Around the World in 80 Girls: The Epic 3 Year Trip of a Backpacking Casanova (38 page)

At 2200 meters, t
he mountain isn’t even that high, but the sides are nearly sixty degrees steep and the loose volcanic ash makes every step a chore. There isn’t really a path up and you have to climb over some parts made of rock, and sometimes use your arms as well. I kept thinking about my sister, who had gone through a rough period with her health and is known for her toughness. She used to travel a lot as well and is an even bigger fan of the
Lord of the Rings
trilogy than I am.

After
two hours of climbing I reached the top. It was covered in clouds and despite all the exercise I was soon feeling pretty cold since I was only wearing shorts and sneakers. I was really proud of myself and thought about how proud my sister would have been and how much she would give to be there with me.

At
this point my legs were already tired and I would have called it a day if possible, but I still had thirteen kilometers more to walk. I crossed two more mountains which were also steep climbs, only resting a bit to eat and then moving on. The mountains were very colorful and the way the sun lit up the different sides of the mountains was amazing. There was a whole palette of colors ranging from dark red to pitch black.

Suddenly t
he smell of rotten eggs hit my nose and when I went over yet another mountain I saw the deep blue sulphur lakes in front of me. It smells terrible but they are truly stunning when viewed upon from the top of a hill. After taking some photos I kept walking. My legs felt like rubber already. I reached a mountain cabin and resting point.

I
had been continuously walking and climbing for nearly seven hours. Well, I was in the worst shape of my life, having smoked and drank a lot in the months before and living only on junk food or street food. Some people passed me by a few times but they were at least ten years younger than me and who knows how fit they were. I met a couple there who had hiked all over the world and even they said it was hard to do in seven hours.

The
last minivan left at four-thirty and it was already three o’clock. I had to keep on walking and it was still about six kilometers. Luckily it was mostly downhill on a nice paved road now, it wasn’t really climbing anymore, but I’d already climbed so much while being so unprepared that my legs were really starting to go. The last hour of walking was mostly through a forest with lots of tree roots and small steps along the way and I was dead tired.

M
y whole life I’d never had knee problems, not even when I worked as a tiler and sat on my knees all day, but now it felt like people were sticking hot needles in them. Luckily I was smart enough to have brought lots of food and some candy with me so I could keep my energy going. I learned to do this the hard way when climbing Mount Fuji in Japan and in Nepal, where I almost had a heart attack due to an extremely low blood sugar level after being sick for weeks there. I remember eating some chocolate afterwards and feeling like new in just a couple of minutes.

My
back was hurting more and more with every step I took and I nearly passed out towards the end. I had to keep myself going by listening to inspiring music on my phone like the
Eye of the Tiger
song and the
Rocky
tune I use as my alarm clock ring to get a motivating start to the day. I thought of my family and it seemed like there was no end to this hellish ordeal. I thought about one of my favorite books by Stephen King,
The Long Walk
(written under pseudonym Richard Bachman), about a seven-hundred kilometer life or death walk in a future fascist America. It’s the first book I’m going to read again as soon as I finish this book and I recommend others to do so also.

Coughing
my lungs out and more dead than alive, I finally made it to the rendezvous point. The last minivans were about to leave and I hopped on one. All the other climbers complained about how hard it was to do everything in one day. Some had only done the official 19.4km mountain walk and not also climbed Mount Doom. I took off my shoes and longed for a hot shower. I had walked and climbed for twenty kilometers and had only rested maybe five times five minutes. By the time we were back in town my legs started cramping up and I stumbled into the massive supermarket and bought a liter bottle of Steinlager beer and four bags of that delicious chips they sold in New Zealand. I took a hot shower and locked myself up in my room with my beer and groceries, knocked down a couple of valiums and slept a long time.

A
few days later I went back to Auckland and spent a couple of nights there in a hostel, desperately trying to learn some Latin Spanish on my laptop before I left to yet another fascinating continent: South America.

Argentina – Buenos Aires

The flight to Argentina took twelve hours and I had flown back in time. The route description to the hostel I had written on my phone sucked; as soon as I got off at the metro stop close to the hostel I was lost, and it was my first chance to speak some Spanish. “Donde esta calle…?” I asked, and surprisingly it worked. I found the hostel, which was kind of a rock hostel. It was my second choice: my first had been the Millhouse hostel. I had heard the wildest stories about it. Some described it as total debauchery with sex everywhere. Others were very mild about the place. Either way, I figured it was one place where I’d have the chance to get my mojo back and score some flags. Well, unfortunately that hostel was already all booked up when I looked online even two weeks before. I guess it’s a popular place.

The one I did get into
was a hostel in the Palermo neighborhood, an area where all the bars and clubs were. I took a dorm room and went out alone the first night. I had to see for myself what all this talk about Palermo was about.

I
left the hostel around eleven and started walking, and kept walking because I couldn’t find any bars with people who were out drinking. I saw a lot of restaurants that looked like bars but people were still sitting in big groups and eating at tables. How the hell could I meet a girl in a place like this if they were all sitting down?

