Always (38 page)

“
That happens, especially the first time.”

“
That’s what Marcus said, too,” I said sadly.

“
He was right.”

“
I never want to feel like that again.”

“
Like what?”

I was sure that he could hear all my thoughts, but, like Marcus, he pretended not to. “Like a murderer–a monster.” My eyes stayed dry this time.

“
You’re a vampire; you have been for a long time. It’s long past time you accept that.”

“
Sometimes, I wish…” I didn’t finish the thought.

“
That he didn’t change you,” he finished softly for me.

“
Yeah.” I nodded in case he didn’t hear my whisper.

“
Then you’d be dead.”

“
Sometimes… I feel like I am anyways.” I turned to look at him then.

There was no pity there–only disgust and worry. “Marcus–he loves you.”

“
Marcus left me alone and helpless. I can’t defend myself or even…hunt.”

“
You’ll learn. That’s why he sent you to me.”

My shoulders slumped forward. I knew I was feeling sorry for myself and making Rueben hate me even more, but I couldn’t stop. I was so thirsty, and I missed Marcus so much. There was a physical ache inside of me that I knew would never go away.

“
You can’t just sit here and feel sorry for yourself.”

“
Just leave me alone,” I growled back. “Just let me die.”

“
You think you can starve yourself to death?”

“
I feel…really weak already.”

“
You won’t die.” I heard him clamp down on his teeth.

“
Maybe.”

“
People don’t die from a broken heart,” he scoffed.

“
I’m not people,” I screamed back.

“
Get dressed,” he ordered.

“
No.”

“
Don’t make me do it for you.”

“
Leave. Me. Alone.”

“
Not. Gonna. Happen.”

“
Why do you care, anyways?” My lip curled up in distaste.

“
Marcus trusts me to take care of you.”

“
Tell him I was killed by another vampire. Ryan seems to think pretty highly of me.” I tried to go back to sulking, but he suddenly pushed me off the end of the bed.

“
Get up!”

“
What do you think…?”

“
I’m doing?” He kneeled low so he could get right in my face. “I’m taking you hunting.”

“
I’m not…”

“
I’m not giving you a choice. Get dressed or I will dress you myself.” He retrieved the clothes from the chair and was back beside me before I even blinked.

I flinched back from the anger in his face. “Fine.” I took the clothes from him in a huff. “But I’m not hunting.” Like a child being punished, I stomped all the way to the bathroom.

I took my time changing, relishing the thought of making him wait.

I hope you hear these thoughts.

He was the most infuriating man I had ever met. Why couldn’t he just take the hint and leave me alone? If he thought for one second…

“
You done yet?” He pounded hard on the bathroom door.

“
No.”

The door flung open suddenly and he was standing on the other side. I hurried to pull the clean shirt over my head, still enough sense about me to be embarrassed.

“
Looks like it to me.”

“
You can’t just come in here. I’m getting dressed.”

“
You already are.”

He pulled me roughly from the bathroom and pushed me down into a chair. In quick movements, he put my shoes on for me and pulled me back up.

“
I could have done that myself, you know.”

“
I’m done waiting. Let’s go.”

“
Where…?”

“
Shh.” He put his finger against my lips. “No more talking.”

“
You…”

“
Ah-ah.” He wagged his finger in front of my face.

I puffed my cheeks out, infuriated and hating him all the more. Who did he think he was, anyways?

“
My name is Rueben,” he grinned, “and soon, I’m going to be your best friend.”

“
Ha! Like that…”

“
Nope.” His fingers stopped me from talking again. “Let’s go, Miss Claudia.”

When I didn’t follow him willingly enough, he wrapped his arm around my waist and lifted me off the ground. It didn’t matter how hard I struggled, he was much stronger than I was.

He carried me down the steps and set me back on my feet in the alley behind my apartment. “Are you ready to come with me now?” he asked with a grin.

“
Do I have a choice?”

His grin widened. “No.”

I clenched my teeth tight together. I wanted nothing more than to knock that grin off his face. When he started walking again, I followed close at his heels.

Chapter
Thirty-Nine

Rueben led me to a small alley that dead-ended. Leaning against the far wall was a homeless man dressed in layers of rags. He reeked of alcohol and grease. My nose crinkled in disgust.

“
You smell the blood, too, don’t you?” Rueben purred close to my ear.

“
All I smell is alcohol.”

“
No. Smell deeper.”

Almost against my will, I inhaled deeply through my nose. The smell of blood hit me like a brick. There was no other smell like it–a salty sort of smell that had my teeth throbbing all over again.

“
I remember my first hunt,” Rueben circled me slowly, “a group of us went out to a nearby village.” I didn’t want to hear the rest, but his melodic voice hypnotized me. “There was a young woman there. Her hair was the color of a flame and her blood like liquid fire in my mouth. I couldn’t stop until I drained her completely.”

“
Is this fairy story supposed to entice me to hunt?”

