At Any Cost (17 page)

“God yes,” he answered in a husky tone. Livy smiled, her teeth chattering from the cold as she tried to keep from throwing herself at him. “Get in here and get naked.” He grabbed her by the arm and hauled her against him. A mischievous light sparked in his gaze and he cocked a brow. “On second thought, leave the boots on.”

Livy laughed and before she could protest, he put his mouth to hers. The kiss was the sort of thing you'd expect after being apart from someone for months or even years. He crushed her to him, slanted his mouth over hers, thrust his tongue in her mouth, and wound his fist through the length of her hair. His kisses robbed her of her breath, dizzied her, and stole any shred of logical thought. The world melted away and Livy's senses were awash with Nick. The clean masculine spice of his scent, the firm press of his lips against hers, and the security of his arms wrapped tightly around her.

Nick hadn't simply wormed his way into her heart in the two short weeks since she'd known him. He'd become her entire world. Livy had learned at a very young age that there were very few people she could truly count on. The rest just let you down. Would Nick end up being like all of the other disappointments in her life or would he stand out from the crowd and be the pillar that held her up and kept her world from crumbling around her?

Nick broke the kiss but didn't pull away. His forehead rested against hers and the only sound in the room was that of their mingled breath and the wind outside. Livy didn't open her eyes. She simply focused on how good it felt to be held in his arms. “Are you trying to heat the entire outside?” she asked a little too breathy. “I think it's going to take more than your baseboard heaters to melt all of McCall's snow.”

Nick chuckled. The deep timbre vibrated pleasantly through her and if he hadn't been holding her, Livy wasn't sure her own legs would have supported her. “Who needs baseboards when I have you? You're hot enough to melt the entire North Pole.” He tugged on her coat and Livy reached between them to pull down the zipper. “I'll close the door if you promise to take your clothes off.”

She'd dropped her coat on the floor and was already dragging her T-shirt up her torso before he finished his sentence. Nick was everything she'd ever wanted in a man: tall, strong, brave, sexy, honorable, honest, funny, easygoing and yet intense when the mood called for it. It wasn't a necessity, but it didn't hurt that he was drop-dead fucking gorgeous. The only thing that would have made him more attractive to her was if he'd had a couple of downhill gold medals around his neck.

As much as it hurt, Livy was more prepared than ever to come clean with him. Nick deserved a woman who was as honest and honorable as he was. And she was going to do everything in her power to make sure she was that woman.

Chapter Eighteen

Another week passed and Nick wished he could do something to stop the clock for at least a decade. Anything to keep him from having to confront Livy. He found himself wishing for one more day. One more night. Another minute with her.

They'd barely slept. Rarely left her bed. When Livy had to go to work, Nick spent the day at her place. He shoveled her porch, cleared the driveway. Did anything he could to keep himself busy so he wouldn't have to think about why he was really there. He even turned the ringer off on his phone and with each passing day he wished he hadn't let Morgan know what he was up to.

Who in the hell was he kidding? Nick knew that even if no one realized what he was doing in McCall, Idaho, he'd still confront Livy. His goddamned pride and sense of justice wouldn't allow him to do anything else. His need to bring Meecum down and make him pay for his crimes demanded it.

“Are the answers to all of the world's mysteries spelled out in spaghetti?”

Nick brought his gaze up to Livy's, his brow furrowed. “What?”

“I know my spaghetti is pretty kick-ass, but I'm just sayin'. I don't think you're going to find the winning lottery numbers there.”

He'd been so lost in his thoughts he'd totally zoned out. “You never know. I'm pretty sure one of my noodles looks like a nine.”

Livy giggled. The sound warmed him from the inside out and caused Nick's heart to clench. “Well, if you win, you have to promise to share it with me.”

Nick gave her a soft smile. “Deal.”

A space of silence passed. Livy studied her own plate as though it held the answers to some great mystery. “Did you decide to become a cop because of what happened to your sister?”

He studied her for a moment. Her expression became vulnerable, her hazel eyes wide and almost fearful. “Why did you decide to be a ski racer?”

She answered with a shy grin that set his blood on fire. “You first.”

“All right.” Nick set his plate aside and took a deep breath. He'd barely cracked the surface of the story during their first dinner date. Not many people knew what had happened to Lindsey, including the guys with the Marshals Service. Before he left Seattle PD, only a few of his SWAT brothers had known about Nick's sister. He hadn't talked about her in a long damned time and it took more effort than he thought it would to push the words past the knot of emotion in his throat.

