All About Me (10 page)

“
Yeah, she was popular in high school, that I can tell you.
”

It
’
s better for both of us if I don
’
t say anything else. It
’
s Jacob
’
s life; he chose a girl that loves attention. It
’
s not my business to tell him who he should fuck. This trip is about me, but I need to make sure that I keep him away from Dora
’
s exes. It
’
s easier if he doesn
’
t know what she has been up to.

When we finally get to Gargle, it
’
s late at night. The traffic is packed halfway through and we spend a good two hours stuck on a motorway.

I can
’
t believe that I was only here a few months ago burying my father, who never cared enough about me. Christian
’
s other car is still in the garage, and I might take it. Before, I used to feel guilty for taking my dead brother
’
s things. Now, I think I deserve them. The scumbag should have died sooner.

Once we start unpacking stuff from the car, my mother shows up at the door. She looks good for someone with mental health problems.
“
Oliver, my God, you didn
’
t mention that you were visiting,
”
she says.

“
I
’
m being spontaneous, mother,
”
I mutter.
“
This is my mate, Jacob. He is going to stay for a night.
”

She looks baffled.
“
Oh, great. Have you boys had food?
”

“
No, we are starving,
”
Jacob replies quickly with a huge grin as we walk into the house.

“
Well, then, I have steaks.
”

My mother cooks now. Wow, that
’
s a first, but hey, I changed, so maybe she can too. The house has gone through a little bit of modernisation. Mum obviously is trying to put her life back on track. From the outside it looks like it
’
s working out, but by Monday I
’
ll know for sure if she is doing this for real.

“
So where is India? I thought she might come with you?
”
she asks. And I thought that my night was going to end well.

Jacob mutters something about putting his stuff upstairs, bailing out on me quickly. My mother is looking at me intensely.

“
Don
’
t even go there, mother.
”

She places her hands on her hips, glaring at me. Yeah, India is her favourite girl, but I fucked up and she doesn
’
t need to know this yet.

“
Something happened, didn
’
t it?
”

“
Not tonight, mother. We will talk tomorrow. I
’
m starving,
”
I say, ignoring her startled expression. Luckily for me, Jacob comes back downstairs quickly enough. My mother doesn
’
t like talking about private stuff in front of other people. Jacob is happily chatting to her and I keep watching her, wondering what pushed her to be in control again. The food is awesome and I make an effort, complementing it.

It
’
s nearly twelve when we all bail to bed. Jacob takes Christian
’
s room and I settle back in mine. Tomorrow, I
’
m planning to go through my brother
’
s stuff from the garage. Mum has been cherishing his things for so long. It doesn
’
t matter that he was part of this house. He was a filthy motherfucker who has done everyone a favour by dying.

Past

India was out of town with her mum and sister. I knew that because Christian couldn
’
t wait to go out that night. Christian always hung out with his own brainless mates, but that night it was different. For the first time in ages he asked me to go with him to the party. It was only because Bryan and the rest of the group were out of town.

In a few months, he was leaving Gargle to start an international rugby career in Uni. We never talked about his plans, but I was bloody damn sure that he wasn
’
t going to take India this time around.

“
Maybe you can finally tap some sexy arse, bro. I think it
’
s about time,
”
he said, laughing, as our mother dropped us in the north side of Gargle. We both knew that the only girl I ever wanted to get close with was India. He pretended that I had no idea that he knew how I felt about her.

“
We will see. Don
’
t worry about me,
”
I said, trying to brush the conversation off. He ran his hand through his dark hair, grinning with that dangerous spark in his eye.

“
There will be plenty of lovely arses to choose from. I
’
ll be tapping one.
”
He laughed as we walked towards the loud music. I pulled my dark, long hair into a ponytail and went off from the gothic look for tonight. Christian promised that the party was going to be full of seniors and I just had to blend in.

It made me fucking furious that he couldn
’
t keep his dick in his pants. He had been going out with India for ages, so the least he could have done was to be faithful to her.

“
India is going to be pissed,
”
I reminded him. He gave me this cool, smug look that told me to stop fucking telling him what to do. He never actually said it, but his jaw tightened, showing marks around his eyes.

