As I Am (3 page)

Dave and Pete head down to the van to help the girls get their things to their rooms – and also to find out which window to tap in the middle of the night. Addison, Matthew, Amy
, and I have a seat on the porch steps and wait for the dust to clear and see who emerges as Matthew and Addison’s roommates. Carrie and Bridget are rooming with Tina and Erin, leaving Addy without a roommate after she kicked me out of the nest. Matthew is kind of particular about his things, so he thought that the fewer people he shared a room with, the better. So because they love him, and want to continue loving him, Pete and Dave grabbed the other two-person room, while Cal and his Notre Dame buddies are in the last guy room.

When the rest of the first
-year counselors have cleared the driveway, all that’s left is one guy and one girl. We stand as they approach the porch, ready to greet them.

“Hi! Welcome to Lake Hollis! Looks like you two are the lucky ones,” Addison says to them. “I’m Addison
Carmichael and this is my sister Kinley, and this is Amy and Matthew.”

“Hey! I’m Mia Boyd,” the girl says. She’s a sweet
-looking girl with light brown skin and pixie-cut hair. She smiles big and her eyes light up with genuine excitement.

“And you are?” Amy says to the guy who is standing next to her being conspicuously quiet.

“Miller Conrad,” he says briefly.

“Well, Miller, you’re rooming with me,” Matthew says to him with some hesitancy. Miller’s brevity has left us all a little uncertain of how to respond to him. He’s a good
-looking guy, tall. He’s fit and trim with light brown hair that he’s messed on top, and he’s dressed in jeans, a black T-shirt, and black Converse … and he’s got tattoos. Lots of them. I have friends back at school who have tattoos, but no one I’ve ever known has had this many.

“Cool,” Miller replies. He hitches his backpack on his shoulder and readjusts his duffel bag in his hand before he takes the first step toward the stairs and past all of us into the house.

Matthew shrugs. “This is going to be interesting.”

“Holy crap he’s hot!” Addy declares.

“Oh, no,” I say, shaking my head.

“Why is that an ‘oh, no’?” Mia asks, creasing her brow.

“Because that means Addison here has decided on her first victim of the summer. That boy doesn’t know it yet, but within a few days he’ll be eating out of the palm of my sister’s hand,” I tell her. That’s how it always starts. Addy picks the guy before he even knows it. She doesn’t usually go for his type, but I guess she’s branching out.

Normally I feel little twinge of something when Addy makes her mark known. Call it pain, jealousy, irritation
… I don’t know. I’m just usually so unsettled by the way her claws come out as she sets her sights on her unsuspecting prey. It doesn’t help knowing that guys look at Addison and want to know her … or at least get in her pants. Guys look at me and want to know how they can use me to get into Addy’s pants. This time, though … this time I didn’t feel anything. I guess after seeing Cal and feeling his arms around me I’m in a new place – a place where I feel like I’m being seen for who I am, not what I look like, or who I don’t look like. All those months of emailing back and forth with Cal revealed to him who I really am and that’s who he’s interested in. This is going to be a life-changing summer for me, which is going to make it the best summer ever.

Now that all the counselors are here and settled, we’ve been called to the dining hall for our first meeting of the summer. The Fellows gather everyone to go over rules and guidelines with the newbies as well as to remind all of us of the standard and reputation Lake Hollis intends on keeping.

“Welcome to the new counselors, and welcome back to those of you returning,” Rick Fellows says with a cheer. His parents started the camp at Lake Hollis forty years ago when he was just a kid. He took over the operations of the camp twelve years ago when it became too much for them to do on their own. When his father died six years ago, he left his accounting job and took over full time, moving onto the property for the summer as his parents always did.

Mr. Fellows is every stereotype of a middle-aged man in one unkempt package. His male
-pattern baldness is only sometimes covered by a baseball cap, and when it’s not, his terrible comb-over is blaring at us like a bad punch line to an equally bad joke. The paunch at his belly stretches his button-down shirt, revealing more of his hairy belly than anyone would ever want to see, but his socks and sandals are what really round out this frightening picture. However, even though he’s the polar opposite of what any of the guys here ever dream to physically become, he truly is one of the nicest, sweetest men ever. He’s kind and compassionate, and the way he handles the homesickness of the kids, especially the scholarship kids since most of them have never been away from home before, is genius.

His wife Mary is just as wonderful and doesn’t fall too far behind on the lack of fashion sense in her
mom-jeans, T-shirts, ill-fitting bras, and sandals. I’m not sure if I’ve ever seen her brown hair down. It’s always up in a short ponytail, so my guess would be that her hair is just past her shoulders. She has fair skin and blue eyes and is as lovely as she is kind.

