An Ordinary Epidemic (32 page)

She could ring someone, there just wasn't anyone she wanted to ring. She stared at the contact list on her mobile. She could ring Kate if she wanted to. Or Daniel's parents. Or someone from work. Or one of the mums from school. But no conversation could change what was happening in her house right now. There were no words that someone could speak down the phone that would make Sean safe.

Her head ached—from the tension, from the pain of the bruise, from clenching her muscles to stay warm. Her feet were still cold. Every part of her was still cold. And when she wrapped one hand around the other and blew into them, the warmth stopped the minute she did.

The only thing she needed to say was
I feel alone
but if she rang someone to tell them her problems, she owed them, she had to listen to theirs. And if they didn't have food or masks or water, what would she say then?
Come over, we've got plenty?
Everything she needed to survive was in the house and her plans depended on all of it. She felt the urge to throw the mobile to the ground and stomp on it. Better to be unable to ring anyone than to have to admit she didn't want there to be anyone to ring.

Her mobile rang and she snatched it up. Sean would tell her she wasn't such a bad person, that it was okay to have such a strong desire not to share. ‘Sean.'

‘Oh, hi.' The voice on the other end sounded disconcerted and she was taken by surprise, as if strangers no longer existed. In the moment of silence, she could hear the speaker's doubt. ‘Um, is this Hannah?'

‘Oh,' she tried to sound business-like. ‘Yes.'

‘It's Danny's dad.'

Beep. The line died, she looked at her phone, a blank screen. She couldn't remember when she last charged it. Through
the house, through the living room, startling the boys, to the kitchen, to the charger next to the kitchen window. She was leashed to an area three paces along the bench, a tether to the outside world. Hannah fumbled the phone, trying to find Daniel's dad's number. The phone rang again.

‘Hi, yes, sorry. My phone ran out of charge.'

‘We're nearly there. Could you ask Danny to get his stuff together.'

‘You're taking him home?'

‘The doctor's just left, she says it's safe. I'll be there in five minutes.'

‘But isn't that a risk? If you've just had a doctor in the house?' He'd hung up.

She was standing in the living room, saying the words, ‘Daniel, your dad is coming to get you.'

Daniel said nothing. He stood, as if empty of intent, in the centre of the room.

Zac gave him a subdued dig in the side. ‘Hey, that's great.'

Daniel blinked.

‘You need to pack your stuff.' Daniel still didn't move. ‘Zac, can you give him a hand.' Was she doing this because it was the right thing to do, to let him go? ‘He'll be here any minute.' And who was it right for?

Daniel followed Zac passively, Oscar buzzing around them. She could hear Zac in the bedroom, bossing Daniel into organisation.

The doorbell rang and Daniel was past her like a streak. It rang again. ‘Don't open the door!' She yelled after him. His mother, the doctor, she had a responsibility to keep him safe. Although with one less mouth to feed... She was appalled that the thought was hers. ‘Don't. Don't open it!' She ran, her
muscles cold and stiff and refusing to recognise the urgency. Daniel was on the balls of his feet, a few steps back from the door, looking to her for permission. Someone was knocking. She jogged up behind Daniel.

The door had to be opened, Daniel had to go. This was his dad's decision, she wasn't his parent. ‘Don't open the door, I'll do it.'

Daniel stood like a taut spring, still not quite sure this was happening. She wasn't prepared.

‘Hi, who is it?'

‘Danny, are you there?' At the sound of his dad's voice, Daniel's eyes lit up.

Zac came trotting up the hall with Daniel's bag. He looked sheepish, shy, as he held it out. ‘I might have missed some things.'

Daniel took it from him firmly. ‘It doesn't matter.' He looked down at the bag in his hand and then back at Zac. ‘Thanks.' He felt that was inadequate. ‘Thanks, man.'

She grabbed the handle firmly and opened the door. A sharp, damp breeze blew through the grate and down the hall. ‘Hi.' She sized up the stranger on the other side of the grill, unsure if he was responsible enough to be handed the care of Daniel.

‘Come on Danny, we've got to get you back to your mum. Quick as you can.'

He wasn't even talking to her. She had a responsibility to, to, to... Daniel's parents, to the man on the other side of the grate, to keep Daniel safe. ‘Are you sure that's it's a good idea?'

Daniel's dad was shaking his head as if he hadn't allowed himself to believe what he was saying. ‘Susan's desperate to see him. When she woke up this morning, she couldn't think of anything else. She's been counting down the days.' He looked back to his son. ‘The sight of you is going to do your mum a world of good.'
Daniel already had the grill unlocked. Zac took a step towards him. ‘Hey, bye.' Hannah pulled Zac back, a metre back.

