All for Maddie (31 page)

“No, we’re staying home. Jaron is coming to help unload the
truck. You can keep her until we’re finished with that, and then she’s staying
home with me,” I demanded, sneaking the dropper into Maddie’s mouth and
squirting it to the back of her throat. She gagged and choked but kept it down.

“I stay wif Papaw,” Maddie whined. I kissed her on the head,
brushing the hair from her forehead.

“You can go with Papaw for a little bit,” I offered.

“Whitley, stop being like this. Stay at the house tonight.
It’s not up for debate.”

I took a long deep breath. Maddie was hurt and I wasn’t
going to lose it in front of her nor was I going to be controlled by anyone
else, not even my dad.

“Maddie is going home with me, Dad. I’ll see you in an hour,”
I protested, holding my own as I got in my truck to pick up Jaron and unload
the truck.

I checked my cellphone again as I carried a box of toys to
Maddie’s room. Alex still hadn’t called to check on her, not even a text.

“You doing okay?” Jaron asked. Jaron asking me if I was okay
was different than the way I’d been asked a million times by the rest of my
family. He was sincere, he cared.

“I don’t know, Jaron. Do you think I’m doing the right
thing?” I asked. He raised both eyebrows at me.

“I don’t know what you’re doing, Whit. I don’t know why you
took Maddie and left here with that ass to begin with. I don’t know why you
came back here without her for two weeks, and I don’t know what you’re doing
here now. You don’t talk to me.”

I smiled. He was right. We didn’t have that kind of relationship.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right, but you’re still my best drunk buddy.”

“Yeah, I don’t see that happing again,” he disappointedly
replied, walking past me with another box. He was right. Not only was I not
going to be with him again. I was not going to be drunk again. I was going to
be the best mother I could possibly be. Nobody would ever take a picture of me
doing anything that I wouldn’t want my daughter seeing me do again.

That was a nice thought. It lasted until about eight o’clock
when I had to change Maddie’s dressing and listen to her scream. I knew it hurt
her, and I knew she had every right in the world to scream at the top of her
lungs, but damn did I need a drink. I laid her down on the kitchen counter and
washed her hair with the spray hose, figuring I may as well get the screaming
over in one shot. I sat her up, dried her hair, and kissed her head trying to
soothe her calm as I sponged bathed her on the counter.

“I want my daddy,” she cried.

“Daddy will call before you go to bed, sweetie,” I replied,
hoping that I wasn’t lying to her. Why wasn’t he calling to check on her? He
didn’t have to want to talk to me, but he did need to talk to Maddie. She
didn’t understand any of this. Hell, I didn’t understand any of it.

“I call Daddy,” she countered. I didn’t know whether I
should let her try or not. She of course knew. As soon as I had her settled
down with more pain medicine, clean bandages, and cozy pajamas, she went for my
phone.

She climbed up on the couch and swiped her little finger across
the screen. I smiled, she was way too smart for her own good. She hit the green
phone button and went right to the number five where she knew would speed dial
him. She held the phone to her ear, sucking in breaths from her crying spree.

“Him still at work,” she said, handing the phone to me.

“Maybe he’ll call when he gets done. Do you want something
to eat?”

“Um, I have a cheeseburger,” she decided.

“A cheeseburger?” I asked. I was hoping for mac and cheese,
a hot dog or a grilled cheese. I didn’t have any burger laid out to fry for
her. “Mommy doesn’t have any hamburger out, baby. How about a hot dog?”

“No, Jaron cook me a cheeseburger, okay?”

I smiled. I couldn’t tell the kid no right now. “Okay, here,
you tell him to bring you a cheeseburger.” I dialed the number and handed her
my phone.

“You fix me a cheeseburger?” she asked when he answered. I
smiled, listening to her say yes and no, and no to a vanilla milkshake, and that
she needed a chocolate one.

I turned on cartoons and ran to the shower, hoping she
stayed awake long enough to eat. She was sitting on Jaron’s lap eating when I
came out. He was fast. I didn’t expect him that soon.

“Hey thanks, Jaron,” I smiled.

“Ahh, no problem. I’d do anything for this kid,” he said,
holding the burger to her mouth for another bite. She was too engrossed in
Nickelodeon to eat it without being coaxed. “I brought you a burger and fries
too,” he said, nodding toward the bar.

