Alien Caged (29 page)

She told him, “It’s not terrible at all.  That’s part of what bothers me.  It shouldn’t feel so easy to leave my own kind behind.”

“You wouldn’t be leaving them all behind; just the ones who wish to remain separate.  There are a number of Earthers on Kalquor now, you know, people who feel as you do.  It’s becoming more and more apparent our species’ fates are intertwined, no matter how hard a few fight against it.”

Elisa sighed.  “Miragin keeps saying how he can understand it being hard for me to feel like I’m betraying the rest of my species.  To some extent, it does seem that’s what I’m doing.  In all truth though, I often feel that I want to run and run and run from every other Earther and never see a single one of my people again.”

Zemos smiled.  “You felt that way before we came along, didn’t you?”

She nodded.  She could have happily left behind even kind people like Captain Walker and Ensign Larsen.  “You’ve been my only happiness on this ship, as odd as that must sound.”

“It doesn’t sound odd at all.  You have been the one delight of this whole trial for my clan, one worth being captured for.”

She snorted.  “Sure I was.  All I did was bring you food.”

“And smiles, comfort, kindness, and your voice.  Everything about you has made us happy, my lovely Elisa.”

“Flatterer.”  She looked away to let him know she wasn’t buying into his spiel.

Zemos grabbed her chin, making her look him in the face once more.  “In the first two or three weeks of our captivity, the charge of empty flattery would have been true.  I’ll admit that initially I’d hoped Miragin could charm you into helping us escape.  Now I want to make you love me as much as I love you so you will escape with us.”

Elisa stared at him in shock.  She’d convinced herself she’d misheard Miragin earlier but this time there was no mistake.  Zemos had just declared he
loved
her.  

Before she could find her wits to reply, the Dramok kissed her.  It began with slow sensuality, a torrid sweetness that stole her very breath.  Her toes curled as he tenderly but thoroughly plundered her mouth.  If making love could have occurred through a kiss alone, Zemos would have succeeded.

Throughout the time his tongue stroked hers and he held her tight to his chest, Elisa’s mind repeated the same unbelievable statement over and over.

He loves me.  He says he loves me.

When the kiss ended, Zemos looked down at her with an expression that was kind and firm all at once.  Elisa had wanted to ask him to repeat his earlier declaration, just so she could be sure of it, but the quiet control in his face stilled her voice.  She felt no fear, but she also could not speak until she felt he would welcome it.

“Do I dare see hope in your eyes?” he asked.  “Did you want all this time to hear me speak of my feelings for you?  I was afraid to do so.  I thought saying the words would frighten you away.”

Elisa lay there, still not able to beg him to repeat the magical statement that her ears strained for.  She needed Zemos to say it again.  Needed it.  Yet she could not ask him for it.

His gaze searched her face.  “Here you are, looking at me with such want.  You did wish for me to say it.  I will, and I’ll ask if you love me too.  But before that happens, you must know a few things about being my mate, Elisa.  These are things about me you will not have guessed.  Not from seeing me on the other side of that containment barrier, locked up like an animal.”

Elisa could not imagine the Dramok telling her anything that would keep her from wanting to hear him speak that dreamed-of declaration again.  That she had to wait another second for it made her want to cry.

Zemos said, “I am a Dramok, the most controlling breed of my people.  I also have strong Nobek characteristics, which make me even more demanding.  I can be tender, but I am also exacting.”

Elisa found her voice at last.  “I know you are a powerful man.  I’ve seen how Oret and Miragin obey you.”

“It’s more than that, little one.  I am driven to prove my mastery over others.  I will listen to others’ opinions; I’ll even invite them to share their expertise to help me make decisions.  In the end, however, I must dominate the situations I find myself in.”

Elisa tried to figure out what that would mean in a relationship.  She couldn’t quite make out how Zemos’ controlling personality would make things much different for her.  She was used to following orders on board a ship.  Before that, she had obeyed her teachers and mother without question.  There had never been any other way.

“I guess I don’t know what you’re trying to warn me about,” she told the Dramok.

He nodded, his expression patient.  “I am my clan’s leader.  I have also been a captain, the leader of my crew, for many years.  I am used to guiding others for the benefit of us all.”

“You’ve earned that right, or you wouldn’t have the rank you do,” Elisa ventured.

Zemos smiled at her.  “It’s important you understand that.  Giving yourself over to my control means earning your trust, as I have Oret and Miragin’s.  They know if I order something, it is with their welfare in mind as well as the welfare of the clan as a whole.  You must learn that too, if you are to become our Matara.”

“If they are unsure or disagree with an order you give them, they are free to discuss it with you.  Is that right?”

The Dramok nodded. “Of course.  If I don’t know what is bothering them, how can I reassure them?  How can I make things right when they go wrong?  Speaking up and telling me the truth is their responsibility in our relationship.  I cannot guide my clan if I don’t know everything going on with them.  We keep no secrets, Elisa.”

She thought he made sense.  “I can see that.”

Zemos stroked her hair.  “It would be the same with you.  You cannot hide things from me ... because I would expect you to surrender in every way possible when we are together.  Because I do not wish to see you harmed, I must know everything you think and feel.”

Elisa sucked on her lower lip.  A little of what he said did concern her.  She said, “Secrets can keep bad things from happening, though.  If Audie and I hadn’t been found out, I wouldn’t have gotten into so much trouble.”

Zemos regarded her for a moment.  “There was no trust between you and those who punished you so harshly, however.  Do you not despise your former government?  And what of your parents?  Your father broke his trust with not only your mother, but with his children as well.  It caused irreparable harm to his family.”

Elisa nodded.  She caught a glimmer of understanding.  “You’re saying that if a relationship is good, there is no need for secrets.”