Mr. Fellows is going over all the rules and protocol for counselors, and since we were here last year, we’re all kind of halfway tuning out for a minute. He’s telling them about how counselors are assigned to activities randomly, and not to ask to be assigned with a friend because part of what they want to accomplish this summer is helping us make new and lasting friendships. He tells them that the adult counselors will be watching out for us as much as they are the campers. Eventually he’ll also express his desire for us to have a great time this summer, which is why we have tonight and tomorrow morning to “play,” as well as in the evenings between 8:00 p
.m. and midnight.

“So what’s up with emu boy?”
Dave asks quietly, his tone dripping with the sarcasm he’s come to be known for.

“It’s emo not emu, dumbass,” I laugh.

“Oh, well, whatever. Does anyone know his deal?”

“He’s Matthew’s roommate. Do fill us in, Matty!” Addison says, shifting her eyes to where Miller is sitting on the other side of the room with the
other first-year counselors. He’s not looking up, but has his nose in a book that looks like a journal, and he’s writing very intently. “What’d you find out?” she asks, bringing her attention back to Matthew.

“He’s quiet, seems like a nice guy. I think he’s an artist, or a poet, or both. He’s got
these big sketch pads and the journal he’s writing in,” Matthew says. “It’s only the first day, so there’s really not that much to tell.”

“What about his tattoos? Did you get a good look at any of them? Did he take his shirt off so you could see them?” Addy asks a little too eagerly. It might be the first time I’m glad for Addison’s lack of restraint because I’m just as curious about his tattoos as she is.

“Uh, no. He’s been here for, like, two hours. Why would he take his shirt off? Girls are so weird.” Matthew rolls his eyes.

“We are not. We just know what we like,” Addy says coyly. She moves her stare back to Miller but he isn’t looking up. Usually Addison’s stare hits guys so hard they look up almost immediately. Whatever he’s writing in that book must be deep. “G
eez! What is his problem?”

“He’s busy, Addy. Give the guy a break. Unlike you, he didn’t com
e here to scope out the hottest person here so he could get laid all summer,” I scoff.

“You think I’m the hottest
person here?” she asks with bright eyes. That’s what matters most to Addy. She walks in a room and the first thing she does is make sure she’s the hottest girl there. I walk in a room and make sure I’m not the biggest. Oddly enough we both walk into a room and evaluate where we fall in the pretty girl pecking order.

Miller finally breaks his thought and looks up from the pages he’s been
torturing with that pencil. First he looks up at Mr. Fellows, who is still talking about rules and safety, but then he turns and looks in our direction. It’s clear he’s looking at Addison. She smiles her sexy “I know you want me” smile but gets no reaction from him before he looks at me, cocks his head, and then turns back to his writing. That’s when I see a look come over my sister’s face that I’ve never seen in our twenty years of life. She has been dismissed by a guy and has no idea what to do.

“He must be gay,” she says in defense of her rejection.

“He’s not gay,” Matthew says.

“Are you sure?” she asks.

“You’re kidding, right?”

“This doesn’t make any sense. He didn’t do
anything
. Not even a polite smile back.” Addy’s eyes are darting back and forth, seeming to look for an answer to this curious situation.

“Maybe he’s just preoccupied. Or maybe, and I know
this is going to sound crazy, but, maybe he’s just not into you,” I offer. Addison looks at me like I’ve been taking crazy pills and that this is the most preposterous theory she’s ever heard.

“Well,” she begins, ignoring my theory. “It’s only the first day, so I’m sure he’s just getting acclimated to the camp. Kinley will be able to get some more information from him when she talks to him tonight at the bonfire, won’t you
, Kin?”

And there it is: my assignment as my sister’s perpetual wingman. “I’ll be a good sister and see what I can find out.”
As usual.

“Oh! You really are the best!” Addy says as she kisses my cheek.

“Kinley,” Mr. Fellows calls to me. “Would you be so kind as to set up your camera for a group shot?”

“Of course!” I tell him, not realizing he had finished the requisite welcome and instructions
already. His discourse seemed to last forever last year.

“Great! Now,
while everyone is getting into place, dinner is back here in an hour and a half. Also, I want to remind everyone that we’ll meet here for lunch at twelve-thirty tomorrow before we break into groups and make sure each activity is ready for the campers in two days. Now, is everyone making their way up front?” Mr. Fellows asks.

I pull my camera from my bag and place it on the flat podium one of the adult
lead counselors moved to the back of the room for me. Once everyone is in place, I set the timer and move into place next to my sister. Cal moves from behind the group to stand next to me, placing his arm around my waist. The flipping in my stomach returns and I’m sure the picture will reveal my nervous smile.

“We still good for tonight,
Kinley?” Cal asks as soon as the flash has finished giving us all momentary blindness.

“Of course,” I tell him, biting my lip to keep from smiling too big.

“Good. I’ll see you back here for dinner, too, right?”

