Antonia's Bargain (16 page)

glinted in the candlelight. He threw it in the fireplace where it smashed into ice-sharp

splinters. Better to drink from the bottle anyway. A black urge to seek oblivion in the

alcohol burned in his gut.

Someone knocked on the door. He glanced up as Peter came in.

“Forgive me if I am interfering, but I escorted young Anthony into a hackney cab.”

Gideon tipped the ash from his cigar onto the carpet. “Thank you. I would’ve done

it myself but she was too angry with me.”

Peter came and sat opposite him, avoiding the shards of glass as best he could. “All

is not well in love’s fair bower, I assume?”

“As far as I understand it, she thinks I prefer men but she still wants me to marry

her so that she doesn’t have to have sex and ever get pregnant.”

“Ah, that certainly complicates things.” Peter studied the fire and then the toe of his

boot. “Why on earth did you think it would be a good idea to let her see you fucking

me?”

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“Dammit, I wanted to show her that my sexual tastes were unusual. I wanted to see

if she would accept me as I am before I asked her to marry me.” Gideon ran an agitated

hand through his hair. “Why do women make things so complicated? I’ve done

everything but fuck her because I promised not to take her virginity, although she

seems to have conveniently forgotten that.”

He glanced up sharply as Peter concealed a smile. “You think this is amusing?”

“No, of course not. It’s damned complicated but I admit it is a little entertaining to

see you caught in the throes of passion and unrequited love.”

Gideon frowned. Did he love her? He’d already admitted as much earlier. The

thought of losing her made him feel cold to the marrow and fiercely possessive. To his

surprise, despite her behavior, she still represented everything he yearned for in a mate.

“She tried to blackmail me just like Caroline did.”

Peter raised an eyebrow. “She is no Caroline. She is not used to dissembling. I

suspect she is merely trying to make the best of an impossible situation.”

Gideon thought about the hell Antonia’s parents had lived through and the effect

on their child. Did she truly believe all men were monsters? Had fear pushed her to

reject him? The brandy curdled in his stomach.

“Exactly why did she walk out on you?”

“That’s what puzzles me,” Gideon said. “After last night, I thought we had reached

an understanding. Now she seems determined to believe that I am exactly like her

father and intend to keep her pregnant for the rest of her life.”

Peter laughed. “She sounds as if she’s been talking to
your
father.”

Gideon stubbed out his cigar. “Hell and damnation! I told him I was intending to

propose to her. Do you think he paid her a visit?”

“It would be just like him to try and prepare the bride for her future role as the

mother of another generation of the glorious Harcourt family.”

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Gideon downed the rest of his brandy. “Then perhaps it is up to me to make that

role clear to her.”

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Chapter Nine

Antonia closed the door of her bedchamber and leaned against it. Her cousin had

decided to host a dinner party for all her potential suitors and their families. She had

spent the whole evening being gazed upon by various mamas and other interested

family members without any attempt to hide their interest in the size of her inheritance

and her general state of health.

At one point, Antonia had wondered if Charles intended to make her stand on the

dining room table, call the room to order and start the auction. She was still surprised

no one had asked to see her teeth.

She closed her eyes. It was impossible. She couldn’t marry any of them. Gideon was

the only man who had appeared to understand her and even that had been a sham.

Tomorrow she would pack her bags and return to Wales and the sanctuary of her home.

It was unlikely that anyone would come after her for a while. A hot trickle of tears

stung her cheeks. At least she’d experienced some joy in London even if it had come to

naught.

“Don’t cry.”

She opened her eyes, simultaneously aware that her bedroom window was open

and that Gideon sat at his ease by her fireplace.

“What in God’s name are you doing here?”

He shrugged. “I thought it was time we continued our conversation.”

She glanced wildly at the door. “You have to leave. If anyone sees you, my

reputation will be in ruins.” She clutched at her hair. “Is that what you want? Are you

trying to force me into marriage?”

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A slight frown appeared on his forehead. “Your willingness to believe the worst of

me is becoming annoying.” His smile was not pleasant. “But, you do have a point. If

you scream and bring the household down on us, I’ll not leave.”

He got up and walked past her to the door. He locked it and pocketed the key.

“Now perhaps we can start again.”

Antonia watched in horror as he shrugged out of his black coat and silver waistcoat.

Despite her best efforts her body gave a little leap of excitement. “What are you doing?”

He glanced at her as he removed his cravat and cuff links. “I’m undressing.”

“Why?”

“Because I wish to be naked when I make love to you.”

She folded her arms tightly over her chest. “You don’t have anything to prove, my

lord. I thought I’d made it clear that I refuse to give myself to a man who just wants

heirs.”

His fingers worked the buttons of his breeches. He was already aroused. He

wrapped a hand around his cock and stroked himself. “Ah but you are forgetting

something. You already have my word that I will not seduce you.”

He worked off his boots and pulled his shirt over his head to reveal his muscled

chest. Antonia felt her sex pulse in response. “Are you saying that the only reason you

haven’t made love to me is because you gave me your word that you wouldn’t?”

His mouth tightened into a thin determined line. “My word is never given lightly. If

you wish me to fuck you properly, then you will have to give me leave.”

Antonia stared at him. Her throat constricted as she tried to force the words out. “I

can’t.”

His fingers stilled on his breeches. “You do not desire me?”

Her gaze swept the magnificence of his body and she shivered. He was so male, so

threatening, so… “Gideon, I can’t. I’m too afraid.”

“Afraid I’ll hurt you?”

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“No, that I’ll get pregnant.”

