Always (36 page)

“
You haven’t fed since you left London.” His tone was scolding.

“
How was I supposed to?” I fired back.

“
Hunt!”

I blinked in surprise. “I…can’t hunt. Didn’t Marcus explain to you…?” I shook my head in confusion.

“
Explain to me what? That he coddled you and allowed you to be weak?”

“
I didn’t…want to be…” I tried weakly to defend Marcus against Rueben’s harsh judgments.

“
You already are.” The finality of the words echoed in my head.

“
I know that. He was just trying to make it easier for me.”

He made a sound of disgust, making me avert my eyes. “He chose you. You should take pride in that.”

“
I…”

“
You are weak.” He was in my face again. “If you want to eat, you will hunt.”

“
Marcus always hunted for me,” I hated that my voice broke–again. Maybe I was just like Rueben said–weak.

“
You are,” he growled.

“
G…get away from me.”

“
Fine.” He pushed himself forcefully away from the wall. Dust crumpled to the ground on either side of me.

“
Who do you think you are, anyway?” I straightened my shirt and stood up straighter.

“
Rueben.”

“
Well,
Reuben
,” I jabbed my finger into his chest, “you don’t know anything about me.”

“
Don’t I?” He tilted his head to the side.

“
Just what Marcus told you. It’s not like we,” I drew a line in the air connecting the two of us, “are friends.”

“
We’re more than friends, Claudia.” In one long stride, he closed the short distance between us. He pressed his lean body into my frail one until I could feel the indentations of my hips. “We’re family,” he said the words hotly against my neck.

Tears of outrage sprang unwelcome into my eyes. I hated Rueben. All I could think of was to get away from him. I would just have to find a way to survive on my own. I had been hunting before–I could do it.

The idea didn’t appeal to me, but I could do it if I had to. Besides, Marcus would be coming for me in a few days so maybe I wouldn’t have to worry about hunting. Certainly I could survive a few days without feeding.

My angry strides carried me further and further away from Rueben, who didn’t come after me. I didn’t know where exactly I was going; I couldn’t remember exactly where the apartment was.

I turned another corner and almost ran directly into a small group of men. There were only four of them, but they didn’t look friendly. Just as I was about to turn and go the other way, I recognized a small green car at the end of the alley.

I froze with indecision. I was sure that this was the right way now that I had seen that car. Maybe once I got to that car, I would recognize something else and be able to find the apartment.

The only problem was, those men were between me and that green car. I bit my lip and took a deep breath through my nose. It was time for me to get a little courage.

The men were having a heated discussion about some woman named Mary Jane and barely noticed me side stepping around them. I jogged the short distance to the car and was pleased that I could see my apartment from where I stood.

I made it to the door without running into anyone else. I slipped the key out of my pocket and unlocked the door. It was strange to me how comfortable the tiny apartment had become to me in such a short time.

I sat down heavily on the oversized white chair, grateful beyond words to be back in the dingy apartment. Behind the inner wall, a baby cried while its parents fought in the other room. Even when I pressed my hands over my ears, I still heard them.

I was more alone than I had ever been in my life. I could just barely remember a time when I didn’t have Marcus. The time I had lived as a human with Aunt Dora and Uncle Philip didn’t come to mind as often as it used to. I sometimes struggled to recall the kindness I always saw in my aunt’s grey eyes or the sound of Uncle Philip’s laughter.

Instead, I recalled the times Marcus and I shared. We had made our own memories, created a life together. Now, Silango was threatening to take all that away from me, and there was nothing I could do about it.

I didn’t even try to stop my tears from falling. No one was there to offer me any sort of comfort. The tears fell one after the other in a steady stream of self-pity.

Marcus shouldn’t have sent me to Rueben. He should have known that he wouldn’t help me. How could he have left me so helpless?

Chapter
Thirty-Seven

I don’t know how long I sat there before I heard his footsteps outside the door. I knew that he would come sooner or later. My shoulders stiffened when he stopped just outside the door and knocked loudly.

“
I know you’re in there,” he called when I didn’t answer. “I can hear you breathing.”

I sucked in my breath and held it there. Marcus had taught me how to make my heart stop beating, just in case I was ever alone and someone came to the door.

“
Don’t ever answer the door if I’m not here,” he warned.

“
Who would come here?”

“
I have many enemies.”

My eyes widened in fear. “Would they come here?”

“
I’m not telling you to scare you, my love,” he said, gently caressing the place under my eyes. “I only want you to realize what dangers may be out there.”

I nodded my head solemnly. “Okay. I won’t open the door.”

“
Claudia!” Rueben pounded on the door again.

Just go away!

“
I’m not going anywhere until you talk to me.” I heard his breathing getting heavier. “If you don’t open this door, I’m breaking the handle,” he warned.

