ARC: Essence (23 page)

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

“What do you mean, I’m not going to like this?”

I felt all my muscles tensing, like every cell in my body was preparing itself for a blow, but Ryder just sighed and snubbed his cigarette in the ashtray. “It was the Tuolumne comment that did it.”

“The Tuolumne comment?”

“Yeah. Cause here’s the thing. Tuolumne’s bullshit, too.”

My fingers clenched. “What do you mean, bullshit?”

“Bullshit. A lie. A complete and total fabrication. Nothing more than a windswept piece of land – about as wild and unkempt as the moon. There’s no such thing as crossing over.”

I couldn’t help it; I bolted to my feet. My elbow struck a nearby vase, and it dropped like a stone and shattered between us. The sound was loud and no doubt explosive, but I didn’t even hear it. I couldn’t process a word he was saying.

“But… What about Shayla? And everyone else?”

“Shayla’s not dead. Don’t worry, Red; she’s not dead.”

“Then where is she?”

“She’s OK. She’s here. In Camp Four.”

Camp Four?
My mind returned to the fortified walls and impossible stone doors, to the oil tanks and low buildings. “But Camp Four’s for supplies…”

But there it was. The answer was right in front of me – inside the building with the low lights, in the place with the locked door and the high-pitched scream. The wail so tortured and fearful it sent my blood shooting into ice.

That scream was Shayla’s.

“You knew.” Again, it wasn’t a question. Ryder hadn’t known about Daniel, but he had known about Camp Four. The truth was written all over his face.

“Why?” My voice was rising now, and strength was returning to my limbs. I didn’t feel off-balance anymore, just deceived. And furious. “Why did you leave her? Why didn’t you
do
something?”

He held his hands up to placate me. “Red, wait. You don’t understand. Shayla’s in there because she needs to be in there. Needs treatment. Needs help.”

“Inside Camp Four? Inside a secret building no one knows about where no one can hear her scream?”

“She’s safe in there. Protected. It’s where she can receive the best medical care.”

“
Why?
Why is she locked away in there? Why does everyone think she’s in Tuolumne Meadows?”

“It’s… it’s for morale. So no one has to worry about her.” Ryder swallowed. “Did you see that head wound? There’s no way she could have ever bounced back from that. It scrambled her, changed her into something different than what she was.” His voice dropped into a whisper. “Camp Four’s where my old man sends the ones who aren’t going to get better.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? Why doesn’t anyone else know?”

He snorted, but it was a dark noise. The sound of a man collapsing. “Isn’t the best public relations idea, is it? Letting people know there are consequences to our actions? Better to let everyone think we’ll be rewarded for our sacrifices if anything ever goes wrong.”

“But… What about Essence drain? Does this mean…?”

“No. Essence drain’s still bullshit. Probably. But just because you don’t have a time bomb ticking in your chest… Your actions still have consequences, you know?”

I thought of Jett’s words, of the way she’d warned me about being elevated all the time.
Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should,
she’d said. She was right.

They were all right.

The knowledge infected me, and I suddenly wanted nothing more than to be as far away from Ryder as I could. “You knew, and you didn’t say anything. Didn’t warn anyone. Didn’t tell me when you picked me off the streets in San Francisco. ‘Abundance is the key to longevity’; isn’t that right, Ryder? The harder I push myself, the more alive I feel?”

Instead of fighting me, he just sighed. “That’s right. I let you believe this place was paradise. Let Jett and Cody and everyone else believe it, too. Joke’s on me; looks like we don’t stop at just institutionalizing people.”

The reminder tempered my anger some. I glanced around the room and realized I’d never felt so overwhelmed in my entire life. What am I going to do now?

I steadied myself on the dresser. “I think you need to start from the beginning.”

“A guy named Will Serrano was the first. To be ‘sent away’.” Ryder’s words were flowing fast now, and his eyes were unfocused. He spoke like a person with nothing left to lose. “Parachute malfunctioned off El Cap; broke nearly every bone in his body.”

I shuddered, but Ryder didn’t notice. “I must have been eleven or twelve at the time,” he continued. “Daniel stabilized him, but he was never able to walk again. Was different, too, you know? Confused. Bitter. So angry he started bringing down everyone around him.”

He cleared his throat. “Rex tried to rehabilitate him, but it was no use. Everyone’s readings started slipping, and people stopped BASE jumping and climbing and doing anything on El Cap. The Community fell into a rut, so…”

“Rex put him away. For the good of the Community.”

Ryder looked like he might protest, but then he simply nodded. “Yeah. Maybe. Took him to Camp Four. Told everyone he’d left for treatment in Fresno.”

“Why
didn’t
he leave for treatment in Fresno? Someone there could have maybe actually helped him…”

“Couldn’t risk it. That’s what my old man said, anyway.” He shrugged. “The authorities might have found out what we were up to, might have locked us away for kidnapping or child endangerment or something. Would have ruined everything he was trying to do out here.”

