Alien Collective (16 page)

I
COULD NEVER BE IN AN ELEVATOR
without thinking of Jeff, particularly an elevator in the Science Center. As always, the damned Evil Genius League was making me try to thwart their convoluted and heinous plans instead of having fantastic sex with my husband. I really hated these people.

Boring, solitary elevator ride over, I exited and headed to the Lair. In addition to other things, this floor was the high-security prisoner holding area. Every prisoner ever held down here that I knew of had escaped somehow, usually via ACE-like means. Or by being let go because someone felt sorry for them. Wondered why the A-Cs had high-security holding cells at all sometimes.

Random thoughts about this floor taken care of, I entered the Lair. It was really one big living room/sitting room/den with a connected master bedroom with bathroom and big walk-in closet. Everything that had been here before was here now.

Went into the closet. Unsurprisingly, we had plenty of clothes in here, for me, Jeff and Jamie. Decided to get out of the Fatigues and into clothes that would allow me to work better.

Jeans, Converse, and my 4th of July Aerosmith shirt on, I felt a lot readier for action. Things were always better with my Bad Boys from Boston on my chest.

“Yo,” I said as I dropped my dirty clothes into the hamper, “King of the Elves, we have a situation. I’m sure you’re aware of it, but we might want to discuss what’s going on, just for fun and all.”

Nothing.

Sighed to myself and sat down on the floor. Dug through my purse and pulled out my iPod. Algar enjoyed his jokes, and he liked to leave me musical clues. Plus I hadn’t heard any music since we’d gone to the protest, which seemed like forever ago, but was really only several hours ago. But still, that was a long time with no tunes, at least for me.

Sure enough, my iPod was on a playlist I’d never created. “Really? ‘Songs in the Key of Flee.’ Cute. So does that mean you’ve done a runner, you think we should do a runner, or someone else is doing a runner? Or are you just, as you always are, being a galaxy-class jerk? You know I’m going to go into the pipe and visit the reclamation plant where you live if you don’t show up, right?”

Nothing. Really hoped this wasn’t Algar’s Goodbye and Good Luck message. Put in my earbuds and took a listen. First song was “Elevator” by Flo Rida and Timbaland. I normally thought of this song the same way I thought of “Love in an Elevator” by Aerosmith—a song about having sex with Jeff in one of my favorite places to have sex.

“I don’t want to reaffirm life by doing the deed right now. Well, I tell a lie. I’d love nothing more than to go have lots of great sex with Jeff right now. Thing is, we have a Science Center chock full of people, a lot of scary crap going on, and I need to beg you for a clue much more than I need to remind myself why it’s great to be Jeff’s woman. Or do you just want to watch the Elevator Porn Channel right now?”

Scrolled down. Huh. “Elevator” was repeated over and over again. Clearly, Algar wanted a word in a specific location, and this one wasn’t it.

Never let it be said I couldn’t take a huge hint. Got up and trotted right back to the elevators. Got in and took a look at the buttons. “Reclamation” was a selection. This wasn’t a button available normally—and unless it had been added by the A-Cs in the ten minutes between my exiting and returning to this elevator, Algar was enjoying himself.

Pushed the button, felt the gentle Time Warp feeling of a non-gate-transfer, and the doors opened to show a big room with three large water tanks in it. They were all connected with pipes and metal walkways. It looked almost legitimate, like there really was a reclamation plant inside the Science Center. Only it didn’t smell, at all, of anything, and the water in all three tanks was pristine—I knew this for fact, since I’d gone swimming in one of them. From the bottom up.

Stepped out onto a metal catwalk and took a look around. The elevator doors were gone. I knew they’d never really been there. Algar used this area to do his Black Hole Operations Magic, and considering he’d made it so that no one had noticed that a pipe that started on ground level and ended up fourteen or fifteen stories lower never, ever slanted downward, among other things, his making me think I’d taken a weird elevator ride was pretty much nothing.

I’d only been here a couple of times, and both of them were surprises for Algar. So I’d seen some things I knew he hadn’t really wanted me to see. Proof of this was that this time, I didn’t see either the pile of glittering Z’Porrah power cubes nor his unmade bed and other personal items. The room was pristine and almost sparkling.

“Expecting an inspection?” I asked the nobody who was here.

“Same as you are,” Algar said from behind me.

I jumped and spun around. Managed not to scream, but only just. “You just live to make an entrance.”

He shrugged. “It keeps things from getting dull.”

Algar was a dwarf by human standards. What he was by Black Hole Universe standards I didn’t know. But by my standards he was indeed rakishly handsome, with tousled, dark wavy hair and eyes that were the real clue to him not being from around here—they were an unnaturally bright green.

I figured he’d liked hanging around the A-Cs, and humans even more, because he could blend in here. All it would take was a pair of colored contacts and he could walk down any city street anywhere on Earth. I often figured that he did.

“Speaking of blending, was all this to ensure that Siler couldn’t use his chameleon powers to follow me and find out about you?”

Algar’s lips twitched. “Do you seriously think I couldn’t block him?”

