Allegiance (3 page)

‘But how can you just switch off from Leif and turn on to Jack?’ Hilary shook her head. ‘It doesn’t make sense.’

‘I don’t know,’ I said finally, unable to manufacture an explanation.

‘Do you think it’s a good idea?’

‘Why wouldn’t it be?’

‘Jack’s your
friend
. Stuff like this has a way of getting complicated.’

‘But the fact he’s my friend is what’s so great about it!’

After a moment’s silence, Hilary said, ‘Just tell me it’s not a rebound thing.’

I stopped and a step later she stopped with me, turning back to look at me. ‘Hil, you can’t
really
think I’d do that to Jack.’

‘But it’s so weird.’

It
was
weird. But I didn’t want to think about it. Thinking about it was making me feel tense. I said, ‘If Leif and I had never met, me and Jack would have got together eventually.’

‘Okay, so I can see how that might be so,’ she conceded slowly. ‘I suppose I’m just worried one of you might get hurt.’

We entered our classroom and found desks close to the door. ‘It won’t happen. I know it’s hard for you to get your head around, but I really
do
want to be with Jack now.’

Hilary didn’t even look close to convinced, but she sat down, took her books out and said no more about it.

Jack took me to his place on Friday afternoon—an enormous house on a deep waterfront at the edge of the Royal National Park. He left me in the kitchen to chat with his mother, Jo, then went upstairs to change out of his uniform. He returned a few minutes later, dropped a kiss on my head before dumping his backpack on the bench and going to the fridge. I smiled. It was all so comfortable—like we’d been going out for a year.

‘We’re taking one of the boats out,’ he told his mum, throwing food into the backpack and a grin in my direction. ‘I’m doing a barbecue by the river.’

‘That sounds romantic.’ Jo winked at me as she said it. ‘I just knew I’d see you two together sooner or later. Harry had his money on Hilary, but my bet was always you, Amy.’

I smiled and blushed, unsure how to respond.

Jack’s little brother strolled into the kitchen and, after whining about dinner not being what he ordered, turned to me. ‘Jack says you’re his latest woman.’

‘Does he?’ I said, giving Jack a look.

‘He’s a ladies’ man,’ Harry continued with a smirk.

Jack threw a handful of cutlery into his backpack then gave his brother a thump. ‘Get lost, you little punk.’

Harry scowled and rubbed his arm.

Jack slung the backpack over one shoulder. Then, taking my hand, he led me down the stairs and out into the afternoon.

It was a mini trek through the bush to get to the river below. Jack led the way, holding my hand as we slid down rocks and scrambled over roots, snapping leaves and twigs under our feet. As we drew close, the rich earthy scent of the river filled me with nostalgia. A couple of years had passed since I’d been here with Jack. When we were younger—especially before Jack got his licence—we’d spend whole summers down here with Hilary and our other friends. Nowadays we hung out at the beach instead.

Jack unlocked the door and led me into the shadows. ‘Bring back any memories?’

There were countless memories amongst the boats and equipment hanging from the ceiling or leaning against the walls—rambling through the bush, rowing down the river, sharing secrets—but I knew the memory he was referring to. I smiled. ‘The sound of big front teeth colliding?’

He chuckled. ‘It was a bit awkward, wasn’t it?’

‘It’s one of my favourite memories.’

His eyes caught mine. ‘Will we make another?’

I hesitated, suddenly struck by the strangeness of the situation. This was Jack—my best friend, my protector from the day we’d met in Year 7.

‘Come here.’ He held a hand to me and, as I went to him, the strangeness floated away. ‘I’ve dreamed of kissing you here again.’

My voice came as a whisper, ‘Go on then.’

Jack put his hands on my hips and drew me close. He leaned down and kissed me. I closed my eyes and vanished into the sweet security of him.

‘I could stay here with you all afternoon,’ he said eventually. ‘But we should get going or it will be too dark for our barbecue.’

Jack pulled the boat out of the shed and made sure I was settled before pushing it out onto the water. Then he leapt over the side and began rowing. As we made our way deeper into the bush, I watched the long movements of his arms, filled up with a longing for him I’d never known before. Taking a deep breath, I tried to act nonchalant as I let it out again and said, ‘Gosh, Jack, aren’t you hot in that shirt? You know, with all that rowing and sweating?’

Jack started to tell me he was fine before a wide grin took over his face. ‘Ah, that’s right; you’re used to your boyfriends getting around half naked.’

‘Just thinking of your health,’ I told him, blinking.

He chuckled. ‘It’s not exactly summer, Marla.’

‘Yeah, but it’s warm for autumn and I can heat you up when we get there.’ I’d spent the majority of every day outside since leaving my depression behind so was full to the brim with sun.

