostbite and hypothermia had some psychological effect on her and she was forced to move to Florida where it was summer 365 days a year?

“It's okay to go slow, Livy,” Nick said. “You've been through a lot.”

The events of the previous night flashed through Livy's mind once again in a wild blur. Her fight with Nick, the accusations he'd made, still stung. As did the fact that he'd slept with her, cradled her in his arms, while holding on to his preconceived notions about her. Even after all of that, she'd told him she loved him. She really was a glutton for punishment, wasn't she?

“Just another day in the life of Joel Meecum's ex-girlfriend, right?” She hadn't meant to throw Nick's accusation back in his face, but her emotions got the better of her. “I probably got what I deserved.”

Nick let his head fall between his shoulders and cupped the back of his neck. He looked tired. Exhausted, really. “Don't say that. Nobody deserves to go through what you went through. I'm sorry, Livy. I'm so damned sorry for the things I said last night. For not giving you the benefit of the doubt. I knew. I knew that wasn't who you were. What you were capable of. I never should have made those assumptions about you. I don't know what the hell I was thinking. I'm so sorry, Livy. So damned sorry. I wish I could take it all back.”

Emotion swelled in Livy's chest. His apology warmed her, but she wasn't exactly without guilt, either. They'd both made some boneheaded mistakes. And whereas Nick's had spanned the course of a week or two, Livy's had spanned years.

“I shouldn't have lied to you, Nick. Especially after . . .” She averted her gaze, unwilling to meet the open intensity in his. She cleared her throat. “After everything that happened between us. I should have trusted you. I'm sorry.”

“Jesus, Livy,” Nick said on a breath. “There's
nothing
for you to be sorry for. Do you understand? Don't apologize. For anything.”

He took a couple of tentative steps until he stood next to the bed. Livy brought her eyes up and her attention landed on the badge that hung from a chain on his neck. The five-pointed star reminded her of Captain America's shield. Pretty fitting, actually. Nick was certainly a superhero. If he hadn't been there last night, she would have died. She'd been so stupid to think she could go it alone. No one was an island, especially her. She meant what she'd said. She should have trusted him sooner with the truth. Nick wasn't simply a good man. He was the best man Livy had ever known. He'd followed through on his promise to her. He hadn't let her down.

Livy lifted her right arm. “After the conversation I just had with Deputy Morgan, I'm surprised I'm not cuffed to the bed.”

Nick's gaze darkened. They both knew there would be repercussions for her actions. “It's not as bad as you think.” The gentleness of his voice did more to warm her than the pile of heated blankets currently trapping her to the bed. “You fled the scene of a crime. You technically obstructed justice. Hardly anything that'll land you in a super-max.”

Livy cringed. She was so ashamed of her decisions, especially now that Nick knew the truth. “What about my dad?” she asked. “Do you think they all still believe I helped Joel kill him?”

Nick took her hand in his. The temperature of his skin was surface-of-the-sun hot against her
almost
frostbitten skin but she refused to pull away. His touch was the most comforting thing she'd ever experienced.

“I know you had nothing to do with it,” Nick replied. “I'm sure Morgan does too. Now that everything is in the open, I doubt anyone is going to recommend that charges be pressed against you.”

“What about the obstruction and fleeing the scene? They can't let that slide.” Livy looked away, embarrassed. “I was a fugitive for four years.”

Nick gave a gentle laugh that caused Livy's stomach to do a backflip. “Meecum was a fugitive. You were a scared woman who made a decision to hide in order to protect herself.”

“Still, I have to be held accountable. Right?”

“You forget that you have a pretty big bargaining chip, Livy.”

“I do? What?”

“You have the ledger.”

She did have the ledger. But was it enough for her to be forgiven? Turning over the ledger would certainly help, but it wouldn't end there. “Joel doesn't just go to jail and that's the end of it, though. There has to be a trial.” She inhaled a deep breath and the dry, cool air caused her lungs to ache. “I'll have to testify.”

Nick's eyes darkened and his expression became grim. “Yeah. You will.”

She'd thought her life had been lonely and full of fear before? It was only going to get worse from here. Livy knew what happened to people like her. Joel would try to have her killed before the trial. And to remain safe, she'd have to go back into hiding.

“I don't know if I can keep doing this, Nick,” Livy whispered. “I'm not sure I have it in me.”

Another new identity? Another city? Another life? She couldn't do it again. Couldn't isolate herself. Hell, she didn't know if she could live another hour, let alone a day, without the man standing beside her bed. “Do you want to know what the worst part of all of this is, Nick?”

He gave her a questioning look.

Livy swallowed against the emotion that rose in her throat. Damn it, she didn't want to cry because she needed to get this out. “I hated it when I had to come clean with being Kari because that's not who I wanted to be. I don't ever want to be her again. Livy is so much better.”

Nick studied her with his deep, expressive eyes. His hand twitched as though he'd thought to reach out for her but changed his mind. “Why is Livy better?” he asked, low.

She took a deep breath and a fresh round of icy chills danced over her skin, but whether from the hypothermia or her own fear, she didn't know. “Because Livy had you.”

* * *

It had taken an hour for Nick to stop shaking after Livy passed out in the snow. Another hour of worry while they warmed her up and stabilized her heart rate. His stomach felt as though it had no lining left and exhaustion pulled at his limbs. After making sure the local sheriff's deputies knew exactly what sort of criminals they were taking to the county jail, Nick had met Morgan at the tiny city airport and filled him in on what had happened so he could bump up the timetable and get a few more deputy marshals to McCall to transfer Meecum and the surviving members of his crew ASAP. He'd filled him in on the situation with Livy and hoped that he'd done enough to convince his colleague that she shouldn't be taken into custody. Then, Nick had waited. Waited beside Livy's bed, his heart shredded in his chest, as he faced the realization that he was so fucking in love with her that he didn't think he could live another second without her.