“
As she lay there dead in my arms, I felt more powerful than I ever had before. Nothing can compare to it.” He came face to face with me. “Certainly not the cold dead blood that Marcus brings to you.”

“
I’m still alive,” I protested.

“
Only just barely.”

I sighed through my nose. “I…I’m…just fine.”

“
If I didn’t feed for three or four days–even longer–I’d be just fine. You are close to desperation.”

“
Marcus never let me go that long between…feeding.”

He stared into my eyes, trying to see past my scowl. “You will learn to hunt, Claudia.”

“
I don’t understand what the big deal is,” I hissed.

“
The big deal?” he scoffed with widened eyes. “You’re a vampire.”

“
I know.” Tears were already starting to blur my vision.

“
You…can be an amazing creature.” I saw the confusion and the disgust in his eyes, as if he couldn’t grasp why I wouldn’t embrace this new life I was given.

I didn’t consider it a gift, though. My life was taken from me. The only good thing I had gotten in return had sent me away. “I don’t want to be a creature,” my voice broke.

“
You don’t have a choice. You are what you are.”

“
Marcus took that choice from me,” my voice rose in volume. “He made me a monster and then just threw me away like trash.”

His head jerked back as if he’d been slapped. “You don’t understand; he didn’t have a choice.”

“
Well,” I half chuckled like a crazy person, “looks like all our choices are being taken from us.”

“
Claudia…”

“
Are you going to help me or not?”

“
By bringing your food to you?”

His eyes widened slightly, then narrowed. “I’m not hunting.” I crossed my arms over my chest.

“
Then, I guess you’ll starve.”

“
David said I could live on synthetic blood.” I knew I was being desperate, but I didn’t want him running off again.

“
Is David going to make it for you?”

“
I don’t know where he is!”

He wriggled his eyebrows at me. “Looks like you’ll have to do it my way.”

“
I can’t hunt.”

“
Only because you haven’t been properly taught; he should have made you.”

My temper flared as my urge to still defend Marcus after all he did to me came to surface. “Well, he didn’t. And you can’t either.”

His look of disgust changed to a sneer. I couldn’t decide which was worse. Then, he began to circle me like a vulture waiting for his prey to die. “Do you know what happens when you get really thirsty?” he asked in a low voice.

I ran my tongue lightly over my already throbbing incisors. “Yes,” I whispered in a shaky voice.

“
No,” he shook his head slowly, “I don’t think you do.”

My eyes snapped open wide. “Stop it!”

“
I’m not doing anything,” he purred.

Blood pounded painfully in my head, echoing against my ears until it was all I could hear. But it was my own blood. It had been too long since I last fed–way too long. “Stop,” I begged, “Just stop.”

“
When you wait too long to feed, when you get really thirsty,” he went on without mercy, “all you can think about is blood, all you can hear is blood.”

I felt the cold stone of the wall he had backed me into, and still he advanced. “Go away!”

“
I thought you wanted my help,” he said in a thick sweet voice.

“
You’re n…not helping.” When had I started trembling?

“
Yes I am.”

I shook my head violently from side to side. I felt the coldness on my cheeks. “N… no you’re n…not.”

“
Claudia,” he was only inches away from my face, “You’ll thank me one day for this.”

I heard the air whooshing in and out of my lungs much too quickly. Rueben’s face was becoming fuzzy at the edges. My tongue swelled up to fill all the spaces in my mouth and still I could hear blood pounding around inside my head. “Thump, thump, thump.”

Suddenly, I became aware that it wasn’t my blood I was hearing at all. It was a heart, a human heart, pushing sweet blood through blue veins. Veins that were soft, soft enough for my teeth to cut through. It would be so easy, so easy to let the blood flow into my mouth. My teeth throbbed and extended to my bottom lip. Thump. Thump. Thump.

Definitely human–and not far away either. With a need I had never experienced before, I pushed Rueben away from me and followed the thumping heart.

I found the man quickly, slumped over in sleep. The blood sang through his veins. I was aware of nothing except my need. There was no way for me to run from my hunger. The pain was already too great to bear. With the smallest of sighs, I sank to my knees and began to drain the man of blood.

As the warm fluid sloshed through me, a new feeling started to take over: A sense of power. It was unlike anything I had ever felt in my life.

The world opened up to me, let me see its heartbeat. I could run as fast as the wind blew, and see as far as the sun’s beams, and I could hear everything. My soft steady breaths were in sync with everything around me.

For the first time since I had been changed, I didn’t feel small; I felt alive. I wanted to touch the snow on top of a mountain and walk along the bottom of the ocean; and I knew that it was all possible for me. I could go anywhere or be anything and it was exhilarating.

Rueben pulled me away from the man before his heart stopped beating. It was disappointing not to get that last drop. “Why did you stop me?” I asked breathlessly.

“
You’ll kill him.”

“
So?”