ARC: Essence (22 page)

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

For a brief, horrifying second when I woke, I thought I was back in the tunnel. But I wasn’t. I was lying in a makeshift bed inside some sort of cave.

The sky was dark, but even that couldn’t camouflage the folded coat laid on the ground by my feet. I was covered by something – blankets? a sleeping bag? – and a canteen and foil-wrapped loaf of bread waited by my head.

So did this note, which I struggled to read by light of the moon:
Autumn, this isn’t the way we wanted things to go. We want you, as soon as you’ve come to your senses. By the time the sleeping pills wear off, it will be too late to stop us. But remember the East Side. There’s a place called Mono Lake.

There was no signature, but the handwriting was easy enough to decipher. Kadence’s.

I struggled to sit up, so furious I could barely contain myself.
Had she actually left me in a cave?
I pictured my so-called friends standing around me, carrying my lifeless body and dumping me here, where a bear or mountain lion could have easily eaten me.

Didn’t think about that, did they?

Or
did
they? Maybe they didn’t care. Things would be a lot easier for them if I were out of the picture. They’d demonstrated
that
clearly enough. If they were so worried about my health and safety, why didn’t they just take me with them?

I wiped the leaves from my hair, thankful they hadn’t. The depth of their deception ate at me, and I wondered how I’d been so easily duped. Were they planning on deserting all along? Soaking up Rex’s hospitality with no intention of living up to their end of the bargain?

One thing was for sure: Rex must be pissed right now. And Ryder… Ryder was probably terrified something bad had happened to me. Or worse… Did he think I had deserted, too?

I would never do that. He must know that.

I struggled to my feet and fought a wave of dizziness as I approached the cave’s entrance. How much time had passed? A day? More?

I wondered if Rex had sent a search party looking for me yet, but I quickly decided I wasn’t going to wait around and find out. Just beyond the cave, I saw what looked like a trail. Dented with hoofprints, it led up and away from the cliffs and skirted the canyon walls to my left. In front of me was Half Dome, which meant North Dome must be behind me. The water babbling in front of me must be Snow Creek, and that meant Mirror Lake and the Valley must be down the trail to my right.

Only, how far? I couldn’t imagine my so-called friends dumping me too far from civilization, but then again, I wouldn’t have taken them for dumping types at all. Certainly not backstabber types or twist-your-neck-and-leave-you-unconscious types. So what did I really know about them, anyway?

I wondered if I should start walking in the middle of the night. My cave was remarkably sheltered, but the thought that Ryder might be mourning me for dead or thinking I’d abandoned him was enough to get me moving.

I took a swig of water, stowed the bread in my coat and wrapped the blanket around my shoulders. The air was heavy but expectant, and I wondered if we would finally see some rain. I crossed my fingers the deluge would wait until I’d made it to safety, and then I steadied myself and began walking.

It was nearly morning by the time I finally reached the Valley floor. Although the weather held off for the most part, a few scattered showers dampened my blanket and caused me to slip a little.

I probably looked ridiculous, like some kind of mud monster, but I wasn’t thinking about what I looked like when I finally turned toward the Ahwahnee. I was staggering, off-balance and weak. But mostly, I was angry. At Kadence and Javi for spreading lies, at Cody and Jett for believing them. I couldn’t believe they had the nerve to say they were mad
for
me but then care so little about me that they actually stashed me in a cave like a dead body.

How could they possibly think that was any more acceptable than the way Ryder had taken care of me after the Wawona Tunnel? Besides, he’d even suggested taking me to Rex himself. It was
me
who’d told him I didn’t want to go. It was
me
who’d paved the way for him to nurse me back to health himself.

I blushed when I thought of the way caring for me had graduated into something more, but I couldn’t waste much time dwelling on that. I had more pressing matters to attend to first.

I wondered if my so-called friends had made it to Tuolumne Meadows yet. Would Shayla have anything to do with them?

I secretly hoped she wouldn’t. After all, she believed in Rex’s research more than anyone here did. I smiled when I pictured her brushing them off, and I imagined with smug satisfaction the way they’d feel when they finally reached an East Side filled with Outsiders. Maybe then they’d realize how good they’d actually had it here.

