Always Something There to Remind Me (20 page)

“He’s not, though,” she said.
Not usually.

He turned to her and touched her face. “You’re really pretty, you know that?”

Heat rose in her cheeks. “Give me a break.”

“I mean it.” He touched her hair. “Really, really pretty.”

She wished Nate could hear him. Maybe then he’d appreciate her a little more. Except that, of course, she
didn’t
wish Nate could hear him since this looked bad, her sitting on her bed in her room with a friend of his at one thirty in the morning.

A friend who was suddenly kissing her.

Everything about it felt wrong. Foreign. He wasn’t Nate. And she
liked
kissing Nate. This was just … weird.

She pushed him away. “
Don’t
.”

Her heart suddenly felt broken. She couldn’t
un
do this. It had happened, even for a few confused seconds, and now she felt like she’d stepped off a cliff and was sinking through the air. She knew exactly how much it would hurt to hit bottom, but she couldn’t stop it.

“Come on. No one will ever know.” He leaned in to her again.

She pushed back again, harder. “There’s nothing to know. There will
never
be
anything
to know. I don’t want to do this.”

“It’s not like you’re married or something.”

“I don’t
want
to be with you,” she said, and she meant it completely. “So leave me alone.”

This was insane! This was really stupid. But on the other hand, she couldn’t put him in his car and have him drive away in this condition. Last year their friend Hank had been killed on his way home from having a few drinks when he hit a tree. There was no way Erin was taking a chance on being responsible for something like that. And there was no one she could call to pick him up.

So she was stuck with him, at least for a little while, until he sobered up some.

But now it felt tainted. It felt wrong. He was practically a stranger, the only thing that made him anything closer than that was the fact that he was Nate’s friend, so he had no business being here with Nate’s girlfriend.

And she had no business being here with Nate’s friend, especially now that he was all over her.

It wasn’t like Nate’s friends hadn’t been over before when he wasn’t. It wasn’t even like they hadn’t sat on the bed with her and talked. It wasn’t even as if they’d never made passes at her, but something about tonight felt like it had crossed a line.

She wanted him to leave, but she didn’t want to be responsible for an accident, so she let him stay a while, just to talk. To sober up. Of course, Todd kept leaning toward her, heaving hot, alcohol-laden breath in her face and trying to kiss her again.

Repeatedly she pushed him away, but she couldn’t bring herself to make him leave because he hadn’t sobered up enough.

Finally, she picked up a baseball bat that she had leaning against the wall next to the bed—a silly precaution she’d taken when she got nervous in the house alone a few nights ago—and laid it between them as a boundary.

“Don’t cross this,” she said, completely straight-faced. “That’s the rule.”

He put his hands up in surrender. “Okay, I get it.”

“I
mean
it.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“I’m not afraid to hit you in the balls with it.”

He must have seen then that she meant it. Once he stopped making passes, they actually had a pretty good talk. He confided that he was nervous about leaving everything he ever knew and acknowledged that Erin wasn’t available but that he wanted a girlfriend to write to. Someone to make him feel like he had a purpose other than working. Then he said again, with sincerity, that he thought Nate was a fool for not treasuring her more.

But the thing was, even though Nate wasn’t being what you’d call warm and fuzzy these days, she was really pretty sure he
did
treasure her. Maybe it wasn’t fair to expect him to shoulder all the weight of romancing her at this point—maybe she just needed to accept that their relationship was already two years old and just wasn’t going to have that new car smell anymore. But what did she really want? The excitement of a new relationship, or to be the lucky one who found her soul mate at fifteen and got to spend her whole, long life with him?

She wanted Nate.

This felt too strange.

Nate was quiet, dependable, the steady tortoise, while Todd was a good example of the flashy hare, and it was growing more painfully obvious by the second that
this
was getting old quickly. It was a lot more boring than what she was realizing was a pretty appealing predictability.

“You should go,” she said, and as she said it she realized she really, really wanted him gone. Like, now. Like, an hour ago. In fact, she fervently wished he’d never come. It had been a long night.