“Lindsey was assaulted when she was sixteen. I was thirteen when it happened. He cornered her when she was walking home from a friend's house. When Lindsey didn't show up at home by curfew, my parents called the police. They found her unconscious in a park not too far from our house.” Nick paused as his throat tightened to the point that he wasn't sure he could manage another word. Livy reached over and placed her hand over his. The depth of emotion in her eyes caused Nick's heart to clench and he let out a slow breath. “She spent six weeks in the hospital and another three years in therapy. The son of a bitch already had a warrant out for sexual assault but he'd been dodging an arrest for months. Lindsey did everything she was supposed to. She cooperated with the detectives, identified the asshole from a previous mugshot. Local PD made an arrest a few weeks later during a traffic stop.”

“Nick, I'm so sorry.” Livy's whispered words snaked around him, bathed him with warmth.

“He posted bail.” Nick pushed the anger that remained with him over the years to the soles of his feet. “Hired a hotshot lawyer that no one could understand how he afforded and his case was dismissed. Something about circumstantial evidence and improper procedure when the police had Lindsey make the ID. He had to have paid off the judge, hell, probably the prosecutor, too. After he was acquitted, the fucker went back to his life as though nothing had happened and my sister's was changed forever. He raped her and nearly beat her to death and he walked. So, yeah. That's why I became a cop. Because I didn't want anyone to go through what my sister went through. I want every last murdering, raping, law-breaking son of a bitch off the streets.”

Livy clamped her hand tighter over his and Nick looked down to find his own hand shaking. His entire body tensed to the point that every muscle was rigid and his breath heaved in his chest. Lindsey was married to a great guy and had a couple of kids now. She'd healed and moved on from her attack but she'd admitted once to Nick that there were days that she was still afraid. Still felt as though she had to watch her back. That it scared her to know that such a violent person was out there somewhere and not behind bars where he belonged.

“See? You
are
a good man, Nick.”

He snorted. Livy might change her opinion once she knew he'd come to McCall fully intending on arresting her before his vacation was over. His gaze met hers. The truth threatened to spill from his lips but Nick bit the urge back. He was a selfish bastard who wanted every minute he could get with Livy. He'd perpetuate the fantasy for as long as he could. God knew she'd hate him soon enough.

“Don't snort at me.” A smile tugged at her lips. “I know you don't want to hear it. You think you're a loose-cannon cop on the edge.” Her smile grew and Nick couldn't help but be entranced. Her attempt at levity only endeared her to him more. It didn't matter who she was or what she'd done. Goddamn it, he was falling for her. And it made what he had to do even harder to face.

“A loose-cannon cop on the edge?” His thin-lipped frown gave way to a smile.

“Uh-huh. You want me to think that you're someone you're not, but it's too late. I know who and what you really are, Nick Brady.”

I know who
you
are, Kari
. With every day spent with her, it mattered less and less. Nick was beginning to believe that he could forgive her anything. And he wasn't the sort who forgave easily, if at all. She'd changed him. And it scared the hell out of him.

“What am I?” he asked, low.

Her seductive smile sent a thrill through his veins. “You're one of a kind.”

“A one of a kind, loose-cannon cop on the edge,” Nick replied. “Sounds about right.”

“Who eats nails for breakfast,” Livy added with a giggle.

“With a side of gunpowder.”

Livy's giggles evolved into a riot of laughter that drilled through the center of Nick's chest, more beautiful than any sound in the world. “Just to get the point across to anyone who'd cross you.”

Nick smiled. “Exactly.”

Her laughter subsided and Livy's expression became more serious. Her intense scrutiny made Nick squirm in his seat and he averted his gaze. A hardened criminal with a gun shoved in his face couldn't unnerve him the way that Livy did. He couldn't stand not knowing what she was thinking. “What?”

“I wish I'd met you sooner.” Her voice resonated with sadness and it tore a fissure in his heart.

“Why's that?”

“I think if I'd known someone like you existed, I might not have made some bad choices. Maybe I would have believed more.”

Nick's brow furrowed. “Believed what?”

“That there are people in this world who aren't selfish assholes interested in furthering their own agendas. That not all of the good men out there are married or gay. Which reminds me—” She fixed him with an appraising stare. “Why hasn't a woman snagged you yet, Nick Brady? How is a guy like you still single?”

She was deflecting again. He'd gotten to know her well enough to realize that Livy used humor as a defense mechanism. If she could laugh something away, she didn't have to think about her hurt. Nick felt it all for her, though. He couldn't explain it, but her emotions seemed to burrow into his skin like a tick where they remained and festered. If he could've, he would've taken the brunt of every hurt she'd ever felt. He couldn't stand for her to be anything other than happy.

“You said it yourself.” He could give her levity. For now. “I'm a loose-cannon cop on the edge who eats nails with a side of gunpowder for breakfast. I'm bad news, baby.”

Her thin-lipped smile didn't reach her eyes. “You're anything but bad news. You're the best news I've ever gotten.”

