All of You (17 page)

Lincoln returned with two beers and joined me
at the railing looking out. He handed one to me, and I took a sip
after saying thanks. Beer usually wasn’t my thing, but something
about being in an arena watching a concert or sporting event made
having a beer seem right and taste delicious.

“Is it weird to be up here instead of down on
the ice?” I asked him. This was the venue where he played their
home games.

“It’s weird seeing a stage down there instead
of ice, that’s for sure,” he replied. “You should come to my next
home game.”

But before I could answer the lights dimed
around us, signaling the start of the show. Cheers and applause
erupted from the crowd as the first opening band, The Orange
Dahlias took the stage. I grabbed Lincoln’s hand and squeezed with
excitement while bouncing on my feet. This was going to be a great
night.

~~~~~~~~

“I can’t believe you won’t admit you think
Brit is smoking hot,” Deacon said to Lincoln as we walked through
the parking garage to our vehicles after the concert. I giggled at
Deacon's persistence. Lincoln and I were holding hands, and Deacon
was walking next to Lincoln. Daisy was a few feet behind us,
struggling to keep up. I thought she looked ridiculous clacking
behind us, unable to walk decent due to her stiletto heels.

“Dude, I just don’t,” Lincoln argued and I
giggled again. “Her hair is probably a wig, she’s got on two tons
of makeup, and I bet you a hundred bucks there’s more plastic in
her than in a recycling bin. Plus she’s probably got the
personality of a Barbie doll. Not attractive.”

“Well. I guess now we know why you’re dating
that
then,” Daisy said from behind us. I gasped as I
realized the viciousness behind her statement. The three of us
turned to look back at her. The clacking had stopped, and she had
apparently given up trying to keep up with us. She was standing in
the middle of the path with one hand on her hip.

“What did you just say?” Lincoln said
menacingly and took a step toward her.

Deacon rushed forward and stood between them.
“That’s it. Find your own way home. I’m done with you,” he told his
date and turned to walk away from her, pushing Lincoln to go with
him.

“But, baby…” Daisy pleaded.

Lincoln took me under his arm, and the three
of us walked away, leaving Daisy standing near the exit of the
ramp. I peeked over Lincoln's arm and looked back at her. I could
see taxicabs on the street behind her, and I wondered how she would
get home.

“Wait,” I said to the guys. I ducked under
Lincoln’s arm and walked back to Daisy, ignoring Lincoln when he
called my name. Daisy drew her shoulders back and clenched her
fists as I approached, clearly preparing for a catfight. “Do you
have money for a cab?” I asked her.

She took a small step back. “What?”

“Do you have enough money for a cab ride
home?” I asked again and pointed to the cabs on the street. Daisy
shook her head and reached for her small purse that I suspected
contained only lipstick and a few condoms. I opened mine and pulled
out a few bills. “Is this enough?” She looked at the money and then
back at me confused. “Is that enough to get you home?”

She nodded. “But… why?” She looked bewildered
as she took the money.

“You might be a bitch, but you still deserve
to get home safely,” I said simply and walked back to the guys.
Lincoln wrapped his arm around my shoulders as I rejoined him and
Deacon, and we walked back to our vehicles in silence. I hoped they
weren’t mad at me for giving Daisy money. Maybe Lincoln didn’t want
me talking to her.

We bid Deacon good-night once we reached
Lincoln’s FJ Cruiser, and Deacon went off to his car. Lincoln
escorted me to the passenger side of the vehicle, and I continued
to worry. He still hadn’t said anything to me. Once I reached the
passenger door, I turned to look up at him and was blindsided by
Lincoln pushing me up against the side of the vehicle and claiming
my mouth with his. He pushed his body against mine, pinning me to
the side of the SUV, and kissed me passionately. I was confused as
to where this passion had come from, but I wasn’t going to argue. I
kissed him back and tried to match his intensity. I ran my fingers
through his short hair at the back of his neck and scratched my
nails against his scalp. He moaned into my mouth and grabbed the
tops of my arms. I whimpered as our tongues danced together, and I
pulled at him, feeling as if I couldn’t get close enough to him.
Our mouths worked at each other in perfect rhythm until Lincoln
slowed the kiss and let his lips fall away from mine. He stood over
me, breathing heavily. I put my forehead on his chest and tried to
catch my breath.

Lincoln softly ran a hand over my head.
“Jillian…, “ he whispered.

I wanted to tell him to take me to his house.
I wanted to spend the night there, and I wanted to do more than
just kiss him. But I couldn’t. I brought my arms down and hugged