It should have been Nate with her.

He looked at her, surprised, but didn’t argue. “You’re right.”

“Are you okay to drive?”

He nodded. “Fine. It’s been hours since I had anything.”

“Okay.” She stood up and he followed. Together they crept down the stairs, where she opened the front door with extreme care. She turned to him. “So … ’bye. Good luck with the whole internship thing.”

“Thanks.” He leaned in to kiss her, and she turned her face so his lips brushed her cheek.

She met his eyes. “You’re a jerk.”

“I know. What can I say?” He smiled and stepped out the door. She watched him walk toward his car for a moment, then, satisfied that he was completely steady on his feet, closed the door.

*   *   *

The next morning she woke with a guilt hangover. She had been so
so
stupid to let Todd come over. Especially after she’d flirted with him all night when they were all out together. She’d led him on, probably; she’d certainly been disrespectful to Nate … the whole thing was a mess, one selfish mistake on top of another. It was all she could think about.

So when Theresa called and asked if she wanted to go to Rockville with her to run some errands, she was glad for the distraction.

Theresa picked her up and they sang along to her new Rick Springfield tape in the car. Erin wanted to tell her what had happened the night before, but her allowing Todd to come over had been so patently stupid that she just couldn’t bear to admit it to another human being.

Better to just let time pass so that she and Todd would forget it ever happened and Todd would move on to some other way to try and one-up Nate, just like he always did. Last night she’d just been a pawn in that endless game of theirs and she’d be glad when he moved on to something else.

“Hello?” Theresa was saying.

“Sorry.” Erin returned her attention to Theresa. “What did you say?”

“I said isn’t that Todd?”

“What about Todd?” Erin asked sharply.

Theresa gave her a funny look and pulled the car over to the side of the road. “Isn’t
that
Todd?” She pointed, then waved and put Erin’s window down, letting a gust of freezing-cold air in.

Erin turned to see Todd Griffith walking over to them on the sidewalk. “Hey, ladies,” he said with a devilish grin. The very one he’d probably hoped would have charmed her last night.

“Hey, Todd!” Theresa sounded delighted to see him, and all at once Erin realized Theresa was in flirting mode.

Erin’s reflexive irritation with that turned quickly. This might be a good thing!

If she could hook Todd and Theresa up, maybe that would kind of
erase
what had happened last night!

“How are you, Erin?” he asked pointedly.

“Fine,” she said, not quite meeting his eyes.

“What are you doing out here in the freezing cold?” Theresa asked.

“Walking home. Car died.”

Theresa gave a snort. “Well, you’re not walking home now, for God’s sake. Get in!”

A tremor of apprehension ran through Erin, though she would have been hard-pressed to explain it.

“You sure?” Todd asked.

Theresa waved an airy hand. “Of course I’m sure.
Get in!
”

Aware that if she continued to be mute it would raise suspicions she didn’t want to answer, Erin said, “Just get in, Todd, it’s cold out there.”

He shrugged and opened the door. Erin pushed her seat forward so he could get in the backseat behind her.

It was only a few minutes’ drive to Todd’s house, but Theresa managed to fill the time with plenty of innuendo. Erin had to give her a nod, she was masterful at luring guys in. Even Todd, who’d known her sort of tangentially for two years, seemed to be drawn into her charm.

“So you’re leaving town soon, right?” Theresa asked him.

“Tomorrow.”

“Oh.” Her expression dropped.

Erin’s too—that
did
put a crimp in the fixing-them-up plan. “But you’ll be back in the summer, right?” she asked, turning to look at him.

He nodded. “Mid-June.”

His eyes met hers and she felt a clamminess creep over her. She turned back around and looked out the windshield.

Theresa turned onto his street and said, “Which house is it? I think I’ve been there once, but I can’t remember.”

“Second on the left, here.”

She turned into the driveway.

Erin opened the door and released the seat to let him out.

“Do you guys want to come in for a drink or something?” he asked.