Nick's chest ached with an excess of emotion. This woman was sure to be his undoing. “Stop trying to butter me up,” he replied with a grin. “It's not going to get you out of telling me why you wanted to be a ski racer.”

“I would never try to distract you,” she said with a coy blink of her eyes as she traced the bare skin of her collarbone with her fingertip.

Nick swallowed. The heat she threw off was enough to make him break out into a full-body sweat. “Uh-huh,” he replied, deadpan. “Spill it. I told you my story, now you have to tell me yours.”

* * *

Livy should have known that Nick would hold her to her word. Despite her obvious—and overtly flirtatious—attempt to derail him. It had been so long since she'd let anyone get close enough to her that she actually wanted to open up. She'd almost forgotten how wonderful it felt. The prospect of telling Nick everything about her life was infinitely comforting. She trusted him. Wanted him to know everything about her childhood, the isolation of years spent in training, and the endless days of loneliness that she'd feared would never end until the day he waded through the snow to help unbury her car.

“I started skiing when I was four. My mom was working at a ski resort and didn't have anyone to watch me. The resort offered free daycare for employees and ski lessons were part of the package.”

“Sort of like what you do now?” Nick asked.

Livy gave him a sad smile. She guessed she'd come full circle. So much for elevating herself past the station of her childhood. “Pretty much. I skied almost every day until I started school. After that, I skied every day after school. My dad wasn't around and my mom decided that rather than let me have a lot of free, idle time to get into trouble, she put me into a Mighty Mite race program.”

“How old were you when you first started racing?”

“Six. My mom used to say I looked like a giant helmet on skis barreling down the hill. I guess I was too young to be afraid. My coaches used to get after me because all I wanted to do was tuck and speed toward the finish line. Who cares about technique when you can go fast?”

Nick reached out and captured a lock of her hair between his thumb and finger. He idly stroked the strands while she spoke and pleasant chills blanketed her flesh. “Even as a kid you were going ham, huh?”

Livy laughed. It was so easy to be happy when Nick was around. She tried not to think about what would happen when he found out the truth about her. “Fearlessness is a good thing when you're running gates. But as I got older, the fees got steeper. I had a knack for racing. I won more often than I didn't and so my mom picked up a second job to pay for my coaching and race fees.”

The bitterness she'd spent years trying to squash made an unwelcome appearance. “My dad wasn't really in the picture and he never had money to help out. I wanted to quit racing when I hit the juniors but my mom wouldn't let me.”

Nick's gaze met hers. The deep brown of his eyes swallowed her whole. “She obviously recognized your talent and didn't want it to go to waste.”

“Ski racing is one of the most expensive sports out there,” Livy said with a sigh. “Even with a sponsor we couldn't afford it. When I won the giant slalom title at seventeen, the U.S. Olympic team sent a couple of scouts out to talk to my coaches. It was the best day of my life,” she said on a hitch of breath. “And one of the worst.”

Nick studied her with such deep intensity that Livy had to force herself to look away. “Why the worst?”

A sob lodged itself in Livy's throat. “My mom collapsed during the meeting with the scouts and my coaches. I guess it was a blessing in disguise. If she hadn't passed out, they might not have found the cancer in time.”

“Damn.” This time, Nick took her hand in his and squeezed. “I'm sorry, Livy.”

They were quite the pair, weren't they? Somehow, their histories made them even more perfect for each other than Livy thought. They both loved people who'd suffered. They'd both wanted to do anything in their power to help them. And as a result, their lives had followed a certain path. Nick's for the better while Livy's life certainly hadn't turned out so great so far.

A tear managed to escape one eye. She wiped it away—it was silly to regret things that couldn't be changed—and shrugged. “There are more important things in life than skiing,” she said through the thickness in her throat. “My mom taught me about selflessness. I tried to help her as much as she helped me. She's been in remission for almost seven years.”

Once again, Nick's intense scrutiny unnerved her. As though he knew more about her than she knew herself and he waited for the time to reveal it to her. “You gave up what you loved for her. You're a testament to selflessness, Livy.”

“I didn't do enough.” She'd tried and failed. All she'd gotten for her efforts was a life of isolation and fear. “I tracked down my lying, cheating, piece-of-shit dad and tried to get him to help. I told him he owed us for eighteen years' worth of child support and her working two jobs to keep us going. He was all sad apologies at first. Told me he was on the verge of a big payday and as soon as he got it, he'd help us out.” Livy's hands clenched into fists. “He strung me along for a while. Convinced me to help him with some stuff that he promised was aboveboard and turned out to be as crooked as he was. No one has ever let me down as badly as he did.”

Nick's fingers wandered to her temple. His touch was feather-light as he skimmed her hairline, over her cheek and across her jaw. Did he know how his touch affected her? Did he realize that his careful handling of her, the way he listened, the way he held her only helped to send her head over heels for him?