All That the Heart Desires (17 page)

“What the hell, Harry?” I hissed. “What is happening here?” He took my hand and led me out from our hiding place.

The place for the racing teams and their travelling buses and pavilions behind the paddock was full of people; members of the teams and different celebrity faces.

“Let’s go!” Harry hissed at me, but I didn’t move.

“Do I need to throw you over my shoulder or drag you out of here?”

We were staring at each other.

“I’m not moving! My son is there and I want…” I didn’t want to back down and I saw that he thought the same.

“Are you completely sure it’s Iain?” he asked and, before I managed to answer, Harry’s phone started to ring. Answering it, Harry tried to push me away from our hiding place.

Suddenly, Lorcan passed us hand-in-hand with the boy. I stepped forward, and felt Harry’s left hand on my shoulder. I watched Lorcan and the boy walking away. They were both so close and somehow I knew it was not wise for us to be seen there. I was only a few steps away and it was killing me.

When they were out of my sight, Harry took my hand and literally pushed me backwards away from where we were.

“When?” Harry spat out his words and I finally followed him without saying anything. My head was buzzing with a million thoughts.

“Alright. I’m coming.” He ended the call. He didn’t look at me but I knew who he’d been talking to. It was the private detective he had hired and who’d given him new leads.

“I’m coming with you,” I said, when we were back in the car. I noticed the driver checking up on us in the rear view mirror, but he was silent.

“No, you’re staying at the hotel. I don’t want you to make a scene. John’s instructions are clear. I must come alone.”

“In your dreams!” I remained firm. “I will not wait a minute more. I need to know. Is the boy we saw really Iain or not? If you will not take me with you, I will hunt down Shore myself and I won’t be responsible for my actions!”

Harry looked at me and he must have seen the determination in my eyes.

“Desiree … If I was sure the boy was the one … Do you know how much time has passed?”

“Five years, ten months, eighteen days, twenty-one hours and. If you need minutes and seconds … I can give them to you.”

He looked worried.

“Are you a hundred percent sure it was him?” Harry’s voice cracked. I felt the tears in my eyes again and when they spilled over my cheeks, I sobbed.

“No! I’m not!” I hid my face in my hands. Harry took me in his arms and soothed me.

“It’s alright Desiree. We’ll get to the bottom of this. I promise.” I was trying to calm down. The last few days had been heart breaking for me. I knew it was time for me to get my life back and gain some control.

“Right. You can come with me,” he finally said.

“Thank you.” It was unfair of me to load so much on his shoulders. As before, he was sorting out my mess. My past mistakes. For too long this had taken up so much of our lives.

An hour later we were sitting in a coffee shop waiting. I only realised I was drumming my fingers on the table when Harry put his hand over mine. We looked at each other and smiled in silence. I was not the only one who was nervous. Harry was already on his third coffee.

We were alone and waiting. I started to tear a paper napkin into pieces without realising what I was doing. I didn’t know what to expect.

Finally, the door opened and I saw him. He was a tall man, with dark brown hair. Although he looked like any other person in a casual shirt and jeans, I knew instantly what he did for a living. His walk seemed casual, but the way he was investigating the coffee shop and the people who were there gave him away.

He looked around and headed toward us. He sat down and faced Harry. He didn’t even offer me a glance.

“I said to come alone!”

“This is my sister. The boy’s mother.”

“Too many times people who are personally involved do something that endangers the search,” the man said angrily, and then he turned to me.

“I’m sorry. I’ve had too many bad experiences.”

“Where is my son?” I almost jumped to my feet, demanding the answer. Harry held onto my hand. The man looked at him with an ‘I told you so’ expression. He spoke firmly.

“Young lady, this must be clear. Until I’m more than one hundred percent sure that the boy is really your son, I will not tell you. Are we cle…?” I didn’t let him finish.

“I saw him today,” I almost shouted. “I think it was him. Blonde hair…”

His face was stoic and unreadable. He silenced me merely by looking at me.

“Do you know how many blonde boys are out there in the world? Are you quite sure you would recognise your son after so many years? Remember, he was a baby when he was taken from you…” I felt his words like a slap in the face and I wanted to give him a real slap. Harry’s firm voice brought me back to reality.

“Behave!” he said. “James has a point here. Are you sure he is the one?”

I closed my mouth and bowed my head. Everything was slipping out of my control again. My hands were shaking.

“Does the boy have any unusual marks? Something that would confirm he is the one, like a birth mark, or something similar? Perhaps some scar?”

I took my purse out of my handbag. I knew I had to give away the only thing that I had left of him. His only true picture. My fingers gently traced his smiling face. I put the photo on the table.

The expression on the detective’s face was blank, yet I felt his disappointment. At six months Iain was just another baby, the kind he saw almost every day, but beautiful to his mother. He didn’t say anything and even Harry was silent.

“I need to know just one thing. Is it just coincidence that we’re here? I mean, here, at another Formula 1 race?”

His silence told me more than a thousand words.

Friday’s free practice was a nightmare for me. Harry has got us Paddock Club tickets and I was only a few yards away from everything, yet I was unable to get any new information. Harry didn’t want to tell me what he and Lorcan were talking about back in Monaco.