“I seriously know I’ve surprised you by showing up here unannounced. Therefore, if I can do it, someone else can do it, too. Potentially using one of the Lost Power Cubes.”

“You haven’t found the one in Gaultier yet.”

“No, we haven’t. The one that was in the Underground Cloning Facility O’ Horror is long gone, however. Unless you had the Poofs get it somehow. Oh, Harlie, Poofikins, come to Kitty.”

The Poofs appeared out of nowhere, purred at me, then saw Algar, gave mews of joy, and bounded to him. He petted them and their purrs became quite loud. “No, that one is still buried. It’s unlikely to be found.”

“Unlikely doesn’t mean impossible, does it? You should visit Tenley. I’m sure it misses you.” Tenley was the Head Poof on Alpha Four. I was fairly certain Tenley and Harlie had been the original Poofs Algar had brought with him from the Black Hole Universe.

“I wasn’t under the impression you wanted to talk about the Poofs,” Algar said, as he sat down, cross-legged, on the catwalk we were both on, Poofs in his lap. “But to reassure you just a little, I have a blocker up against the one, and it really is only one, missing power cube. No one can enter any A-C base or facility using that particular power cube.”

“Well, that’s a comfort.” And it explained why the Yates-Mephistopheles in-control superbeing hadn’t taken over before I was born. Only not quite. “How long has that been in effect?”

Algar rolled his eyes. “Before you all discovered the cubes, I knew about them. The main bases and the Dome were all blocked from power cube entrance by me. As the Poofs found the others, there was no reason to continue to keep them from fully functioning.”

“What about the one Terry gave to Jeff and Christopher?” Terry was Christopher’s late mother. She’d found and programmed a cube right before she died. Well, right before Yates and/or Mephistopheles had infected her with something that killed her.

“That one also. It wasn’t in my best interests for someone to be able to just show up at the Science Center using a power cube.”

“Uh, I did.”

He grinned. “That you did, lassie. That you did.”

Any time Algar used his fake Irish accent, I knew he wanted at least a minor subject change and for me to also spend some time thinking about whatever it was we’d been talking about. “So there’s really only one power cube not accounted for?”

“Yes, really only one unaccounted for. The one you’ve had a year to find and yet haven’t. That one unaccounted for power cube.”

We had a power cube in the Embassy, in the isolation bedroom that was attached to our suite, as a matter of fact. “Including the one in our Embassy that’s had a bunch of strangers in it thanks to our being evacuated to escape from poisonous gas?”

“The one in the Embassy is safe. I altered it. Just a little. Differently from how I altered the one that you haven’t found yet.”

Thought about it. “Oh. Has to be used by me or by someone friendly to me, doesn’t it?”

“It’s always gratifying when you prove you’re smarter than the average ape.”

“Thanks ever. So, why do you care so very much about this one last cube?”

He sighed. “Because it’s the one thing that truly allows your enemies their biggest advantage over you, whether you realize it or not.”

“W
ELL, THANKS FOR THAT.
I know it’s powerful and important, we all do. And we’ve looked for it.”

Algar shook his head. “Not hard enough.”

“We’ve had a lot going on, in case you didn’t notice.”

“I noticed. I told you you’d hurt your enemies badly. You were supposed to spend the time gaining an advantage.”

“Well, we’ve done our best, Headmaster Elf. We can’t just snap our fingers and have it all work out, however. We lost all our data, meaning we’ve had to focus most resources on re-creating what we can, finding what we can, and coming up with new things. While also, you know, trying to decipher the Cloning Code Books.”

“That’s your father’s area.”

“Oh my God, are you complaining that my father isn’t doing this fast enough? He may still be on sabbatical, but he’s got other things he has to do for NASA, you know.”

“Not impugning his reputation.”

“Just mine, got it. Amy’s been blocked from taking over Gaultier Enterprises at every turn, meaning our access has been extremely limited. Even with that, Chuckie, Vander, and Cliff each did an official search, with a warrant, and a zillion agents each. They all found exactly nada that resembled a power cube. They didn’t find much else unsavory, either.”

“I didn’t tell you to look only in one place.”

“You didn’t tell us to look at all. We did that using our own free will and such, which should make you all kinds of happy.”

“What did you find other than the power cube?”

“I know you know, but I’ll humor you. We found exactly nothing untoward. Amy thinks that our commando raid on the cloning and drug-making facility alerted the Gaultier Board and they’ve moved all the questionable stuff elsewhere. Chuckie agrees and also feels that the power cube isn’t in the Gaultier Research facility in this area and potentially never was. He thinks it’s probably in Europe somewhere, most likely with all the rest of the badness Gaultier was working on.”

“You should listen to him more often. He’s only wrong about a couple of things.”

“I listen to him all the time. And I know, he was wrong about where Hoffa was buried.”

Algar nodded. “That’s one thing. The other thing he’s wrong on is much more important, though.”

“You going to tell me what that is?”

“What do you think?”

