Assassin Queen (2 page)

“I’m sorry.”

The moment his arm wrapped around her waist, she knew she was in trouble. Years of isolation and loneliness threatened to swallow her as she blinked against the unmistakable burn of unshed tears. This was unthinkable. Her men needed her to be a strong and effectual leader, not a crying milksop of a damsel.

She pushed him away and rubbed one palm against her face.

“You’re dismissed. Go check on the men. See to their wounds. Put an end to their suffering if they are beyond hope.”

He stared at her in silence for a moment, his eyes boring into her as if seeking the secrets of her soul. It was something she couldn’t have. He was one of her men. He couldn’t see her weakness.

“Leave me now, Mage, or find a new troop to campaign with.”

“Aye, mistress.”

The chill in his voice made her smile. She’d most likely offended him, which was preferable under the circumstances. It would serve as a reminder to them both of their stations. It also gave her the space she needed to find a calm center of detachment. Decisions needed to come from a place of intellect, not emotion. To let fear or anger rule her life was a recipe for a quick death in her experience.

She sat down on the sandy ground and took a deep breath.
Where would her next step take her?

They currently had no missions or assignments, so she was free to go in any direction she deemed best. She’d made enough gold over the last decade to buy a small plot of land and live in relative comfort for the rest of her days.

She grimaced at the idea. Her kind was not made for an idle life. She craved adventure and the thrill of conquest. Nor did she relish the idea of looking over her shoulder for however many years her stepfather had left to live. He would not stop coming after her. He’d seen her as a threat from the moment her mother had learned she carried his offspring. So much so that she’d had to flee her kingdom before the child had even been born. Not that she resented having missed the child’s birth. Stupid brat had cost her everything. But she resented every other loss.

Her back straightened, and the burn of unshed tears disappeared as she thought about everything her stepfather had taken from her. She refused to allow him to dictate any more of her choices in this life. No. At twenty-six years of age, she wasn’t ready to retire and fade into anonymity just yet, which left either continuing on as if nothing had changed or returning home. There were certainly enough commissions to keep her preoccupied, not to mention well paid. She would have to keep looking over her shoulder, however. As long as her stepfather was alive and she was taking commissions, that wouldn’t change. She needed to be focused on her targets. Constantly worrying about who her stepfather was sending after her could become fatal in her line of work.

Which meant her choice was made. She was going to have to deal with the threat. The thought of returning home and not seeing her mother made her chest ache, however. The decision was the right one. She had no doubts. The time to return home had come. Still, she couldn’t get rid of the ball of sorrow that had lodged in the pit of her stomach. She took a deep breath and did what any good assassin would do in the situation. She ignored the pain and focused on her objectives.

The time for grieving would come later. Now was the time for action. She stood and turned to face her men once more.

“My stepfather, the King of Middle Realm, ordered this attack. He wanted my head.” A hush fell over the group as she spoke. “I’ve spent most of my adult life defying him, and thankfully, today was no exception.”

The remark won her the subdued laughter she’d hoped for.

“I’ve always been a firm believer in turnabout, however. He’s had his chance at me, and now it’s my turn to have a go at him. I do understand, however, that this is not your fight. If any of you want to walk away, you are free to do so. This is not a paid mission. I cannot guarantee recompense even if we succeed. But, if any do choose to stay, I will do my best to ensure you are reimbursed.”

“If you go back and are successful, what are your plans then? And are we to be included in them? Or are we just as dispensable as your old clothing—easily thrown away when we no longer fit you?”

She should’ve expected Kirin to challenge her after she’d just dismissed him, but she hadn’t. Now that he had, however, she had to face him.

“What do you mean?”

“Your mother has died; your stepfather will soon follow her if you have your way. What then? Are you going to continue being an assassin, or are you going to trade in this life for a throne?”

There it was. The question she wasn’t ready to answer.

“Would it make a difference?”

