Allie's War Season Three (146 page)

I felt him consider stopping right there, in the corridor, but instead he increased his pace, closing the gap to the door of our room.

"Seriously," I said. I touched his forehead with my fingers, thrown by how hot his skin felt. "...Are you all right? I haven't been depriving you that much, have I?"

"Yes," he said.

His smile was taut when he glanced at my face, his fingers still fumbling with his coat until he found the card key in his pocket. I didn't remember seeing him stop at the reception desk, so that threw me, too.

He spoke before I could ask.

"...You have been," he added, his voice holding a low teasing, despite the harder look in his eyes. He blinked as he stared at the lock, and I realized his eyes were glowing again. "...I got the key from the waiter, Bardo. I asked him for it..." He handed the card to me then, giving another low gasp. "Open the fucking door, Allie..."

I took the key from him, still faintly worried as I studied his face, fighting to concentrate when he started rubbing my shoulder. Inserting the card into the security slot to the right of the door, I pushed down on the handle when there was a click and the light turned green.

"You could just put me down, you know," I said, catching the door before it could close again. "It would've been faster..."

He shook his head, half-kicking open the door as he carried me over the threshold. "No," he said. "I never did this...that night. I don't think I did, anyway...I was too zonkered..."

"Zonkered?" I smiled, tugging on his hair again.

It occurred to me he was talking about the human tradition, the carrying the bride over the threshold thing. Smiling, I clicked at him softly.

"...Old fashioned," I murmured.

When he didn't answer, I glanced around the suite, blown away by how perfect everything looked. Unlike the two lobbies downstairs, the penthouse apartment appeared almost identical to how I remembered it before we left for San Francisco.

Someone had obviously been in here to clean, possibly even in the last few hours. A large bouquet of fresh flowers stood on the center table, and the drapes had been drawn, revealing a view of stormy skies and driving rain that nearly obliterated the view to the park. When I glanced back at Revik, he was looking only at me, though, his eyes sparking strangely with that gold-green light, his face flushed.

"Don't you want me, Allie?" he said.

Pain shocked my light. I gripped his hair more tightly, staring between his eyes.

"Why would you ask me that?" I said, a sharper note of worry in my voice. I remembered the Menlim thing, what happened in that construct in Argentina, and clutched him tighter. "Baby, seriously...you're starting to scare me. Are you okay?"

I found myself scanning his light even as I said it, checking him for any kind of tap, any resonance in his light that I didn't recognize or that felt like it didn't come from him. I felt a pulse of reassurance off him, even as he walked me over to the couch, setting me back on my feet, with himself between me and the fireplace. Someone had lit the fireplace, too, I noticed.

But Revik was staring at me again, his eyes glowing in those odd pulses.

"Don't you want to take a shower first?" I said. I walked closer, curling my arms around his waist. "I'm pretty sure I stink...even beyond the vomit bus."

He shook his head. "No," he said. "Allie...take off your clothes."

Hesitating for less than a full breath, I started to unhook the last few remaining catches on the armored vest I wore. I dropped it to the floor when I finished, and started on my shirt.

Whatever was going on with him, it was affecting me, too...a lot, I realized, as soon as I stopped trying to distract myself from his light.

I'd been trying to calm my own light to compensate, or maybe just to slow him down. Now that I was looking at him though, I found myself wondering if maybe that was the wrong approach, for both of us. I started unbuckling my belt on the military grade pants, and his light let off another pulse of denser heat. I slid the belt out of the loops around my waist and his fingers slid into my hair, tugging at it, even as he wrapped his other hand around the back of my head, pulling out the band I wore to keep it in a ponytail.

"Aren't you going to take off your clothes?" I asked him. He continued to hold my hair in his hands as I unbuckled the front of my pants.

"No," he said. He looked at my face again. "I want you to do it, Allie."

Feeling another stab of reaction in my light, I pushed down the armored pants along with my underwear, then tugged the longer shirt I wore under the armor off my shoulders and dropped that to the floor, too. By the time I was unhooking my bra and adding that to the pile, I could barely see through the pain coming off him. It seemed to strangle my light, surrounding me like a physical force. I felt aggression in his light, too, more than I’d felt on him in awhile. Enough that I couldn’t help wondering why he was taking the passive role, in spite of that. When the feeling intensified, it crossed my mind that maybe that was the exact reason.

Knowing him, maybe he didn’t trust himself.

Maybe he was worried he might hurt me.

As if feeling my thoughts, he tugged me closer.

“They were right,” he said. “Wreg and Balidor. I’m sorry, Allie.” Pausing, he added, “I think you’d better do this. The first time, anyway...”

I nodded, fighting a reaction to another coil of his light. I started unbuckling his vest, fingers trembling, but seemingly all working in roughly the same direction.

"You want to make love on the couch?" I asked him, my voice soft.

His eyes glazed more. "Yes," he told me, tugging harder on my hair.

I felt him pulling on me to talk to him more.

"Tell me about that night," I said, still focused on his clothes. "You said you brought me back here, right? Before you approached me in San Francisco..." Pushing his vest off his shoulders, I let it drop to the floor. "You said we kissed here, right? That we came close to making love...?"

His pain worsened, so much so that I clutched at his shirt under the vest, half-forgetting what I'd been doing. After another pause, I finished unfastening that, too, tugging it off his arms, right after I jerked the velcro strap of the shoulder holster he wore underneath, pulling that off with both hands before I set the gun down more carefully.

