Authors: Jennifer Lavoie
When Andrew tried to walk around him, Nathaniel sidestepped and blocked him. With an impatient sigh, Andrew looked up at Nathaniel's smirk. He tried to step to the other side and get around him, but Nathaniel pushed forward and knocked him into the lockers.
“Watch where you're walking, faggot.”
“Then don't get in my way,” Andrew muttered, pushing past him.
Nathaniel gave him another shove with his shoulder, and Andrew grunted from the pressure. It would leave a bruise later.
“You better watch your back,” he said as he pinned Andrew to the corner of the locker. The hard metal bit into his back, but he kept his face composed. “You're not always going to have your little boyfriend or friends around to save your sorry ass.”
I am not going to let him win.
“I don't see anyone around now, do you? Back off, Nathaniel. You're nothing but talk.” Andrew shifted his weight, catching his knee against Nathaniel's. It pushed him off and he managed to slip past him into the doorway next to him.
English class was blissfully empty and Nathaniel didn't follow him. He sat down at his desk and briefly rested his forehead against the cool surface. His shoulder had already started to ache from Nathaniel's force, and he rubbed a hand over it casually. He was about to place his copy of
Heart of Darkness
on his desk when Joshua Grayson sat on its flat surface.
“So. Is it true?” he asked softly.
Andrew got a really good look at him for the first time. Funny how he'd known the boy for four years and had never
really
looked at him. But he did now. Josh had short, wavy, light brown hair that flipped out at the ends. His eyes were a pale hazel, and his nose turned up slightly at the end. “Don't say âis what true' because I know you know what rumors are going around. It's hard to miss rumors like that. They have the tendency to move the fastest.”
“Yeah, it's true,” Andrew admitted.
Josh shrugged, one eyebrow quirking up. “Well, never figured you were family. But I guess I didn't really know you either.”
“Guess not.”
“So, Ryder?”
“Yup.”
“He's a nice guy. Talked to me his first day here. Even after that prick Justin Mast told him
all
about me, not that he really knows,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Anyway, I just wanted to say ignore all that.” He waved a hand. “It can be annoying, yeah, but you build up a tough skin after a while.”
“You seem reallyâ¦cool about it all,” Andrew said.
“Let me guess, you thought I would cry about it like the rest of your teammates? Just because of the rumors about me?”
“Well, yeah, no offense.”
“None taken,” he said with a small, sad smile. “Like I said. You build a tough skin. You either let it roll off and ignore it, or you get eaten alive.”
“Thanks for the advice,” Andrew said as the bell rang. Josh took his seat. He sat in the front of the room and ignored most of the people who talked to him.
Andrew knew some of the whispers around the room were directed toward him, but he tried to take Josh's advice and ignore it. He didn't look forward to lunch, though, where he'd have to face his sister and friends.
By the time lunch came around his stomach churned, and he wanted to skip it altogether, but he knew he'd have to face it sooner or later. Better to just get it over with all at once. He hoped he'd made the right decision when he walked into the lunchroom and got in line to buy food. No one sat at his usual table, so he took his seat and waited.
Anxiety flooded Andrew's body as he pushed his food around the plate. He ended up pushing it away as he waited for Ryder to join him. Glancing around the cafeteria, he felt like all eyes were on him. Every whisper seemed to be amplified and he bristled with each word.
“Look at him sitting over there. Who knew?”
“Faggot.”
“Andy and Ryder? That's sick.”
“Charlie was right about Ryder.”
“Poor Sarah. She really liked him.”
Ryder joined Andrew a minute later carrying his lunch. He took the seat across from him this time, rather than next to, helping Andrew block out everyone else.
“How are you doing?” Ryder asked, concern barely masking the stress on his face. His eyes were narrowed and little lines bunched at the corners.
“I've been better. But not bad, considering,” Andrew lied with a furtive glance around the room. “I talked to Josh today in English.”
“Nice guy, isn't he?”
Andrew nodded. “He said the same thing about you.”
Andrew saw Andrea enter the lunchroom and looked up. He followed her approach across the large, noisy room, straight to their table. His body tensed as she stopped behind Ryder, holding her bag.
