Angel Star (21 page)

His mouth brushed my shoulder. “Mmm, you’re so tempting.”

“Then stay.”

“I did. The sun’s coming up.”

I looked reluctantly at the pale streak of light creeping its way across my floor.

“Explaining to your mother why I’m here would be awkward, but I have a surprise for you now and one for later.”

He could see the disappointment on my face as he pulled me to my feet. I flung my arms around his neck, as if they could stop him from leaving. It was then I noticed my clock, perfectly placed upon my once-upturned nightstand. I spun around, looking in disbelief at my room. It was as if nothing had ever happened.

“When did…?”

I turned to Garreth, searching for an answer, but he was already gone.

A
fter checking and rechecking my appearance in the full-length mirror for any sign that would send up my mom’s red flag, I decided to just get it over with and headed downstairs. I found her busy at the kitchen sink.

“Oh, Teagan. I didn’t hear you come down.” She stuck half of her upper body into the cabinet below to get a clean garbage bag. “Did you sleep well?”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

Sleep? When did I sleep? Oh, yeah, when Garreth magically knocked me out on our way home from…where had I been again?

“Are you all right?” She was looking at me kind of funny.

Oh, geez, here we go.

“I’m fine, Mom. Why? Don’t I look fine?”

“I guess…well…” She let it drop. “You look a little different, that’s all. Are you hungry?” My mother turned and went about stuffing the new bag into the almond-colored garbage bin and stashed it back under the sink.

That’s a relief.

I leaned over and peered into the side of the shiny stainless steel toaster as soon as her back was turned. I looked distorted, but as far as I could tell, there was nothing too abnormal about my reflection. If she only knew what I had really been through.

“I’ll just grab some cereal,” I said, making for the stack of clean bowls in the dish drainer.

“Oh, come on. Let me make you some breakfast. Eggs sound good? How about bacon?”

My nose turned up at the word. “Uh, let’s nix the bacon.”

“Right.” I knew she was seeing the same mental picture of the last time this kitchen produced bacon for breakfast. It wasn’t a pretty sight, seeing me faint and then splashed with soapy dishwater to bring me out of unconsciousness.

An overwhelming sense of obligation surfaced in me. “How was the funeral?”

“It was nice, honey. Don’t feel bad that you weren’t there. I’m sure everyone knows you wanted to be and they understand.”

I felt a little better, knowing I had avenged Claire’s death, and now that Hadrian was gone, it was nice to think of finally getting some sleep around here. But, somehow, I knew he would always haunt me, even if he wouldn’t be lurking in the shadows anymore. He would haunt me with the memory of the way he had made me feel at the end, just when I was about to take his life. I closed my eyes, wishing away the thought from my mind, and strangely, a part of me didn’t want it to leave entirely. How could I have just spent time making out with my angel boyfriend and then come down here and remind myself of the fleeting moments when Hadrian had almost seduced me? What kind of person was I?
I
felt like the monster.

“Are you seeing Garreth today?” Mom’s face beamed with the silly “you-have-a-boyfriend” look.

“He said he has a surprise for me.” I shoved my spoon into my mouth so I wouldn’t have to answer the questions I saw in her eyes.

“Oh, that reminds me. There’s a surprise here for you too.”

She made her way to the back door. For a minute I thought she was going to ask me to take out the garbage, but instead she reached up to the hook on the wall and took down an unfamiliar key. It bounced from hand to hand as she playfully flipped it over, but I couldn’t read the look on her face. It was happy and concern all jumbled together and I was beginning to think she’d lost her mind. Then, finally, she slid the key across the table to me.

It was a car key. The black rubber end was engraved with the initials VW. My heart stopped when I recognized it. I got up from my chair and slowly walked to the window, and sure enough, parked alongside our little brick garage was Claire’s white Volkswagen Cabrio.

Before I had a chance to ask, my mom was by my side, her arm around my shoulders, and we stared at it together in silence.

“Simon’s going to graduate school in Indiana and so the Meyers have decided to put their house up for sale and go with him. I think it’s a good idea that they all start over, fresh. Looks like you’ve finally got yourself a set of wheels.”