I made a low noise of irritation deep in my throat; I didn’t doubt for a second that he would do as he threatened. Then I wouldn’t have a door at all. I grumbled all the way to the door and flung it open. “Come on in,” I invited with dripping sarcasm.

“
Don’t mind if I do.” He ducked under my arm.

I rolled my eyes and flung the door closed. “What do you want?”

“
I want you to hunt.” He made a point of examining the entire apartment. “Have you always been this lousy of a housekeeper?” He kicked lightly at my discarded jeans from last night that were still on the floor.

“
I didn’t realize I would be having company.” I picked the pants up and flung them in the general direction of the suitcase.

“
My mother always said,” he began with wide eyes.

“
You remember your mother?”

“
A little.” He put one finger against his lips. “But you’re right; I don’t remember what she used to say.” He sat down with a great theatrical show. “I’m sure it must have had something to do with a clean house–or maybe it was clean underwear.”

“
We stayed in a lot of hotels.”

“
And they have housekeeping there.”

“
Yeah.” I crossed my arms across my chest. I almost started tapping my foot against the floor, but I didn’t want him to comment on that, too.

“
So?” He breathed in deeply, making his nostrils flare.

“
So, what?”

“
Why are you just sitting in here feeling sorry for yourself?”

“
I’m not.” But I felt the sting of unshed tears.

“
You can hunt. I’ll help you.”

“
What if I don’t want to?” I heard the whining in my own voice.

He stared at me for a long moment, disgusted and shocked. “You are what you are, Claudia. You have had enough time to deal with that.”

I hated when he used my name like that. It made me feel like a little kid who had been naughty. “You don’t even know me.” I don’t know why I kept saying that. Rueben didn’t need to know me to see what I was. He expected me to embrace my new existence like the others had, but I couldn’t.

“
Why is it so hard for you?” He responded to thoughts I hadn’t said out loud.

“
I…don’t want to be a killer.”

He clicked his tongue. “You don’t have to kill them.”

“
I did, though.”

“
It was your first time.”

“
And my last time.”

“
You have no idea what kind of life you are missing.”

A vision of Edmund Harris came unbidden to my mind. What kind of life had I missed? “I like how things used to be.”

“
With Marcus?”

“
When I was human.”

He bounced up from his seat with a severe scowl etching lines in his boyishly handsome face. “You already know you have to move on. I can’t believe he let you…” He shook his head and took several deep breaths. “I mean, for this long?”

“
He loves me.”

“
Love? Ha!” He put his fist heavily on the wall, but it didn’t break.

“
He does,” I said weakly.

“
If he really loved you, he wouldn’t have let you get like this,” he jabbed my shoulder hard enough to back me up several steps.

I sank down into one of the kitchen chairs. “You mean a monster.”

“
Just stop it, Claudia!” His giant voice boomed throughout the entire room, making my mouth snap shut. No one had ever spoken to me like Rueben did.

“
I…”

“
You? Why is everything about you? Marcus should have just killed you and been rid of you. Then I wouldn’t need to be wasting my time here.”

“
Just go away, Rueben,” my voice shook, but it was loud enough for him to understand.

“
So easy?”

“
You can have your life back. You don’t need to worry about me.”

Being alone wasn’t something I had ever pictured for myself. Marcus had promised never to leave me. He should be here. It felt like my heart had been torn in half.

I laid my head against the table and let the tears fall all over again. I heard Rueben’s sigh, but I couldn’t even try to call. “Just go away,” I mumbled without looking up.

Marcus had told me that his brother would help me. I had assumed that meant he would hunt for me like Marcus had. Soon, I would leave and return to my husband. All I had to do was survive until then.

I remembered the first night after Marcus and I had hunted; the only time I had ever hunted. I knew then that my entire life would be about surviving from that night on.

Some days would be easier and some days were definitely harder, but I would continue to survive–no matter what. So I didn’t care if Rueben left. In fact, I wanted him to leave.

I couldn’t stand the way he looked at me. I hated how he talked to me. He made me feel ashamed of myself. Not ashamed of myself because I was a blood drinking monster, but ashamed of myself for not being a better blood drinking monster.

“
Claudia,” I groaned when he said my name, “I’m not going anywhere.”

“
Just go,” I mumbled.

“
Claudia.” I didn’t look up at him, just shook my head against the table. “Look at me.”

I didn’t want to look at him, though. I already knew what he was going to tell me. And I didn’t want to hear any of it. So what if Rueben thought I was weak and disgusting? I didn’t need his approval.

I closed my eyes tight, trying to block out the sounds of Rueben’s disapproval.

“
Family is everything to the Letrells,” Sylvia said. “You won’t find a group of people closer than they are.”

“
They aren’t even people.” I whispered back.

“
They once were.”

“
Now they are blood drinking monsters.”

“
That’s not true and you know it.”

“
I’m not going to Blakesly House; Marcus won’t make me.”