All of You (22 page)

Tomorrow.

Or maybe the next day.

Just not tonight.

Danny thought hard about everything that had gone down between them. The reasons he couldn’t be with Kat were too numerous to count, but his total lack of control over his actions and feelings around her ranked high on the list.

Weird how it didn’t bother you in the thick of things.

Which was exactly when Danny typically got all squirrely, freaked-out, and desperate to gain the upper hand.

And weird how, even though he’d been lonely for as long as he could remember, Danny had never felt as empty and alone inside as he did right now.

Exactly why you should have never allowed all that to happen. Why you never should have let her in. Because you already knew…

There was no dramatic realization. No shocking wave of emotion, startling confusion, or sudden clarity. No epiphany or “ah-ha” spoken.

There was just Danny, sitting alone in his boxers, half-drunk on cheap beer…finally acknowledging to himself what he’d subconsciously known for a very long time.

Of course nothing could come of it. He’d known that all along, too.

Then why do I feel like driving over to her apartment and bringing her back where she belongs…

Here.
With
me.

Danny scoffed into the silence.

Yeah, and how would that work, exactly? You gonna let her in? All the way in? You gonna lay all that shit on her and then hope like hell she doesn’t turn and run?

He’d been rejected and abandoned more times – and by more people – than he could count, but Danny knew it would be a whole different ballgame with Kat.
Her
judgment…
her
rejection…
her
abandonment…

Danny’s stomach twisted up and every muscle tensed at the thought. He hadn’t let Kat in very far, but she was in way farther than anyone aside from Nathan had ever gotten. And he knew if they continued on this way, it wouldn’t be very long before she was in all the way, saw it all, and bailed.

Because why the fuck would she wanna deal with all that shit?

She wouldn’t. Shouldn’t. Mostly likely couldn’t.

And Danny wouldn’t blame her one bit. Why the hell would she ever take him on? What would be in it for her?

Exactly what you already gave her: some police protection, carryout, and some hardcore head.

Yeah, not quite what a woman like Kat was looking for and nowhere close to what she deserved.

Too bad it’s all you have to offer.

Danny stared at the darkened TV, his mind suddenly jumping back to the day he’d met Kat…

There had been something about her, sitting across from Stella at Marinelli’s looking so composed and beautiful. She’d seemed so fucking wise somehow. Older than her years, like she’d seen a lot of shit and lived to tell the tales. Like she’d battled some serious demons and kicked the living shit out of every single one of them and would have zero problem doing it again.

With one hand tied behind her back.

Danny had admired her from that very first night, without even knowing why. He’d just had a weird sense about her, a feeling she was a force to be reckoned with. And someone he wished he was good enough to know.

Clean enough to spend time with.

Honorable enough to earn her trust.

Naturally, instead of behaving like a normal person and asking her out, he’d gone with the totally opposite game plan of hitting on her sister right in front of her. Danny had then spent the following eighteen months creepily staring at Kat when she wasn’t looking, finding excuses to hang around Nathan and Stella’s – hoping to bump into her, and fucking a shit-ton of other women in an attempt to force her out of his brain.

But he’d thought of her every time.

With every woman.

It had been Kat’s silky, dark hair clenched in his fist. Her hazel eyes staring up at him as he’d slowly entered her. Her legs wrapped around his waist, her hands touching every inch of him, and her lips screaming out his name…

Danny had thought about fucking her a million times, a million different ways, and the tiny taste he’d had of her today only whet his appetite more. It didn’t take more than a few seconds for his imagination to run wild with everything he wanted to do to her…with her…

Danny shifted with a frustrated sigh, another Kat-induced erection now in full-effect.

Maybe you
should
call someone.

Danny glanced at the clock.

2:30 a.m.

It was a Wednesday night, but Danny could still think of a handful of women he could call. Women just looking for a fuck stick. Women who wouldn’t care less who Danny thought about while he was screwing their brains out, as long as they got off. It was an arrangement that had always worked out well for him in the past and Danny could see no reason why it couldn’t continue.

Unfortunately, by the time Danny reached for his phone, his erection was nowhere to be found.

“Well, fuck me,” he said into the dark silence.

Danny finally staggered up to bed, flopped onto the side he’d laid Kat down on and buried his face in the pillow she used.

Of course it smelled like her.

Which Danny fucking
loved
.

He inhaled her warm, sweet scent over and over and over.

Yeah, it made him hard, and, yeah, he should have been embarrassed about how much he was missing her, but he didn’t care and he wasn’t.

Because he was crazy in love with her and when you were crazy in love with someone, it made you think and do lots of weird shit.

Or at least that’s what he’d heard.

And, since it was Danny’s very first time, he was going to have to defer to the experts.

‡

K
at had always
needed space to think…room to be alone to analyze past choices, contemplate new information, and calculate how best to proceed.

Growing up in a small brick bungalow with two parents and four siblings hadn’t afforded Kat much space or quiet to do any of that, so she’d figured out – from a very early age on – how to function amidst pure chaos. How to live inside her own head.

Kat wanted to do exactly that right now, but there was a slight problem. Danny had busted into her private, personal brain space and made himself right at home – dropping his big work boots onto the coffee table, crossing his arms over his chest, and settling in for a good, long stay.

All Kat could think about was how he smelled, how he tasted, things he’d said, things they’d done, his laugh, his lips, those eyes, and how much she wished they were together right now.

Danny was making objective thought processing all but impossible and causing a continuation of the very brutal battle between her heart and her mind.

