Arousing Love, a teen novel (10 page)

“I know.”

“Why haven’t you dated more, Zach? You’re
good looking, and smart, and funny, and you’re not shy or anything.
Why haven’t you had a serious girlfriend before?”

“I can be a little shy around girls
sometimes, especially really pretty ones like you. But I guess,
until now, I’ve never really met anyone worth getting over that
awkward stage to get to know properly. You know what I mean?”

“You weren’t shy with me?”

“I was, you just blew it all away somehow. I
don’t even know how.” I laughed.

“You thought I was worth getting to
know?”

“Yeah, definitely.” I grinned.

“What’s so special about me?” She looked into
my eyes.

“Everything. You’re beautiful, and
talented—”

“Is it just my looks?”

“No,” I smiled, “it’s everything about you. I
love how impulsive you are, and how joyful and exciting you are.
You don’t hide what you’re feeling, you just show it all, and
you’re so happy and playful and crazy, and sometimes you’re not,
you’re just quiet and soulful and deep. I love all that about you.
You have a beautiful soul. It shines in your eyes, and through your
smile, and lights up your face, and that’s when you’re so beautiful
you take my breath away.”

Joanna lowered her eyes from mine, taking
only shy glances at me, the corners of her mouth curled into a coy,
little smile.

“You’re pretty close to my ideal guy,
too.”

“Pretty close?”

She looked into my eyes again. “If you were a
Christian you’d be the perfect man for me.”

“Well, I guess no-one’s perfect.”

There was a long silence as I tried to think
of something else to say.

“What made you become a Christian?”

She blinked. “Um, well, I’ve always believed
it was true, even if I don’t always live like it sometimes. Some
people would think I’m worldly and superficial, but I love God with
all my heart.”

“You’re not superficial. Why would they think
that about you?”

“I don’t know, I guess I’m not overly zealous
or anything. But I wanna live for God, I’m just not sure how I’m
supposed to do that. I still have fun and enjoy my life, and
sometimes I get caught up in worldly desires, you know, like with
you.” She blushed slightly. “You must think I’m really weird, being
a Christian and being so flirty with you all the time.”

“No, I like it. You’re naughty and nice.” I
laughed. “Maybe worldly Christians get the best of both worlds.
They get to enjoy life and have a happy Christianity as well.”

“Yeah, but that’s why it’s so hard to be a
real follower of Jesus. It’s easier to be a lukewarm Christian and
enjoy this world. But it’s like a weed that chokes your faith and
keeps you from doing anything good for God.”

“It’s funny, I love talking about all this
stuff with you, even if I don’t really understand it all. I used to
find it boring, but now it’s kind of fascinating.”

“Are you gonna become a Christian then?” She
smiled.

“No.” I laughed.

“Why not?” She seemed hurt, though trying to
hide it.

“It’s not for me. I don’t wanna be like one
of them.”

“That’s just your pride getting in the way,
Zach. You don’t want to be like them because it doesn’t fit the
image of who you think you are. But which do you love more, your
self image, or the truth? Jesus said you have to become like a
little child to come to him.”

Our food arrived, and I was glad for the
interruption.

“Mm, this looks good.” She started picking
out the tomatoes from her salad and putting them aside.

“You don’t like tomatoes?”

She wrinkled her nose and shook her head.
“You can have them if you want.”

“Sure.”

She laughed as I took her discarded tomatoes
from her plate.

Neither of us spoke for a while as we
ate.

“What were you like as a little girl?”

She laughed. “Um, I was a typical little
girl, I guess. I played with dolls and stuff.”

“I bet you were really cute, though.”

“Yeah, I had really blonde hair, even blonder
than this.” She grasped a wisp of her hair.

“I love your hair.”

“You like it up like this?”

“Yeah, I do. I like it all the time.”

She smiled.

There was another long silence.

“You’re right, it’s different being on a
date, it feels less natural, and makes you have to think of things
to talk about.”