“No, I’ve got to get back and—” Erin began.

But she was interrupted by Theresa’s chipper, “Sure!” She flipped the ignition off and opened her door before Erin could object.

And, really, why
should
Erin object? Nothing had really happened last night, what she’d done wasn’t that big a sin, and Todd was just being
Todd
. He was kind of a jerk and everyone knew it. If Theresa decided to take a chance on him, even knowing that, then fine. Erin’s guilt was getting the better of her and she was making way too big a deal out of this.

She got out of the car and the three of them hurried to the front door. As soon as he opened it, a blast of warm air rushed out to usher them in.

“What do you want to drink?” Todd asked.

“We’re not going to be that long,” Erin began, but once again Theresa’s hormones got the jump on her.

“Coke.” Theresa smiled and gave a small shrug toward Erin.

The ideal situation would have been for Erin to clear out and come pick Theresa up later, but Erin didn’t have her car. So she was stuck in the middle of this flirt fest and there was no telling how long it would last, given the fact that both Theresa and Todd seemed like they were in high gear.

“You sure you don’t want anything?” Todd asked Erin.

“No, thanks.” She knew she sounded cold, but apparently he didn’t notice it.

He went to the kitchen and she hissed at Theresa, “I don’t want to be here!”

“Why
not
? This is fun!”

“It’s wrong without Nate here. It just feels … I don’t know. I don’t feel right.”

She rolled her eyes. “You’re crazy.”

“Maybe so, but can you run me home and come back?”

Theresa pulled a face. “How would I manage that? I’d sound obsessive.
Erin wants to go, but can I come back please please please?
” She shook her head. “Please.”

Erin shrugged, and Todd came back with a Coke for Theresa and led them down to his bedroom in the basement.

“Very Greg Brady,” Theresa commented, looking around approvingly at the paneled wall and posters of Aerosmith and the Rolling Stones.

“He had the attic,” Erin pointed out.

“What?”

“Greg Brady. He had the attic.”

“Oh.”

This was exactly the kind of thing Erin could talk on and on about, especially right now. “Remember? He had the beads and stuff and there was that one time they all pretended it was haunted. That was the creepiest—
What
?”

Theresa was looking behind her with an odd expression on her face.

Erin turned to see what she was looking at and it was clear immediately.

Nate was standing there, looking at her in a way she’d never seen before. His face was steely, his eyes looked black.

“Nate—” She moved toward him, but he shook his head.

“Fuck you!” It was like his soul had dropped out; his face was a mask of him, but his eyes had gone dark and dead. He wasn’t in there. She knew what he thought he was seeing, even though there was no reason for him to think it, and she knew that this combined with last night made her less than innocent.

He was already up the stairs.

She followed him through the foyer and out the front door. “Nate, wait!” She caught up to him, grabbed his shirt, but he whirled around and knocked her hand away.

“Stay the
fuck
away from me! Last night, and now this…” He didn’t finish. He didn’t need to. He must have driven by last night and seen Todd’s car out front.

It looked bad. It didn’t even matter what had really happened, or not happened, he would never believe it. This was a betrayal to him. Just flirting with Todd had been a betrayal, but following it up by going to his house … that sealed it.

“
Please
, Nate.” Her pleading rattled through her. She’d never felt anything so sincerely in her life. “Just listen to me a minute—”

The one word he said was both quiet and definitive and left no room for response. “
No.
”

She’d never seen him like this. Never.

“But this isn’t what you think!” It wasn’t! It wasn’t! If he could get in her head, or in her heart, and see what she had really been thinking and feeling, he wouldn’t be so mad!

Damn it, she was only there because Todd and
Theresa
were trying to hook up. Not
her
!

Nate didn’t even look back at her. He got in his car and gunned it out of there so recklessly she completely expected to hear the impact with another car as soon as he was out of sight.

For a long time, Erin stood there, numb.

They’d fought before. Argued. Broken up and gotten back together. She’d never taken it seriously before, because she knew they were going to get married and whatever happened now was just them growing up.