American Made (Against the Tides #2) (6 page)

“Where the hell did you learn to do this? Are you secretly a woman?”

Maybe he has a daughter, but wouldn’t he have said something if he did? Probably not. I mean we haven’t really talked about anything major like that. The biggest thing was about my arm and leg and that wasn’t a bomb like “I have a kid” would be.

“If you weren’t hurt right now I would bend you over and slap your ass for that. Then I would prove that I’m one-hundred-percent male.” Again, my body heats simply because of something he said. The way I reacts to him is confusing the hell out of me. Usually when my body wants something, my mind reminds me that it’s a stupid idea. This time, though, my mind is completely on board. When he finishes up with the brush he rips the elastic off the handle and ties my hair up. “To answer your question, I have a younger sister that I used to help get ready when we were younger. When our mother got sick it was hard for her to help so I did it. After she got better and took back over, the skills stuck with me.”

“Thanks.” I almost ask him to keep touching me and telling me about his family, but I don’t. That’s too far out of my comfort zone right now and I’m already so far past it that I’m afraid to move. Then his words hit me and I figure he’s simply feeling sorry for me because I’m hurt.

“Shit,” he mutters. “I have to get to work.”

I nod, waiting for him to leave so I can try to figure out what the hell is going on with me. He doesn’t move, though. Instead, he shifts my hair over my shoulder and leans into me. His breath rushes out against my skin.

“You’re not weak, Emerson. Gettin' hurt doesn’t make you weak and I think that scares him because he knows how close he came to losin’ you. That’s why he’s bein’ an overprotective ass.” I close my eyes as he talks and try to let his words sink in but I know differently. Despite what he says I know I’m weak, I just have to figure out how to become strong again without help. “Just because I only met you last night doesn’t mean I can’t read you… I know you don’t believe me, but it’s true, and sooner or later you’ll see that.”

I will not have a mental breakdown in front of him. I refuse.

“You’re gonna be late,” I remind him.

“Mhm, but I don’t care. I’m havin’ a hard time leavin’. I just met you and all I wanna do is find out when I can see you again before I kiss you goodbye. This isn’t who I am, Emerson. I’ve never been like this so I don’t know what to do about it.”

Turning my head, I avoid eye contact and press my lips to his. He cups the back of my head and deepens the kiss that was just meant to be what I gave him so he would leave, but it turns into so much more. I finally force myself to pull back. “What you do is leave and go to work without thinkin’ about it because this isn’t who I am, either.”

Finally, he takes the hint and steps toward the door but it doesn’t last. Walking back over to me, he presses his lips against my ear before whispering, “I will see you again. Soon. Not because I just wanna fuck you, but because I wanna get to know you. I don’t care how much of a pussy that makes me. It’s true. I’ve never wanted that so I need to know why I want to with you. I’m not gonna fuck you for stupid reasons like Knox said. I won’t fuck with you like that.”

Having him so close is scrambling my thoughts so I say the only thing I can get my mouth to push out and I hate that it sounds so breathy when I do. “OK.”

“Oh, something else you should know.”

“Hmm?” He presses his lips just below my ear and it drives me crazy. I want to jump him right here and now but I stop myself. When he presses his mouth back against my ear, I feel his lips curl into a smile.

“I don’t have to fuck you to make you mine, Emerson.”

Without waiting for me to say anything else, Gentry spins around and walks out of the house. He leaves me wondering what the fuck just happened. I need to figure it out because I can’t keep feeling like I don’t know who I am when I’m around him. It won’t work for me.

“Fuckin’ hell,” I growl, twisting the shower on as fast as I can. Climbing in, I let the water rush over me while I press my forehead against the cool tile.

I don’t know what the hell just happened back there so I don’t know how to handle it. What I do know is my balls have been sitting on the edge of exploding since last night. I also know that I’m going to be late for my shift if I don’t get a move on. I should have left Emerson’s long before I did but I couldn’t drag myself away from her for the life of me.

It was hard to picture her as weak when she was talking to me about how she got shot while I cleaned and patched her back up, but the second Knox lit into her, I saw it. She thinks she’s weak, but she isn’t. The shift in her was because of the way he treated her. He makes her feel weak because he needs her to be, not for any other reason, and I plan to let him know that when I see him later. I barely fucking know her and I want to protect her, but not the way that Knox does it.

Pushing Knox from my mind, I focus on Emerson and wrap my hand around my cock. I know if I don’t get off before I go to the station I’ll be a crazy fucking asshole all day. Well, more than usual anyway.

I slide my hand along the length of my dick while imagining it’s Emerson’s hand stroking me. I remember the way her mouth tastes and I can see her clear as day behind my eyelids. Every part of her is perfect, even the marred of parts of her tan skin. I imagine her letting me undress her for reasons other than to change a bandages, but those fucking blue shorts she had on are still in the picture. I want to fill my hands with her lace-covered ass. I want to run my tongue along her pussy while they’re still on. I’d drive her insane before shifting them to the side and finally tasting what I really want. 

Reaching down, I grab my balls with my other hand and knead them until they pull tight against my body and I come with Emerson’s name on my lips. My body shudders as I finish and the water washes the evidence down the drain. It would have been so much better if I had the real thing sitting on her knees helping me, her black hair soaked like it was from the rain and her brown eyes sparkling up at me, but this will have to do for now.

Rushing through the rest of my shower, I pull my uniform on and jump back into the truck. The traffic doesn’t even faze me today and I know it’s because I’m busy thinking about other things. Before I know it, I’m pulling up to the security station and being waved through.

Knox’s truck is parked in its usual spot. I’m still pissed at him for treating Emerson the way he did. I know I should be more upset about the way he treated me, but I’m not. They were words, that’s all. I can let that shit roll off my back no problem. Plus, it’s not like they aren’t true. I usually am like that, but I don’t even want to think like that with her. I don’t know what it is about her, but she’s different.