“Men’s business.”

Men’s business, my arse!
Although Harry usually didn’t keep secrets from me, this time he remained silent. He didn’t tell me anything and that made me angry whenever I thought about their meeting. Being in Budapest at the Hungaroring meant that I was constantly reminded of this.

We arrived after the free practice had already started and left before it ended. It was soon clear to me that Harry didn’t want me to meet anyone. I think he had soon realised that my emotions were ready to explode.

I was so close, yet so far. The uncertainty was killing me. I couldn’t do anything. If the boy was not the right one, I could cause a big scandal and that might take me even farther away from finding him. Although I wanted to, Harry made me see sense when we were in the car.

“You can’t go there and just take him away. You can be accused of doing the same as we’ve accused Juan. We are here. We are watching them. For now, Desiree, this is all we have. We will get to the bottom of this if the boy is Iain. I promise.”

I didn’t answer. In my mind I knew he was right. My heart.

The evenings we spent walking on the banks of the Danube River. It was wonderful in the setting sun and reminded me a little of my days by the River Thames. Lately a lot of things had started to remind me of my old life, the one that I liked; the one that I had left behind.

On Friday evening we arrived back at the hotel very late. Harry sat behind the computer and I was sure that he was nagging poor Irene. It was Friday night and he was immersed in business. That was how he dealt with the problem.

As he was so deep in conversation with someone on the other side of the computer screen, and I had nothing to do, that I went to bed. Sleep was restless. I woke up several times during the night but was not able to remember any of my dreams. It was very disturbing.

The next morning when I woke up, Harry was all ready to go out again. When he saw me, he stopped.

“What happened to you?”

“Don’t ask.”

“Nightmares?”

I shook my head.

“Can’t remember. When did you go to bed?”

“At three,” he answered.

I looked him up and down. There was no sign that he’d slept for only four hours. He was all dressed up and ready for another sporting event. Looking outside, I saw the sun shining high and bright in the sky.

“You slept…?” I didn’t finish the question.

“Four hours. It’s enough.”

“Have you ever been to the doctor because of this?” I asked him, but got no reply. We had similar conversations every few months. Harry did suffer from insomnia but he didn’t want to acknowledge it. And that was something I worried about.

“I’ll be right with you,” I said and closed the bathroom door behind me.

The image I saw in the mirror was really a poor one. I knew another day was ahead of me and was completely sure that this would be the day I would somehow get closer to the Crest team or at least to Lorcan—I wanted to look my best. I wanted to be close to the boy, to see for myself if the lead was right one.

It took me only half an hour to shower, dress and apply my makeup; yet when I came out of the bathroom, I was alone. Only a note on the coffee table was waiting for me. Harry had already left for a business meeting.

His note forgot to mention that he’d taken both of our tickets with him. I didn’t realise it myself until I had searched for mine everywhere—it was nowhere to be found. So Harry wanted to be alone with Crest and the rest of the team. What he didn’t realise was how much he was pissing me off.

I had nothing else to do, other than to turn on the television and surf through the channels. It was Saturday morning and I was pacing the room. Although I tried to reach Harry by phone constantly, he was unreachable.

Becoming hungry, I called room service. Although the meal was tasty, I had no idea what it was and basically I played with it, not really eating. It didn’t improve my mood much. As there was really nothing for me to do, I fell asleep on the sofa. A knock on the door woke me up.

“Just a minute, please!” I yelled, afraid the person might walk away before I got a chance to answer. I was sure Harry was sending me a note, letting me know he was waiting for me in the lobby to join him for the Saturday qualifying. Man, was I mistaken.

Instead, there behind the door stood a hotel bellboy and the message he had for me was not from Harry. I was given a large white envelope with a silver ‘C’ on it. I knew who it was from.

I gave the boy his tip and closed the door. My fingers trembled when I carefully opened the letter; I didn’t want to tear it apart. It was so simple, yet so beautiful. Sitting back down on the sofa, I reached in the envelope and took out a white sheet of paper. It was a personal invitation for the evening charity ball at the Crystal Hotel.

The invitation was engraved with the same initial on the right corner as on the envelope and it was for both Harry and me. I had read about the ball a long time ago, but never thought I would ever attend. But I didn’t understand why this invitation had not been handed to Harry personally.

Looking at the clock, I jumped up. It was already three in the afternoon and I had only three hours to get ready. The qualifying was already over. That invitation was the perfect revenge. Harry had left me in the hotel, but now I had a more powerful weapon in my hands. I would get closer and see for myself what was actually going on. This was my chance.

Dialling the front desk I was lucky that there were appointments available in the spa. Before leaving the room, I put the invitation back in the envelope and hid it under the cushion on the sofa. I wanted to be one step ahead of Harry.

In the spa I chatted casually to the staff and I told them what I was getting ready for. They immediately ordered their seamstress to check the dress I said I was planning to wear. It was the one I had bought with the help of Anne-Marie in Cannes, the only one that I had taken with me: black with a touch of green.

I was not quite sure why I’d packed it, but luckily it hung in the closet. The seamstress told me that she had ironed it and it was now waiting for me.