I didn’t know what to say except, “I can’t take Claire’s car.”

“Claire’s mom says that car is as much yours as it was Claire’s. She insisted that you have it. It’s a great little car and the best part is that it’s paid off. You’ll just have to take over the insurance payments.” She plopped the key into my hand.

“Which brings me to my next surprise. There’s a part-time opening available at the library. It’s only ten hours a week but it would be enough to pay for your insurance and gas, along with some extra spending money to go out with friends.”

“What friends?” I whispered to the window.

My mother paused at my sadness. “Well, for now it’ll be savings money then. And it means you and I can spend more time together instead of you coming home to an empty house. What do you say?”

I couldn’t bring myself to destroy the hopeful look on her face.

“Maybe, Mom. Can I think about it? I mean, I guess I need a job now. I’m just not sure if I want to work at the library.”

“Sure, sweetie. Maybe you should go out and find your own thing. You could use a fresh start too.”

I instantly felt as if I had deflated her but I couldn’t promise anything right now.

She left me staring numbly through the glass. I didn’t know what to do next. Do I go get ready for school? Do I call Claire’s parents and thank them? My thoughts were answered for me.

“Go get ready now. You’ll have enough time to call the Meyers to thank them before school.”

My mom was as cool as a cucumber. I couldn’t understand how she could be so calm about me suddenly owning a car, knowing full well that I would want to drive it right away. It occurred to me that perhaps all along I was the worrywart of our family. No, she definitely had her fair share of it too. But, regardless, something in the air had made us both change, both able to let go and accept the changes we normally wouldn’t think of allowing ourselves.

A glance at the clock sent me flying upstairs. I still needed a shower, and I remembered that my driver’s license was still in my old denim purse in my closet, where it’s been since the day I passed my driver’s test.

“Are you
sure
you don’t want bacon?” my mom’s voice trailed up after me.

“Ha-ha,” I yelled back down to her and ran into the bathroom, shutting the door on her giggles.

I
pulled into Claire’s old parking space.

Everyone looked as if they had just seen a ghost, but when they recognized me through the window, they went on with their lives as before. I sat there for a few minutes, not getting out, not playing with the gigantic megastereo that was still in her car, though the buttons looked pretty tempting. I was feeling the difference between now and all the other times I had sat in that car. And it wasn’t just because I was no longer a passenger; Claire had let me practice driving plenty of times.

Now it was just plain lonely.

I flicked the vanilla-roma freshener with my finger, watching it sway, and thought of all the times Claire and I drove around for something to do. It was always the three of us: me, Claire, and this car. There were nights in winter when we rolled the windows down, with the heat going full blast, and anyone who witnessed us singing our lungs out as we drove up and down the streets must have thought we were crazy. I guess a part of me was hoping a piece of that would still be here, embedded in the leather seats, that the memories of Claire would hit me so hard as soon as I sat in the driver’s seat that it would be like the old times were still here, strong enough to go on and last forever. I’d never have to miss her. But it wasn’t the same. She was gone.

I closed my eyes and soon the vanilla scent floating around me was sickening. It was letting another crushing reality hit me and it hit me hard. I pictured sitting in a different car, the same boxy shape, but with an entirely different aroma filling me. His car. His scent. A second loss. It was more than I could bear. I got out and locked the door behind me, not turning back to look at the car that was now mine as I walked into school.

Thousands of words floated through the halls, thousands of voices, and yet it was only a splintering silence that I heard. My feet walked, preprogrammed, from class to class where I feigned interest and did what was expected of me. It was the end of the last period and Garreth was still a no-show.

Some surprise.

I was instantly reminded of that day when I couldn’t find him anywhere. I had felt all jittery and panic-stricken. My heart had pounded uncontrollably at the very thought of running into him, and when I didn’t, the pounding in my chest grew unbearable.

All I could think about now was hearing the last bell ring and making a bolt to the car that I still couldn’t bring myself to take ownership of yet.

My car
.

That just sounded too weird.

