Assassin 3 - Royal Assassin (26 page)

I took a breath. Because on some nights threats
are more obvious than others. Bad things happen, that make me take
stock of what worse things could happen. On some nights, it is not
the healthiest thing to be the beloved of a bastard.

The lines of her mouth went as flat as her voice
as she asked, What is that supposed to mean?

I took a breath, determined that I would be as
honest with her as I was able. I cannot tell you what happened.
Only that it made me believe you might be in danger. You will have
to trust-

That isn't the part I meant. What do you mean,
beloved of a bastard? How do you dare to call me that? Her eyes
were bright with anger.

I swear that my heart thudded to a halt
in my chest. The cold of death swept through me. It is true, I have
no right, I said haltingly. But neither is there any way I could
stop caring for you. And whether or not I have the right to name
you my beloved would not deter those who might seek to injure me by
striking at you. How can I say I love you so much that I wish I did
not love you, or at least could refrain from showing that I loved
you, because my love puts you in such danger, and have those words
be true? Stiffly, I turned to go.

And how could I possibly dare to say I made
sense of your last statement and have it be true? Molly wondered
aloud.

Something in her voice made me turn around. For
a moment we just looked at one another. Then she burst out
laughing. I stood, affronted and grim, as she came to me, still
laughing. Then she put her arms around me. Newboy. You take a most
roundabout path to finally declare you love me. To break into my
room, and then to stand there, tying your tongue in knots about the
word `love.' Could not you simply have said it, a long time
ago?

I stood stupid in the circle of her arms. I
looked down at her. Yes, I realized dully, I had grown that much
taller than she.

Well? she prompted, and for a moment I was
puzzled.

I love you, Molly. So easy to say, after all.
And such a relief. Slowly, cautiously, I put my arms around
her.

She smiled up at me. And I love you.

So, finally, I kissed her. In the moment of that
kiss, somewhere near Buckkeep, a wolf lifted up his voice in a
joyous ululation that set every hound to baying and every dog to
barking in a chorus that rang against the brittle night
sky.

CHAPTER NINE

Guards and
Bonds

OFTENTIMES I UNDERSTAND and commend
Fedwren's stated dream. Had he his way, paper would be as common as
bread, and every child would learn his letters before he was
thirteen. But even were it so, I do not think this would bring to
pass all he hopes. He mourns of all the knowledge that goes into a
grave each time a man dies, even the commonest of men. He speaks of
a time to come when a blacksmith's way of setting a shoe, or a
shipwright's knack for pulling a drawknife would be set down in
letters, that any who could read could learn to do as well. I do
not believe it is so, or ever will be. Some things may be learned
from words on a page, but some skills are learned first by a man's
hands and heart, and later by his head. I have believed this ever
since I saw Mastfish set the fish-shaped block of wood that he was
named after into Verity's first ship. His eyes had seen that
mastfish before it existed, and he set his hands to shaping what
his heart knew must be. This is not a thing that can be learned
from words on a page. Perhaps it cannot be learned at all, but
comes, as does the Skill or the Wit, from the blood of one's
forebears.

I returned to my own chamber and sat watching
the dying embers in my hearth, waiting for the rest of the Keep to
awaken. I should have been exhausted. Instead, I almost trembled
with the energy rushing through me. I fancied that if I sat very
still, I could still feel the warmth of Molly's arms around me. I
knew precisely where her cheek had touched mine. A very faint scent
of her clung to my shirt from our brief embrace, and I agonized
over whether to wear the shirt that day, to carry that scent with
me, or to set it aside carefully in my clothing chest, to preserve
it. I did not think it a foolish thing at all to care so much about
that. Looking back, I smile, but it is at my wisdom, not my
folly.

Morning brought storm winds and falling snow to
Buckkeep Castle, but to me it only made all inside the cozier.
Perhaps it would give us all a chance to recover ourselves from
yesterday. I did not want to think about those poor ragged bodies,
or bathing the still, cold faces. Nor of the roaring flames and
heat that had consumed Kerry's body. We could all use a quiet day
inside the Keep. Perhaps the evening would find all gathered about
the hearths, for storytelling, music, and conversation. I hoped so.
I left my chambers to go to Patience and Lacey.

