Arousing Love, a teen novel (20 page)

She read it as I wrote. “I love you too,
Zach.” Tears were welling in her eyes now. “Be strong for both of
us, okay? Make sure you don’t lose hope. I’ll be praying for you.
Don’t give up on me because I’m so far away.”

“I won’t. I’ll be praying for you too.” The
muscles in my jaw and throat ached with all the emotion I was
trying to hold in.

She threw her arms around me and we held each
other tight, and then we kissed. It was a long passionate kiss. We
didn’t care about the rules, or her parents watching us. I didn’t
want to stop kissing her, but finally she let go. “You better not
break my heart.” She kissed me again, lightly on my lips. I looked
around to see her parents standing there, her mom had tears in her
eyes, and even her father looked a little emotional. He came over
and gave me a hug, patting me on the back.

“We’re gonna miss you, Zach. We’ll be keeping
you in our prayers, and we’ll hope to see you very soon.”

I didn’t say anything, just nodded.

Her mother came and gave me a hug too.
“You’re a good boy, Zach. I’m sorry for the things I said
before.”

I nodded, and looked at Joanna again. She
gave me a brave smile through her tears. I just wanted everything
to stay like that, staring into each other’s eyes forever, but she
was gone. I saw her face pressed against the window, her cheeks wet
with tears, as they drove away, and she was gone. I stood there for
a moment as if hoping she’d come back to me, then in a daze, I
turned and started walking home. My vision blurred and all my
emotions caught up with me. I started running, not wanting anyone
to see me. I somehow managed to find my way to the shack and fell
on my bed. All of me ached for her, and the feeling of loss was
unbearable.

I took the envelope out of my pocket and
carefully opened it like it was the most precious thing in the
world to me. Inside was a ripped out page from her diary. I
unfolded it and read.

Dear Zach,

by the time you read this I’ll probably be
crying my eyes out, but I don’t care how painful our parting is, I
would bear any pain to have had this time with you. I’d bear any
pain to have this love for you in my heart. You are my best friend
and my soul mate. You have made me so happy. I will hold onto this
happiness while I wait for you to come to me. I pray that God will
keep you strong, and it won’t be too hard for you, and I pray that
also for me. I pray God will make a way for you to come to me soon
so we aren’t separated for too long. I need you Zach. I will be
waiting for you, and even though we are separated by so many miles,
I will love you like you are right here with me every day. I won’t
let my heart forget you. Don’t let your heart forget me. Don’t let
your love for me die, keep it alive in your heart, and come to me
when you can. Love with many, many hugs and kisses,

Joanna.

It listed all her contact details below her
name.

I slumped back on the bed. My heart ached
with love for her, I missed her so much already, how was I going to
survive without her? But somehow I felt better now. Her letter was
just what I’d needed. She was right, I’d bear any pain to have had
this time with her, and to have this love for her in my heart.

I started to pray for her, and my heart just
broke open. I poured it all out to God, asking him to be with her
because she needed him now, and I asked God to help me too, because
I felt so lost without her. I felt a peace come over me, and I knew
she’d be alright. I got a pen and some paper and started writing
her a letter.

Dear Joanna,

I love you so much. The letter you gave me
before you left was so perfect, and just what I needed. I love you
for writing it for me. You are so good to me. I hope this letter
will cheer you up as much as yours did for me. I am writing it
quickly so I can get it out before the mailman comes. I hope it
will get to you by Monday. I miss you so much already and you only
just left. I will think about you every day and I won’t stop
thinking about you and loving you. Hopefully I’ll hear back from
those colleges very soon and we won’t be separated for long. God
will make a way for us, I know he will. He didn’t give us this love
for nothing. I love you so much. We’ll be together soon and this
short separation will be a distant memory that will fade in the
light of our happiness together. I will be praying for you to stay
strong and remain positive. Just hold on a little while longer. I
will come to you soon.

With all my love,

Zach.

Ten

“Zach, phone for you!” My mom yelled through
the door. I jumped up, full of anticipation. I knew who it would
be.