"Are you going to tell me about it?" I asked him, softer.

"I wanted you," he said. "I'd wanted you for months...years, maybe, by then..." When I pulled at the second holster he wore, the one around his waist, he let out a low sound. "...You asked me, point blank, if I brought you here for sex. Gods. I couldn't even tell if you were against the idea..." His fingers tightened painfully in my hair as I started unhooking his belt. "I wanted you to proposition me. I felt pain on you...I felt it in the bar, too, when you kissed me in front of Jaden. I came damned close to bringing you home with me right then. I had to go outside. I wanted to kick the shit out of him..."

"So why didn't we?" I said, bringing his mind gently back to where we'd started. "Here, I mean. Why didn't we have sex?"

Glancing up now that I had him bare-chested, I found myself looking at him, studying the lean muscles of his body, watching those same muscles grow taut as he avoided looking at me. My fingers traced the tattoo on his arm, a band of writing I knew was supposed to be about us, but one he'd gotten half a century before I was born. I found myself following the lines of bone and muscle leading down past his hips, realizing I'd never really gotten enough of seeing him like this to be fully used to it.

Caressing his lower belly, I felt him wince when I let my hand trail over his skin.

"Revik?" I said. When he didn't look over, I prodded him gently with my light. "Why didn't you ask me for sex?"

He shook his head, his fingers stroking and combing through my hair again.

"I told you we couldn't," he said, his voice gruff. "I told you I didn't know what it would do to you. That part was true..." He made another low sound when I finished unfastening his pants. "I hadn't touched your light yet, Allie...I hadn't awakened any of it...I was afraid I'd hurt you. I'd already affected your aleimi, just by kissing you. You asked me about the separation pain..."

His worsened as he said it, and I saw him looking at my mouth again.

"I asked you about the pain?" I said. "What did you tell me?"

"I asked if you'd felt it before...with Jaden..."

"What did I say?"

"No," he said, his pain worsening again. "You said you hadn't felt it before. Not with anyone else. Not even that prick..."

"But you didn't ask me for sex?" I said gently, pulling his mind off Jaden by caressing his ribs. "You wanted to, right?"

He exhaled a sound, almost a laugh, but there wasn’t much humor in it. "Yes. I wanted to. I jerked off about five times after I got you home. I hired an unwilling..."

I flinched, my light recoiling reflexively from his, but his hands tightened more, pulling me closer. He held me so that our bodies touched.

"Gods, Allie. You don't understand. I was in love with you...I think I even knew it by then. I got the unwilling when I felt you with him the next morning. I couldn't get away from it, I had too much of you in my light. I wanted to go back there, drag him off you...I fucked her with you in my light instead..."

I nodded, but felt my throat tighten a little.

“I get it,” I said.

I did. Almost.

My fingers paused though, suddenly clumsy as I tugged his pants down past his hips.

"I watched you," he said again. "Gods, Allie. I watched you with him, and it wasn’t even the first time...” I felt that jealousy flare in his light, mixed with a darker feeling, right before he went on. “I thought through the logistics of taking you early, against the Council's orders, trying to open your light on my own. I was afraid they'd pull me, if I did that...that they'd take you away from me. Vash already warned me once..."

I got his pants the rest of the way off. Tracing the clan tattoo on his groin with my fingers, I slid closer to him when he wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

"I wish I remembered," I said finally, looking up at him.

My hand slid over the tattoo again and he pressed his body against mine. I laid a hand on his chest, stopping him...then holding him back so I could look at him longer. My hand caressed his chest when he obeyed, tracing muscles down to his ribs. His eyes were glowing brighter now. After another moment, I curled my hand around his erection and his hands tightened violently.

"Gods...Alyson, don't..."

"How would you have explained this?" I said. I watched his eyes close as his body tensed more. "Had you thought of that, yet?"

"...You knew I was a seer," he said, his voice short between breaths. "I told you what I was..."

"So you would have tried to go all the way with me?"

"I would have asked..."

"You would have asked?"

"I would have tried," he amended. "I would have used my light...I would have tried, Allie."

"You would have tried to get me to want it, you mean?"

"Yes," he said. His fingers wrapped deeper into my hair, pulling my mouth to his, but I stopped him again. He groaned. That time, the pain coming off him made me clutch at him.

"You started this," I reminded him. "Do you want me to stop?"

He hesitated, thinking.

"No," he said.

His resistance faded abruptly. The surrender in his light made my pain worse, even as I felt him relax physically, too. He tugged on my hand, a question in the pulse of light he sent. I knew he wanted me to go with him to the couch. I let him pull me in that direction, but slowed him down, too, more in relation to his aleimi than his body. I felt a pulse of heat leave his light again when I got close to that cluster of nerves under his lower ribs.

He tugged my fingers off his back.

"Do you want me to hurt you?” he said, his voice short. "Allie...don’t go too far right now, I mean it...” When I only continued to massage him, his muscles relaxed then tightened again. “You promised you'd show me," he said, his voice more subdued. His eyes closed longer than a blink when I continued to touch him. "How did you find mine, anyway? I thought I didn't have that..." He gave another low gasp when I got closer, his fingers caressing my shoulders. "Gods, Alyson...tell me...”