I tormented myself, knowing well the exact
moment when Molly would descend the stairs to fetch a breakfast
tray for Patience, and also when she would ascend the stairs
carrying it. I could be on the stairs or in the hallway as she
passed. It would be a minor thing, a coincidence. But I had no
question that there were those who had been set to watching me, and
they would make note of such coincidences if they occurred too
often. No. I had to heed the warnings that both the King and Chade
had given me. I would show Molly I had a man's self-control and
forbearance. If I must wait before I could court her, then I
would.

So I sat in my room and agonized until I was
sure that she would have left Patience's chambers. Then I
descended, to tap upon the door. As I waited for Lacey to open it I
reflected that redoubling my watch upon Patience and Lacey was
easier said than done. But I had a few ideas. I had begun last
night, by extracting a promise from Molly that she would bring up
no food she had not prepared herself, or taken fresh from the
common serving pots. She had snorted at this, for it had come after
a most ardent good-bye. Now you sound just like Lacey, she had
rebuked me, and gently closed the door in my face. She opened it a
moment later, to find me still staring at it. Go to bed, she chided
me. Blushing, she added, And dream of me. I hope I have plagued
your dreams lately as much as you have mine. Those words sent me
fleeing down to my room, and every time I thought of it, I blushed
again.

Now, as I entered Patience's room, I tried to
put all such thoughts from my mind. I was here on business, even if
Patience and Lacey must believe it a social call. Keep my mind on
my tasks. I cast my eyes over the latch that had secured the door
and found it well to my liking. No one would be slipping that with
a belt knife. As for the window, even if anyone had scaled the
outer wall to it, they must burst through not only stoutly barred
wooden shutters, but a tapestry, and then rank upon rank of pots of
plants, soldiered in rows before the closed window. It was a route
no professional would willingly choose. Lacey resettled herself
with a bit of mending while Patience greeted me. Lady Patience
herself was seemingly idle, seated on the hearth before the fire as
if she were but a girl. She poked at the coals a bit. Did you know,
she asked me suddenly, that there is a substantial history of
strong Queens at Buckkeep? Not just those born as Farseers, either.
Many a Farseer Prince has married a woman whose name came to
overshadow his in the telling of deeds.

Do you think Kettricken will become such a
Queen? I asked politely. I had no idea where this conversation
would lead.

I do not know, she said softly. She stirred the
coals idly again. I only know that I would not have been one. She
sighed heavily, then lifted her eyes to say almost apologetically,
I am having one of those mornings, Fitz, when all that fills my
head is what might have been and what could have been. I should
never have allowed him to abdicate. I'd wager he'd be alive today,
if he had not.

There seemed little reply I could make. to such
a statement. She sighed again, and drew on the hearthstones with
the ash coated poker. I am a woman of longings today, Fitz. While
everyone else yesterday was stirred to amazement at what Kettricken
did, it awakened in me the deepest discontent with myself. Had I
been in her position, I would have hidden away in my chamber. Just
as I do now. But your grandmother would not have. Now there was a
Queen. Like Kettricken in some ways. Constance was a woman who
spurred others to action. Other women especially. When she was
queen, over half our guard was female. Did you know that? Ask Hod
about her sometime. I understand that Hod came with her when
Constance came here to be Shrewd's queen. Patience fell silent. For
a few moments she was so quiet I thought she was finished speaking.
Then she added softly, She liked me, Queen Constance did. She
smiled almost shyly.