I patted the piece of paper in my pocket. Mono Lake, that was where they said they were going. I wondered if Rex and Daniel could intercept them before they arrived. But then what? Would they drag them back here, force them to participate in our research?

What was the point?

I realized I wanted to find them – not to make them stay, but to tell them how wrong they were about me. To show them they had Ryder and Rex and this whole place misinterpreted.

But maybe there were more important things. Like walking Taft Point. And just like I’d ignored those Outsiders who waited outside the temple for us, maybe I should ignore my friends’ absence as well. Maybe they weren’t even worth my time.

Ryder was smoking on the Ahwahnee back porch when I arrived. It was just after dawn, and the sky was still lightening. The air swirled around him in soft shades of pink, but his eyes were focused on the ground in front of him.

He looked listless. And distracted. And defeated.

I rushed toward him without thinking, and the bewildered look in his eyes told me he hadn’t been mourning me for dead at all. He’d been mourning me for a deserter.

“Red, what are you doing here?” He dropped his cigarette. “Are you OK? Where’ve you been?”

“I didn’t leave.” It was the most important thing to say, so I made sure I said it first. “I didn’t desert or decide to abandon you. I’ve been walking all night to find you.”

Now Ryder’s arms were around me. Mud smeared his clothes, but he didn’t seem to care. “Holy shit, I thought you left. I didn’t think I was ever going to see you again. What happened to you?”

I sank into his embrace and allowed him to steady me. “Cody knocked me out or something. Then they drugged me and dumped me in a cave near Mirror Lake.”

Ryder’s eyes widened. “Did Cody hurt you? I swear I will kill him if he as much as laid a finger…”

“I’m fine.” I leaned into him. “Just exhausted. How long have I been gone?”

“It’s Wednesday morning now. Last we saw anyone was dinnertime on Monday. Seven people deserted. Do you know where they went?”

Before I could answer, I heard footsteps approaching. And then a deep, velvet voice: “Is that Autumn? Thank goodness you’re safe, dear; do you need medical attention?”

It was Rex. Before I knew it, I was lifted into Ryder’s arms, and the three of us were headed toward the empty Ahwahnee lobby.

A short time later, I sat curled in a battered leather chair in front of one of the Ahwahnee’s many fireplaces. We were in a small sitting area called the Mural Room, and an intricate wall painting stretched above the room’s rich wood panels.

Daniel pulled the French doors shut and came to sit beside Rex. It was clear he’d been in the woods all night. His dark camouflage pants were stained with mud, and he carried a rifle slung over his shoulder.

The rifle sat by the bookcase now, but its presence made me nervous. It reminded me how many wild animals actually prowled the Valley’s woods, and I felt thankful all over again that I’d made it down from my cave without incident.

“So, start from the beginning,” Rex said. The three of them were sitting in a row now, mismatched bumps on a long, leather log.

“Cody and Kadence drugged me. Jett, too, and Javi. They were afraid I was going to tell you they were leaving, so they knocked me out and hid me in a cave.”

“And how did you know they were leaving?” Rex asked.

“Cody told me before chores on Monday. Said they were sick of the way you guys were treating us.” I swallowed, self-conscious at the words. “I’m not, though. Sick, I mean. I don’t agree with them or anything.”

Rex nodded. “Very well. Please continue.”

I cleared my throat. “They don’t like the uprising. And they don’t like how you handled Shayla’s crossing over.”

I opened my mouth to add another disclaimer, but Rex waved me on. “Did Cody say anything else?”

“No. Just that he didn’t want to be part of the Community anymore. He wanted to start a new life somewhere.”

“Where?” Daniel leaned forward. “Where were they going, Autumn?”

There was something unsettling about the hard look in Daniel’s eyes. Something dark. And wild. Something I didn’t like seeing.

I felt myself shrinking. Rex must have sensed it, because he put his hand on Daniel’s shoulder. “It’s been a long night, hasn’t it, my friend? Why don’t you head upstairs, and we’ll finish up here?”

Daniel swallowed. Glancing at Rex and Ryder, he nodded. “I’m sorry, Autumn. I didn’t mean to sound so forceful. I’m just… I need rest now.”

