Anticipation (28 page)

God, she was tough. Stronger than titanium. But he also knew that underneath that toughness, Blue would have been bleeding. She might never have sought comfort from anyone, but she would have mourned the loss of her precious memories privately. Deeply.

Emotion burned the backs of his eyes as he imagined Blue quietly choking down so much loss and hurt. She’d been a kid, completely alone. It hurt him to even think about it — but Blue had
lived
it. She’d survived it, all on her own.

It was so wrong, it made his gut and chest ache. It made him want to do something violent, something monumental enough to express his outrage that Blue had been dealt such a shitty hand by life. If he could, he’d tear down the world and remake it for her so that she had all the things she needed and deserved - parents who loved her, a childhood full of laughter, the knowledge that no matter what, she could always go home.

All things he and Raf had always taken for granted — things they didn’t even know to value, because they’d always been there, part of the furniture.

If Blue would only let him close enough, he would do his best to make up for those losses in her life. He would make it his life’s calling. His mission.

Across the room, Blue looked up and caught his eye. Her gaze was so bleak it jolted him out of his own thoughts, forcing him to remember why they were here.

Today was not about him and what he wanted. It was about Blue, and what she needed. Everything else could wait.

He pointed to the coffee urn, and Blue nodded.

He glanced at Sienna. “Can I get you a coffee?”

“No, thanks, I’ve already had so much tea I feel as though I’m going to float away. Anyway, I need to go check on Bree.”

She headed over to the corner where Bree was playing quietly with another little girl. Eddie busied himself making coffee for Blue, tucking a couple of cookies onto the cup beside the saucer.

She made room for him when he joined her and the two men who had been monopolizing her for the last ten minutes.

“Eddie, this is Andrew and Jonah. They both lived at Alice’s place when I was there.”

“Some of us longer than others,” Andrew said with a wry smile.

Eddie handed over the coffee and stood listening as they reminisced about Alice, burning with the need to put his arm around Blue’s shoulders, to touch her in some way, but knowing that she wouldn’t tolerate it.

Instead, he focused on the stories, and each new recollection hollowed out his chest a little more thoroughly.

The toughest thing was that the three people standing with him had no idea that their stories were sad. To them, they were funny. The time Alice used the cover from the phone book to patch a hole in the sole of Jonah’s shoe until the next allotment of money came through from the government. The time Alice had them all on a roster washing sheets for the kid who couldn’t get through the night without wetting the bed. The time they ate sausage stew every day for a week because the hot water service had blown and all the spare money had gone into buying a replacement.

It was after five by the time the wake broke up. The weather had turned while they were inside, and the sky was now cloaked in dark, low-lying clouds. The rumble of thunder sounded in the distance, and people glanced about uneasily as they headed for their cars.

“I don’t know about you, but I need food,” Eddie said.

“Food would be good,” Blue said quietly.

They found a Chinese restaurant on the main road and he plied Blue with all her favorites. Despite being ministered with sweet and sour pork and lemon chicken, the energy visibly drained out of her during the meal, and by the time they’d finished she was pale and silent, pushing what was left of her food around on her plate.

Rain had been lashing at the window for the last part of their meal, and when they exited the restaurant they both pulled up short at the ferociousness of the weather. Blue shivered, wrapping her arms around herself, her shoulders hunching forward, and he knew they wouldn’t be driving back to Melbourne tonight. Blue was far too exhausted.

“We’re not driving back in this,” he said firmly.

It was testament to how weary she was that she simply glanced at him and nodded.

“We can try one of those motels we passed on the way into town,” Eddie said. “There’s bound to be something decent. Wait here while I bring the car around.”

He broke into a run as he left the shelter of the restaurant’s awning, bolting along the sidewalk and into the parking lot along the side of the building. It wasn’t until he was sliding into the driver’s seat that he realized Blue had followed him, walking doggedly through the rain, arms still wrapped around her torso.

“I told you to wait,” he said as she opened the passenger door and got in.

Her shirt was soaked, her hair dripping wet.

“A little rain isn’t going to kill anyone.”

He stared at her as it hit him how often Blue’s first instinct was to deflect other people’s kindness and consideration. As though accepting someone’s help, their thoughtfulness, was dangerous to her in some way.

Leaning into the back seat, he grabbed the towel Raf always kept there for occasions just like this and handed it to Blue without a word. Lightning flashed overhead as he reversed out of the parking spot.

“Sorry for getting you trapped up here,” Blue said.

Her face was turned away from him and he couldn’t see her expression.

“It’s no big deal.”

“If we leave early, we can make it back by nine so we don’t screw up any more appointments,” she said.

“Yeah, we can do that,” he agreed, even though he didn’t give a flying fig about the appointments.

She was way more important to him than a handful of clients that might need to be reshuffled.

They’d reached the outskirts of town and he slowed down as the first motel appeared on their left.

“You ever stayed at any of these?” he asked.

“Nope.”

“Yeah, me either.”

He chose one that had a relatively modern sign and pulled up next to reception.

“Stay here,” he said.

She didn’t say anything, and he remained in his seat until she glanced at him, eyebrows raised.

“What?”

“You going to stay here?”

She made a small annoyed sound. “Yes. If it’s that important to you. But take this.”

She pulled her wallet from her pocket and slipped her credit card free.

“As if,” he said, opening the car and stepping out into the rain.

Water was trickling down the back of his neck by the time he returned with the keys to two rooms. He drove into the parking area of the motel, finding a slot right in front of their rooms.