I kept walking and walked into a dark street with no-one around except a large group of teenagers and I was walking towards them. They were sitting there smoking and drinking and there were at least fifteen of them. They had seen me too and stopped talking and just looked at me. I’m no pussy but this scared me a bit. I had met an Argentinean guy on the plane from New Zealand to Argentina and he had told me some scary stories about kids walking around with guns at night. I thought he acted like a pussy at that time and didn’t really pay much attention to it. Now I was wondering if he was right. What could I do? If I stopped and turned around they would know I was worried about it and maybe had valuables to hide. It seemed best to Man Up™ and just keep walking like I always did in situations like this. I kept walking straight at them, looked over to them, stopped and lit up a cigarette and walked past them with the meanest cigarette smoking face I had, looking a few of them in the eyes. I heard them say something with gringo and laugh but they didn’t do anything. I’m not saying I scared them because they could easily have robbed me blind and beat me to death that night and no one would even see. But by walking straight at them with my chest out and looking at them while taking a few deep puffs of my cigarette with a mean face and giving them a small head nod, I had probably gained their respect for showing no fear whatsoever. Spitting on the street while keeping an eye on them is also making a manly “I don’t give a shit” impression. Just don’t do that right in front of them. I’m not saying that these techniques will always keep you out of trouble but it worked for me on several occasions in Russia, South East Asia, and now South America too.

I
never did find a good bar to go to that night and walked back to the hostel. There they told me that people in Buenos Aires don’t go out before two at night and that I probably past a lot of bars that would be booming later that night. I stayed in, lazy from walking at least thirty blocks that night.

The
following night was a Saturday night and I met some people in the hostel bar. Most were just regular backpackers but there was also a couple from Australia. She was actually from New Zealand and since I just came from there it was easy to start a conversation. The guy was a straight-up alpha natural. Good looks, muscular build and naturally charming. The girl was freaking hot, not to put too fine a point on it. The guy told me he got lots of sex when he worked on surf beaches all over Australia. He didn’t seem like a bullshitting type of guy to me and it was the first time I was actually a bit jealous of a guy. He was obviously naturally popular with girls and traveled around the world with a truly hot girl at his side. It strengthened own goals.

We
stood in line for the club and Argentinean girls approached him and started conversations. I was like
, this guy is the real deal
. A born natural who didn’t care about talking to girls in front of his hot girlfriend. I have seen so many guys who show real beta behavior when their girlfriends are around. This guy wasn’t bothered at all and neither was she.

I
made some approaches inside the club but the language barrier hit me hard and the girls who spoke English were kind of looking for free drinks. I was halfway through my 80-girls challenge and was positive that South America would be some sort of South East Asia all over again where I’d rack up the notches quickly. Having no idea how long my money would last I didn’t know the timeframe I had and thought I’d better start quick, I had a lot to making up to do after the bad time I had in Australia and New Zealand. Little did I know that Argentina was considered the hardest country in South America for picking up girls, and a long struggle had begun.

On
Sunday a new guest arrived in the dorm and I didn’t pay much attention to her when she walked in. She looked a bit thick from the other side of the room. My eyesight has been a cock-block to me sometimes because I have minus two on both sides but refuse to wear glasses in public and only tried contacts for a short while back in 2006. Making eye contact is hard when you can barely see someone’s eyes, especially in badly lighted clubs. I probably lost some bangs not noticing that girls were checking me out or trying to make eye contact with me. As I said before, I can be a pretty smart guy but with some things I’m dead stupid.

Anyway,
I was lying on my bed with my laptop when she walked in and I thought she wasn’t that good-looking. She said hi and asked me where I was from, the standard way of saying hello in backpacker land. I said Holland, and then she asked me if I had a pair of scissors – or “seizors” as she said with her exotic accent. “Yeah sure, I have some,” I said. She walked over and said she was from Brazil. She had taken off her jacket and as she turned around I saw she wasn’t a bit thick at all. She just had a big round Brazilian ass, a Bunda as they call it, a flat belly and a big pair of C-cups. I watched her walk away and talk to me and I felt something I hadn’t felt in a long time. My heart rate nearly doubled and I had instant movement in my pants. I had been with so many girls already that I wasn’t turned on anymore by merely seeing a girl, but not her. I wouldn’t say it was love at first sight, I was too numbed already by my previous experiences on my trip, but this girl brought back the fire in me. Her name was Charlize and she was on a ten-day holiday in Buenos Aires. She worked in a store in Sau Paulo and she was an obvious (hard) rocker type.

Over
the next few days we talked a lot and even did some sightseeing together. At night we sat on the floor in the hallway closely together with our backs against the wall. I showed her some YouTube vids and I put my leg and shoulder against her. This is always a good test to see if and how much a girl is in to you. She didn’t pull back and I felt excited like a teenage boy again. What the hell was wrong with me? Was I the stone cold womanizer banging his way around the world or a guy looking for true love? At that moment it looked like it was the latter, and the approach anxiety and minor depression I suffered in Australia and New Zealand had thrown me back to my old beta self.