With that, he slung the rifle back over his shoulder, and he was gone.

In his absence, something changed. The room became still, and Rex’s eyes became eager. An ambiguous sense of unease filled me, and the walls seemed to close in a little. “I apologize, Autumn. You were saying?”

“Fresno. They’re headed to Fresno.” I don’t know what came over me, but I decided I wasn’t going to tell Rex anything. At least not until this reluctance left me.

“Fresno,” he repeated. “Did he say what they wanted to do in Fresno?”

“Take a train south, I think. Head to Bakersfield or LA or something. Try to start over.”

“Very well.” He glanced at Ryder. “Horses can probably travel twenty, thirty miles in a day. That gives us a day or two to intercept them.”

Ryder nodded. “Should we get going?”

“No.” Rex shook his head. “We’ll leave this one to Daniel and the entrance guards. Only two and a half weeks before our research anniversary; I’d think it would be more valuable for you and your friends to continue practicing for Taft Point.” He made eye contact with me. “Does that sound all right, Autumn?”

When I nodded, he stood. “Thank you for your assistance in the matter, and I’m sorry you had to go through so many trials on our account. We will ensure that these seven are apprehended and appropriately reprimanded for their part in this incident. Your dedication will not go unnoticed.”

Rex’s words should have made me feel better, but they didn’t. As soon as he’d exited the Mural Room, I turned to Ryder. “What is Daniel going to do if he finds them?”

Ryder shrugged. “Not sure. No one’s ever been quite so bold about leaving before.”

“But people
leave
. You told me people leave all the time.”

“Yeah. But not like that. Not with such a blatant disregard for what we’re doing.” He extended his hand. “Come on, babe, let me get you to my room. You need rest.”

“But when he says they’ll be apprehended and appropriately reprimanded… What does that mean? He wouldn’t hurt them, would he?”

“Of course not. Probably won’t even make them come back. Just wants them to know how important it is that no one knows we’re out here.” He shrugged. “And the fact that you helped… Well, that’s huge, Red. Things would be a lot worse for them if you hadn’t told him where they were going. Remember that.”

Again, the words were meant to comfort me, but they didn’t. They left a queasy feeling of guilt and uncertainty instead.

I wasn’t quite sure why I hadn’t told Rex the truth, but I knew it was too late to go back on that now. Rex would question my intentions, and maybe so would Ryder. Everything was so tremulous right now that I couldn’t afford either.

So the best I could hope for would be that the intermittent rain showers had wiped out the hoof prints last night. And maybe Daniel would think the group had just gotten away – slipped off the trail somehow or decided to change course at the last minute.

I don’t know why I cared so much, but something told me I should. And the weight of that was suddenly so heavy that I could barely manage a nod when Ryder suggested taking me to his room again.

My eyes closed almost as quickly as my head hit the pillow.

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

Daniel returned four days later.

Ryder and I had taken the day off from slacklining, and we were sitting around an empty Ahwahnee porch table, idly playing cards before dinner. The clamor of the older-model truck was unmistakable, and it wasn’t long before we dropped our cards and rushed to the parking lot.

If anyone was hoping to catch sight of the deserters, they were in for a disappointment. When it became clear that only Daniel, Rex and the white-blond guard Brian were in the truck, an audible murmur reverberated through the crowd.

But then Daniel stood up and held his hands in the air. “Intercepted!” he announced. “Caught up to the deserters just outside Oakhurst.”

A cheer erupted, but I felt myself glued in place.
Intercepted?

“They scattered when we arrived, but it was easy to round them back up. Unprepared for the weather, and one of them had already broken his leg.”

My heart seized.
Javi? Cody?

I caught myself as Daniel continued working through the group’s list of mishaps and setbacks. But Javi and Cody aren’t in Oakhurst. Aren’t even close. They’re in Mono Lake. Headed north and east when Daniel went south and west.

But had I gotten it wrong somehow? Or had they given me false directions, knowing I’d turn them in?

I felt color drain from my cheeks. Of course. They knew I’d tell Ryder, because I always told Ryder. And they knew Ryder would tell Rex. And if Rex and Daniel were busy looking for them on the East Side…

I swallowed. Did they really count on my betrayal?