He paused. “Look, Red, I’m not saying it was the right thing to do. But a funny thing happened. The moment Will was out of sight, everyone’s readings began to soar again. People started climbing El Cap, and they were BASE jumping again. Everyone’s morale went through the roof, so…”

“Out of sight, out of mind.”

“Yeah. That.”

I looked at Ryder, at the boy I’d once thought I knew, and I realized I didn’t know a damn thing about him. If he really
was
the type of person who could let his father lock people away in the name of research… It was intolerable – inhuman, even. How do you push your friends and loved ones into taking risks when you know better than anyone what’s actually waiting for them if they fail?

The tunnel. My thoughts returned to it with an aching sense of dread. What would have happened if I’d hit my head any harder? Would Ryder have driven me back to Camp Four? Dropped me in a cot beside Shayla and kissed my forehead for good luck?

He seemed to sense my thoughts. “You can go, you know,” he said. “Get out of here. You don’t have to stay with me anymore.”

“Go?” The thought was laughable. “Go
where
, Ryder? Daniel’s apparently prowling the borders with a hunting rifle. Where the hell am I gonna go?”

“I don’t know.” His eyes lost focus again. “I don’t know anything anymore.”

I fought the urge to comfort him. The realization that we’d built our entire relationship around a lie was enough to prevent me from ever reaching for him again.

“I
am
going to go,” I finally said. “Back to my tent – where I’m going to figure out a way to get the hell out of here without getting killed in the process.” I strode toward the door. “Yosemite was a mistake, Ryder.
You
were a mistake. I should have never believed you were anything more than a fake and a liar.”

Standing up to Ryder should have felt like a triumph. But it didn’t.

The truth is, I could barely see the trail below my feet for all the tears streaming down my cheeks. I felt duped and betrayed. But worse than that, I felt sickened by the way Ryder collapsed the moment I reached for his doorknob. He looked stricken and terrified, and the realization that I was leaving him in the midst of his pain was almost more than I could bear.

But this whole thing was his fault. He’d lied to me. He’d lied to
everyone
, and he had stood idly by while his father ordered us to do things he knew could kill us.
He’d
ordered us to do things he knew could kill us.

Truthfully, we knew those things could kill us, too. But the
expectations
Rex and Ryder set for us – the way they encouraged us to push ourselves… They’d promised us a crossing-over celebration and a peaceful retirement in Tuolumne Meadows…

I stopped myself. They’d pushed us, but they hadn’t ordered us. Hadn’t threatened us or tortured us or forced us at gunpoint. So what did that say about
us?

I reached for my pendant necklace and was actually surprised to find it wasn’t there.
Neutrality is the key to longevity, neutrality is the key to longevity
…

But it wasn’t. Neither was abundance. So what was? I realized I didn’t have time to think about it; I needed to escape Yosemite before anyone learned I knew the truth.

But… then what? Return to the city? Go to the East Side? What about Shayla? I couldn’t just leave her stranded in Camp Four, but how could I take her with me?

Through the pine trees, I glimpsed the silhouettes of two people strolling by the light of the moon. A tall, dark-skinned person with dreadlocks, and a shorter person with silky hair.

Trey and Maria. They looked like they were holding hands, like Maria had finally given up on Ryder and decided to give Trey a chance. I swallowed. I couldn’t leave them, either.

Footsteps shuffled on the trail behind me. I swirled, expecting to see Ryder, but it wasn’t Ryder. It was Rex, and he was heading right for me.

“Autumn.” The line of his jaw was firm, and his steps were purposeful. “Do you have a moment?”

I froze. For a fleeting instant, I thought he hadn’t seen me exit Ryder’s bedroom, but this hope died the moment he reached my side. His grip was hard around my bicep, and his eyes shone without a trace of warmth.

“Been spending quite a bit of time with my son lately, haven’t you?” Before I could answer, he pulled me away from my tent cabin. “Been spending almost every single night with him, isn’t that right?”

I struggled in his grasp, but it was no use. His hands were powerful, and they rippled with definition from the countless surgeries he had performed.

“Oh, come on,” he said, hauling me down the trail. “It isn’t a big surprise. Both of your readings have been nearly identical for the last four weeks.”

We bypassed the Ahwahnee and began walking toward the parking lot. “You know why we have rules, don’t you, Autumn? It’s not for me; it’s for the good of the Community.”

Brambles tore at my pants as I struggled to stay on my feet. My arm was beginning to feel tingly, and fear crippled me so deeply it didn’t even occur to me to cry out.

“I have forbidden Ryder from dating, because Ryder has a higher calling.”

We were walking toward the cars now. I glanced over my shoulder, hoping to catch a glimpse of Ryder on his windowsill, but his lanterns were darkened. His curtains flapped idly in the breeze.

Rex continued. “Ryder will lead our uprising in San Francisco, will take my place if anything ever happens to me. Because the world needs to know the truth about the Centrist Movement. There’s no room for distractions.”