“Thanks, I’m kind of hungry.”

Jaron didn’t stay long. I had to change Maddie’s gauze again
because of the milkshake spill. He didn’t want to see it, and was out of there
as soon as I took her shirt off.

“My daddy not call me,” she whined as I carefully pulled the
bandage from her chest. She wasn’t forgetting. I needed her to forget. She was breaking
my heart and he was pissing me off.

I dressed her and dialed his number, trying to stay calm and
not lash out at him when he answered. I didn’t have to worry about it. He
didn’t answer. 

“Him still working?” she asked with big brown eyes.

“Is he still working?” I corrected her for whatever reason.

“Is him?”

I smiled, not correcting her the second time. “Yes, Daddy
must still be working.”

“Him is real busy,” she decided right before she screamed as
the air hit her wounds. I laid her on the couch and applied the Silvadene
cream, careful not to let my fingers come in contact to her skin.

“Do you want to sleep in bed with Mommy?” I asked, sitting
her up for a clean shirt as she sucked in breaths of air from crying.

“Uh-huh,” she whined. I picked her up and flipped off the
television.

“I need a read a book,” she whimpered.

“Jaron brought you a new book. Do you want to read it?” I
asked, placing her on the bed.

“OUCH!” she yelled when she twisted her body to craw towards
the pillows.

“Careful, sweetie.”

“What that book about?” she asked, once the stretching pain
subsided.

“Hmm, I think it’s about a little girl that fell from her
bike and got hurt. She had to spend the night in the hospital.”

“I did spend the night there too. Me didn’t like it. I not
fall off the bike, I cook,” she reminded me. “I read that book.”

Maddie actually made it through the entire book before
falling asleep in my arms. I lay there stroking her hair and kissing her head
as my thoughts went to Alex. What was he doing? I couldn’t understand why he
wasn’t calling. He hadn’t gone that long without talking to her since the day
he met her. I should call Regan. No. God, what was I thinking? This is what I
wanted. I got everything that I wanted. I didn’t need him to call. I didn’t
need to talk to him.

Maddie whined a little when I slid her down, forgetting
about the pain in her chest when she started to roll to her stomach. I flipped
the lamp off and tried to forget about the pain in my own chest.

<><><> 

An entire week had gone by without a word from Alex. He knew
we would be in Lincoln that morning for Maddie’s doctor’s appointment. I
couldn’t believe he wasn’t going to be there or want to see her. She never
stopped asking about him, never stopped trying to call him, and was constantly
talking about him and the silly things they did together.

I almost called Regan before we left after hearing the good
news of Maddie not needing skin graft as of yet. Her doctor wanted to see her
again in a week, but was very pleased with the results thus far. I didn’t make
that phone call. It was best that I left well enough alone. I did, however,
argue with my dad over the phone when I told him that I hadn’t seen him and I
never called. He, of course, thought I was being the childish one and needed to
call Alex. He felt sorry for him, knowing how he must feel about what happened
to Maddie. I was sure that of all the men on the face of the earth, he would
have chosen Alex for Maddie and me.

“Stop being so stubborn and call him, Whitley,” my dad
demanded.

“I’m not calling him, Dad. The phone works both ways. He
doesn’t want to talk to us.”

“None of this would have ever happened if you hadn’t left
them to come back here for whatever reason.” Now I was pissed. He knew nothing.
He saw Alex the saint. He didn’t know any of it.

“Yes, I know, Dad. Alex is the glorified soul. I’m just the
unbalanced crazy one. I’m not doing this with you. It’s really none of your
business. I’ll see you later.” I hung up. I had to. Maddie was beside me in the
truck.

Maddie was a smart little cookie. She knew exactly where we
were and wanted to turn down the road that would take us to Trenton’s. I lied
and told her they weren’t home. She wanted to turn down Gaylord Street to go to
the zoo where her daddy might be, and then wanted to go to her preschool when
we passed that building too. I sidetracked her mind with bribes and trivial
distractions.

We sang nursery rhymes and talked about four year old
important stuff as we made our way back to the resort. Maddie dozed off about
an hour from home, leaving me to the thoughts of her unbelievable father and
the next thing that he had done for me to add to my ‘why I hate him list.’