I tuned back into Daniel’s speech just in time to hear: “They are shamed by their actions, and they understand that their rashness has led to much strife here in the Valley. They begged my forgiveness, and they asked for our mercy.” He paused. “They understand they will most likely be scorned here in the Valley, so we have agreed to provide a temporary home for them in Tuolumne Meadows until they feel fit to return.”

A gasp rose, but Rex shushed it. “Now, brothers, sisters. Remember we are a family. Daniel briefed me on the situation a short time ago, and I agree that he has made a powerful choice. Tuolumne is sacred to us, but we mustn’t turn our backs on our misguided brethren. It may take them a short time to return, or it may take them quite a while. But if they do feel fit to rejoin us, we must welcome them with open arms. This is the Community way.”

I heard murmurings of dissent, but this quickly transformed into a quiet round of applause, and then a loud and deafening round of applause as everyone cheered the Community’s sense of forgiveness and rebirth.

Everyone except me. And maybe, possibly Ryder. He stiffened at Daniel’s words, and his applause was halfhearted at best. If anything, he looked pale, and maybe even a little stricken by the news.

My emotions were likewise out of whack. I understood why Cody and Kadence would have lied about their destination, but I didn’t see them returning to the Community so easily. I certainly didn’t see them clamoring for a chance to live in Tuolumne Meadows. If this is what they wanted, why hadn’t they headed there in the first place?

I wanted to ask Ryder what he was thinking, but he rushed away when the crowd broke apart. Claiming a headache, he hurried to his father’s side and disappeared in the truck with Rex and Daniel.

The only person left was Brian, but he was quickly pulled into the crowd. He was peppered with questions and finally ushered inside the Ahwahnee – carried away, no doubt, by the sense of celebrity bestowed on him.

Because he was there when it had happened. And he’d showed compassion.

An upright, outstanding member of the Community.

It was nearly ten o’clock by the time I made it to Ryder’s bedroom that night. I figured he’d still be out, so I was surprised when the tangy scent of tobacco wafted through the door’s entrance. There he was, hunched on his windowsill with one long leg propped at his side.

His windows were open, and his filmy curtains drifted on the night breeze, partially obscuring him from view. But I could tell even from a distance that his shoulders were knotted. By the light of his lanterns, I saw the ashtray next to him was filled to overflowing.

“Are you allowed to smoke in here?”

“Hey, Red.” Ryder’s eyes were bloodshot, and he looked like he hadn’t slept in days.

“Where’d you go? I didn’t see you at dinner.” I pushed the door shut and took a few steps toward him.

He glanced at his ashtray. “Been here. Been smoking. Is dinner over already?”

I frowned. “Do you know what time it is?”

His answer was immediate. “Daniel didn’t find Cody and the others in Oakhurst. He’s lying.”

“What?” I hadn’t known what he would say, but I definitely wasn’t expecting that. The world took an unexpected turn, and I fought the sweat I felt rising on my temples. “What do you mean, he’s lying?”

“He’s lying. So’s my old man. They don’t want morale to go down. But they didn’t find Cody, and they didn’t find shit. Have no idea where anyone is.”

“Oh–kay?” I felt myself struggling through his words the way you struggle through mud or quicksand. He didn’t find them? Didn’t rescue them and take them to Tuolumne Meadows? Does this mean they’re really on the East Side? Does this mean they really told me the truth?

Another thought: why would Daniel lie about that?

Ryder spoke again. “You know where they really are, don’t you?”

Now I felt my foundation crumbling. As I stood there trying to figure out what to say, he gripped both my hands in his. “Don’t. Tell. Anyone. OK? Don’t tell me; don’t tell them. Don’t you tell a single soul where they are, do you hear me?”

“Ryder…” I recoiled. “What…?”

“I’m serious, Red. As if your life depended on it. Promise me.”

“Ryder…”

He interrupted: “Did you see the look in Daniel’s eyes in the Mural Room? Did you? Remember that look, Red. That was the look of a man you don’t want to mess with. And if you know where the deserters are heading… You don’t want a guy like Daniel on your bad side, OK?” He took a breath. “I need to hear you say it, Red. Say you promise.”