“It would. I think we have the right to know if we are following an assassin or a queen before we make our choice.”

She looked around at the figures. Only the dim light of the night sky illuminated them, but she could see several were missing. Their bodies littered the ground they’d fought on. How many more would leave her if she decided to retake her throne? More importantly, if she won, would she be able to leave her home again?

With that question, she had her answer. They may not like it, but she didn’t need their approval. She did, however, need their honesty. If they didn’t want to serve under a queen, then now would be the best time for them to part ways with her.

“I will have my throne. It is mine by birth and was stolen from me. Every man and woman here will have favor with me when I sit upon it again, regardless of your choice. We’ve been through a lot these last ten years, and a crown will not make me forget the loyalty and bravery you’ve shown me. But those who work with me to reclaim that crown will be pardoned for all previous crimes and will have a home in my lands.”

Home and hearth may not hold appeal for all her men, but she would happily take the ones who were craving security and were ready to retire.

“And what would we do for the queen once she is no longer an assassin? Don armor and hold tournaments to entertain you?”

She glared at Kirin. He couldn’t see her. It was too dark to see facial expressions. But it made her feel better.

“You could do whatever it is you liked. I would need guards. And there’s no one I’d trust with my life more than those of you here. Some might want to find a spouse and set down roots.”

“Set down roots?” He laughed harshly. “You think any of us wish to till the land?”

“I meant it figuratively. But I’m sure one or two of you have entertained thoughts of a quiet life after all the campaigns we’ve made it through by only the skin of our teeth.”

There were a couple grumbles of agreement that made her smile.

“This is a good life, but it is also dangerous. I, for one, am not as young as I once was. It might be nice not to have to worry about each dawn bringing with it your demise.”

“Being an assassin is dangerous, but being a queen is even more so. Especially given your history. You were exiled. Your own family wanted you dead. Apparently still does. As far as you know, your people would just as soon have you poisoned as crowned.”

Kirin was quickly getting on her nerves. If he didn’t want to join her, so be it. She would feel his loss. He was one of her best men and a close advisor in normal situations. But he was free to make his own way in this world. She did resent him poisoning the thoughts of her other men, however.

She took a deep breath and collected herself.

“Enough. I’m not here to debate the wisdom of my decision. It is final. I am returning home. The only thing left for you to decide is if you are joining me.” She grabbed her pack off the ground. “I will expect your decision by first light.”

She meant to make her way into the night. She needed space. So much had happened in such a short time. She needed some time on her own. But Kirin seemed unaware of her need as he followed her.

“If you’re going to continue arguing with me, you can save your time and breath. My decision is final.”

“You will go back to your kingdom despite certain death?”

“Nothing in this world is certain. But, if you fear your own mortality, you are free to part company with me. There will be no hard feelings.”

“I guess I’m easy to leave behind when a crown is dangled in front of your eyes.”

She turned around and was glad to find they were out of earshot of the rest of the camp.

“Is that what this is about? You think I’ve chosen a trinket over you? Over all of my men?”

“Of course. We’ve fought beside you for years. Put our trust and lives in your hands. We’ve been your family when your family wouldn’t have you. But now we aren’t good enough? You’d choose a kingdom of ungrateful peasants over us?”

“If I do not go back and set things right, I will be a target for the rest of my life.”

“You always have been and always will be a target. Greatness paints a bull’s-eye on your back. It may not be fair, but that’s the way it goes.”

“I want….” She shook her head. “I need to set things right. I need to protect my people. My stepfather does not have their best interests at heart. He never has. And with my mother gone….” She paused as the words made her eyes burn again. “With my mother gone, they have no one.”

He spit on the sand near her feet. “Already you’ve changed.”

“I will not tolerate this abuse.” She pointed a dagger at his heart to emphasize her words. “And I haven’t changed.”

“You want to go home for vengeance. You want the walls to run with his blood and your people to finally have to admit they chose the wrong side.”

