Always Yours (20 page)

"What the hell is your problem, firecracker?" he asked, like he didn't have a clue as to why I was pissed off and drunk in the first place.

Heat rushed through my body and I lost it."You're my fucking problem!" I yelled at him, tears threatening to escape. "I can't believe you. You see Amber and suddenly I don't fucking exist anymore. Then you have the nerve to ask me what my problem is?" His grip tightened on the steering wheel as he glared at the road in front of us. He wasn't talking so I decided to continue while I had the chance. "I had to sit there and listen to her annoying voice, watch her flirt with you and touch you. How would you feel if the tables were reversed? If I was sitting there with my ex and I refused to look at you, to talk to you or even acknowledge your presence." Turning away from him I stared out the window as the looming tears finally escaped and made their way down my face.

"Yeah, you're right. I sat and had a conversation with my ex. I probably shouldn't have and I probably should've stopped her when she touched me and when she flirted." His tone was harsh and unkind even though he was admitting he was wrong. "And I know I should have handled it all differently." He paused and I looked at him, fearful of what was coming next. "But at least I didn't let her fucking lick me! At least I didn't grind my dick into her in front of everyone," he growled, belittling me with his words.

"You act like I fucking cheated on you, Cam. But you can't cheat on someone you aren't exclusive with. I kept up my end of the deal. I didn't spread my legs for him." He recoiled at my words. "You didn't want labels, remember? I tried to move us forward; I tried to make something out of us. But I'm thankful as fuck that it didn't happen. You showed me where your heart lies tonight. And it isn't with me."

He swallowed hard as his tense posture weakened, his shoulders drooping. I knew I had hurt him and in the moment it felt good, but now I was seeing the mistake I had made by doing what I did. Taking my phone out, I sent Shay a text.

Fighting with Cam...2 drunk 2 drive...can u pick me up at his place?

I passed out shortly after hitting send.

I don't remember anything else after that. Cam must have carried me inside and put me to bed. I knew he was going to want to talk about what happened but I wasn't anywhere near ready to face him. I needed to rummage through the chaos in my head first. I was confused about so many things that talking to him would just make it worse.

I swung my feet over the edge of the bed. I was dressed in a navy blue Southlands Fire t-shirt and a pair of Cam's boxers. My clothes were folded neatly in a pile on top of his dresser and next to them was a bottle of water, four Advil and my keys.

I didn't even change. I collected my stuff and headed downstairs, hoping Cam would still be gone. I didn't like sneaking out like this but I had to.

I walked through the kitchen and just as I made it to the door I heard his phone buzzing on the counter. Something in my gut was telling me I needed to look at it, so I walked over and picked it up. He had a new text message from Amber.

He gave her his number?

Tapping the alert, I opened the message. There were several exchanges between the two of them so I scrolled to the top and started reading.

Sat 11:30pm Amber - Now you have my number. :)

Sat 11:32pm Cam - Yeah thanks

Sun 1:06am Amber - Do you still want to meet for drinks?

Sun 1:12am Cam - I don't know, Amber. I don't think I should.

Sun 1:16am Amber - Come on, baby, you know you want to.

Sun 2:30am Cam - When do you want to meet?

Sun 2:31am Amber - Fri night...Club Bliss...9pm?

Sun 9:24am Cam - Fine.

Sun 10:34am Amber - Can't wait 2 see U, baby. We have lots to talk about. See you then ;)

My stomach clenched and nausea sank in.

He was going to see her again?

Setting the phone down, I ran out to my car and left.

Once I was out of his neighborhood I dialed Shay's number.

"It's about time, are you okay?" she said, her voice full of concern.

"No, I'm not." I quietly replied.

"What happened last night? I came to get you and when you didn't come out I got worried. I knocked on the door and when Cam answered it he looked fucking miserable. He said you had passed out. When I tried to come in and get you he wouldn't let me. He told me I wasn't allowed to take you away from him. That he had to talk to you as soon as you woke up or else he would lose you."

"He said that?" I asked, completely shocked.

"Yeah, he was a real ass about it too."

"Ugh, everything is so messed up. Amber showed up at the party last night." The hurt was evident in my tone.

"Wait, his ex Amber?"

"Yep," I said popping the 'P’.

"What did he do?" she asked hesitantly.

"He fucking broke my heart." I quickly wiped the unshed tears from my eyes.

"I'll fucking kill him," she vowed. "Are you on your way home? Did you talk to him yet?" I could hear her keys rattle in the background and I knew she was heading for her car.

"No, he went for a run and I left. I can't face him yet," I confessed. "I think he still loves her." The words made my stomach ache.

"It'll be okay, Cara. I'm on my way. We will figure this out." I heard her car door shut as I pulled up to my house.

"Alright, see you soon. Thanks, Shay." I hung up and parked my car.

I sat in my car with my arms draped over the steering wheel, my head resting on them. I debated about going back to Cam's. He asked me not to leave and that was the first thing I did. I ran—again. The knots in my stomach kept twisting together the more I thought about it. It was like detangling a necklace, the harder I tried the more matted it became. I needed to slow down and map out my thoughts if I ever wanted to make sense of what I wanted.

Taking a deep breath I forced myself out of the car. My head still hurt, I was beyond tired and I felt disgustingly dirty. All I wanted to do was shower and go back to bed. As soon as I shut the door to my house my phone chimed, alerting me to a new text—I knew it was Cam.