We
went to see the movie
Suckerpunch
in the cinema. We sat closely together and twenty minutes into the movie I grabbed her hand and she immediately starting rubbing her thumb on my fingers. This was the go signal for me. We turned our heads and for the next hour we kissed and barely saw anything of the movie. We had to walk a long way back to the hostel and stopped everywhere to kiss. I used an old trick of mine, the “Look at this move”.

The “Look at this
move”

When
you walk down the street with a girl, act seriously and point at something in a store’s window and say, “Wow, look at this”. It doesn’t have to be anything special, anything will do. She’s curious and goes to look what you are pointing at. At this point you use the spin-move on her, grab her and kiss her. Girls LOVE this and I have used this trick dozens of times. You can also do this when walking around with a girl but you’re not sure if she likes you yet. It’s an excellent way of getting close to her and doing some touching. You can use it whether you’re just dating or have been married for forty years. It doesn’t matter. It makes you unpredictable and more exciting than the average guy who just holds her hand and tries to act interesting with some boring old story or bragging about his accomplishments in life. I’m probably not the inventor of the “Look at this move” but it always works very well.

Or j
ust say something like this: “O my god, look there” and point at some dark corner or alley. “Come here, I want to show you something” also works, push the girl into the dark where no one can see her or will judge her and make out there.

Girls
are self-conscious, especially in countries that are on the conservative and/or religious side. It’s the element of surprise and her being naughty that excites them. She has to trust you for this, don’t do it with a stranger or someone who is clearly not interested in you. I always make a lot of fun when walking down the street with a girl.

For
example: I ask the girl to tell me something about some boring statue and they start explaining stuff and I just make fun of them. They start hitting me on the shoulder and say that I’m such a mean guy. Once they say that, you are already an attractive guy in their opinion. Do not underestimate the element of surprise when picking up girls.
 

When
Charlize and I returned to the hostel it was already past midnight and a lot of people were already sleeping. We sat on the couch in the internet room and kept making out. She turned off the lights and sat towards me on my lap and my hands went over her big round bunda. She took her shirt off and was sitting in front of me in only her bra. It was late but people could still walk in. My hands went up to her boobs and massaged them, and she took her bra off too. I couldn’t believe my eyes and hands. Her breasts were absolutely perfect. My first thought was that they were fake, but I was afraid to ask since the last time I did that gave me a funny reaction. We had no place to have sex but talked about going to a motel the next time.

The next day
I met an American girl named Elizabeth, who had traveled South America a bit but had now decided to stay in Buenos Aires for a while. She was a nice-looking girl and was running a nice blog about her travels and her stay in Buenos Aires. We got talking about blogging and I showed her my blog. She was surprised when she saw the title but interested at the same time.

Girls
are ALWAYS intrigued if a man is doing well with the ladies. I was already with Charlize and I’m pretty sure Elizabeth was interested too, especially when Charlize acted a bit jealous around her. Pre-selection is the light saber in the hands of the love-Jedi.

We
went to the La Boca neighborhood the next morning, a very famous part of town where there a lot of small bars, lots of tango dancing, and the home of the Boca Juniors Football stadium. We visited everything and had a nice day.

At
night Charlize and I went to a love motel in the same street as the hostel. We took the room for only three hours because it was quite expensive. It was a room full of mirrors and had some romantic Spanish music playing in the background. After showering I waited for her and she looked magical when coming out of the bathroom. We were both only wearing a towel and started kissing. She was a bit shy at first but once I started using my tongue on all her body parts she became very horny. A funny thing happened when I finished her with my tongue. She nearly exploded in orgasm, coming so hard she was knocked out and for a moment I thought she’d gone to sleep. Now I felt exactly how millions of women must feel after having sex with their lousy boyfriend who finishes and rolls over to sleep. It was no surprise I didn’t like this feeling. I said “Hey, wake up!” to her and she replied “Ow, Neil, wait one minute, it still feels so good”. I asked if she wanted me to do it again but she said no because she would have no energy left afterwards. She took away my towel and was pleasantly surprised. “You… you are so clean,” she said in her thick Brazilian accent. Apparently her last boyfriend had never heard of shaving or trimming down there. She ferociously attacked me and I felt her heartbeat through her warm lips. I had already trouble controlling myself after all this built-up pressure over the last months and her slow way of pleasuring me almost got the better of me. She said she never liked giving blowjobs that much but with me she loved it.

A
bigger compliment is hardly possible. Ten minutes later she stopped and mounted me, riding me hard while rotating her hips, her perfect boobs bouncing in my face and her big round ass visible everywhere in the mirrors.

I
couldn’t hold it anymore and busted a nut really quick. I moaned a bit but I did it in such a way she didn’t notice I’d already come. “Let’s change positions,” I said, and she didn’t notice I came after only five minutes. I took her from behind and looked at myself in the mirror while hearing her breathing heavily and softly moaning a bit. “I’m back in business, capturing the Brazilian flag after only four days in South America,” I said to myself. I looked down at her big round butt and felt proud. I lasted a lot longer now and blamed the first quick one on the long dry spell and the very strong feelings I had for her. She never noticed that it was twice, and it was actually very risky to continue fucking with a loaded condom.