Too bad he’s probably busy banging that bitch who called him earlier. Who, by the way,
probably isn’t a twenty-eight year old freak of nature.

Nope. Kat was pretty sure that woman was a lot of things, but a virgin wasn’t one of them. Not by a long shot, if Kat had to guess.

Which meant she’d have no problem giving Danny something Kat hadn’t.

Suddenly feeling queasy, Kat set down the pint of Ben & Jerry’s strawberry cheesecake ice cream and wrapped her arms around her midsection. She forced her mind over to Nathan and Stella and glanced at the clock.

11:30 p.m.

She figured things were over, one way or another. Either Nathan had earned Stella’s forgiveness or Stella had followed through on her threat to kill him.

Since Stella hadn’t called asking for her help hiding Nathan’s gigantic body, Kat figured it was pretty safe to assume they’d made up.

But Stella had been very angry – angrier than Kat had seen her in a long, long time. And, by the time Kat left, Nathan had been looking slightly murderous himself.

She picked up her phone and sent Stella a quick text:
You guys okay?

About a minute later, Stella texted back:
Oh, yeah.
>kissy face emoticon< followed by >hands clapping emoticon.<
We had a nice little chat.
>emoticon with hearts for eyes<

Kat wasn’t particularly interested in knowing Nathan and Stella had screwed away their hurt and anger (even though she’d figured that’s probably what had happened), but she was relieved they’d worked everything out. If she never saw that horribly dejected look on Nathan’s face again, it would be too soon.

Kat texted:
Glad to hear that and glad it was clap-worthy.

Stella texted back:
Honey, it was parade-worthy, but I know you don’t like details, so I’ll keep it clean. Hee-hee. How are you?

Kat texted:
Fine. Just about to go to bed. Tell Nathan I said good-night. Talk to you tomorrow.

Stella texted:
Did you give any thought to what I said in those texts yesterday? About DM?

When a few minutes went by without Kat texting back (because Kat couldn’t formulate a response to that to save her life), Stella texted:
Okay, go ahead and ignore me. But just think about it. We’ll talk more later (don’t get too excited).
>winking emoticon<

Kat texted:
Night, Stell.

Stella texted:
Are you okay staying in the apt. alone?

Kat texted:
Yep, totally fine. Thanks.

Stella texted:
Love you. Call us if you get lonely and want to stay over here. N will come pick you up.

Kat texted:
Okay, love you, too.

She tossed her phone onto the couch next to her.

Kat tried like hell to occupy her mind, picking up her book and setting down her book, over and over as her thoughts drifted. She carried the pint of ice cream to the freezer, only to turn around and retrieve it a few seconds later. Kat did this three times before resorting to pacing, following a path from the kitchen, back to the couch, into her bedroom, into the bedroom, and then back to the couch.

She finally dropped onto it, stared unseeingly at the space where the TV had been, and wondered exactly when she had completely lost her mind.

Her phone rang and Kat’s heart lurched.

Danny
.

She reached for the phone.

Nope.

Kat sighed and hit the green button. “Hey, Fi. How’s it going?”

“Hey! It’s going great! I miss you guys, a lot, though.”

Kat curled into the corner of the couch and pulled their grandmother’s garish orange and white afghan over her legs, unable to stop her brain from thinking about a different red and white afghan she wished she was under instead.

Sorry, Nana.

“We miss you, too. From all your texts, it sounds like you’re doing a lot more shopping and eating than working, huh?”

“That’s what always happens at conferences. They say they’re work-related, but all everyone does is get hammered, make idiots of themselves, and do some sight-seeing.” Fi huffed. “I wish you could have witnessed the shit-show that went on last night. Tim Doogan got wasted and announced to the entire bar that he was gonna give us a Magic Mike show. He ripped off his shirt and got his pants halfway off before security tackled him. They didn’t give him his shirt back, so he had to walk back to the hotel half-dressed.”

Kat rolled her eyes. “Isn’t he the same fool who got drunk in Philadelphia and got his ass handed to him by a bunch of Flyers fans at a game?”

Fi laughed. “Yeah. He called the Flyers goalie a pussy and about twenty people, including women and children, mobbed him. As I recall, Tim was escorted out half-naked by security that night, too.”

“Someone needs to get that guy into AA before his entire wardrobe is torn to shreds,” Kat said and Fi laughed.

“Well, he’s better than the guys who travel for work and cheat on their wives. You wouldn’t believe the stuff that goes on, Kat.”

Kat’s face scrunched up. “Gross. That’s why I’m glad I hang with nerds. The worst thing that happens when they get drunk is heated discussions over
Star Trek
vs.
Star Wars
and Marvel vs. DC. And I’ve never seen it result in physical violence – although, one time, this guy in my Quantitative Genetics lab slammed a beaker down on the hot plate so hard it shattered. I believe the precipitating event was another guy in our class insisting that the fourth doctor was the best
Doctor Who
.”

Fi snorted. “So, what is going on there? I’ve tried calling a few times, but you didn’t pick up.”

Kat thought about what she’d been doing and flushed.

Well, deep conversations, groping, and receiving oral sex could keep a girl quite busy.

“Nothing much,” Kat said. “Spent time over at Nathan and Stella’s tonight.”

“I tried calling Stella a little while ago, but she didn’t pick up, either.”

Kat thought about why Stella hadn’t picked up and nearly laughed. The Ciaramitaro girls had certainly been a randy lot the past few days. Probably typical for the other four, but Kat would have never dreamed she’d be too busy fooling around with a man to answer her phone.