He sat down on the side of her bed, watching her intently. “I’m quite prepared to

give up my male lovers if that is what you want. I’m not your father, Antonia, I don’t

hate women.”

She faced him, hands clenched together at her waist. “And I’m not your wife.”

He sighed. “I was wrong to assume you wished to blackmail me into marriage.”

Antonia gulped in shock. “That’s not what I meant at all. I thought I could bargain

my fortune against a promise not to force me into bed.”

“I don’t want your money.” He buttoned his breeches, his expression bleak. “Do

you really believe any fool who agreed to such a ridiculous bargain would keep his

word? On marriage a woman becomes her husband’s property. Legally there is no such

thing as rape within marriage. I can guarantee you would’ve been pregnant within a

year.” He looked up at her. “Despite what you imagine, money cannot always buy you

what you want.”

“That’s why I have decided to return to Wales.”

“You can’t run away from everything, Antonia.”

She took a step toward him and then another until she stood over him. He held her

gaze.

“Release me from my vow, let me make love to you and then decide if you wish to

leave.”

She studied him suspiciously. “And if I decided to go, you would let me?”

“Of course.”

“You are very arrogant, Gideon.”

“I am very good in bed.”

She twisted her fingers together until he reached out and covered her hands with

his own. “What is it, love?”

“Gideon, I can’t.” She knew she must sound like a bleating goat.

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“When do you bleed?”

“Why should I tell you?”

He drew in a deep breath as if seeking patience. “Because the closer you are to your

monthly cycle, the less likely you are to get pregnant.”

“You are only saying that so you can bed me.” Dammit, her voice was shaking

again.

He reached up and tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear. “I’m telling you the

truth. And if you are still fearful of conceiving, I have other methods to prevent

pregnancy.” He smiled. “I also bring with me an invitation from Madame Desiree to

visit and discuss the many ways a woman can avoid bearing a child.”

“You don’t want a nursery full of children?”

“You
have
been talking to my father, haven’t you? He has other children and the

chance to have many heirs. I told him to keep his foolish dynastic ambitions to himself.”

“But isn’t it sinful to prevent conception?”

“That is a matter between you and your conscience, Antonia. Never think I would

judge you for that.”

She stared at him, her breathing erratic, unable to deny the need coursing through

her at the sight of him half undressed, sitting at his ease on her bed. It was imperative

that she kept her anger alive before she gave into an unheard of urge to weep on his

chest. She dug her fingernails into her palms.

“I thought this was just a game. Something to amuse you.”

“Perhaps at first it was.” He shrugged, the gesture fluid. “I soon realized that you

were an exceptional woman.”

“Yet you still managed to keep from fucking me.”

He frowned. “We agreed that I would teach you about pleasure. And as I’ve

already said, you made me promise not to seduce you. I kept my word.”

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Was he saying that he had wanted her as a woman from the first? Had she

deliberately misread his intention to keep his promise as a lack of desire? He picked up

his coat, took something out of the pocket and laid it on the bed. For a terrible moment,

she thought he planned to leave her money.

“If I’d had more time with you, I intended to introduce you to this method of

ensuring a man doesn’t pick up the French pox.”

Antonia studied the thin envelope which seemed to be made of some kind of filmy

animal skin. “Is it snake skin?”

Gideon opened the envelope and withdrew another piece of the thin parchmentlike material. This longer, narrower piece had ribbons around the open end and was

sewn shut at the bottom. He carefully slid one finger inside and held it up.

“It’s pig intestine. The same thing used to make sausage skin.”

She glanced down at his groin before she could stop herself. “It goes over your

cock?”

“That is correct. Not only does it prevent disease, but it means that a man’s seed

remains trapped inside it after he comes which seems to prevent pregnancy.”

Antonia touched the wrinkled cream skin with her fingertip. She imagined it might

feel as if you wore a glove.

“Do you use these?”

“Of course I do.”

“Did you use them with your wife?”

A muscle twitched in his cheek. “My wife refused to allow me to use them, which is

why I eventually refused to have sex with her.”

“But the baby she carried…”

“Wasn’t mine. She had no idea who it belonged to either, although she rather

believed it was one of the stable boys at Madame Desiree’s.”

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She stared at him, noted the lines of strain on his face. Had he ever discussed this

before or had he simply ignored the gossip and allowed his reputation to be damaged

beyond repair? The house seemed unusually quiet around her, as if everything was

holding its breath.

“Did you threaten to expose her? Is that why she killed herself?”

“On the contrary, I offered to bring the child up as my own.” He smiled, although it

was obviously an effort. “For me, her pregnancy was a blessing. The succession would

be assured and I wouldn’t have to go near her bed again.” He looked away from her.

“Unfortunately, my wife decided she would rather die than live in my debt. Her words,

not mine.”

He laid the delicate sheath back on the counterpane. He sounded tired. “There are

other methods to prevent pregnancy as I’m sure Madame Desiree will tell you.”

Her throat tightened as he reclaimed his shirt and boots and began to dress.

“I thought you intended to make love to me.”

He paused as he arranged his cravat and pinned it in place. “I’ve changed my mind.

I’m not a monster, Antonia. Your fear of pregnancy is understandable. Perhaps simply

showing you that it is avoidable is not enough to calm your concerns.”

“That is very generous of you. So having ruined me for any other man you now

intend to walk away from me as well?”

He buttoned his waistcoat. “Ah, but you see, unlike most men, I’m trying to be

honest with you. You are right. The only way to avoid being pregnant is never to make

love to anyone.”

She forced herself to speak through the tight bands constricting her throat. “Are

you suggesting I am a coward?”