“
India is a fucking saint and I
’
m horny. Besides, how will she know? Are you going to tell her, bro?
”
he asked in a challenging tone.

“
Chill, of course I won
’
t.
”

He relaxed then a little. My brother waited for some sort of confrontation, but I never gave him a chance. It was easy to trigger his game. I knew that sooner or later he would go down and I had to wait for the right moment. He had been cheating on India all along, like being in a relationship with her never meant anything to him.

The party was in some old barn with a much older group. After some time Christian walked over to a tall blond girl, leaving me alone. I grabbed some drinks and kept watching him. Little did my brother know I had my own secret. India and I had shared the most mind- blowing kiss when he was asleep next to us. I was planning to tell her about all his romantic peccadillos when the time was right. It was all part of the plan.

Later that night I had seen him pulling the same girl towards the door and vanishing behind the barn. I smiled to myself, knowing that in a matter of time India would no longer be his.

Chapter Nine

It
’
s not over yet?

Present

I get up early on Saturday morning, hearing Jacob
’
s snoring in the other room. My mother apparently got a job in some car dealership. She mentioned it last night. It
’
s just after seven when I walk into the kitchen.

“
You
’
re up early for a Saturday.
”

My mother
’
s voice startles me slightly. She is in the living room, drinking coffee and reading the paper. This is just one of those things that she does. A few years ago, when my brother was still alive, she
’
d go into a meltdown if she read any bad news. It was hard to calm her down and Christian, as usual, bailed out.

“
I couldn
’
t sleep,
”
I tell her, rubbing my eyes and stepping up to the espresso machine.

“
I
’
m waiting for you to tell me what is going on. Why are you here and why is India not with you?
”

Questions. So many fucking questions, so early in the morning.

“
It
’
s none of your business, mother. Things between us are complicated at present. I
’
m here for Christian
’
s car. That bastard never deserved it anyway.
”

“
He is dead, Oliver. The least you can do is to respect him by not talking about him that way,
”
she says with that odd tone, like she regrets something.

Pure rage boils inside my veins, and my heart starts to pump more blood to my body. If she only knew what kind of son she brought up. And she called herself a good mother?

“
Christian was like a leech. He hurt people, and you always treated him like a fucking prince,
”
I blurt out, losing it. I take the cup of coffee and my hands are already shaking.

She brings her hands to her face, standing up. God, she is pathetic, pretending to be so shocked by my words. My father was the same, brushing all the problems away like they never existed. To hell with that perfect family.

“
Oh my God, Oliver, India told you,
”
she says, almost whispering. I look at her tired eyes and white face. Her voice echoes in my head
…
India told you, told you, told
…

Shock moves over my body and my mouth drops open as I stare at her in disbelief. She must be fucking kidding me.

“
Hold on, hold on a minute. You fucking knew?
”
I ask, shouting, not caring for the world that Jacob is upstairs.

The tears in her eyes are only the confirmation of what I suspect has happened here. I clench my fists, straining my shoulders. Every muscle in my body turns into stone. This can
’
t be happening.

“
Oliver, I only just found out. A few months ago she came to me. We were always close. She helped me get back on my medication.
”

This is bullshit, all a lot of crap. How come India told my own mother and she never shared this with me? Maybe that was the only way she coped with the pain, but fuck, no! I would have been there for her.

I run my hands over my face, trying to breathe, but there doesn
’
t seem to be much oxygen in this room.

“
So now you know what kind of monster you brought up. For fuck
’
s sake, mother! You should have told me the moment you knew.
”

“
I promised her that I wouldn
’
t.
”

“
It doesn
’
t matter. I
’
m your family and you should have tried to tell me many times. I was here with her for the funeral, and all that time you kept it quiet.
”

“
I had to. I know it
’
s probably difficult for you to understand this, but she confided in me.
”

“
I can
’
t believe this shit!
”
I shout.

