All For Anna (42 page)

The
letter.

I’ll
do it after this stupid shower.

Then
I’ll have nothing left hanging over my head.

But
even as I thought it, I knew that wasn’t the truth. I’d have plenty left
hanging over my head.

I
walked back into the kitchen seeing only one tray of cupcakes on the counter.

Weren’t
both right here a minute ago?

I did
a quick glance around the room, thinking I was losing my mind. Jack’s keys were
missing from the counter, too.

Stacie
must have taken one to Jack’s jeep already.

I
grabbed the second tray and slowly guided the front door open with my foot,
careful not to drop a single frosted treat. I walked slowly down the sidewalk,
inching my feet along the slick cement that was covered with a light dusting of
snow. It was hard to see over the top of my tray, but as I neared Jack’s Jeep I
realized it wasn’t running, nor was Stacie inside it. I opened my mouth to call
her name, but saw something strange out of the corner of my eye. Three pink
cupcakes were lying on the ground.

I stopped, turning my body to
see over the platter that obstructed my view. I gasped as my eyes focused on
the icy ground below.

My hands broke away from the
tray, pink cupcakes flying everywhere.

Stacie’s
lifeless body lay near the back of Jack’s Jeep, on the cold, hard asphalt. My world
was quickly spinning out of control. She was on her back, obviously having
slipped, but I had no way of knowing how hard she’d landed. I knelt beside her,
the tights I wore soaking through in an instant.

“Stacie,
Stacie!” I cried.

Her
eyes fluttered as a moan escaped her lips. I reached for my phone, calling 911.
Stacie moaned again, but I concentrated on the dispatcher. I had to get the
information to her clearly. I was familiar enough with emergency protocol that
I knew the highlights they were after and the questions I needed to ask of
them.

“What’s
their ETA?” I asked the dispatcher.

“Between
ten and fifteen minutes, ice has made for more of a delay today.”

“Okay,
I need you to call her husband for me, I have to make another call
right now
,”
I said.

“Ma’am
I would like to stay on the phone with you-”

“I’m a
nurse; I know what I need to do. I just need help to do it. Call her husband,
please. He’s over an hour away. Have him meet us at the hospital,” I said.

I gave
her Jack’s number and hung up, immediately dialing out again.

“Hey...miss
me already?”

“Kai?”
I said, letting myself panic for the first time.

“What’s
wrong? Where are you?” Kai said.

“I’m
at Stacie’s...she fell outside. I need your help.”

“I’ll
be there in less than five minutes, I’m already out.”

I
yelled down the street for help, my voice echoing through the hollow space. A
man who was picking up a newspaper from his driveway looked over at me. I
yelled again, he waved. As soon as he was close enough I asked him to go and
grab me some blankets.

He
reacted immediately, shocked at the sight of Stacie on the ground. She was
shivering already, even with her coat zipped all the way up. I continually
checked her pulse and said her name, trying to keep her alert, awake. Her
breathing was labored, but I knew that was partly due to pregnancy and the
frigid air.

“Tori?”
Stacie’s eyes were frightened. She tightened her grip on my arm.

“You’re
okay, Stacie. Everything’s going to be just fine. We’re going to get you to the
hospital.”

“I
feel something warm,” she said.

“What?
Where?” I asked, looking her over.

“I
think my water just broke.”

Kai
was parking as the neighbor man shuffled down the sidewalk, blankets in hand.
Kai intercepted them, thanking the man and asking him to standby in case of
another need. He agreed.

Kai
knelt beside me, assessing Stacie the same way I had.

“Stacie,
how do you feel? Does anything hurt...your neck, your legs, your back?” Kai
asked.

“I
don’t think so...maybe my lower back a little. It’s starting to throb a bit, but-”

“She
thinks her water just broke,” I said, cutting to the chase.

His
eyes narrowing in concern, Kai glanced at me quickly.

This
was not a good scenario. At thirty-six weeks pregnant, Stacie was practically
full-term. The risk to delivering a baby at this stage was minimal, but the
fact that a trauma had induced the labor was not. Kai helped me scoot Stacie’s
body onto a dry blanket, covering her with the other.

“The
ambulance is still another five to ten minutes out, the dispatcher said there
were delays from the ice.”

“Call
them back, find out exactly where they are. We may need to take her in
ourselves,” he said.

I
dialed emergency again, my hands starting to shake. The delay was
confirmed—only the projected time had lengthened. The new estimate from
dispatch was over ten minutes due to all the wrecks. I told Kai.

There
was a calculated risk to taking Stacie ourselves. Kai would do his best to get
us there safely, but the advantage to lights and sirens was huge. The hospital
wasn’t far, five miles at most, but with the current road conditions there was
no telling how long it could take today. The fact that Kai had just come from
that direction, gave me hope.

“We
need to move her into the Jeep. My truck won’t fit us, she’ll need to lie on
the back seat,” Kai said.

He
looked to the neighbor man who was already in motion to help us. Stacie moaned,
holding her lower abdomen. I recognized that face from my year in labor and
delivery, she was having a contraction.

After
finding the keys on the ground and opening the back door to Jack’s Jeep, Kai
nodded at me. The three of us lifted her, the blanket acting as a support
underneath her body. Once she was secured, I scooted in beside her. She lay propped
on the seat, her knees bent as she held her tummy. The blanket underneath her
was already completely soaked. I wasn’t sure if it was caused by amniotic fluid
or melted ice. I asked Kai to grab some towels from inside.

Stacie
began to cry.