Thunder boomed overhead as they made the short trip to the front door of the first room. He fumbled with the key, then pushed the door wide and they both stepped in out of the cold and rain.

Eddie flicked on the light and glanced around. A queen sized bed bracketed by a bedside table either side on the right, a sideboard with a flatscreen TV on the left. A mini-fridge was tucked in beside the sideboard, and there was a door on the far wall. The bathroom, he presumed.

“You want this one?” he asked.

“Sure, why not?”

“There’s a connecting door. Give me a sec to check my room out,” he said.

He left her room and walked the few steps to his own front door, letting himself in. The layout was an exact mirror of Blue’s. He walked to the connecting door and opened his side, knocking on her door. She opened it, and he saw she’d taken her shoes off.

She looked exhausted, the long day and the rain having reduced her make-up to dark smears around her eyes.

Grabbing her by the shoulders, he turned her toward the bathroom.

“Have a shower, get warm.” He pushed her forward a step and waited until she’d walked into the bathroom and closed the door before retreating to his own room and looking around a little more thoroughly. The bathroom had plenty of towels and toiletries, and the mini-bar was stocked with the usual miniature bottles of gin, whiskey and vodka. He could hear water running in the room next door, and he pulled his phone from his pocket and made a quick call to Raf to let him know not to expect his car back anytime soon.

“Not a problem. Maggie and I have been setting some new land speed records in the Ferrari,” Rafel said.

“I bet.”

“How was the funeral?”

Eddie kneaded his forehead as he thought about his answer. “Hard for Blue, I think. Everyone wanted a piece of her.”

“How’s she holding up?”

“Hasn’t shed a tear. She’s so damned stoic, I want to shake her,” Eddie said.

He could hear the emotion in his own voice and he realized he was close to tears.

“You all right?” Raf asked, his voice very quiet.

“She’s just so amazing, and she deserves everything, but she’s had nothing. Nothing. Just the crumbs from other people’s tables, and it’s taught her to expect nothing but crumbs. It makes me want to hurt someone or something, man.”

“I get that.”

“One of her foster sisters told me this story… Jesus, Raf, I almost couldn’t stand it. What she’s had to deal with. I fucking love her so much, and it kills me to know that she’s had to go through all this crap alone. She was just a little kid.”

He knuckled away a tear. There was a profound silence on the other end of the phone.

“You still there?” Eddie asked.

“Yeah. I’m just wondering if you heard what you just said,” Raf said.

Eddie knew what his brother was referring to.

“Yeah, I heard.”

Of course he loved Blue. He’d been half in love with her for years — all it had taken was one moment of encouragement from her to seal the deal.

“Well…you always did like a challenge,” Raf said. He sounded worried.

“Don’t worry. I’m not going to make her wig out by telling her. I’m not that stupid,” Eddie said.

Blue would run a mile if he declared himself.

“So the game plan is…?” Raf asked.

“I don’t know.” Blue had been very clear about what she wanted — and what she didn’t want. He figured the fact that he’d realized he was in love with her wasn’t going to change that.

Thunder sounded overhead, making the window rattle.

“Whoa. That storm is
serious,”
Raf said
.
“You want me to cancel your morning appointments?”

“We’re going to try to get back by nine.”

“Okay. Rest up, drive safe. And hang in there, okay?”

“Yeah, I will. Thanks.”

He was about to hang up when Raf spoke again.

“Hold up. I just remembered — there are a stack of Brothers Ink T-shirts in the back of the Bentley if you want something fresh for tomorrow.”

“Thanks, I’ll check it out.”

Eddie braved the weather again to go out to the car and pop the trunk. Sure enough, there were two boxes of Brothers Ink T-shirts, one lot black, the other white. The smallest size was a large, and he grabbed one for Blue and headed back inside.

He left it on her bed for her, then retreated to his own room, kicking off his shoes and shrugging out of his jacket. He made himself a vodka and tonic and sat on the end of the bed, drinking and thinking about his conversation with his brother.

He figured he should be feeling pretty exposed right about now, but it had felt good to say it out loud.

He was in love with Blue.

He loved everything about her — her stubbornness, her spirit, her courage, her cheekiness, her sense of humor, her earthy sexuality. He wanted to make her happy. He wanted to protect her. He wanted to make up for all the shitty things that had happened in her life.

Whether she would give him a chance to do any of the above was the question. He knew she wasn’t indifferent to him. He knew their night together meant something to her — it had taken him a while to work that out, but he understood that now. If it hadn’t, she would have stayed for round two, instead of scrambling into her clothes the moment he went to the bathroom and bailing as quickly as she could.

She’d told him she hadn’t slept with Reid, either. He figured that counted for something, too — not just the not-sleeping-with-Reid part, but also the fact that she’d told Eddie.

Of course, he might also be looking for clues in her actions, reading between the lines for little hints and slips and giveaways that suited the narrative he favored because he was delusional, and he wanted to believe that he stood a chance with her.

There was always that option.

He heard movement next door, then the sound of the cellophane being pulled off the T-shirt.

“Thanks for the top,” Blue called.

“Let me know when you’re decent,” he said.

“Could be a long wait,” Blue said, and he smiled to himself.

Even when she was down, she was still a smart-ass. Was it any wonder he adored her?

His smile faded as his head filled with images of how she must look right now, naked and pink and flushed from the shower, pulling the T-shirt over her head…