Amish Grace: How Forgiveness Transcended Tragedy (27 page)

What were your initial reactions?

 

 

 

“Why, Lord? Why did this have to happen? Why now? Why me?” The kind of storm that hit me I pray that nobody else ever has to face; it was like a Katrina, a tsunami. It’s the kind of a storm that takes your life, and changes it forever, in ways you could never anticipate. So it’s the kind of storm that just rocks the whole world you live in, that you feel secure in, and it makes you question, “How, how could something like this happen? How could you allow this, Lord?”

 

 

Where were you when you learned of the tragedy?

 

 

October 2, 2006, was a beautiful day. My friend and I were eating lunch on the patio at work as we did every day. We heard sirens, helicopters. Even when I’m driving down the street and I hear a siren, I always offer a short prayer: “Whoever’s involved in this, Lord, just be with them, bring healing,” which I did that day. We finished our lunches, walked back into the office, and the phone was ringing. It was my husband, “I need you to come down to Charlie’s house right away.”

 

As I drove there, I turned on the radio and heard there’d been a shooting at the Nickel Mines School. I knew that my son parked his truck down near there. “Wow,” I thought, “don’t tell me Charlie was around when this was happening and tried to help with the rescue or something and got shot!” I arrived to learn that not only was my son not living anymore, but he was the perpetrator of the crime. This couldn’t be! This was not the man that we knew, the wonderful dad, the wonderful husband. Our lives were shattered in a way that no one can prepare for. There’s nothing that could have prepared me for it, except God knew that it was going to happen, and as best as could be, He walked us through this. We take our sorrows, and we ask God to restore our joy.

 

 

How did the Amish community respond to your family?

 

 

On the day it happened, Henry, our Amish neighbor up on the hill, whom I call an “angel in black,” came to our house. My husband provided transportation for the Amish when they needed to travel by car, and he was just devastated. All day long, my husband couldn’t lift his head. He kept taking a towel and wiping it over his head—he just kept wiping the tears away and couldn’t lift his head up at all. And then Henry came, and he was the first sign of healing for my husband. He put his hand on my husband’s shoulder, just stood there and comforted and consoled him for an hour. Henry said, “Roberts, we love you,” and just kept affirming and assuring him. The acceptance we have received from the Amish community is beyond any words. To be able to have a community of people that have been hurt so much by what our son did and yet to have them respond to us the way that they have has been an incredible journey.

 

 

How do you think about your son since the tragedy?

 

 

A piece of advice from a counselor was so helpful to me. And I think anyone going through a tragedy or a hard time can use some aspect of this. The counselor asked me, “How old was your son?” I said, “He was thirty-three years old.” And she said, “From what I’m hearing from you, he was a wonderful son.” I said, “Yes, he was an absolutely wonderful son. We never knew that our son was suffering. We never knew that he was angry after losing his first child; I never knew that he was angry with God.” Then the counselor said, “What happened that day was a tiny slice of your son’s life. When your mind goes there, take it back to the thirty-three years of wonderful memories that you have.”

 

 

That has been such a help to me, such a consolation to me, and that is what I do. When my mind goes to the events at the school, I don’t ever stop it from going there. I can never ignore what happened. It will never go away because it was so devastating and lives are still being lived in hurt, sorrow, and suffering. But it’s helpful when I remember that day and still shed tears, to then go back to the other years of my son’s life and flood it with wonderful memories because that’s what we had! He wasn’t perfect, but he was a wonderful son. And I just want to encourage anybody that’s going through a trial or a struggle to do that—to use that longer perspective because it’s been so helpful to me.

 

 

 

Have you been able to forgive your son?

 

 

Unforgiveness leads to self-pain, and I believe the Bible commands us to forgive. There was no doubt in my mind that I would forgive Charlie. However, the anguish I experienced was not easy to deal with. Comprehending what he had done took days and weeks to absorb. However, I knew that his actions came from unforgiveness. And seeing what others experience without forgiving—I knew this was not an option for me. He was my son, so full of love but blinded to the love of our heavenly Father. I cannot comprehend how this happened and we did not see it. Yes, I forgave my son.

 

 

What happened at the burial?

 

 

The funeral was, oh, my goodness, a sorrowful and sad day. And then to see the Amish community as we walked over to the gravesite, to see them come out and encircle us was such a blessing. And the first people to greet us, to greet Marie [Amy], (Charlie’s widow) and us, were the parents of the two little sisters who lost their lives that day. How could anyone have the courage to do that? Amish people have built relationships with us and us with them—relationships that have been just incredible. It’s just wonderful to have their lives intertwine with ours. And that’s not an easy thing to do.

 

 

Were there other meetings with the Amish community?

 

 

I remember when they got all of our families together at the Bart Firehouse, and that included grandmas and grandpas and everybody. I remember sitting next to an Amish couple who had lost their little girl that day, and we, both couples, we sat there and the tears just kept coming. The love in that room mingled with the sorrow, and there was so much love there, despite what we had been through. It was just wow! We have an awesome God. And if we are truly living for Jesus, we are to forgive, because God has forgiven us for our sins, we are to forgive, and that
is
how we are to live; that
is
to be our testimony. It
is
to be what resonates from us. We’ve experienced that in a magnificent way in our family.

 

 

Did the initial response of the Amish influence how you responded to them?