“I’ll save you a seat!” Butterflies swarm my stomach and I feel like I’m either going to do a backflip or throw up. Neither will look good so I hope I can keep my composure.

“I was hoping you’d say that.” Call smiles and turns to meet up with his friends and I think now might be the best time for me to throw up.

*****

It’s a good thing we had over an hour before we had to be back for dinner because it took Addison most of that time to figure out what she was going to wear. She was even more on a mission when Miller didn’t respond to her flirtatious smile. She finally settled on a halter top and the shortest pair of shorts she could find.

I look at her, surveying her perfect features: long thin legs, sexy shoulders, perky boobs. She’s everything I wish I looked like, and I wonder if I looked
more like her if Cal would have been more likely to want to get to know me last year. It doesn’t matter. He’s here now.

“Does this look slutty enough?” Addison asks with all seriousness.

“What if he’s not into slutty, Addison?” I propose.

“All guys are into slutty. They have to act like they aren’t in the beginning so that we don’t think they’re total scumbags. I just like to save them the trouble of having to put on a show.”

“Sounds legit,” Amy says with a bit of an eye roll.

“Don’t you think?” I reply.

“She’s just saying what we all already know,” Mia says in defense of my sister.

“I knew I liked you,” Addy says to her.

With Addison’s hair pulled up in to a perfect, high ponytail and her lips freshly colored with her favorite Raspberry Lemonade lipstick, we walk downstairs and out onto the path that will lead us back to the dining hall in the center of the camp. We’re the last ones there, making me feel badly because I told Cal I’d save a seat for him.

Once through the line with two pieces of homemade pizza, we find our friends across the room. I make eye contact with Cal
, who smiles at me.

“I’m really sorry I’m late. Addison took forever,” I tell him apologetically.

“It’s okay. I had to fight off some newbies for this seat, but I saved it for you,” he says with a cute, crooked smile.

“Oh
… thanks,” I stumble through my words as I sit next to Cal. I take a sip of my bottled water and then a bite of my pizza before I look up at Addy, who is looking at me and then the slice of pizza in my hand. This is the same look I get when I dare to order a loaded baked potato or the eight ounce filet instead of the six ounce when we go out to eat. I’ve forgotten where I am and immediately put my pizza down. Addy and Mia are blotting the top of their pizza with a napkin to get the excess grease off the top. I pick up an extra napkin from the table and follow suit as nonchalantly as I can.

I look back at
Addison and she smiles, giving me a small nod of approval. This is one of the little tips she and our stepmother, Christine, have given me as a way to cut fat and calories out of my diet. “Even the littlest thing will help you, Kinley,” Christine has said on numerous occasions.

“How are things going with your photography
?” Cal asks. “Did you bring your portfolio? I remember you saying in one of your emails that you had added some industrial shots to it.”

He remembers that? I told him that before Christmas.

“It’s going great. I’m hoping to get more nature shots this summer, too. There’s a coffee shop near campus that has offered to put some of my prints up for sale, and they might even buy some for their own décor. So, I’m pretty excited about that,” I tell him. “What about you? How’s it going working to cut down on the world’s energy costs?”

“We’re decades away from any real change, but at least we’re making some progress. In the meantime I’ll be the pretentious guy driving the Prius and trying to convince my parents to put solar panels on the
ir roof,” he chuckles. Just another reason to like him: Cal doesn’t take himself too seriously.

“Hey
, Kinley, do you think you could take some pictures of me this summer? I need knew modeling pictures but I’m too broke. You could put them in your portfolio. Maybe a tradeoff?” Carrie asks.

“Of course! And we don’t have to do a tradeoff. It’s great experience for me. I haven’t had too many outdoor photo shoots, so it’ll be great. And you’ll be a great model.” Carrie is tall and beautiful like the other girls here, but not
obviously beautiful. Her wide eyes and larger nose give her a unique quality that makes her beauty also interesting. And, in my opinion, make her more beautiful than most of the girls I’ve shot.

We spend the next hour chatting, eating, and reminiscing about last summer’s fun and antics. Bridget promises us a new
campfire beer commercial to follow up her Bud Light one from last year’s, and Dave swears he will not break down the bathroom door again no matter how badly he has to go.

Cal stayed by my side all through dinner. He even put his arm on the back of my chair for a while. It felt nice. It’s not that a guy has never liked me. It’s that none of them – ok
ay there are only two that I know of – were remotely anything like Cal Harper. For some reason, there was a time in high school when I attracted these super scrawny guys who were awkwardly maneuvering their way through puberty with barely-there, dark peach fuzz mustaches that they refused to shave. I think that’s when I started clinging to Addy for help in putting myself together. She has made sure that even though we can’t share clothes, that I at least have clothes that fit my body the right way. Half the time I still don’t know what I’m doing when I get dressed, but sometimes I hit the mark. Addy insisted on packing for me this summer. With Cal at my side, now I know why.