One week became two and two became three. Three visits to
the doctor in the last three weeks with no Alex. Maddie started to ask about
him less and less and jumped right back into being the resort brat, getting anything
and everything she wanted from my dad and everyone else who came within twenty
feet of her. Her burn didn’t hurt her anymore and didn’t have to be covered
with bandages every day.

That Friday’s ride to Lincoln to the doctor wreaked havoc on
my nerves. Maddie was the biggest brat ever. Acting like she was two rather
than four with her constant screaming and whining. Nothing made her happy and I
needed a break. It was the first time since she had gotten hurt that I felt
like I needed a break from her. I actually felt guilty, but only briefly when she
tossed the unwanted juice to the floorboard of the truck. She wanted pop, not
juice.

Thank God, my dad was waiting for her in the parking lot. I
needed to step away from my child. Something had to give and I had to lay the
law down if I was going live there. I couldn’t let them walk all over me and
override what I said when it came to Maddie anymore. She had gone from a sweet
little princess to the worst four year old in the state. Alex would be furious
with how she had been acting. Oh lord, why did I give a shit about what he
thought?

“What’s the matter, baby?” my dad asked, taking her from the
truck.

“Mommy not let me have pop,” she cried, going to him as soon
as I sat her to the ground.

“Come on, Papaw will get you some pop.”

I didn’t say a word. I couldn’t at the time. I’d start that
new rule the following day. My dad handed me the stack of mail that he had just
retrieved and walked off with my daughter. I rolled my eyes and walked into the
office to get a rag for the juice. I plopped the mail on the desk and started
to the back for rags when I noticed the corner of one of the envelopes saying
Alex Wesson. I stopped and flipped through the pile. Two of the envelopes now
held my attention. One was from him personally and one was from the county
court. That one made me smile. I knew he wasn’t giving up. Alex didn’t work
that way. I opened that one first.

“You okay?” the girl who had taken my place asked as I sank
to the chair in front of the desk. I didn’t reply.

I signed over my custody rights without knowing what I
signed. Alex wasn’t doing that. He was signing over all parental rights. He
didn’t want Maddie anymore. I won. All I had to do was sign it in front of a
notary and he was out of the picture. He would no longer be an issue in my
life. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me.

I grabbed the other envelope and quickly opened it as well.
No letter, no explanation, and not one word about Maddie, just a check. I held
the twenty five hundred dollar check in my hand, reading the typed up letter from
his attorney. He would send a check for her every month, her doctor and dental
bills would be paid by him and she had a college fund that would also be taken
care of by Alex Wesson.

I took both envelops and stormed out, forgetting about the
mess that was going to attract bees in my truck.

“Alex! Answer your goddamn phone. What the hell are you
doing? I don’t want your money. ANSWER YOUR PHONE!” I screamed, leaving the
voice mail and then sent him a text.

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH YOU? CALL ME! YOU CAN’T
JUST WALK OUT OF HER LIFE LIKE THIS. IT WAS A FUCKING ACCIDENT. YOU DIDN’T
THROW THE WATER ON HER. SHE’S FINE. WILL YOU PLEASE CALL ME?

Nothing, not a text, not a phone call, just at twenty-five
hundred dollar check that I held in my hand and a letter stating that he was no
longer her father.

My dad and Dana were more than happy to keep Maddie
overnight. I hadn’t let her out of my sight since her accident. Mommy needed a
night. Mommy needed to get good and drunk. I didn’t have anyone to worry about anymore.
Alex wasn’t looking over my shoulder. Alex wasn’t doing anything, he ran. The
fucking coward ran just as soon as he got a taste of what being a parent was
really about. I hated him with everything in me.

Getting drunk with my friends around a fire and good music
was just what I needed or so I thought. It didn’t help the thoughts of Alex
throwing us away at all. It intensified it. I wasn’t pissed anymore. I was
hurt. How could he just walk away like this? Yes, I walked away first, but I
had every right. He didn’t. He was doing it out of self-pity. I never expected
any of this, him leaving Maddie this way after all the fighting that he had
done for her. I couldn’t understand it.