 

 

Since the response came so quickly, it is hard to say how I may have reacted had they not offered forgiveness. I just know that their immediate expression had a tremendous impact on my husband and me. The immediate visits and attendance at the funeral were the beginning of the healing process. It’s amazing to me that the Amish refer to the incident simply as “the Happening.” Whenever they refer to it, that is the term they use. I count that response, that language, as a blessing. It softened the focus of that day and made a world of difference to me. What a blessing that has been to us.

 

 

Did you visit later with the Amish families?

 

 

I think it helps to allow other people to participate in our sorrows and to share them with us. So after the tragedy, my husband and I decided that we would visit with all the families, and that is something we started doing in January three months after the Happening. So we went and visited the families, and I’ll never forget how just getting to know them was a wonderful experience. Scary, yes, of course. But God doesn’t want us to refrain from scary things. What happened in our lives, just through those visits, building those relationships, has been so incredible.

 

 

Did you ever visit the school?

 

 

I went to the temporary school along with a group of Japanese students who came to share their origami cranes with the Amish children. It’s what the Japanese do when they want to help somebody with healing. They fold these origami cranes, and then they take them to the person that’s going through suffering. I was invited to go along, and I said, “Oh, I would love to go.” Well, I wanted to go along as a fly on the wall; I didn’t want the Amish children to know who I was. I didn’t want them to think, “Oh, that’s Charlie’s mother.”

 

 

But when we arrived, we were all asked to introduce ourselves. And I thought, “Oh, not me! I don’t want to do that.” But I did, and I walked around the classroom as the Amish children were making their own paper cranes. The Japanese students showed them how to do it. But just the stark reality of being in that classroom was very, very difficult to deal with. To see all the boys and just three girls, that was very hard. But God’s grace is sufficient. As I was talking to the children, one boy said, “You’ve gone to visit almost all the families. Are you coming to visit our family?” And I said, “We sure are.” And it was just so healing to have a child look at me and want us to be a part of his life after what my son did.

 

 

Did you do things with the families?

 

 

In the first summer [2007], we had all the families to our home for a picnic, and it was just really neat seeing everybody get off of a bus at our front yard. They actually rented a bus and all came in a yellow school bus. One of the boys at the picnic, who had been in the schoolhouse the day of the tragedy, was still struggling with guilt because he hadn’t tried to stop my son that day. And it was still creating emotional problems for him, and there was counseling and all. And then, at the end of the picnic, he came up to me, and he looked at me and said, “Mrs. Roberts, thank you so much for having us to your home. I had so much fun.” Oh! What that did for me. Despite all the work and everything, just that one comment, it was worth the whole picnic! It was just so awesome to be building these relationships and to have that acceptance.

 

 

Were there other things you did with the families?

 

 

When I had cancer, I had a bald head, and a friend had a tea for me. She had a tea at her home and told me to invite eight friends. We all picked out teacups and hats, and we all wore hats. And you know, when people do things like that, it really helps to lighten the seriousness of what you’re going through. So that touching, warm, tea time inspired me to have the surviving girls for a tea.

 

 

So now all the little girls come to my house for tea every August, and we have our tea and I take them swimming at my sister’s pool next door. So it’s just a wonderful way to open doors of communication where there’s sorrow and really relate to others. When we take our sorrows and we hold them inside, oh, my, they become such a burden. So I think the Lord wants us to do things for others when we’re going through rough times. So for me, it’s through teas. I had teas for the moms and grand-moms of the children who died. So I just try to do things that really bring a lot of healing.

 

 

A root of bitterness never brings peace. A root of bitterness is worse than any cancer in our body. If we hold any bitterness inside, it’s important talk to someone about it and get it released from within our spirit. Choose to praise God, and the bitterness will not take root. Look for those things that can bring healing in difficult situations; that’s what we tried to do. There should be permanent gullies in my cheeks from the amount of tears that I have shed, and yet we can go from the pit of despair to the heights of joy. It’s a determination in our spirit, of saying, “Lord, you have given me your Word. You have given me a foundation, an anchor.” Now we need to use that anchor and build on that joy and make that choice. We need to choose to forgive; it doesn’t happen automatically. It’s a choice that we make. And we need to choose joy when we’re going through trials and struggles.

 

 

Have you stayed in touch with the seriously disabled girl?

 

 

I had been drawn to reaching out to Rosanna. One year after the Happening, I had a tea for the mothers at our home. As I listened to Rosanna’s mother speak of her daughter’s challenges, I knew that I wanted to offer to spend time with Rosanna. So on Thursday evenings I go to her home for several hours. It has been both challenging and healing to be accepted in her home and by her precious family. As we reach out in ways that bring a touch, we can find great healing.

 

 

Any final thoughts?

 

 

The son that we knew acted on his present thoughts. Light dispels darkness. How do we share light to disrupt and obliterate the darkness when it tries to overwhelm us? I knew Philippians 4:6-8 by heart; that was so much a part of me. When this happened, I so wished my son would have known Philippians 4:8, because had he been repeating that verse daily, his mind would have never gone into the darkness as it did. “Do not be anxious about anything, but by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God that passes all understanding will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus.” Think on these things. “Whatever is true. Whatever is noble. Whatever is right. Whatever is pure. Whatever is lovely. Whatever is admirable. If anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think on such things.” When our minds go to darkness, refocus on Philippians 4:8; that takes us to the light!