I followed my mom to the house and picked up
the phone. “Hello?”

“Zach, it’s me!” As soon as I heard her voice
all my love for her just washed over me like a wave.

“Joanna, I’ve missed you so much.”

“I miss you too.”

“Did you just get home?”

“Late last night.”

“I’ve been waiting to hear from you. How was
the trip back?”

“I cried pretty much the whole way home, it
drove my parents crazy, but I’m okay though.”

“Ohh. Did you get my letter?”

“No? You sent me a letter already?”

“Yeah, I loved the letter you gave me.”

“That’s good. I can’t talk for long.”

“I know. Do you wanna chat online?”

“We only have my dad’s computer here, and
it’s in his office. He lets me use it but I have to ask him first,
and I’m not sure how private it would be. I’d rather just write to
you.”

“Oh, okay. How are your parents?”

“They’re glad to be home. I’m not
. . .
” Her voice broke, and then I heard a
quiet sob.

“Hey, Joanna? Don’t cry.”

“I’m sorry
. . .
” Her sobs became louder.

I didn’t know what to say. I just listened
helplessly. “Joanna? Please don’t cry. Everything’s going to be
okay. We’ll be together soon.”

“I’m sorry, I’m so stupid. I should go.”

“You’re not stupid, you’re wonderful, and I
love you.”

There were more quiet sobs. “I better go.
Don’t worry about me, okay?”

“Okay.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” But she’d already gone. I
hung up the phone and my heart ached for her.

My mom put her head around the kitchen door.
“Was that Joanna?”

“Yeah.”

“How is she?”

“She was crying.”

“Ohh, the poor girl. She’ll get over it
eventually.”

“I don’t want her to get over it.” I
snapped.

My mom’s eyes widened in surprise, and I
turned and stormed out.

It was so emotionally wrenching hearing her
cry on the phone like that
. She needs me. I need to be there for
her.
It was so frustrating that my destiny wasn’t in my own
hands. I had to wait and let events direct me.
Should I just go
there? But I can’t, it’s up to God, I have to wait and submit to
his will.

•••

Life now consisted of waiting for the mail
each day, hoping for a letter from Joanna or one of the colleges
I’d applied to. I spent all my time waiting for something to
happen, I had nothing else to do, everything else felt empty and
useless. When Joanna was here it was so happy and exciting, I
looked forward to seeing her every day. Now I had nothing, just a
big hole in my life where Joanna had been. I’d been on an emotional
high with her, and now I was in withdrawal.

My mom was worried about me moping around all
day. I didn’t care though, I just had to wait this out.

On Friday morning the mailman delivered. As
soon as I saw it, I knew it was from Joanna. I had to laugh—the
envelope had cute little stickers and love hearts all over it. It
felt thick too. I took it back to my room to open it.

There were a lot of photos of her, and a
letter.

Dear Zach,

I got your letter today. It came on Tuesday
so you were only one day off. You made me feel happy again.

I’m sorry I cried on the phone. I promised
myself I wouldn’t do that. I know it must have been horrible for
you. I’m fine though, really. It was just that moment, hearing your
voice again and missing you so much. I’m sorry I did that to you. I
love you and I miss you but I am happy. I think of you all the
time, and I have happy thoughts of our future together. I’m not
miserable, just impatient for us to be together again. Will you
ring me when you hear about college? I’m trusting in God for
everything. He knows what’s best for us, even this time of
separation. It makes our faith stronger when we learn to lean on
him when we need him the most.

I haven’t been doing much since I got home.
I rang some friends to tell them I’m back, and I told them all
about you. I’ll probably go see them today, and I’ll see them at
church on Sunday. You should find a church to go to as well so you
aren’t so alone in your faith.

I have your portrait on my wall next to my
bed so your face is the first thing I see when I wake up. I’m
sending you some photos. I wrote on the back of each one where it
was and how old I was. I’d love some photos of you too, if you have
any you could send me.