‘How could I resist an offer like that?’ He set the oars inside the boat and pulled his T-shirt over his head. I watched him stuff the shirt into his bag, reclaim the oars and get back to work. I hadn’t noticed before how well he’d filled out. He wasn’t hugely muscled but what he had was lean and strong. I came back to reality when I caught him grinning at me, quickly shifting my suddenly hot gaze to the trees beyond his shoulder as I began exclaiming at how beautiful they were—how much I’d like to paint them.

Jack burst into laughter, the sound echoing down the river and all around the bush—silencing the birds. Eventually I gave up all attempts at a cover-up and dissolved into laughter with him. When we’d composed ourselves, he said, ‘So, how are you going to warm me up?’

‘You know I can release the sun I have inside of me.’

‘But I want details.’

I leaned towards him and smiled. ‘Well, I’ll get nice and close, then wrap myself around you and let my sunlight go… like this.’ I placed my hand over his heart, fingers splayed, and a little tingle went through me as I freed a burst of sun through my palm.

Jack closed his eyes and stopped rowing. He sighed, long and slow. ‘That feels
so
nice.’

After a moment, I removed my hand. He opened his eyes and upped the pace of his rowing—increasing my pleasure and bringing his nearer.

We arrived at a bank hidden amongst tall gum trees. Jack rowed over and pulled the boat onto the sand. I climbed out and together we collected sticks for a fire. When we’d gathered enough, Jack took a blanket from his backpack and spread it out for us. Then he took out his mobile, chose some music and got to work preparing dinner. When he was done he threw a pile of foil-wrapped vegetables on the fire and came to sit beside me.

‘Cold?’ I asked him.

‘Freezing,’ he said, folding his arms across his chest and rubbing the tops of his arms.

I lay down on the blanket and held my arms open. ‘Come on then.’

Jack snuggled into me and I wriggled close, releasing the sun from my body. He made a noise somewhere between a gasp and a moan and pulled the blanket around us, locking the heat inside.

‘I’ve fantasised about us being together like this,’ he confessed.

I had too. Even before I found out about Leif or Faera. It was during the months I’d spent my nights lost in the black, listening
to what had turned out to be the voice of my betrothed calling for a girl named Marla. It had been like something stirring within and I’d found myself considering Jack in a different way—much more gentle than now, but the feelings had definitely been there. ‘Same,’ I whispered.

He sighed and kissed me.

‘I’ve never seen you fly,’ he said after a while.

After a pause, I said, ‘I’d have to take my top off.’

He chuckled. ‘Don’t know how I’d stand it.’

He touched his forehead to mine. I gazed into his soft brown eyes and knew I could trust him. Besides, there was no one around for miles. I sat up and, turning my back to him, reached for the hem of my T-shirt. But Jack’s hands were already there. ‘Let me,’ he said, lips against my hair. He lifted my top over my head.

I looked at him over my shoulder. ‘You’ve been practising.’

He smiled. ‘Only a bit.’

But I knew his history. I turned to face him, heard the air whoosh into his lungs. Somehow I managed to plaster a blasé expression on my face when I said, ‘People fly around topless all the time in Faera, Jack.’

He let go the breath he was holding. ‘Do they? I’d like to see that.’ But his eyes were all for me.

‘I bet you would.’ I smiled and rose to my feet. After folding the top of my jeans to just below my hipbones, I released my wings and took to the air—Jack’s cries of wonder following me all the way.

I flew just below the treetops, tumbling and twirling through the sky, pink sparkles decorating the air as the movement of my wings kept me warm. Jack watched from the riverbank below, catching my kiss when I blew it to him. It was so freeing to stretch my wings again and feel them open to the sky. I hadn’t had the
chance since I’d returned from Faera. In my joy I lost all remnants of shyness and danced my old ballet moves just above the surface of the water—
jetés, pirouettes
.

Jack stood at the edge of the river, his eyes fixed on me, laughing, clapping, ducking away when I kicked water at him. Eventually he called me back and when I landed, said, ‘You’re so amazing to watch. The most amazing and beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I wish I could fly with you.’

‘I do too,’ I said, then tucked my wings away as I reached for my top.

‘But how do you do it?’ he asked, moving to peer at my back. ‘Where do your wings go?’

I tipped my head to the side as I considered the question. After a moment I looked at him. ‘Poke your tongue out.’

He gave me a strange look. ‘What?’

I smiled. ‘Go on.’

He did what I asked, and when I told him to put his tongue back into his mouth, he did that too.

‘My wings work just like that,’ I said.

‘But how does the opening close?’ He ran a finger down my back where my wings had just been.