him around the waist, nuzzling my face into his chest.

He sighed deeply. “Time to go home?” he asked
while rubbing my back and I nodded.

It was getting incredibly late by the time
Lincoln walked me to my front door, and despite my nap earlier, I
was feeling the effects of having been up early for work that
morning.

“You look exhausted,” Lincoln said while
brushing his hand across my cheek.

“It’s been a long day,” I said before yawning
widely. “But this has been the best night. I’ll never forget it.
Thank you so much, Lincoln.” I looked up at him with a big smile
but was surprised to see displeasure on his face.

“No. It would have been the best if Deacon
hadn’t brought that bitch.”

“Lincoln… she wasn’t that bad.” I had
experienced worse.

“No, Jillian. No one talks to you that way.”
He was angry now. I sighed and tried to think of how to salvage our
night. I brought my arms up to his shoulders and ran my fingers
through his hair again. His face softened.

“Lincoln, I don’t understand why anyone would
want to make someone else miserable. I don’t understand the intent
behind it. Why anyone would want to be so cruel is beyond me. But
there are certain people in this world that thrive on the misery of
others.” I paused and moved my hand to caress his face. “There’s no
point dwelling on it.”

He sighed.

“No, Lincoln. I won’t let it affect me. I
won’t become like them in order to make myself feel better. I gave
that bitch cab money because, even though she might be a terrible
person, she deserves to have someone make sure she gets home
okay.”

Lincoln’s nostrils flared as he inhaled
deeply. He cupped my face in his hands and slowly brought his face
closer to mine. He breathed my name and lightly brushed his lips
over mine. I pushed up on the balls of my feet and kissed him hard.
Our arms tangled around each other, and he kissed me with the same
passion he had in the parking garage.

“Jillian… Jillian… “ he said, breaking the
kiss. “I have to tell you this. I have to tell you how special you
are. I’ve never met anyone like you, baby. Despite all the shit in
your life, you see the good in everyone.” He closed his eyes and
dropped his forehead to mine. “You’re my beautiful and amazing
princess.”

My eyes watered as I let his words soak in,
and I shook my head. “Lincoln, I’m not…” I blubbered.

“Don’t cry, Princess. Please don’t cry. You
deserve to be happy. I’m going to make you happy.” Lincoln wiped my
tears away with his fingertips. I tipped my head up and kissed him
quickly several times. He wrapped his arms around me, and despite
the cold weather, I felt warm as we stood holding each other.

Chapter Twelve

Lincoln left Chicago the next day for an away
game. He had three away games and a fundraising event in the next
six days, so I wouldn’t see him until next weekend. We talked on
the phone every day, sometimes twice a day, and we texted whenever
possible. Lincoln sounded exhausted when I talked to him Thursday
night, almost a week after the concert.

“You sound so worn out, Lincoln,” I told him
after he had yawned for the fourth time during our
conversation.

He sighed. “I’m just glad to be home. I miss
you.”

I smiled to myself. “I miss you too, Lincoln.
How did the fundraiser go?”

“It was good. Just a boring dinner, but it’s
always nice to spend time with fans,” he paused. “I wish you would
have been there.”

“I’m sorry. Maybe next time,” I said, trying
to appease him.

“Maybe?” Lincoln repeated and I couldn’t
reply. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what the future
held. I knew we still had a big hurdle to get past. I heard him
sigh into the phone. “What are we doing tomorrow?”

“What do you want to do?” I asked, glad he
didn’t press the previous issue.

“Surprise me,” Lincoln said with humor in his
voice, and I giggled.

“Okay, I’ll text you.”

“I can’t wait,” Lincoln said immediately.

“Me neither. Should I let you go?”

“Are you going to bed?” he asked me without
answering my question.

“I suppose. It’s late for me.” I sat on my
bed with brushed teeth, washed face, wearing pajamas and my
glasses.

“Okay, I’ll let you go, baby. Sweet
dreams.”

“Lincoln?” I asked before we hung up.

“Yeah, baby?”

“I can’t wait to see you tomorrow,” I said
shyly.

“Me neither, Princess.” I could hear the
smile in his voice. “I’ll see you then,” he said to me, and we said
good-night.

I flopped back on to my bed. I wanted to call
him back and tell him how I felt about him. I wanted him to know
what a wonderful man I thought he was and how I wanted to give him
my heart and my body. But I knew it was too soon for that. And I
still wasn’t sure what, or when, or even
if
I was going to
tell him about my scars. I didn’t know what the right words were to
explain. I sighed, crawled under the covers and went to sleep the
same way I had all week—reminiscing about Lincoln’s kisses.

