Animate Me (23 page)

She’s moaning like she loves doing this to me…for me. It’s so incredibly intimate; my heart is racing ahead before the rest of me can catch up.

“Oh, Brooke.” I groan as I observe her mouth full of me, her beautiful breasts in full view just below. This time she moans louder and everything starts intensifying.

I’m lost in the hot, wet swirl of her mouth. She’s moving like she intends to pull every little bit of pleasure out of me—like there’s nothing else in the world she would rather do. It’s all too much; my damn traitor body—it’s happening too fast.

“I’m gonna…” I manage to say, as my hold slips. I’m dangling from the high wire.

Both of her hands grip me as she rubs the head across her lips before taking me in again.
Yes
, she nods, her mouth so full and her eyes smiling.

I let go, an explosion of surging intensity, and she takes it all. Her desire to satisfy me makes me crash past every moment I’ve ever felt wrong, because now I feel completely right.

When I eventually return to consciousness she grins at me and I grin back bigger.

Wow

A short while later I’m in her arms. She’s in mine, and I don’t ever want to let her go.

“Can I tell you something?” I ask cautiously. We’ve both settled down. She’s put on a robe, and is tucked tightly under my shoulder.

She looks up at me and waits.

“I really don’t want you to go out with that guy, Richard, from Disney.”

“Why would it bother you if I did?” She runs her hand across my chest. “You almost sound jealous,” she teases, smiling.

I can’t smile or tease back because this is bothering me too much. “Maybe I am. I don’t want you to date him, or even worse, sleep with him. I don’t want him kissing you either.”

“Is that because you think it will change how I feel about you?”

“Well that’s part of it,” I admit.

“Are you getting all possessive on me now?”

“Maybe I am. Does that upset you?”

“Well, what if I get possessive if you and Dani or another girl get closer?”

“That’s not going to happen.” I reply. “But would you get possessive?”

“Definitely,” she admits softly. “Although I would try to be good. We should promise to always be friends…no matter what. Okay?”

“With benefits?” I ask confused.

“I want to be with you like this but that’s up to you and the girl. Not everyone can handle the kind of strange set-up Arnauld and I have.”

Not everyone would want to,
I think.
If you were mine, I would never share you Brooke.

Never.

Some time passes before I realize we haven’t spoken for a while and we’re both dozing off. I rub my eyes and gently rock Brooke.

“Brooke, it’s late, I better go.”

She blinks as I rise off the couch. As I take a step forward I sway, all the exhaustion and liquor of the evening hitting me. I drop back down onto the couch and run my hands through my hair. “I don’t think I should drive.” I find my jacket and fish the phone out. “I’m going to call a cab.”

“Don’t be silly,” she insists, taking the phone from me. “Just stay here with me.”

“On the couch?” I ask, not wanting to presume where I would sleep.

“No, just sleep with me. I’ve got a big bed and I promise not to take advantage of you.”

Oh, please take advantage of me…take advantage of me over and over again.

“Are you sure?” I ask. “Tomorrow’s a work day.”

“So what? No sleepovers on a school night? Screw that.” She stands up and takes my hand. “Come on.”

We stop in the kitchen to grab bottles of water and then head back to her room. If I weren’t so out of it from exhaustion, I’d probably freak out. I push off my shoes, socks and pants. And even though I have my back toward her, I can hear Brooke changing. When I turn and see her in her little tank top and matching tiny shorts I realize if I make it till morning without imploding, it’ll be a miracle.

I slide under the covers near the edge of the bed, nervously waiting for her to join me. After doing stuff in the bathroom she comes out and gets into bed, acting like my being there is the most natural thing in the world. I try to close my eyes, but I can’t stop staring at her. I watch her even once the light is off, and I only see her in dark shades of silver from the moonlight.

I’m spending the night with Brooke…in her bed…in my boxer shorts. We are only three small garments of clothing away from being naked in bed together
.
Wow.

She seems to fall asleep right away, but suddenly I notice movement under the covers half way between us. I slowly wave my hand around the linens to figure out what’s going on, and I’m surprised to discover her hand searching for mine. When she finds it, she grabs on.