I barely even get my door closed before Knox is storming across the parking lot. This is not what I wanted but it seems like he isn’t going to think about anything at all today.

“If you fucked her while she was as drunk as she was last night I’ll kill you,” he growls, crowding me against the side of the truck.

I take a deep breath, trying to keep calm. “Necrophilia is a line I refuse to cross, Knox, and that’s pretty much what it would have been last night when I got her home.”

“I told you not to fuck around with her,” he growls, obviously ignoring everything I just said.

“I didn’t fuck her,” I yell, finally snapping. All it took was for her face when he was yelling at her to flash in front of my eyes. “Not that it’s your fuckin’ business, but I didn’t fuck her!”

“You didn’t?”

“No! I don’t fuck someone without their permission. The fact that you would even think I did says a lot about you right now.”

Stepping back, he sweeps his hand over his face. “Gentry, what you want from her won’t work. I won’t let you hurt her. She’s—”

“Not weak,” I cut him off.

“I never said she was weak, but right now she’s broken and I plan to protect her from anything that will hurt her more. That includes you.”

I step away from him because I feel the need to hit him rapidly growing inside of me. “You didn’t have to tell her she was to make her think she was. You didn’t see her after you slammed that door, Knox. She thinks you see her as weak. She
feels
that way because of you right now. Just because she got hurt doesn’t make her weak, and it damn sure doesn’t make her broken. If you think it does, maybe I should be protectin’ her from you.”

“Who the fuck do you think you are?” he yells at my back. “You don’t know her, you don’t know what she’s thinking!”

“You know I’d kick the shit out of you right now if it wouldn’t cost me my job. One night. I’ve known her for one fuckin’ night and I can see through the bullshit layer she wears. I get that you’re scared because you know you could have lost her over there. I understand you want to protect her. But treatin’ her like shit and dictating what she can do and who she can be with is gonna make you lose her faster than any bullet ever could.”

“I’ve seen the women you leave behind you. I don’t want you with her.”

I slow down and finally look at him because the tone in his voice is different. He looks like everything is starting to hit him and he isn’t sure how to handle it.

I guess that’s happening a lot today…

“You don’t get that choice, man. That’s between us. I know you hate the idea because of the shit I’ve done, but people change. She’s dealin’ with everything at once and I don’t wanna make it worse so I’m not gonna force anything right now. She needs to figure out who she is now that she isn’t a soldier anymore. She’s fuckin’ confused because she can’t shoot anymore. You of all people should know how hard that is.”

“I do,” he whispers. Knox drops to the curb so I sit down next to him. I send a text to our CO and let him know that I’m outside with Knox and that I’ll be in in a minute so he doesn’t write me up. “I didn’t think about that, though.”

“Yeah, you failed to think about anything except how much of a horrible person I am with women. You thought the worst and you were wrong.”

“It’s not that you’re a bad person, Gentry,” he states after thinking for a minute. “But you put your life on the line every day. You never know if you’re gonna make it home at the end of the day or if you’re comin’ back here in a body bag. I don’t wanna see her hurt like Ari is right now and there’s always a chance of that.”

I want to scream at him for comparing Emerson to Ari. Even though I get his point, there’s a huge difference. From what he’s told me, I know quite a bit. Ari lost her husband and now she won’t let herself heal. She lets the reality of it slap her in the face every day instead of trying to move on with life. She pushes Knox away and that kills him because he’s in love with her and can’t help her because she won’t help herself. Emerson knows what she’d be getting into if she was with someone like me. She knows the risks of not coming home because she lived them. Yes, Knox is scared of losing her too, but I think the overprotectiveness is because Ari won’t let him in. I’m afraid if he doesn’t see what he’s doing soon, he’s going to lose both of them completely.

“There’s a chance of that no matter what you do in life. Fuck, the kindergarten teacher from the school up the road could walk outside and get hit by a car. Drive-bys. Hostage situations. Fire. Car accident.” I tick things off on my fingers until I know he’s heard enough. “Life’s full of uncertainties and it doesn’t matter what you do for a livin’. But the difference with Emerson is that she knows that. You don’t have to tell her because she’s willingly been on the unsafe side of that line. She’s lived it. She’s breathed it. Do you really think she does anythin’ without thinkin’ about it first?”

“No, Emerson’s a calculated person. I don’t think she even breathes without thinkin’ about it first.”

“Exactly. She doesn’t need to have you tell her what she can and can’t do because she’s probably already overanalyzing it in her head. What she needs is a friend that will stand behind her decisions and be there when she needs them. I’m not sayin’ that anythin’ is gonna happen between us. What I’m tellin’ you is that you don’t get a choice in it.”

Pushing off the sidewalk, I wait for him to stand up with me before heading toward the building.

“Still don’t like it,” he grumbles.

I laugh, pulling the door back for him. “Good thing you don’t have to.” I’m actually starting to feel like it was a good idea for him to storm out when I pulled in. If we hadn’t gotten this out of the way it would have built up all day and I would have exploded. It would have been like my balls were this morning all over again, just not as pleasant of an outcome. I head toward the locker room as he veers toward the offices but I stop when he yells my name. I turn and look at him. 

“If anything happens and you hurt her they won’t even need a body bag because they’ll never find you. Understand?”

I nod, trying not to smile at him. “Yeah, man. I got it. I don’t doubt it for a second, either.”

I don’t know what the future holds for us, or if there even is a future. What I do know is I don’t plan on hurting her either way and if I see myself heading that way, I’ll end it before I can hurt her more. I refuse to be the old Gentry when it comes to Emerson because she deserves better than that.