“Yes?” Hey, you couldn’t blame a girl for trying.

“No.”

“Figures. You willing to tell me if the power cube in my Embassy is still there and still safe?”

“Yes.”

“So, is that you saying you’re willing or you saying it’s safe?”

“Yes.”

“I hate you.”

“So you claim. I thought you were here for something other than discussing the power cubes and what you haven’t done to find the one that allows your enemy to go almost anywhere in the world without issue.”

Sat down next to him. “No, you’re right. And I’m
so
sorry. I may have mentioned that we’ve been trying to recreate all our data? And also somehow protect the data we still have and are re-creating from people more tech savvy than our top computer personnel, who, until last year, were considered top in the entire world? And, while we’re not doing much on those fronts, we’re also working to find all the missing Yates Offspring. Oh, and trying to keep all the various protestors and alien haters off our backs. Plus, you know, do our regular jobs that everyone still expects to be done to the utmost of our abilities.”

“So, you haven’t been focused on the thing that really matters.”

“Seriously? The missing power cube is your damage? Dude,
you
have the ability to freaking find it or tell me where the hell it is. If you can block it so that no one using it can get into an A-C base or facility, then you can certainly fetch it or have the Poofs fetch it. Utilize your free will and do me a solid.”

“I can’t. Not in this case.”

Stifled a groan and the urge to hit him. “You mean you won’t. Fine. Then let’s get to what I’m currently seeing as the big problems. I want to discuss everything that’s going on and everything that’s coming.”

He laughed. “That’s a lot of things. You won’t live long enough to talk about everything that’s going on and coming.”

“Oh, you’re pulling the old Must Be Literal ploy? Fine. I’d like to know what we’re going to do about ACE’s parole officer, the Being Currently Known as Sloshy.”

“I don’t plan to do anything about the situation. It’s not my bailiwick.”

“Seriously? You’re not planning on fleeing?” Held out my iPod.

He didn’t look at it. He also didn’t reply. Thought about the lyrics to the only song that was currently on this particular playlist, over and over again. “I’m not going with you, if that’s what you’re suggesting. Unless you’re taking all of us, and by ‘all’ I mean all the residents of the planet.”

“No, I couldn’t do that.” He sighed. “You’d be better off somewhere else.”

“Yeah? Why is that all of a sudden?”

“Because you challenged an entity so powerful I’m not sure your brain can grasp it.”

“Oh, blah, blah, blah. I can grasp how powerful you are. I know how powerful ACE is. I can make an educated guess. And before you say it, yes, yes, we puny humans have no real concept of everyone else’s incredible cosmic powers. But to continue to quote the Genie from
Aladdin
 . . . you’re still kind of stuck in an itty bitty living space, cosmos-wise.”

Algar laughed. “True enough. But to reassure you, because that’s what you really want, I’m not planning on leaving. At the moment anyway.”

“I really want so many things, but yes, that was one of them. Is the issue with ACE going to attract the beings after you?”

“Potentially. But since I don’t plan on being actively involved, it shouldn’t create undue attention.”

“We need you to be involved.”

“Didn’t we have the Great God Algar discussion when we first officially met?”

“Yes, we did. Didn’t we have the whole With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility chat, too?”

“Yes. Free will. It’s important to me.”

“And to us, too. Not losing one of our two real protectors is important to everyone.”

“Most don’t really know what ACE does or doesn’t do here, and literally only a handful know what I do here. No loss if we leave.”

“Oh please, pull the other one, it has bells on. It doesn’t matter if an ant understands what the sun does—but if the sun is taken away, the ant will die.”

“Interesting analogy.”

“I’m clear on how all you Super Special Advanced Beings think of us.”

“Oh, I see you as Naked Apes.”

“Yeah.” Wondered if this was a clue. “Think I should contact the Planetary council and ask them for help?”

“I’ll give you one for free. No. They have their own problems right now.”

“Fantastic.” So much for our outer-space allies. “You want me to let Sloshy take ACE away, don’t you?”

“Doesn’t matter to me.”

“You’re lying. With ACE gone you’ll lose superconsciousness scrutiny of this planet. At least, so you think. But I think they’ll just send someone else, someone who won’t actually care about us like ACE does.”

“Immortality is a lot of dullness interspersed with extreme excitement. This is an extreme excitement moment. I’m enjoying it.”

“I’m not. ACE is in my daughter. That means my daughter is in danger. And if ACE leaves my daughter, she’s in more danger. And if the Superconsciousness Council tries to take my daughter with them and ACE, I’m going to find out how to destroy the entire universe to get her back. That exciting enough for you?”

Algar stared at me for a few long moments. “You’re scared.”

“I’m neither suicidal nor moronic, so, hell yeah, of course I’m scared.”

“And yet, you’re not capitulating to the superior being. Instead, you challenged it.”

“Yes. As has been pointed out, not my most shining moment.”

Algar gently put the Poofs into my lap, stood up, and patted my head, rather lovingly, all things considered. “No. I consider it your most shining moment to date.”

Then he snapped his fingers.