“Exactly.  I will not tolerate lies or subterfuge from my clanmates.  I cannot give them what they need if that happens.  It also means I have failed to win their trust.”

“You said you wish to have me trust you.”

“More than anything.  You cannot completely give yourself to me otherwise.”

“How will you do that?”

Zemos smiled, and it warmed Elisa through and through to see it.  “A little at a time.  I will test your limits bit by bit, and you will learn that if you say it is too much, I will stop.  I will show you that while I may not always give you what you wish, I will provide everything you require.”

Elisa stared up at him.  “What is it you think I need?”

His smile grew even larger, and she imagined she saw something a bit dangerous in it.  “You need to be given the life you were denied.  You need to have the space to let the stunted parts of you grow up, and you need to let the parts that grew up too fast to have permission to let go and play.”

She blinked.  “I don’t quite understand.”

“I know.”  Zemos’ expression sobered, becoming a little sad.  “You were forced to be responsible for younger siblings.  There was nothing left for you to explore your dreams.  You skipped the explorations of childhood because your mother needed another adult in the family.  Not only that, you were never made to feel safe and secure, as you should have.”

Elisa grimaced.  “I’m almost fifty years old, Zemos.  It’s a little late for me to have a happy childhood.”

“I don’t think so.  If I can get you off this battlecruiser, you will know the security of three men who will do everything it takes to keep you safe.  You can finally explore your musical talent and any other thing deemed too ‘trivial’ when you were a little girl.  That part that was cut off from you will be encouraged to flourish.”

Elisa laughed and shook her head.  “It’s a nice dream, Zemos.  I don’t think it will work though.  Too much time has passed.”

His brow lifted.  “If you were on your deathbed, I would agree.  But you are not, and you still have many years of life ahead of you.  You have plenty of time to realize your dreams.”

She huffed in exasperation.  “I’m forty-eight, you stubborn beast!”

“And I’m over one hundred thirty years old.  Behave yourself and listen to your elders, young lady.  Otherwise, I’ll put you over my knee and show you you’re not too old to have your ass warmed by a spanking.”

Elisa was about to retort when she saw the cold resolution in Zemos’ gaze.  Dear heavens, he was serious about spanking her?  It couldn’t be ... and yet she found she didn’t dare test him on that.  Not with that look on his face.

A slow smile spread over his lips.  “Good.  I see you can be taught even at your so-called advanced age.  Let’s see what other lessons you’re ready to learn, little one.  It’s time we build some trust.  Lace your fingers behind your neck.”

His look had warmed, but the command in his tone demanded instant obedience.  Elisa found herself moving to carry out the order before she thought it over.  She scowled and hesitated, her fingertips just touching at the nape of her neck.

One side of Zemos’ mouth quirked up in amusement.  “Yes, I know you’re suspicious of what might happen.  I will be honest and tell you there will be moments of emotional discomfort.  However, I will not harm you.  Lace your fingers as I told you to, Elisa.”

She complied, still watching him carefully.  What in the world was he up to?

The Dramok nodded his approval.  “Good girl.  Say the word
sholt
, Elisa.”

“
Sholt
,” she repeated.  He ordered, she obeyed.  It was like a game of Simon Says, she thought.

“Very good. 
Sholt
is Kalquorian for ‘stop’.  Remember that word.”

“All right.” 
Zemos Says remember
.  Elisa stifled a giggle.  Well, he’d wanted her to rediscover her childhood after all.

Zemos’ brow rose at the suppressed amusement in her voice, but he didn’t comment on it.  Instead, he told her, “I intend to have sex with you, Elisa.  It could be the way I decide to enjoy your body may be overwhelming to you.  If you at any time feel you cannot follow my commands, you will say
sholt
.  The moment that word leaves your lips, everything stops.”

Elisa’s eyes went wide.  “What will you do to make me tell you to halt?”

He shrugged.  “It could be you will be fine with the things I want of you.  It could be you have a mental or emotional block to what I demand.  Your people are notoriously repressed.  You may even find the kind of sex I enjoy to be physically taxing.  If that is the case, you say
sholt
.”

“Wait.  Did you say you would
demand
things from me?”

Zemos’ gave her a patient face.  “I am a Dramok.  I insist on my sex partners submitting to me.  You will do as I say, without hesitation or argument.  Only the word
sholt
will be permitted to change that.”

Elisa licked her lips.  He hadn’t been kidding when he’d claimed he had to be in control.  Could she give herself over to him so completely?

Zemos bent to kiss her.  “I love you, my little Elisa.  I love you fiercely and with all my heart.  I love you so much that you own my every thought.  If you cannot give me this however, if you will not give me the opportunity to build your trust in me, I must rescind my offer to clan.”

Trust.  It seemed such a small thing he asked, so utterly reasonable.  Elisa had never realized just how monumental putting one’s faith in another was until this moment, however.  Even finally hearing the words
I love you
; those words that should make the universe the bright, wondrous place she’d expected such a declaration to make it ... even those words had not erased long-held fears after all.

Had she trusted anyone in her life?  Certainly not since music camp.  Even before then her father’s many betrayals had eroded her faith in others.

Elisa searched Zemos’ face, seeing the patience there, the hope he held.  She saw the strength that said he would keep her safe in heart and soul.  It came with a price, however.  She had to try and discover trust in another being.  She had to forget all the experiences that said no one could be given her full faith.  If she did not, Zemos, Miragin, and Oret would leave her behind.

Elisa didn’t know if she could manage it.  As badly as she wanted to give Zemos that trust, as desperately as she wanted to realize the fantasy of being with his clan, she feared she would not be able to give them what they needed.