“I…”

“Red, I’m not kidding. There’s shit going on here that you don’t want any part of. Do you understand?”

Before I could respond, someone knocked on his bedroom door. “Ryder?”

The voice was Rex’s, and Ryder stiffened when he heard it. “Red, he can’t see you in here. You need to hide.”

As he hurried to the door, I slipped to the floor behind his bed.

“Yes, sir?”

Ryder and Rex’s conversation sounded discombobulated, with no visuals or expressions to guide me: “Are you smoking in here?”

“No, sir.”

“You know you’re not supposed to smoke in here. Could burn this whole place down.”

“I wasn’t smoking.”

“Is that an ashtray by your window?”

“No, sir. Just a vase.”

A pause. “Did Autumn tell you any more about the deserters’ plans?”

“No, sir. Doesn’t seem to know anything.”

“I thought as much.” Another pause. “Think we honestly missed them?”

“I do. Tracks could have easily been covered by rain.”

“If they get to Fresno… We have to stop them before they get to Fresno.”

“I know. Don’t worry. Daniel will find them.”

Silence. And then: “How’s highlining?”

“Great. Coming along right on schedule.”

“And Maria?”

“Doing fine.”

“Spikes aren’t as elevated as when she first got here. Work on that, will you?”

“Yes, sir.”

“And there’s another girl in the gardens. Lacy? Lindsey? Came in February or March. Have you been with her yet?”

“No, sir. Was dating a friend of mine.”

“I think she’s single now.”

“I’ll work on it.”

The sound of contact – the patting of a shoulder; the exchange of a hug? – and then, “Goodnight, son. Better not catch you smoking in here.”

“Yes, sir. Goodnight.”

The creaking of the door. Footsteps across the bedroom. The flick of a lighter. And then: “Lucky I
don’t
burn this place down.”

Rex and Ryder’s conversation left me unsettled in so many ways that I didn’t know where to begin. So, of course, it was the most trivial detail that worked its way out first: “Rex asks you to sleep with girls for him?”

Ryder took a drag of his cigarette. “Guess so.”

“Has he always done that?”

He exhaled out the open window. “Asks me to do a lot of shit I don’t want to do.”

“Do you do it?”

“What? Sleep with girls for him?”

“Anything. Anything he asks?”

He took another drag. “Guess so. Most of the time. Not since I met you, though.”

“You don’t do what he asks anymore?”

“I don’t sleep with girls anymore.” He rubbed his temples. “This shit’s giving me a headache, Red. Can we go to bed?”

“What about Fresno? Why does Daniel need to stop the deserters before they reach it?”

We made eye contact. The cigarette wavered in Ryder’s hands, and my stomach dropped to the floor. I knew the answer. Right there, with a sinking certainty more powerful than anything I’d ever felt in my entire life.

I knew it, just like I’d sensed it the moment I saw Daniel’s eyes. It had been there, in the nervous energy of the Mural Room, in the easy set of his rifle and in the way he’d slung it over his shoulder on his way out the door. He wasn’t concerned about bears or mountain lions.

“He needs to kill them first.”

It took a moment for Ryder to respond. In that pause, I saw the truth hovering in his eyes. I saw it wavering and darkening and spreading like a virus through his limbs. It was all encompassing, heavy as the sea, and it covered him so completely there was almost nothing left.

“You just found out.” It wasn’t a question. It was a truth I knew with the same weighted certainty I knew my own name. Ryder hadn’t known before. And he knew now. And things would never, ever be the same.

Realization smacked me so hard, it left me breathless. If Daniel found our friends, he would kill them. He would shoot them and leave them rotting in the wilderness, and no one would ever know the truth.

I almost felt too stunned to speak. “When did you find out?”

“Just now. Before dinner.”

“And Rex knows?”

“Think it was his idea.”

There was a hollowness to Ryder’s expression now. His foundation had just been ripped out from under him, and I could see he was reeling. Slowly filling with the realization. Poisoned by it. Drowning.

“How did you find out?”

He met my eyes. The weight of his stare was unnerving, and I suddenly felt like I might drown, too. He wasn’t finished.

“You need to sit down, Red. You’re not gonna like this.”