“You’re
okay, Stace. Everything is going to be okay. Jack is on his way to the hospital
right now. Do you want to call him?” I asked her.

She
nodded, taking a deep breath, trying to calm herself. I bent down and reached
for my phone. That’s when I saw it, a pool of blood. There was blood mixed in
with the amniotic fluid—a lot of blood.

A
chill ran up my spine as I handed Stacie my phone after dialing Jack’s number.
Kai was back before I could hit send. I heard Jack answer and Stacie’s muffled
cries filled the Jeep again. He reassured her, telling her that he was on his
way and that he was excited to have a baby with her today.

Good
ol’ Jack, always able to say the right thing.

She
calmed then, getting lost in the idea. Today she would hold her baby girl.
Kai’s eyes found me in the rearview mirror. I communicated my concern to him
the best I could, using only my face. He seemed to understand. We were off a
second later.

Stacie
laid the phone down twice, breathing hard through contractions, moaning in
pain. I took her pulse over and over, watching her every movement. We pulled
into the emergency drive. Kai ran to grab a wheelchair, moving Stacie into it
carefully.

They
were waiting for us.

The
minutes that followed were some of the scariest minutes of my life.

The
ultrasound machine was able to diagnose what I was afraid I already knew.
Stacie had marginal placenta previa, and she was in labor. A part of her placenta
had detached during her fall, most likely when her water broke from the impact.
That was also the source of the bleeding which had now soaked through the
towels she sat on top of. She needed an emergency C-section, and quite possibly
a blood transfusion.

I held
her hand as we made our way to the eighth floor. They prepped Stacie quickly.
Within minutes she was rolling into an O.R. I kissed her forehead as she passed
me. She was crying.

I
wanted to be in there with her, to hold her hand, to reassure her, but there
was no place for an extra body in an emergency C-section. It would be over
soon. The second she was out of sight, I felt my body crumble beneath me.

Fear
had suffocated me in its grasp.

Kai
lifted me up, walking me to a chair and letting me cry into his chest while we
waited. He brushed my hair away from my face and spoke gentle words of
reassurance. Then he prayed. He prayed for Stacie, for Jack, and for the baby.
I began to pray too, feeling a new strength come over me.

He
called my parents.

A
delivery nurse came out just minutes later. She told us that the baby was
healthy, but that Stacie would need a blood transfusion. Between the fall and
the surgery itself she had lost far too much blood.

“We
need to monitor the baby for a little while longer, but if you’d like to see
her we can bring her into your sister’s recovery room,” the nurse said, smiling
at us.

“Yes,
please. Her husband should be here soon, too,” I said.

“Okay,
great. Her room number will be 824, just straight down that hall to the right.
The baby should be there in about twenty minutes, as long as all her monitoring
goes well.”

Kai
wrapped his arms tighter around me and together we thanked God for the precious
life he had spared, followed by yet another prayer for her mother.

**********

As the
nurse wheeled the newborn into the recovery room, I was certain I had never
felt anything like I did that first time I saw her. How could a baby so new, so
small, evoke such a strong emotion? It was uncontainable. She was the most
beautiful thing I had ever seen.

At
just 5lbs. 10oz, she was tiny, but her face had the same delicate features and
the same fair skin as Stacie. I leaned over her, touching her small fingers and
toes and feeling a love for her I couldn’t explain. It was as if I’d always
known her.

I
wanted to hold her—I ached to hold her, to let her know her mom was going to be
fine and that her dad would be here soon. The nurse started to lift her up to
me, when I looked at Kai in a panic.

“What’s
wrong?” he asked.

“I
don’t think I should be the first one to hold her...I feel like I’m stealing a
moment from Stacie and Jack if I do,” I said, my eyes filling with tears.

Kai
shook his head and smiled, “You helped save her mother’s life and her dad is
not here. You’re the next best person in line for such a job. No one will think
twice about that.”

I took
in his words and sat in the rocking chair near the bed. I held out my arms as
the nurse brought her to me. She was swaddled in a pink blanket.

“Do
you know her name?” the nurse asked me.

“No,
they hadn’t decided yet,” I said.

The
nurse smiled and walked over to the counter in the room, filling out paperwork.
Kai and I were in our own private world, staring at my precious baby niece. I
was overcome with love, for both the hearts that beat near me.

**********

Jack
ran into the room fifteen minutes later, breathing hard. He saw me holding his
daughter and his hands flew to his head, bracing them at the base of his neck.
He was working hard to regain his sanity.

“She’s
here Jack...she’s
perfect
. Stacie’s still in surgery, but she should be
out soon,” I said.

I
stood up, offering him my seat and laid his baby daughter in his arms. Kai and
I backed up, giving him room for a moment much deserved. He wept grateful tears
over his daughter, rocking her, and kissing her sweet face. When he recovered,
he held her up to me again, asking me to hold her so he could check on his
wife.

I
happily obliged; I wanted an update, too.

Stacie
was wheeled into the room an hour later, groggy and tired. My parents were
still on their way, stuck in slow moving traffic. The roads had been much worse
than they had anticipated.

I knew
Jack and Stacie needed some time alone. They needed time to meld as a family
before our parents arrived. I gave Stacie a quick hug and left her holding her
daughter. In the hallway Kai stood, leaning against the wall, just inches away
from me. I smiled at him, my heart bursting with gratefulness. He touched my
face softly.

“You’re
so beautiful,
Pele
—inside and out,” he said.

My stomach
clenched with longing.

“Thank
you so much for today, Kai. I can never repay you...”