“Nathan?” she whispers sleepily.

“Yes?” I reply, feeling her fingers lace through mine.

“Thank you for tonight.” She sighs happily.

“Which part?” I can’t resist asking.

“All of it,” she says without hesitation. “The beginning, middle and end. It was all better because it was with you.”

I linger at her including “the end” part…and the idea that it was better with me. I’m doing an internal fist pump.

There’s long pause while I consider if I should say what I want to. I take a deep breath.

“I hope you know Brooke that I’d go anywhere with you, do anything for you,” I reply bravely.

She’s quiet at first, but then whispers, “I do.” She squeezes my hand gently one more time then settles further into her pillow.

I may not be able to see her smile in the dark of the room, but I can feel it all the way through me.

About four a.m. I stumble out of bed towards the bathroom, and when I return I laugh quietly, because Brooke is lying exactly where I was before getting up. I open the bottle of water, and take a swig as I observe her.

I sigh deeply. The moonlight falling through the window skims over her. Her hair’s fanned across my pillow like it’s blowing in the wind, her lips gently moving, whispering secrets I can’t hear. She’s so beautiful as she waltzes through dreamland.

I flex my fingers, fighting the urge to run my fingertips across her cheek.

I love you Brooke.

Do you think you can love me too?

Her eyelashes flutter, tiny butterflies. She looks fragile in her stillness, but I know she’s tougher than most…certainly tougher than me.

Rather than disturb her, I decide to get in on her side of the bed. As soon as I settle in though, she rolls towards me, until she is pressed up against my body. I shift awkwardly and she curls into me, her cheek resting on my chest, her leg folded over my thighs. I wrap my arm around her and listen for her steady heartbeat until I am lulled back to sleep.

The next time my eyes open the room is glowing with the quiet morning light. Realizing that my muse’s ankle is hooked over mine, I look over to see her arms flung over her head. If she were standing up she’d be reaching for the stars. With all her movement, her little tank top has hiked up high, the pale silk skin of her torso calling for my touch.

I slowly shift down in the bed until I can gently lay my cheek just above her waist where the skin is softest. I lie like that for a while, careful not to press down too hard. I like watching the subtle rise and fall of her breaths and this view of her shapely legs. Suddenly I hear a sigh and her legs shift.

I feel her hand rake through my hair, slowly massaging my scalp.
Should I move?
But before I can decide, she takes a fistful of my hair, gently pulling my head up higher. Her free hand pushes up her tank top, while the other leads me directly to her breast.

Am I dreaming?
Either way, I’m going to go with it. I slowly brush my lips across her beautiful soft curves.

The moment I pull her nipple into my mouth she arcs under me. Her low moan is my undoing. Desire roars through me. I’m sure she’s fully awake, and the rawness of the morning is revealing a hunger for me I could have only dreamed about. My hand wanders over her, and she pushes it down between her legs.

“Brooke?”
Show me what you want.

“Like this,” she whispers, sliding my hand under her shorts, her legs pulling apart, welcoming me.

Oh God, she’s wet. She wants me. She wants this
. My fingers move over her, in her.

I roll towards her until I’m pressed hard against her thigh. I can’t help myself; I push against her, searching for friction while my hand presses on. Right before I move to kiss her other breast, I look up at her.

She’s biting down on her swollen lips as she watches me. Her hair tangled and wild, the black smear of her eye make-up against her ivory skin renders her a gothic princess. I can only imagine that I look like the village idiot next to her. But the way she looks at me makes me believe she really wants me.

“Kiss me,” she whispers, as her legs part, encouraging me to get in closer. I crawl over her and then lower my body until we are pressed together. She takes my face in her hands, watching me, waiting. Our lips meet softly until she wraps her legs around me and pulls me against her. Things quickly shift in intensity, and it’s becoming clear to me what she wants…and it’s even more than I hoped for.

“Are you ready? Do you want this?” she asks with a whisper.

“Can I have you?”
Please say yes.

“Do you have condoms?”

Ah, she thinks I was only talking about wanting her sexually. It’s hard to be disappointed considering I’m a winner either way. “No, do you?”