Why did you leave? I'm coming over. We need to talk.

I couldn't see him. Not yet.

Too hung over to talk. I'll call U tomorrow.

A few moments later the phone rang.

"What, Cam?" I answered with irritation.

"Cara, please, I don't want to wait till tomorrow. We need to work this out."

"Look, I feel like shit, my parents are going to be here in five hours for dinner and I have no food in my house. I can't deal with this right now. I'll call you tomorrow."

"Fine." His voice sounded defeated and I felt bad for running out on him like I did. "Can you just promise me one thing, firecracker?"

"I don't know. Depends on what it is."

"Don't think, just feel."

I shut my eyes, warding off the sting that was mounting behind them. I didn't want to think but my body and heart had finally given out and all that was left was my mind. It took over the moment Amber arrived and Cam knew it. He saw it in my eyes when he looked at me.

Taking a deep breath I tried to compose myself. I needed to sound strong when I answered him. Weakness was not an option anymore. "I can't this time, Cam. I'm sorry."

I hung up and sunk to my knees. My chest was tightening and a cold wave of loneliness washed through me. I already knew what I had to do. I just didn't know how I was going to do it.

"Is something bothering you, Care-bear? You seem so quiet tonight," Royce asked me from across the table. He could always tell when something was wrong with someone. Even people he didn't know.

"I'm alright; I just had a late night so I'm kind of tired," I said, trying to ease the concern in my mother's eyes.

Royce looked at me like he knew I was keeping something hidden. I never told them about Cam and I didn't feel the need to divulge it now, seeing as how it wasn't going to last.

"So, how was Europe?" I asked my mother, trying to divert the attention away from me.

Her eyes lit up at the chance to ramble about her dream vacation. "Oh, Cara, it was fantastic. You would have loved London."

Her and Royce went on and on about the trip. I listened to some of it, but mainly I thought about Cam and what I was going to say to him. I didn't know if I should bring up the texts from Amber or just leave it alone. Part of me wanted to know where his head was and another part of me just wanted it to be over with. I knew he was going to fight me, try to make me give in to him but I there was no way I was letting that happen. He was still in love with Amber and I didn't want to be—as Adam put it—second place. I wanted to be someone's number one for once in my life.

Royce and my mom helped me clean up dinner and then we said goodnight. They had a lot to do this week, seeing as how they were leaving again on Friday for another vacation, and they needed to get some rest. I wasn't upset, I was emotionally drained, still hung over and tired as hell. Lying down, I tried to get some sleep but as hard as I tried, I couldn't. My mind was still reeling. I had to keep telling myself that ending things with Cam was the right thing to do— we weren't ready for this. I just wished my heart felt the same way.

Grabbing my phone I sent Cam a text.

Can we meet at Maggie's tomorrow at 12? I'm ready to talk.

I'll be there.

Leaning up against my car, I waited for Cam to pull up to Maggie's Place. The empty feeling in the pit of my stomach was overbearing and the tip of my thumb was numb from my teeth clamping down on it. When I saw his truck turn into the parking lot the desire to run hit me hard. Everything I had planned out, everything I wanted to say to him vanished. My mind was blank and I had no clue what I was doing.

Stepping out of the truck, I could see the despair on in his features—his eyes were underlined with darkness, he had more than a five o'clock shadow, and his hair was tousled beyond the norm. He walked unhurriedly towards me, his head hanging low and his shoulders slumped. It took every ounce of control not to run to him—I hated seeing him like this.

Slowly, he lifted his eyes and they met mine. I could see a fire reignite inside of him when they did. His pace quickened and his posture became more confident. "Don't say a word," he said. I didn't even have time to respond before his lips connected with mine. Grabbing hold of my body, he pulled me to him, so close that our bodies became one. His lips were soft, yet determined as he moved them against mine and they sent a rush of desire straight through me.

The reality of what was happening finally hit home. This was our final kiss—our goodbye—he knew it, I knew, and it wrecked me. Giving in, I brought my hands to the back of his head and pulled him closer. Our tongues collided fiercely as we poured all of our emotion into each other—drinking it up and breathing it in one last time.

As we came up for air, Cam held me to him, our foreheads resting together as his hands moved to my face. "I'm so sorry, Cara." My senses tingled with the familiar sting I had grown used to over the past few days. I closed my eyes, trying to pull away, but he held me in place. "Please..." His voice faded out and his body tensed. "Please, look at me." I wanted to look at him but I knew if I did I would cave. I had to be strong. "Look at me, firecracker." He rubbed his thumb over my cheek and I surrendered.

My eyelids flew open and I was face to face with him. I didn't want to let him go. I didn't want to say goodbye but I had already lost him. He was Amber's.

"I have to say goodbye, Cam," I whispered to him.

"No you can't," he said. He pushed away from me as he began to pace. "I'm not ready to say goodbye."

"You're not ready for anything," I argued and he stopped and looked at me. I shrugged my shoulders regretfully. "I can't keep doing this."

His eyes filled with a sense of understanding and he stood in front of me again. Taking my hands in his, he laced his fingers between mine.

"I know you don't want to do this. What we have is too good. Please, let me try to fix it." He was right, what we had was amazing and I didn't
want
to do this—I had to. There was no way I was going to let another man hurt me and Cam was going to hurt me, it was only a matter of time.