I love you Zach. I hope you’re ok. Write me
back very soon, ok? Love from your girlfriend who loves you more
than anyone else in the whole world.

Joanna xxx

I sighed. I was glad Joanna had her friends
to keep her busy. She was right, I needed to get out and do
something, I was vegetating here.
Maybe I should try going to
church,
but I didn’t feel like meeting new people.

I looked through the photos she’d sent me.
There was one of her as a cute four year old with very blond hair,
and another of her as a baby being held by her much younger looking
mother. There were lots of photos of her as I knew her too—a young
teenager, always happy and smiling, so photogenic and
beautiful.

Then I knew what I wanted to do. I needed to
buy some more canvases.

•••

Dear Joanna,

I miss you so much. I went for a walk to
your campsite like I used to when you were here, but no-one is
camping there now. I started painting again, doing some portraits
of you. Your photos inspired me. My mom thinks I’m obsessed with
you now, ha ha. I’m sending you some photos of me too.

I haven’t heard back from any colleges yet.
Hopefully I will soon. I’ve been practicing my guitar, and even
wrote a song about you, though it’s really bad and sounds
depressing when I play it. I miss you and the fun we always had
together. Life isn’t the same here without you, it’s so boring. I
don’t want to spend time with anyone else. Life is just sad for me
right now, but that’s ok, it’ll make it all the better when I get
to be with you again in Colorado. I can’t wait to see you and hold
you and kiss you. It’s true that absence makes the heart grow
fonder. I guess I am obsessed with you, but I’m in love with you so
why not? I love you with all my heart and I miss you with my
deepest longing. I wish I was there with you already, but I just
have to be patient and let God work everything out. I’m praying for
you, and for us, that we’ll be together soon. I wish I still had
you to talk to about things. I’m going to try going to church on
Sunday. I don’t really want to but I think I should. I heard about
one that has a lot of young people that go there, so I’ll try
that.

I love that you’re my girlfriend. You are so
wonderful. Your beauty is the outward packaging of the treasure
that you are. I’m sorry if I’m sounding soppy at the moment. I know
I’m a little obsessed, but how can I not be obsessed with the most
wonderful creature on earth? I adore you.

Love from your boyfriend, who thinks he’s
the luckiest guy on earth to even know you, and who loves you more
than anyone else in the whole world.

Zach.

•••

I tore open the package that had just been
delivered. I knew it was from Joanna, but what was it? I pulled out
a box. It was a video tape. I read the marker pen writing on it, ‘A
video letter to Zach, with all my love, Joanna.’

I wanted to watch it right away, but the only
video player we had was in the house, and I didn’t wanna watch it
in front of my parents. Luckily, they were both going out.

I pushed the videotape into the machine and
Joanna’s face appeared close up. “Hi Zach.” She beamed. “Umm
. . .
what should I say?” She
giggled, and I heard another voice say something to her, then
Joanna spoke again. “My friend Emma is helping me make this video.
“Turn it around, Em.”

The camera swiveled around to show a smiling,
young face.

“Hi Zach, I’ve heard a lot about you. I’m
Joanna’s best friend, and we go to the same church and high school.
I can’t wait to meet you. Well, back to Joanna now.”

The camera swung around again and refocused
on Joanna.

“Zach, I thought you’d like a video letter
instead of a regular letter so you can see me again and hear my
voice. I dressed up for you. Do you recognize what I’m wearing?”
The camera zoomed out from her smiling face until I could see all
of her, and she was wearing the same yellow dress she wore the last
day I saw her. She spun around in front of the camera making her
dress float up again.

“This is my room.” The camera panned around a
feminine looking bedroom with light-purple walls, a lot neater than
her tent had been. I saw her bed, and my painting on the wall above
it.

“Show him the view from my window,” Joanna’s
voice said off camera. The camera bounced towards her window, and I
could see her backyard, looking down on it from above.
Her room
must be on the second floor.
The camera panned up, showing the
neighbor’s house, then over the rooftops, in the distance, the
rugged peaks of the mountains.