He opened the door to a Jeep and flung me inside. “You’re a good girl, Autumn, but you’re just a girl. Remember that. Ryder will forget about you as soon as you’re gone.”

Gone?
The way Shayla was gone, or the way Daniel hoped my friends were gone?

He slid into the driver’s seat. “I hope you don’t think I enjoy this, just like I don’t enjoy patrolling our borders or tending to cripples in our ward. Because Ryder told you about these things, didn’t he?”

I tried to protest, but it was no use. We made eye contact, and Rex’s eyes became steely. “I was afraid of that.”

He paused, and then his voice became measured. “You must understand where I’m coming from, Autumn. I can’t let anyone leave this place. If Cedar’s spies find out where we are, there will never be an uprising. We will never get the chance to free the Movement’s followers from his abuse, and we will never–”

Before he could finish, someone banged hard on the hood of the Jeep. “Stop! Where do you think you’re taking her?”

“Ryder.” Rex’s voice was pinched. “This is none of your concern. Go inside; I need you to rest.”

“Let her go! She doesn’t mean anything to you.”

“She doesn’t mean anything to you, either. Or shouldn’t.”

Ryder blocked the road in front of us, and the Jeep’s headlights spotlighted him. He looked more wiry than usual, and sweat soaked the curls of his hair. “She does, OK? But that doesn’t mean I’ve stopped caring about this, or us, or you. I’m just as committed to this as I was the day we started…”

“Then why did you tell her about our borders? About Camp Four?” Rex’s voice cracked. “Do you think I enjoy doing this, son? Do you think it makes me happy? This isn’t what I want, but you’ve left me no choice. She
can’t
know; she’ll tell everyone here.”

“She won’t.” Ryder made eye contact with me. “Right? You won’t, will you, Red?”

“I won’t.” I kept my eyes focused on him. “I won’t. I swear I won’t.”

“She will. You know it as well as I do. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday it will come out. And when it does, it will ruin us.”

Ryder’s expression fell. He was silent for a moment, and then he said, “So let her leave. Let her disappear and never return. She doesn’t want any part of this; she’s harmless.”

“But she knows where we are.”

“She’ll forget. Isn’t that right, Red? Won’t you forget about us when you leave?”

I don’t know why, but a pit formed in my stomach at the thought that I’d never see him again. It was misplaced and ill-timed, and it was so unexpected that it seemed almost comical. But it wasn’t. It was real, and there was no way to undo it.

“Yes,” I finally stammered. “I’ll forget. I’ll forget everything, and I’ll never come back. I’ll never tell anyone what I saw here…”

“Father, please, I’m begging you.” Ryder’s eyes were pleading now. “I love her. I’ve never loved anyone before, but I love her. I don’t know what I’ll do if you don’t let her go.”

Rex’s expression hardened. “Ryder, listen to me. You aren’t thinking clearly right now…”

“I am!” Ryder smacked the hood with so much force that Rex and I both flinched. “I’m serious. Let her go, or I’m done.”

“Done?” Rex stifled a laugh. “You’re done?”

“Yeah. Done with your experiments, done with your recruiting. See how well this place runs without me.”

“Ryder, listen to me. You’re overreacting about this. We can talk tomorrow–”

“No!” Ryder smacked the hood again. “I have done
nothing
but bust my ass for you ever since we got here. I’ve never asked questions, never protested. I’ve always done everything you’ve wanted me to do.” He glanced at the Ahwahnee and then back at his father. “I’m serious. I know a lot of secrets that would upset a lot of people around here. You probably don’t want to blow me off right now.”

Rex’s eyes narrowed. “Are you threatening me, son?”

“Yes.” Ryder’s voice sounded strained at first, but he quickly gained conviction. “Yes, I am. Let her go, or everyone here will know the truth.”

For a moment, Rex seemed to falter. His jaw fell open, and his long fingers began clenching and un-clenching around his steering wheel. Then, just as quickly, his expression hardened. “Fine,” he said. “You win. I’ll let her leave, but she walks Taft Point first.”

“What does Taft Point have to do with this?”

“I refuse to compromise her final readings, son. She may only leave after she has done her part here.”

Ryder scoffed. “That’s ridiculous. There’s no way I’m going to agree to something as pointless as–”

Rex cut him off. “Don’t forget
your
delicate situation, son.” His eyes were penetrating. “You may have information, but I have Autumn. And I have you, your friends, everything you’ve ever built or believed in. I would encourage you to very carefully consider your options before you rush into a decision you are going to regret.” He cleared his throat. “Autumn walks, or Autumn doesn’t leave.”

Ryder’s eyes narrowed. “Are you threatening
me
, Father?”

“I’ll walk.” My words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. I took a breath and then repeated, “I’ll walk. It’s fine; I can do it.”

I swallowed. If I walked Taft Point, I could leave. It was the only way I ever would.