Neither of them said anything to each other, and Ryder glanced over his shoulder to look up at her. She kept her face calmly blank, and then turned when she heard her name called from across the room. Sarah stood there, calling her and waving from another table. She pointedly left without a word and Andrew felt both relieved and hurt at the same time.
“You knew it would happen, Andy. Just let it go. It's better than her making a scene, right?”
Andrew mumbled his agreement and picked at his food. They had the table to themselves, and while it would have been fine before, now it felt uncomfortable.
Students still filed into the lunchroom. Most of them were stragglers who had been talking to teachers after class, or who met with their boyfriends and girlfriends in the hallways. Two in particular caught Andrew's attention and made him look up.
Nathaniel and Charlie strode into the cafeteria together, side by side. It took them only a second to spot Andrew and Ryder and Nathaniel's face lit up.
“Oh shit,” Andrew groaned and Ryder spun to see what he was looking at.
“Great. Charlie.”
“And Nathaniel. I had problems with him earlier, before English class.”
“Why didn't you tell me?” Ryder demanded, looking back at him, concerned. Andrew didn't have time to answer.
Near silence fell on the cafeteria as Charlie and Nathaniel stood in front of their table. Andrew glanced over at Andrea's table and caught her eye briefly, but she turned away from him.
“How's it going, boys?” Charlie asked, his face twisted in a sneer. Andrew never thought his friend was the best-looking guy, but his anger had turned him ugly.
“What do you want, Charlie?” Ryder asked, getting straight to the point.
“Just checking in on my two favorite people. I hear you had a great vacation together. Isn't that right, Nate? Got a little cozy at Ryder's place, didn't you, Andrew?” Nathaniel took a seat next to Ryder and Charlie sauntered around the table until he was next to Andrew. He sat casually in the open seat next to him.
Andrew stared at his former friend. “You used to spend the night at my place, Charlie.”
“Yeah, well, I'm not a faggot, am I? And that was before I knew you were one. I'd never do that now. Wouldn't want the two of you turning me gay.” Nathaniel snickered at his comment and Charlie grinned at him.
“What's going on?”
Andrew turned and saw Karina striding across the cafeteria. For a moment, all eyes were on her and he breathed a sigh of relief. She joined Ryder and Andrew at the table and rested a hand on Andrew's shoulder.
“Sorry I didn't make it to first period,” she said softly.
“No big deal,” Andrew replied, trying to ignore Charlie leaning closer to him.
“It's too late to hide what you are, Andy. Everyone knows,” Charlie said with a smug look on his face, ignoring Karina. “And I knew you were a queer, Ryder. I knew it when I saw you talking to Josh.”
“Just because I talked to him didn't mean anything, Charlie.”
“Whatever. Like I said, Andy. Everyone knows you're a fag.”
“Back off, Charlie,” Ryder warned. “This is none of your business. It wasn't to begin with, but you had to get involved.”
All eyes were on them as Charlie stood and leaned over the table, invading Ryder's personal space. Andrew found himself standing and moving quickly to Ryder's side. Nathaniel stood as well.
“I wasn't talking to you, Coltrane. I was talking to your little boyfriend.”
Everything moved so quickly. Charlie came around the table just as Ryder's fingers curled into a fist. Charlie mirrored his pose. Andrew stepped between them, shoving Charlie back as he came forward. A fistâCharlie'sâconnected awkwardly with his already bruised shoulder and then a shout from the other side of the cafeteria.
Andrew turned in time to see Andrea running over. She pushed Charlie and Nathaniel out of the way and stood between them and Andrew.
“What the hell are you doing, Charlie?” she demanded. “You've already done enough.”
“Done enough? Andrea, I'm just getting started. It's what you wanted. You wanted me toâ”
“I didn't want you to do it like this!” Andrea shouted. “This is just wrong!”
Charlie laughed. “Wrong? You're the one who wanted to make his life miserable. You're the one who told us everything. Every little detail.”
The monitors on duty were headed toward them and Ryder pulled Andrew back, but he shrugged him off.