“
You
’
re angry and you feel betrayed, but please put yourself in my position. What would you have done?
”
she continues to brag, approaching me.
“
India helped me a lot and I know that you two had your moments, but she loves you. What Christian did to her, oh God, it
’
s beyond imagination, but she managed to pull through. She matured and changed.
”

“
If you expect me to forget about all your insults and drama, then you
’
re wrong. I
’
m taking that dead prick
’
s car and the rest of the stuff.
”
 

“
Oliver, we should talk about this first. I
’
m not objecting to you taking his stuff, but so many things happened. Please let
’
s talk. People make mistakes.
”

I
’
m not listening to her anymore, but I have to agree with that statement. People do make mistakes. India won
’
t forgive me because of everything that happened between us, because of my inability to grow. I can
’
t even think straight when my mother stares at me like that. She doesn
’
t go after me when I slam the door. Everyone wants some redemption at some point. My mother failed as a parent and, yeah, maybe that wasn
’
t her fault. Can I forget that she treated me like a worthless piece of shit? Can India forgive me the amount of pain that I put her through?

I open the garage and swear under my breath. Christian
’
s old car should be in decent condition. My father always forbid me to touch it, stating that it never belonged to me and that
it was
the only memory he had left of him. Well, my father is also dead, rotting in the ground along with that bastard brother of mine.

The keys are in the glove compartment inside the car. It
’
s an old Audi. He crushed my Dad
’
s BMW the night of his accident. The car doesn
’
t start, so I curse a few nasty words, slamming my fists on the dashboard. I
’
m furious with myself. India shared those terrible days with my mother. Everything is fucking broken. My stomach churns and I try hard to keep the food from last night in my stomach. Even thinking about that fated party brings all my raw emotions out.

“
Oh, man, this baby looks fucking incredible!
”

The voice from outside startles me. I take some oxygen into my lungs, feeling how my heart hammers between my ribs.

I get out of the car and see Jacob, who runs his hand over the rooftop. If my brother were here, he would go mental. He was weird like that
—
no one could ever touch his stuff. I don
’
t move, watching as Jacob admires the car.

“
This is another reason why I
’
m here. This beauty used to belong to my dead brother. He can go fuck himself in hell. The car is mine now. I don
’
t care what my mother says about it.
”

Jacob looks at me with his calm and calculating stare twisting his lips.

“
Listen man, I accidentally overheard your conversation downstairs.
”

Probably even our nosy neighbours heard me. I was pretty loud.

“
It
’
s fine. I was out of line, but she always protected him. Christian didn
’
t deserve any of his stuff. There are some good things up there,
”
I say pointing at the boxes that both my parents gathered just after Christian died. No one asked me if I wanted to take anything. At one point I came back from school and they were arguing about his shit in the living room. Pathetic.

Jacob is more interested in the car, but after a moment he helps me rip some boxes apart and put them outside the garage. My father wasn
’
t stupid. He made sure that all the stuff would be well preserved. From what I can see, there is a lot of good shit here. A few iPods and old-school mobile phones. A brand-new rugby kit that Christian was going to take to Uni. His surfboard and tools. A lot of good mechanic tools.

“
This stuff is worth a fortune. You sure your mother will be all right with this, what we are doing now?
”
he asks.

“
I told you, it
’
s nothing to do with her. All of this belongs to me,
”
I insist, looking back at the house. My mother is probably working today. Besides, I haven
’
t finished with her yet. She apologised, but fuck, we have a long way to go.

Jacob looks impressed with everything that we find. Soon we segregate everything that we
’
re taking back to Braxton, and the rest of the rubbish. Staring at all his pictures from high school, I have an urge to burn them. Now I sort of get why my mother took all his pictures down when India and I came home for the funeral a few months back. Before I left to go to Gargle two years ago, she had his pictures everywhere. My mother must have gone through quite a shock when she heard that her perfect son was a rapist.

Once everything is sorted, Jacob drives me to the local mechanic, who agrees to look at the car. I don
’
t mind spending some cash on it, but I want to use it or maybe sell it. By the end of the day, when we come back from town, the car runs like a well-oiled clock. My mechanic is an old mate that isn
’
t as far up his arse as everyone else in this shit hole. I give him some money and he is off. When we walk back to the house, it looks like my mother has vanished. That
’
s so typical of her! I challenge her and now she is running away.