As the bell rang, I rose from my seat and in a cheerless daze headed out into the hall, the wanting-to-bolt feeling seeping out of me with each step. Rounding the corner, I headed to the end of the hall to a row of metal lockers, absentmindedly turning the round combination wheel until I heard the lock open with a click.

My week-old gym clothes were in a bag stuffed into the bottom, and as I reached down to grab them, it occurred to me that I was no longer alone. I pulled my head out of my locker the instant I noticed a body behind me, wearing a great pair of faded blue jeans. My heart pounded. It was just like Garreth to make me sweat it out for the day and then show up, knowing I’d cave and forgive him.

“Is this my surprise…?”

I ended up getting a real surprise as I looked up into Ryan’s brown eyes. I cringed and wanted to back into my locker. Whatever he had to say to me couldn’t be good. Not after the last time I saw him.

“Hi, Teagan.”

I was stunned for a few seconds. He was being civil?

“You’re not mute all of a sudden, are you?” A wide grin spread across his face, bringing out very deep dimples. He was actually pretty cute.

Eew! What am I thinking?

“I’m sorry. Are we having a conversation here?” I turned back to my locker and pulled my backpack out.

“Well, I’d like to if you’d give me the chance.” He leaned against the next locker, waiting patiently for me to come around.

I slammed my locker shut. “Fine. What do you want?”

He let his gaze wander out into the constant momentum of the hall then reeled it back in, studying the shuffling of one of his sneakers against the other. I was growing impatient.

“I’m sorry, Teagan. I’m sorry I was such a jerk. I still can’t remember what got into me.”

I thought back to when I had truly feared him, to when I knew him as scary and intimidating, to when the predictable wall between us had crumbled and a lot of terrible questions were left in its place. But now I was looking into the face of a boy, not the same boy he used to be. He was different now. Like me.

It occurred to me that he might not be at fault. He probably didn’t even know what happened.

“I’m sorry I accused you…” I responded.

“S’okay. Like I said, I was a jerk.”

People were staring now as they walked past us. First, I show up at school in Claire’s car, and now I’m in a quiet conversation with her old boyfriend. I knew what it looked like but I didn’t quite care.

Ryan let out a deep sigh. “Teagan, I don’t even know who I’m supposed to be anymore.” He gave me a weary smile. “I really miss her. I can’t begin to tell you what it feels like, I can only say that it seems like hell.”

I leaned my head against the locker and smiled back. “Trust me, I understand.”

Ryan was staring off again, dealing with the ghosts in his head. I knew all too well what he was feeling, and not just about Claire. I would soon be hit with this feeling all over again when Garreth leaves me. It had been building itself up in me for days now, preparing me, but it still hurt.

“Look,” Ryan began, breaking the awkward silence, “I don’t expect us to be friends, but do you think it would be so horrible for you to let me talk to you every now and then? It would mean a lot to me. Get me back on track.”

He seemed afraid to meet my gaze head-on, but when he did I saw the glimmer of something. Something I’d seen in myself recently.

I smiled at him, catching him by surprise. “Sure, I don’t think there’s a problem with that.”

He smiled back without another word. As I watched him walk away from me and disappear into the crowd, so forlorn and broken, I swore to myself I would never lose sight of who I was.

Not only that, I would never take anything for granted ever again.

Just then, my hand felt tingly, a feeling I wasn’t expecting, and I looked down the hallway to see Sage, Lauren, and Emily stomping their way smugly through the crowd. In the center of their little bunch was Brynn, still the reigning queen of Carver High School. She passed my locker, glaring at me, but she didn’t utter a word. She just kept on walking.

I watched them long enough to see Emily raise her eyebrows at Sage, apparently wondering why Brynn chose to keep on going, not taking part in her usual “pick on Teagan” ritual. What surprised me the most was that Lauren, lagging behind the others, looked right at me and smiled.

I shut my locker and proceeded to walk the other way.

School was over for the day. I took my time walking across the parking lot to the little white car that had waited for me all day long like an obedient pet. I kept my gaze straight ahead, on the windshield, afraid to look away. I couldn’t figure out where that strange sparkle was coming from. As I got closer, my heart tripped a couple of beats.