“Yeah.” She smiled. “It’s good though. We’re
getting to know each other better. I wanna know everything about
you, Zach.”

“Yeah, me too. I mean about you.” I smiled.
“I was gonna tell you something
. . .
I found some colleges in Colorado I’m
going to apply to.”

“Really?” Her eyes brightened.

“Yeah, four art schools. I have to send them
slides of my work and my high school transcript. I’m still putting
it all together.”

“Where will you get slides from?”

“I have some already, from high school.”

“You really do wanna be with me, don’t you?”
She looked at me in happy amazement.

“Yeah, I do.”

She smiled a happy smile. “But when will you
find out if you got in?”

“I don’t know.”

“It’s going to be so hard leaving here not
knowing.”

“What happened to ‘love will find a
way’?”

“But will you find a way, though?” She
searched my eyes.

“Yeah, I’m not gonna give up on you.”

She smiled.

After we’d finished our meal, I paid the bill
and we left the restaurant. I opened the car door for her again,
and she gracefully got in.

“What movie are we going to?”

“Anything you want.”

“Even a chick flick?” She giggled.

“Within reason.” I grinned.

The movie theater was just down the road. We
drove past it slowly to see what movies were playing.

Joanna peered through the window at the sign.
“There’s nothing I’ve heard of.”

“It’s a small theater. There’s a bigger one
ten minutes away—”

“No, I see one we can go to.”

“Which one?”

“
50 First Dates
? It sounds like the
perfect movie for our first date.” She laughed.

We entered the darkened theatre. There were
only a few people there, so we chose some seats away from everyone
else. The movie started just as we sat down.

“Perfect timing.” I whispered.

It was an Adam Sandler movie, and it started
with some pretty coarse jokes. I glanced at Joanna, hoping she
wouldn’t mind too much.

As the movie progressed, it developed into an
interesting romance with Drew Barrymore. There was one part of the
movie where Joanna and I both laughed so hard we were gasping for
breath. The end of the movie was very moving, and I saw Joanna
wiping her eyes. She saw me looking at her and laughed in
embarrassment.

We sat there as the credits rolled, not
wanting to leave.

Joanna sighed. “That was such a good movie.
It was funny and sweet.”

“You know it’s a good movie when it makes you
laugh and cry.” I grinned. “That scene where she hit Ula with the
bat
. . .
”

She laughed. “I know, I can’t remember
laughing like that in a movie before.”

“That’s gotta be the best Adam Sandler movie
I’ve seen.”

“I like Drew Barrymore. She was in
Ever
After
.”

We held hands over the arm rest. Everyone
else had left, and we were all alone. I leaned over and kissed
her.

The credits finished and the movie screen
went dark.

I sighed. “Well, I promised your dad I’d
bring you home as soon as the movie finished.”

We stood up to go, but she wrapped her arms
around me and we kissed again, pressing our bodies together like we
were trying to merge into one. I kissed her long, slender neck,
making her sigh out loud. It was like we’d suddenly become
desperate for each other.

We broke apart at the sound of an usher
coming through the door. “Oh sorry, didn’t know anyone was still in
here.”

We left the theatre and walked to the car. It
was dark now. I opened the door for her.

“This was the perfect date, Zach. You were
wonderful.” She kissed me on the cheek.

I felt so full of love for her. I put my arms
around her slender waist and pulled her to me.

“I love you.” I whispered.

“I love you so much.” She whispered back.

As we drove back to the campground, we were
both silent, like we didn’t want to ruin the moment with words. We
kept glancing at each other, her with looks of such softness she
was melting my heart, I was swimming in love.

I turned onto our road. “I wish we could go
to my place instead.”

“Me too. I wanna be with you, Zach. I wish
this date didn’t have to end.”

“We still could if you want. They don’t know
what time the movie finished.”

“You know we can’t.”

“Yeah, I know.” I had to be true to my
word.