Her blood heated with pleasure at the picture his image painted.

“You are an assassin at heart. You live for the thrill of dispensing justice with your own hands and following your own moral code. Yet five minutes after you’ve made your decision, you’re already speaking the language of diplomacy and sugarcoating your desires.”

Her heart stopped as he leaned forward. He was going to kiss her. She could feel it in her soul. But that wasn’t the scary part. What terrified her was how badly she longed for it to happen. When he stopped a mere breath away from her, she actually whimpered with desire.

“I would follow you through the gates of hell without a backward glance.”

His warm breath fluttered across her skin and made her shiver.

“But only the true you. The assassin. And there are a million and one deaths I am prepared to watch you die. It is the nature of who we are. But I refuse to watch your spirit be cannibalized until you are nothing but a pale shadow of the woman who once held my allegiance.”

“I have been the Assassin Princess for ten years now.” She ran her fingertips over the stubble on his chin and gasped at the raw hunger that emanated from him. “But she is no more.”

“Lilly—”

“Now I am the Assassin Queen. Help me take my kingdom back. Help me find justice for the ten years I was sentenced to exile for the crime of being another man’s child.”

His teeth reflected a glint of moonlight as he smiled. “Aye. That I will do. I serve at the pleasure of the Assassin Queen.”

He ran the pad of his thumb over her cheek and then stepped back. “But if I see you’re fading into a life of politics, I will kill you myself.”

She laughed. “If you can take me in a fair battle, I deserve to die.”

“In all the years we’ve fought side by side, have you ever seen me fight fair?”

He turned and walked into the night before she had a chance to answer.

Kirin clenched his jaw tightly to silence the string of curses that begged to be let loose. He’d almost kissed her. She’d been so close he could actually smell the mint she’d chewed after dinner.

“That’s all of them.”

Nathan’s voice pulled him out of the memory. Sure enough. The bodies from that night’s fight were piled just to the left of where he stood

“Good. Can’t be too careful with the scavengers around here.”

He’d seen lizards the size of small horses just the day before. They made for an excellent stew, but he didn’t relish the idea of waking to one standing over him. He shuddered at the image as he cast a spell over the pile. The bodies disintegrated into a pile of ash. He was sure it looked easy enough to the rest of the group, but the resulting pain that echoed through his head made the world swim around him. He crouched down on his haunches and took a breath to steady himself. In this moment of weakness, he wasn’t surprised when his thoughts returned to Lilly.

She is returning home to her knight.

He honestly hadn’t seen this day coming. That the dolt hadn’t followed Lilly into exile proved his unworthy nature to Kirin. But she’d always sworn he’d stayed behind in order to ready the kingdom for her return when the winds of fate had changed. She’d always said that, by staying behind, he was proving his love to her. And who was Kirin to argue? He figured, with enough time, she would see the truth anyway. Apparently, he was wrong, however, because now she was be returning to her love.

He grimaced at the thought. He’d known she was betrothed from the moment they’d met. She’d eyed him up and down as if she were appraising a new steed and then told him she was promised to another. At the time, he had no idea why she thought he’d care. But he’d quickly discovered the truth. There was something between them. Some spark of attraction that made him tingle when they touched. She must have sensed it from the moment they’d met. And, since she’d always believed in being honest and open, she’d taken any chance of a relationship off the table. Unfortunately, she’d also made herself forbidden fruit. Even if she hadn’t been royalty, she would be off limits. Another had already claimed her. Sure, she’d occasionally find someone to work out some stress with, but she never let it get emotional. And she never shared a dalliance with her men. It had made the attraction only that much stronger and frustrating on his side. And now he was going to get the delightful experience of meeting the man who had won her loyalty.

“Are you okay?”

He glanced up to find Nathan looking at him with actual concern.

“I’m good.” He stood to prove the words, only to wobble slightly. “Or, at least, I will be in a few minutes.”