‘Yeah, bye. Thanks for having me, Hannah.' Daniel was on the other side of the screen door, his dad's arm around him.

‘Thanks, we owe you. I don't know what we would have done without you looking after him.' Daniel's dad looked at his son, almost the same height as him, and Hannah could see the sheen of tears in his eyes. ‘I don't know what we would have done.'

They walked to their car, got in and drove away. Just like that. While Hannah and Zac watched. Oscar trotted up the hall full of naive curiosity. ‘Where's Daniel gone?'

‘Home, sweetie.'

‘Is he coming back?'

‘No, he's gone back to his mum and dad.' She was relieved and ashamed.

‘I bet they were sad without him.'

‘I bet they were.'

Zac was still standing, staring at the empty place on the concrete in front of the house where Daniel's car had been. His arms wrapped tight around him.

‘Are you okay?'

His body turned to her but his eyes stayed glued. ‘It's a bit cold.'

As they walked down the hall, she was shivering.

She pulled a chair up to the kitchen bench, next to the window that was her portal to Sean, next to the charger that kept her phone going. She texted.
I need to see you.
Her phone trilled at her instantly.
Coming out for play time
.

Ella kicked the ball around the yard. When it came too
close to the house, Sean kicked it back. He leant against the outer wall of the kitchen, two layers of brick separating them. Through the window, open a crack, Hannah told Sean calmly, matter-of-factly, about Daniel leaving. She promised herself she wouldn't mention the argument with Zac but her head hurt and air blew through the open window, encasing her in a blanket of cold. As much as she tried to hold them back, the words fell out. And the tears. She couldn't stop the tears although there was nothing to cry about. She cried for everything, the whole horrible mess. The fight, letting Daniel leave, her cold feet and hands, Ella playing alone in the yard, the window between her and Sean. She shifted in her seat, bumping the edge of the kitchen bench against her bruise. She cried for the pain.

The ball strayed off the grass and Hannah was bereft for the seconds it took Sean to retrieve it. Her nose was streaming, it mixed with her tears. Her face was flushed, her eyes were swollen, hot, red. She swallowed down phlegm, snorted as she tried to breathe. The hotter her face got, the colder her body became. She gulped, tried to stop crying, but choked as another sob came. She was gross and pathetic.

On the other side of the glass, Sean shifted from foot to foot, and when he couldn't look at her anymore, they both watched Ella.

Hannah calmed her breathing long enough to say, ‘She looks healthy.'

‘Better safe than sorry.'

Hannah wiped her face with her hands and her sticky hands on her jeans.

‘Now you have one less to look after. That has to be good.'

‘Daniel and Zac looked after each other. Zac will miss him.'

‘Yes.' They fell into silence again. Sean sighed heavily. ‘At least the rain filled the tank.'

‘Yes.'

Hannah splashed a little of the cold water from the bucket in the kitchen on her face to try to make herself look normal. It sent a shaft of cold through her. Her reflection in the window was still red and swollen but she couldn't waste any more water.

She would stay in the kitchen forever if it weren't for Ella's stripy socks and pink shorts, soaked through from the damp grass. The fairy skirt did nothing to keep her warm. Hannah rifled through Oscar's wardrobe, hoping to find some old clothes small enough to not fall off Ella. He had socks, at least, and one of his pants with a belt could be cinched tight. Oscar watched from the doorway. Her face still felt hot but she hoped it didn't show.

‘What are you doing?'

‘Getting some clothes for Ella.'

‘I don't have girls' clothes.'

‘She can wear boys' clothes, she won't mind.' He eyed her disapprovingly. ‘Why don't you play with Zac?'

‘He's in his room. He told me to go away.' Oscar wandered over to his bookshelf and started pulling things off. ‘Does Ella like colouring?'

‘I think so.'

‘I don't think she would like this book, it has trucks. Girls don't like trucks, they like fairies. The other book has fairies but that's my favourite.'

‘Girls like all different things. If you want to give her the one with trucks, give her that one.'

‘It's a really good one. I'll give her that.' He looked at Hannah seriously for a few seconds. ‘Does she have her teddy? She might not be able to sleep if she doesn't have a teddy but I don't need mine to sleep.'

‘I'm pretty sure Daddy found her a teddy.'

‘You could get her teddy from next door. And some clothes.'

‘I bet Stuart locked the house when he went out.' She hoped. Oscar was making a small pile of toys in the middle of the floor. ‘That's plenty, Mouse. She's got the computer and I think Daddy got some toys from the garage.'

Oscar unstacked and restacked the pile, turning the toys over and examining them. ‘Can I take these things out to Ella?'

‘I think it's best not to. You can play with her tomorrow.' Oscar shrugged and wandered off.