I turned into the campground driveway and
parked behind their car. Her parents were waiting for us, as we
knew they would be. I got out and opened the door for Joanna, and
she leaned towards me, her eyes closed. I hesitated for a moment,
then gently kissed her soft lips, stroking her cheek with the back
of my finger.

She opened her eyes and smiled.
“Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

I glanced over at her parents. I couldn’t
believe we’d just kissed in front of them like that. I gave them a
wave and they waved back. They didn’t seem upset or anything.

Joanna looked like an angel standing there,
her dress aglow in the bright beams of the car’s headlights, as I
backed up and slowly drove away.

That night, I couldn’t sleep, my mind was
filled with thoughts of Joanna. I lay in bed imagining her lying
there with me, remembering the feel of her in my arms when we lay
on the sand together.
It was such a natural feeling. It’s how
we’re supposed to be. Our love makes us meant to be together. It’s
unnatural to be apart like this.
I sighed.
I love her so
much. I wish she was here with me now. I need her.
I knew it
was crazy to think this way, she was only fifteen, but I couldn’t
help it. All of me yearned for her, my body ached to be with her,
it was too painful to keep thinking about. I tried to think of
something else.

I wondered what her parents had thought of us
kissing in front of them like that. It was strange how going on an
officially sanctioned date made our relationship seem more real and
legitimate, like we were allowed to be in love now.

I thought about what Joanna had said to
me—that I’d be her perfect, ideal man if I was a Christian. It
stung to know I wasn’t perfect for her. But I couldn’t be a
Christian just for her. I didn’t wanna be a Christian. The church
we’d gone to this morning had reinforced that.
They’re so fake,
like they don’t even really believe in it.
I sighed.
But
what if it’s true, would I care too much about my self image to
accept it? Maybe Christians aren’t representing the truth very
well. That’s what Joanna’s father thinks. That’s why he’s so
different, he really believes it.

“God, I do want the truth. Show me what’s
true.” I whispered.

Eventually I fell asleep
. . .

Five

That night, I had a dream. I was standing at
the back of the church we’d gone to, and the pastor was
speaking—“I’ve decided to hand the microphone over to you today. I
want each of you to come up here and tell us why it’s good to be a
Christian.”

I watched as each person went up to
speak—

“It’s good to be a Christian because you
receive God’s blessing upon your life.”

“It gives your life purpose.”

“It makes you happy.”

“It gives you peace.”

“It makes you a better person.”

“It gives you a better, more fulfilling
life.”

As I listened to them, something like anger
began to burn within me. I didn’t wanna go up and speak, but I
couldn’t hold back. I marched up to the front and grabbed the
microphone. I didn’t know what I was going to say, but I just
started speaking—

“God hates sin! He showed us how much he
hates it by creating a hell to burn it in. As much as he loves us,
he hates sin. He showed us how much he loves us by giving us his
own son to save us from sin. He is holy, and he will judge all of
us. That is why you need to be a Christian.”

I was shocked at my own words. I didn’t know
where they’d come from. As I was speaking, the people in the church
started falling on the floor around me, wailing and sobbing and
crying out to God for forgiveness.

I woke up and was immediately filled with
fear. It was like all of Heaven stood open above me, and I could
feel his holy eyes looking right through me, seeing everything.

I hid under the covers, begging God not to
look at me.

There was such a heaviness pressing down on
me, I couldn’t even move.

“Please God, don’t look at me.”

The feeling gradually subsided, and I lay
there, my heart pounding, trying to calm myself down.
That was
so intense. I couldn’t hide from his eyes. He is so holy.

I got out of bed and got a glass of water,
and my hands were shaking. I went back to bed but I couldn’t sleep.
I lay awake until morning and got up before my alarm went off.

At work, I tried to rationalize the whole
experience.
It was just a dream. Probably all that stuff
Joanna’s father was going on about revival.
I tried to put it
to the back of my mind, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Deep
down I knew it was real. I’d seen the difference between the fake
and the real, and the real was scary.

“Are you okay, Son? You’re looking a little
pale.”