Almost a Family (15 page)

*

Jason poured another cup of coffee from the office pot, grimacing at how thick and black the brew seemed to be today. He needed it, though. He’d stayed up most of the previous night, replaying his goodbye to Molly.

Maybe he should have fought more, tried harder. But he hadn’t, because somewhere in the back of his mind he’d known she was right, and it had cut his argument off at the knees. Now he was in the middle of his work day, keeping appointments and doing what he did best…healing. Although why he was so competent healing animals but not dealing with his own problems, he didn’t understand.

Pouring the remainder of his caffeine sludge down the sink, he went to his next appointment. Work had always been his panacea, the one thing that grounded him, and he knew he’d been right to follow his dream of becoming a vet. Normally, his troubles evaporated when he was here at the clinic he’d started on his own. But now, when his mind should be on work, he couldn’t escape the sad look in Molly’s eyes last night. She hadn’t been angry, just accepting. Knowing exactly what he would say because he’d been thinking the same way he had when he’d proposed all those years ago.

He wanted a family, a wife and a couple of kids running around. A haven to come home to at the end of the day. It was what he’d always wanted, ever since his brother had died and his parents had changed.

They loved him, he knew. And they’d stayed together through their grief, yet things had never been the same after Jonathan died, and more than anything Jason had wanted to recapture that familial happiness that had existed before the tragedy.

He knew that, acknowledged it. Stripping off his latex gloves, he sighed. But what he hadn’t understood, not really, was that he had been so single-mindedly focused on having the perfect family that he’d tried to command every single detail. He’d organized their life according to his vision, down to the most trivial thing, and spanning several years. Where they would live. Where they would work. When they’d have babies, for Pete’s sake! He had been so afraid of losing his chance at happiness and family that he’d taken control. He’d wanted that family only with the girl, then woman, he’d fallen in love with. And he’d been afraid of losing her, so he’d tried to order everything and make her fit the mold.

He’d even seduced her last night, thinking that if he could get her to admit that she wanted him, if he could make love to her and remind her of all they’d had, she’d come around.

She had been different. More. Her body more lush, curved. It hadn’t been just sex and she hadn’t been a girl in love with a boy. She’d been all woman. No one since had fired his blood the way she had. No woman ever filled him with super-human strength with a simple touch or smile. But she did. And he’d blown it when he’d mentioned Kim.

Backtracking hadn’t been enough. She’d set the trap and he’d walked right into it. And opened his big fat mouth.

But you couldn’t control life and you sure as hell couldn’t control other people. Especially someone as strong and determined as Molly. And it had been his fear of losing that had caused him to lose her anyway.

“Boss? You okay?”

Jason turned at the sound of one of the office assistants.

“Sure. Why?”

“Because I told you that we’re low on amoxicillin and you said to take a message.”

He stared. “Sorry, Bess. I’m a little preoccupied. We should have more stock with the next drug order.”

“Okay.” She smiled a little quizzically at him. “I’ll just get back to work.”

Jason went downstairs, locked himself in the bathroom and leaned over the sink. He ran some cold water and splashed his face, looking in the mirror at his drawn eyes and grim lips. Who was he kidding? He was miserable. He’d blown it for the second time. All the planning to show Molly what she had given up had done nothing but blow up in his face. Instead, he’d told her about kissing Kim. Talk about your awkward situations. But in the end, he knew she was leaving because he hadn’t been able to admit he had something to learn, too.

And that was going to change, starting right now.

When she’d asked him last night about what he envisioned, he’d sensed a trap but had gone ahead with what he’d allowed himself to fantasize about. His house, no longer empty but ringing with her laughter. Sleeping beside her at night, hearing her even breathing, the warmth of her body seeping into his. He’d pictured her rounded with pregnancy and glowing, beautiful. Had seen her years in the future, a handful of kids around her as she packed school lunches and checked homework, soothed tears and celebrated successes.

That’s what he’d wanted. But again, he hadn’t asked what she wanted. He’d let her go, never attempted to connect with her again because he had always been sure she’d been the one in the wrong. Finally, he was beginning to see that her dreams were every bit as important as his. And he hadn’t even asked her what hers were! He’d accused her of being self-absorbed when he’d been the one guilty of that transgression.

What did he have, really? Besides an empty house and a sixty-hour work week? He loved his work, yes, but his personal life? Shambles.

If the past three weeks had accomplished nothing else, they had made him realize one thing. He hadn’t been living, not really. He’d been going through the motions, salving his need for family with the girl next door and her daughter, avoiding getting out there and experiencing life. The few times he’d attempted relationships, they’d fallen flat, never lasting very long. In the last three weeks, whether he and Molly had been fighting, not speaking or kissing, the end result had been the same. Being with Molly again had made him feel more
alive
than he’d felt in years.

He’d learned there was more than one way to be happy.

And right now she was getting on an airplane and flying away from him.
Again. And for good.

He opened the bathroom door and went back upstairs, looking around with new eyes. Yes, he’d built a lucrative business, but he could do that anywhere. He couldn’t imagine living in a world where he didn’t do what he loved, but he couldn’t imagine doing what he loved without Molly by his side either. Without her, everything seemed pointless, and he knew now that if he let her get away a second time he would never forgive himself.

His employees bustled around, doing their jobs, but now it didn’t seem as meaningful to him. Not without her.

He looked at the clock on the wall. She was probably already gone, he realized. Still, he knew that if he didn’t at least try, he’d regret it every single day of his life. If he had to, he’d buy a ticket to Calgary and go after her himself.