She knew I did not care for crowds. So,
sometimes, she would summon me, and only me, to come and attend her
in her garden. And we would not even speak much, but only work
quietly in the soil and the sunlight. Some of my pleasantest
memories of Buckkeep are of those times. She looked up at me
suddenly. I was just a little girl then. And your father was just a
boy, and we had not ever really met. My parents brought me to
Buckkeep, the times they came to court, even though they knew I did
not much care for all the folderol of court life. What a woman
Queen Constance was, to notice a homely, quiet little girl, and
give her of her time. But she was like that. Buckkeep was a
different place then; a much merrier court. Times were safer, and
all was more stable. But then Constance died, and her infant
daughter with her, of a birth fever. And Shrewd remarried a few
years later, and ... She paused and sighed again suddenly. Then her
lips firmed. She patted the hearth beside her.

Come and sit here. There are things we must
speak of.

I did as she bid me, likewise sitting on the
hearthstones. I had never seen Patience so serious, nor so focused.
All of this, I felt, was leading up to something. It was so
different from her usual fey prattle that it almost frightened me.
Once I was seated, she motioned me closer. I scooted forward until
I was nearly in her lap. She leaned forward and whispered, Some
things are best not spoken of. But there comes a time when they
must be spoken of. FitzChivalry, my dear, do not think me
mean-spirited. But I must warn you that your uncle Regal is not as
well disposed toward you as you might believe.

I couldn't help it. l laughed.

Patience was instantly indignant. You must
attend me! she whispered more urgently. Oh, I know he is gay and
charming and witty. I know what a flatterer he can be, and I have
marked well how all the young women of the court flutter their fans
at him, and how all the young men mimic his clothes and mannerisms.
But underneath those fine feathers there is much ambition. And I am
afraid there is suspicion there, and jealousy, also. I have never
told you this. But he was totally opposed to my undertaking your
schooling, as well as to your learning to Skill. Sometimes I think
it is as well that you failed at that, for had you succeeded, his
jealousy would have known no bounds. She paused, and finding that I
was listening with a sober face, she went on: These are unsettled
times, Fitz. Not just because of the Red-Ships that harry our
shores. It is a time when any b ... born as you were should be
careful. There are those who smile fairly at you, but may be your
enemy. When your father was alive, we relied on the fact that his
influence would be enough to shelter you. But after he was ... he
died, I realized that as you grew you would be more and more at
risk, the closer you came to manhood. So, when I decently could, I
forced myself to come back to court, to see if there truly was
need. I found there was, and I found you worthy of my help. So I
vowed to do all I could to educate and protect you. She allowed
herself a brief smile of satisfaction.

I would say I had done fairly well by you so
far. But and she leaned closer--comes a time when even I will not
be able to protect you. You must begin to take care of yourself.
You must recall your lessons from Hod, and review them with her
often. You must be cautious of what you eat and drink, and be wary
of visiting isolated places alone. I hate to put these fears into
you, FitzChivalry. But you are almost a man now, and must begin to
think of such things.

Laughable. Almost a farce. So I could have seen
it, to have this sheltered, reclusive woman speaking to me so
earnestly of the realities of the world I had survived in since I
was six.

Instead, I found tears stinging the corners of
my eyes. I had always been mystified as to why Patience had come
back to Buckkeep, to live a hermit's life in the midst of a society
she obviously did not care for. Now I knew. She had come for me,
for my sake. To protect me.

Burrich had sheltered me. So had Chade, and even
Verity in his way. And of course Shrewd had claimed me as his own,
very early. But all of them, in one way and another, had stood to
gain by my survival. Even Burrich would have seen it as a great
loss of pride if someone had managed to murder me while I was under
his protection. Only this woman, who by all rights should have
abhorred me, had come to shelter me for my sake only. She was so
often foolish and meddlesome and sometimes most annoying. But as
our eyes met I knew she had breached the final wall I had kept
between us. I greatly doubted that her presence had done anything
to deter bad will toward me; if anything, her interest in me must
have been a constant reminder to Regal of who had fathered me. But
it was not the deed, but the intention that moved me. She had given
up her quiet life, her orchards and gardens and woods, to come
here, to a damp castle of stone on the sea cliffs, to a court full
of folk she cared nothing about, to watch over her husband's
bastard.