“I don’t think the ones I have would fit you.” She runs her hand down between us until she has me in her grasp. “No, definitely not.”

My heart falls. Here’s my chance and my lack of latex is crushing the deal. Why don’t I carry a condom in my wallet like normal guys?
Damn it all.

“But I’m on the pill, and Arnauld always wears a condom. And you’re clean, so…”

“Really?” I was concerned about that, but I’m more afraid of disappointing her if I can’t be the kind of lover she wants.

“Yes, I want to do this with you…so much.”

“But…” I’m fighting my insecurities.

“Don’t over think this Nathan. Let’s just start easy—no fireworks with the heavens parting: just you inside of me—your Brooke. Even if it’s just a few minutes, you’ll be glad you did.” She reaches up and kisses my neck, biting me gently.

My chest is heaving, and we aren’t even doing it yet. She seems willing to accept so little, but I want to be everything to her.

Yet, she’s right. I’ve got to stop over thinking. I’m going to talk myself out of sex, and right now I need to have this with her like I need water and air.

“You don’t have to full on make love to me,” she suggests. “Just do a test run. Like trying on new shoes.”

Trying on new shoes?

“I know how much you want me,” she murmurs, her tongue circling my ear as she presses against me.

“Can you show me what to do…I mean, how you like it?” I fumble.

“Sure,” she whispers, smiling happily as she pushes my boxers down, while I try to peel her tank top off. We aren’t too smooth, I was hoping for something seamless like I see in the movies. Instead we are fumbling and awkward. When I have trouble getting off her little shorts, we end up laughing. At least it helps my nervousness.

Finally completely bare, she lies down and stretches out seductively as she watches me. As I try to figure out what my next move should be she runs her hands up her thighs and over her breasts.

“Mmm, you must remember what your touching and kisses do to me.”

I remember everything, Brooke.
I blink several times.

“I need you, Nathan. Come closer.”

I love that she can ask for what she wants. I lift up then lower myself over her and let my hands wander. My lips wrap around her nipples, her heated response encouraging me on.

“Yes, that feels so good,” she moans. Her pelvis presses into mine, and my erection bucks, ready for action.

“Kiss me,” she says so softly it’s almost a whisper.

I nod, and shift up, until my lips are just an inch from hers.

“Are you sure?” I ask tentatively, wanting to make sure since this is a big step for both of us. I can’t believe our big moment is finally here.

She nods with a sweet smile, “Please.”

The moment our lips touch she wraps her limbs around me and pulls me closer.

She starts getting more assertive with the kissing, and I’m relieved. I’m not sure I could take the lead right now, even if I wanted to
.

When we finally part, she pulls back and looks me in the eye. “Are you ready?”

I know she’s also checking to make sure I can handle this. She cares about me being okay, and I love her for that.

“No…yes…but…” I’m silently imagining all the ways I can screw this up and ruin the possibility for future sex lessons from Brooke. I also realize that I’m scared shitless. What if this hurts her the way it hurt Rachel? That would be the final straw, the air escaping with a loud hissing groan from my deflating balloon of sexuality.

She must sense my insecurity. “Nathan,” she whispers, facing me earnestly. “I want you. You want me. Let’s do this.”

I nod, visualizing the Nike swoosh in my head.
Just do it. Just do it. Just do it.

I boldly lift up to my knees and she scoots closer, her legs gloriously spread for me. I take myself in my hand and slide it over her. I can’t believe she’s so wet. She really wants me. She must. She looks up and nods with determination.

I take a deep breath and now leaning over her, I begin to push, tentatively at first but once her warm wetness envelopes me my confidence grows.

Oh my God, this feels so amazing; she’s incredibly aroused. Halfway in, I pause, stopping my eyes from rolling back long enough to focus.

She’s panting, and her face is flushed.

“Are you okay?” I ask concerned.

“I never,” she groans, “…so full, so damn good. More…I want it all.” And the way her legs tighten over me, I know she means it.

The sensation overwhelms me. I pause and take a deep breath, then another. She stills and waits, understanding. “I just…” I stutter.