He stripped off his lab coat, hung it on a hook and grabbed his jacket. “Tell Mark I had to go out, and I’m sorry. Reschedule if you can. I won’t be back today.”

“But Dr. Elliot…”

But he was already out the door and jogging toward the truck. It was a five-minute drive to the airport. Maybe he wasn’t too late. But  he had to make a stop first.

As Jason skidded into the parking lot, he saw an airplane taking off, nose up, heading into the low cloud cover. He swung into the first empty space he saw and didn’t even bother with change for the meter. If she was gone, there was only one thing to do—go after her.

*

“Flight eight-seven-four-three to Toronto is now boarding. All passengers should now proceed through security to the gate.”

Molly looked at her watch. Well, at least they were going to board at the revised scheduled time. They should have been boarding a half hour ago, but she’d been left sitting in the lounge, drinking stale coffee while the crews de-iced the plane. Oh well…it would make her layover in Toronto shorter, she supposed. Finally, now, it seemed she could get on board and get back to disassembling what was left of her life.

And oh, how very dull that sounded.

She had some major changes to make. And first on her list was looking for a new job or possibly setting up her own practice. Someplace where she could feel useful and make a difference. She didn’t quite know where that was, but she knew for sure it wasn’t in her drab brown downtown office. Surely, somewhere closer to home, someone had need of a savvy corporate attorney.

She stood up and put the strap of her carry-on luggage over her shoulder, careful not to spill what was left of her coffee. She had her boarding pass in hand and was making her way to the security line when she heard it.

“Molly!”

She shook her head. She was just imagining things, her mind creating fanciful illusions. Leaving Jason last night had been the hardest thing she’d ever done…even harder than it had been six years ago. She could have gone through the metal detector sooner, into the secure area, but had stayed in the cafeteria simply because somewhere deep inside, a small part of her had hoped he’d come. This was simply her longing for him manifesting itself and she disregarded it.

“Molly!”

There was no mistaking it this time. Turning completely around, she saw Jason jogging down the hall toward her, his jaw set determinedly.
Don’t give in,
she chanted to herself.
Just because he’s here doesn’t mean he’s right.

He stopped in front of her and she looked up, struggling to keep her face neutral while the rest of her traitorous body rejoiced at seeing him. His cheeks were ruddy from cold and hurrying, his hair disheveled as if he’d run his fingers through it a million times. To Molly, knowing it was the last time she’d see a long time, he’d never looked more alluring.

“What are you doing here, Jason? We said our goodbyes last night.”

He stopped her progress in line with a hand on her arm. “
You
said goodbye. I didn’t.”

She looked around—several passengers were watching curiously, hearing every word. “They’ve just called boarding. We were delayed. I have to go.”

“Just…wait.” He tugged on her arm, pulling her out of line and she followed simply so the rest of the people couldn’t hear what he was saying.

She searched for the words to say what she knew had to be said. “I’ve got to go, Jason. I tried to make you see that last night.”
Steady,
she reminded herself.

“I know you did and you were right. Now it’s my turn to have my say.”

“I was right?”

He let go of her arm and to her surprise, laughed. “I know, I didn’t think I could admit it either.” He smoothed a hand over her cheek. “Yes, Molly, you were right. About everything.

“You were right about what happened six years ago. I did have this whole picture of our lives together, and I couldn’t see that it wasn’t what you wanted. When you left, I was convinced that you’d left
me
. But you didn’t, did you?”

“No,” she murmured. “I ran from your plan, but not from you. I loved you.”

He paused, letting that confession swirl around them both, the importance of that beautiful truth finally sinking in as she finally said the words.

“I couldn’t see that. All I could see was my dream of a home and family with you wasn’t what you wanted, and I wasn’t willing to compromise. I’ve never gotten over you, don’t you see? Then you came back and I wanted to hate you. I could see how lonely my life had become and I wanted to blame you. It worked for a while, too. Until that day we went sledding.” He reached down and took her hands in his. “I was scared, and then I was angry, and then I realized I’d never stopped loving you. I didn’t know what to do with that.”

“There’s nothing
to
do with that. You still want me to fall in line with some master plan of yours and I just can’t.” Even though she had talked to Kim, she couldn’t resist saying, “Kim is so much more what you want out of life.”

“How could she be what I want when I’m not in love with her?”

That stopped her, and she swallowed. Now she’d heard it from both sides.

“I can’t,” she finally managed to say. “It would end up hurting us both far more than if we walk away friends now. Please,” she implored him. “Let me do that. Let me walk away as your friend.”
And let me come back and be friends.

“I can’t do that. Not after loving you last night. Not after remembering everything.”

She pulled her hands away from his and adjusted her carry on. “I’ve got to go.”

The female voice came over the intercom and announced final boarding for the flight. Molly took the first steps away from him. Her heart was heavy as she realized she was walking away from him, from them, honest and truly for good. Even when she knew she was doing the right thing, it felt very wrong.

“Don’t get on that plane,” he said loudly, causing heads to turn in his direction. When Molly spun tears were in her eyes, her lips pursed up in frustration.

“Why are you doing this to me?” she hissed, her eyes shooting daggers at him. “Just let me go!”

“Never again,” he answered, shaking his head. “It’s not the same this time, Molly. Let me show you.”

“Show me what?”

“That you’re it for me.”

The passengers had stopped moving; even the security guards stood watching the scene instead of putting bags through the metal detector. For Molly they ceased to exist. She only saw Jason’s dark eyes focused on hers, found herself gazing back, longing for him to say the right words this time. She cursed the hope that fluttered in her chest. She hadn’t let herself hope.