So much for keeping this investigation professional.

He might be new to the job, but Nick wasn't without connections. He'd do whatever in the hell was within his power to help her. Livy was a victim. Period. He'd plead her case to anyone who would listen until they were all convinced as well.

“You've been through a lot.” Nick felt like a broken record. The words he wanted to say stuck at the back of his throat and refused to come out. “But I promise you it's all going to be uphill from here.”

Livy wouldn't meet his gaze. She'd told him she loved him before she passed out. Reaffirmed it in so many words just now. She'd bared herself to him and Nick was beating around the bush like a pussy. Livy was the strongest person he'd ever met and she deserved more than what his chickenshit ass was giving her right now.

“I don't care what name you want to go by,” Nick said. “I didn't fall in love with a name. I fell in love with
you
.”

As Livy brought her face up to look at him, her bright hazel eyes shone with emotion. “You love me?”

“I am
so
in love with you.” Nick bent over her and stroked his fingers gently over her temple. “I love every single thing about you.”

Tears pooled in her eyes. “You don't know anything about me.”

“I know what matters. I know that you're funny, sexy . . . loyal. I know that you make great spaghetti and love winter. You're kind. Caring. You tie me into knots and make my heart beat so fast I feel like it's going to burst out of my chest. There isn't a minute of the day that I'm not thinking about how beautiful you are, how smart. How determined. And you can swing a shovel like a boss.”

“The credit goes to Frank Junior,” Livy said with a wry smile. “He's a legit crime fighter.”

Nick laughed. She was one of a kind and he wasn't ever going to let her go. “I love you, Livy. I love you so much it hurts.”

“Love isn't supposed to hurt,” she whispered.

“It hurts in a good way,” Nick replied. “In a way that makes me feel alive.”

“For years I've told myself that alone was better than dead,” Livy said. “That the pain of loneliness was worth protecting myself.”

“Do you still believe that?”

She reached up and cupped Nick's cheek with her right palm. Her thumb brushed over his skin. Her touch held on to the chill and a wave of worry rolled over him. If anything ever happened to her, it would kill him. He'd spend the rest of his life making sure that no one ever hurt her, ever let her down again.

“I stopped believing that the day you pushed my car out of a snowdrift,” she replied. “I love you, Nick.”

“You love me?” Hearing those words from her again only made Nick want to hear them more. A daily—no hourly—affirmation that he couldn't get enough of. “I thought maybe when you said it earlier, it was the hypothermia talking.”

“No way. I knew exactly what I was talking about. You're the best man I've even known, Nick.”

His chest ached with an excess of emotion. He hadn't been kidding when he said he loved her so much it hurt.

“What now?” Livy's tone once again became serious. She clutched the blankets around her as a slight shiver possessed her.

Hell if he knew. Nick was as uncertain of the future as Livy. Metcalf wasn't going to let him off with a slap on the wrist, plus there was the added complication of being involved with a witness in an open investigation. Those weren't even the worst of Nick's worries, however. There would be a possibility that Livy would be placed in WITSEC.

“Now, we worry about you getting back to one hundred percent. After that, you'll tell your story.” Anxiety pinched Livy's expression and Nick added, “I'll be there with you. Every step of the way.”

“You can't stay here with me.” Livy's voice cracked with emotion. “You have to go back to your life, Nick. I can't be the reason you're held back—or worse.”

“I've got a week left of my mandatory vacation,” Nick remarked. “I'm not going
anywhere
.”

“What happens when the week is over?” Livy murmured. “We can't go back to living the lie no matter how much we both want to.”

Nick wasn't interested in living a lie. “Do you have any other deep, dark secrets you're keeping?”

Livy frowned. “No.”

“Then I don't see a problem here.”

“How about the fact that you could lose your job?” Livy asked. “I don't know a lot about the Marshals Service, but I'm willing to bet that taking a suspect—or a witness—to bed isn't rewarded with a pat on the back and an ‘atta-boy!'”

Nick knew what she was trying to do and he wouldn't let her. “You're not pushing me away. I don't care what you say. I want you. I'm not scared.”

“You want Livy,” she whispered.

“I want Livy, Kari, or whatever the hell else you want to call yourself.” Nick braced his arm on the opposite railing and met her look for look. “And you want me, too.”

“It doesn't matter what I want,” she said. “You said it yourself, I'll have to spill my guts to cops and marshals for days. After that, I'll have to testify in Joel's trial. I know what you guys are famous for: witness protection. I'll be back in hiding the second I'm done telling my story. I won't make you wait around for me while I'm hiding out. It wouldn't be fair to either of us.”

“There are ways around that.” She could talk until she was blue in the face, it didn't matter.

“I want to live near a ski area,” she said. “Not a small hill like Stevens Pass. I want world-class. I wouldn't expect you to give up the job and life you've made for yourself because I'm selfish and stubborn.”

“The last thing you are is selfish,” Nick remarked. “But you might be the most stubborn woman I've ever met. I don't give a single shit where I live. As for my job, this might shock you, but there are offices in districts all over the country. I can work anywhere and still do what I want to do. You want to work near a world-class ski resort? Say the word. I'll pack up my shit and move. Because nothing”—he leaned in until their lips nearly touched—“
nothing
means more to me than you. Arresting Meecum was supposed to be the big feather in my cap. A win that would enable me to write my own ticket. And do you know what I felt when I cuffed him? Nothing but rage that he'd hurt you. I didn't care about the win. All I care about is you.”