~~~~~~~~

Lincoln knocked on my front door late in the
afternoon the next day. I ran to open it and jumped into his arms,
smiling wide and giggling. He caught me and lifted me off the
floor, pulling me tightly against his chest as I wrapped my arms
around his neck. Lincoln let out a contented noise while we hugged
tightly for a long moment until I pulled back to look him in the
eyes.

“Hi,” he said calmly, despite the giant grin
he was wearing.

“Hi!” I answered and gave him a peck on the
lips before wiggling for him to set me down.

“Is that all I get? One little kiss?” he
asked with a pout as he loosened his grip and set my feet on the
floor. I bit my lip and tried to contain my smile before tipping my
chin up and offering my lips to his. Lincoln brought his lips to
mine, and we kissed for a long moment, our lips moving in rhythm,
until a voice behind me interrupted us.

“Ewww! They’re kissing!!” Tabitha exclaimed
from the entryway before running back to the kitchen. Lincoln and I
broke apart, both of us laughing.

“Okay,” I said to Lincoln. “So I thought you
might like a quiet night in, so I rented some movies and I’m going
to make you dinner. Rebecca is taking Tabitha to a thing at school
and then to the movie theater with some friends. So you have two
options: option one, we stay here. Or option two, we go to your
place.” I paused. “Well, three options, I guess. Option three, we
do something totally different ’cause you think this is lame.”

Lincoln chuckled and grabbed my hands. “No.
Not lame. Let’s go to my house.”

I smiled big. I was excited to cook him
dinner again, even though it was a simple thing. “Okay, let me just
gather everything together and we can go.”

Lincoln parked his SUV in front of his house
and jumped out to help me with the bags. I had several bags full of
assorted vegetables, the chicken, a container of premade fried
rice, and store-bought brownies and ice cream for dessert, along
with the movies. Lincoln carried them all into his house and held
the door open for me. I was sorting through my stir-fry ingredients
at the kitchen counter when I felt Lincoln come up behind me and
wrap his arms around me. He placed light kisses on my neck, and I
leaned my head back against his shoulder and let out a happy
murmur. We swayed softly, and his arms tightened on me as his
kisses got more intense against my neck. “You keep doing that and
we won’t be having dinner,” I told him.

I felt him smile against my neck. “I’m okay
with that.”

I elbowed him lightly in the stomach,
reprimanding him. “I’m not. I’m actually really hungry.” I tried to
squirm away from the circle of his arms, but he kept his arms
locked in place.

“I just like having you here,” he told me
quietly and kissed my neck once more before letting me go. I sighed
happily and turned to him.

“I like being here,” I told him as I lifted
up on my toes and kissed him quick on the lips. I peered up at him
and saw his face erupt in a smile just for me. His smile made my
heart flutter, and I hoped I’d be able to control feelings that
were bubbling up inside me.

We worked well together in the kitchen.
Lincoln pulled out pots and pans I requested as I set the chicken
to cook. We cut up the vegetables in harmony, occasionally brushing
against each other, and every time we did, my heart pounded in my
chest. I had a nervous energy flowing through me, and I hoped I
wasn’t rambling as I answered Lincoln’s questions about myself.

I added the vegetables to the chicken and
began to cook the stir-fry. “Can you pop the rice in the microwave
and heat it up?” I asked him.

“Of course,” he said and kissed my temple
before starting his assignment. I watched as he moved around the
kitchen, and my heart hurt. So far, everything I knew about Lincoln
showed him to be a wonderful man. He was genuinely a good guy—he
cared for me and was just a down-to-earth decent guy. We liked the
same things, laughed at the same jokes, and we could hold a
conversation easily. He was smart; he understood when I talked
about my research. When we talked on the phone in the evening, he
would ask what I had done with my day. He was genuinely interested
in my day and cared about what happened to me. I didn’t know how I
had gotten so lucky but what scared me is I didn’t know how long I
had until my luck ran out. I assumed Lincoln would want to take our
relationship another step forward sometime soon. I was secretly
terrified that the next step would be a clothing-optional step. I
knew I should tell Lincoln the truth, and soon. I shouldn’t be
leading him on like this if there was no hope for a future between
us, but I didn’t want this to end. My guilt over this situation was
eating me up inside. Every time Lincoln went out of his way to do
something sweet for me, I felt as if the dark hole of guilt was
swallowing me deeper. I sighed and focused my attention on the
stir-fry. Tonight would not be the night to tell him. I could
handle one more night of guilt.