“I never said to do it like this. Leave him alone, Charlie.”
“It's too late for that, Andrea.” Nathaniel laughed.
Students started talking now, pointing out the scene and discussing it with their friends. Andrew couldn't hear what they said, but it didn't matter anymore.
In front of him, Nathaniel and Charlie laid into Andrea.
It didn't matter anymore that she'd started it. She'd tried to stop it. When he had needed her the most she had come to his defense and told Charlie to back off. Now she needed him.
“Charlie, get lost,” he finally said, finding his voice. He stood straighter next to his sister, holding his ground.
Charlie laughed until he saw the look on his face. “What are you going to do, huh? You'reâ”
“Gay. Yes. You've made it quite clear. Is that what you want to hear? Fine. I'm gay, Charlie. Get over it. Come on, Andrea.” Andrew grabbed Andrea's hand and pulled her away from the two of them just as the cafeteria monitors descended on Charlie and Nathaniel. Karina and Ryder were close behind them, and from the corner of Andrew's eye, he saw Melissa get up as well.
*
Andrea disappeared with an excuse right after they left the lunchroom, leaving Andrew completely speechless. Why was she running off ? He needed to talk to her. Find out what had caused her to change her mind and confront Charlie like that.
The boys met at Andrew's truck after school. Andrew had waited for his sister at her locker, but she never showed up.
The drive back to his temporary home was silent. After ten minutes of nothing, Ryder reached over and took his hand. Andrew turned his palm up and they clasped, resting them against the seats.
“I don't get Andrea,” Andrew murmured, and Ryder nodded his agreement.
The conversation, or lack thereof, lapsed again until they made it to the farm. After parking the truck in his designated spot, Andrew and Ryder got their bags and went inside. A fire roared in the living room, heating the house pleasantly. They were in the process of stripping off their jackets and shoes when Mr. and Mrs. Kensington walked into the room.
“So, how did it go?” Mr. Kensington asked.
Andrew flopped onto the couch and groaned.
“That bad?” he asked, and the boys nodded.
“Lunch was the worst.”
“Why? What happened?”
Andrew and Ryder each gave a rundown of the event from his perspective.
“I have no idea what Andrea was thinking,” Andrew concluded, looking to Mr. Kensington for an answer.
“Maybe she came to her senses. I can't really say, but you should talk to her. Given all that happened, though, I'm proud of both of you for sticking out the whole day.”
After Mr. Kensington excused himself, Andrew curled up on the couch, letting the heat from the fire close by warm him. He listened to Ryder talking to his aunt and uncle in the other room as he stared into the fire. He let his eyes shut for just a minute, and when he opened them again, he had a blanket over him and the glow from the fire had faded.
Andrew sat up with a start and looked around the room. The sun hung much lower in the sky, throwing shadows across the room. The light had been turned on in the kitchen and he pushed off the blanket to go investigate.
Ryder and his aunt stood at the counter, cutting vegetables and shoving them in a pot. They spoke in low tones and didn't notice when Andrew stopped and stood in the doorway.
“Are you going to tell your parents about this?” Andrew heard her ask, not looking away from the carrots she sliced.
“I'm going to have to eventually, right? They keep asking me who I'm dating. Mom wants to know if âthe girl's from a family she knows.'”
“Why don't you tell them? They're over there. They'll have plenty of time to think about it before they come back.”
“Are you kidding? This is my dad we're talking about. He'll flip out.”
“Yes, maybe. But flip out over there, while you're here. That might be the best way to do it.”
“I don't know.”
“How do you feel about Andrew, then? His parents know. They seem like they've come around to it. Do you think it's fair that they know about you and your parents don't know about him?”
“I like him. I really like him a lot. But I doubt he cares about that. It's not like he's going to meet them. At least, not anytime soon. They're not going to just fly out here and be like, âHi, son! How are you?' I'm not going to put him through that.”
Andrew took a step back and the floor creaked. They looked over at him and for the first time in a long time, Andrew thought he saw Ryder blush. He looked back down at the celery he had been cutting.