Alicia (31 page)

“And what if I had not agreed to marry you?”

Stronbert had allowed her to glare down at him all this while, but he rose now and stood facing her. “It would not have affected my actions in any way, Alicia. I could not leave unprotected the woman I love, whether she would have me or not. And if you had not agreed to marry me, then I would not have told you of my arrangement with Lady Gorham. I consider my money well invested. I will not hold you to marry me if you do not wish it.”

Alicia’s defiance evaporated as quickly as it had risen. “I thought I could manage by myself,”
she said sadly. “You have shown me that I did not.”

“Had it not been for Tackar you would have achieved all you set out to do,”
he responded calmly as he lifted her chin with a gentle finger. “Will you marry me, Alicia?”

“Yes,”
she replied simply and responded warmly to his kiss.

“In that case I see no reason why Felicia should not have the mare,”
he suggested quizzingly.

“Felicia! How could I have forgotten that she was waiting for an answer,”
she gasped guiltily. “I must tell her right away.”
She turned toward the door but stopped when Stronbert spoke.

“I wish you will let me give you your ring first,”
he said ruefully.

Alicia grinned as she shyly held out her hand to him. He took it firmly and placed the ring on it. She was moved by his tender expression and stood on tiptoe to kiss him.

“You are making good progress, my dear,”
he laughed.

Alicia flushed and said, “Shall I bring Felicia down?”

“Yes, I should like to talk to her.”

Alicia nodded and disappeared from the room. She knocked softly on her daughter’s door and was bid to enter. Felicia turned an anxious face to her as she had the night before. “Have you decided, Mama?”

“Yes, dear, you are to keep Dancer.”

The girl flung her arms about her mother. “Thank you, oh, thank you.”

“I have something else to tell you, love, which is very important.”

Felicia drew her mother over to sit beside her on the bed. “Not more trouble?”

“No, dear, quite the reverse. Lord Stronbert has asked me to marry him and I have agreed.”

Felicia smiled mischievously. “I was sure he would. Are you happy, Mama?”

“Very. I am excessively fond of his lordship. He would like you to come down.”

Felicia agreed with alacrity and descended the stairs far more quickly than her mother. Stronbert held out his hands to her and she took them readily. “I am so glad,”
she said.

“Thank you, Felicia. It is important that we have your blessing. I look forward to welcoming you to the Court as my newest daughter. Do you think you will like living there?”

Alicia smiled as she heard her daughter answer fervently, “With all my heart. Do Helen and Matthew know?”

“Not yet, but I am sure they will have no objections.”

“Your mother might,”
Alicia suggested softly.

“No,”
he said thoughtfully, “I think she will be pleased, my dear. But you will both learn, if you have not already, that she can be...difficult at times. I find her eccentricities amusing for the most part, but others find them embarrassing,”
he said gravely, a twinkle lighting his eyes.

“She has been very accepting of us,”
Alicia replied, “but it has occurred to me that you had something to do with that.”

“My mother likes both of you, but she was on her high ropes at first. I did no more than urge reasonable behavior.”

Felicia laughed. “I think she’s a dear.”
Stronbert released her hands and asked the women to sit with him a moment. “I am hopeful that my sister Mary will come in January, and I should like to be married while she is here.”

“It will not be a year since Sir Frederick’s death,”
Alicia commented diffidently.

“Would you mind?”

“No,”
the two women answered together.

“Shall we say in a month’s time then?”
he asked, observing Alicia closely.

She swallowed nervously but agreed. “I shall have to write to Stephen and Jane. I would like them to be here.”

“Of course. And Lady Gorham.”
Stronbert proceeded to enumerate the guests it would be necessary for him to invite. Alicia and her daughter had no one to add, and the matter was arranged quickly. “I would like to send you both to York with Miss Carnworth so that you may choose any items which are not available to you here.”

At Alicia’s sign of protest he continued calmly, “You are to be a marchioness, Alicia, and it will require a suitable wardrobe. The same applies to Felicia. I hope you will both feel comfortable to come completely out of mourning now. I have the most active desire to see you both in some bright, cheerful colors.”

Felicia sighed gustily. “I can scarcely wait. I have had my eye on that jonquil muslin ever since it arrived and I have been in a fret that someone else would buy it.”

“As you wish, L...Nigel. But I do not like to impose on Miss Carnworth. Felicia and I can manage in York,”
Alicia suggested.

“I would not dare deny her the treat,”
he said with a laugh. He felt confident that Miss Carnworth would not only enjoy it, but would insist that an adequate shopping was done on his behalf. “Felicia, I will bring Dancer to you tomorrow and arrange to have her stabled at the Feather and Flask, if that is agreeable.”

“Perfectly, sir.”

“And you shall have to decide what you are to call me when I marry your mother. I am agreeable to almost anything but my title. Now, if I might just have another word with your mother alone...”
Felicia leaped to her feet and bid them good night. Stronbert turned then to Alicia and said, “If you feel I am rushing you...”

“N-no. I am sure a month will be sufficient time to prepare my wardrobe.”
Alicia stared at her hands uncertainly.

Stronbert took her hands and said gently, “It is not your wardrobe which concerns me, my love. Rest assured you shall have all the time you need, married or not.”

“Thank you, Nigel. I feel very stupid.”

“Please do not. I want your companionship, Alicia, more than anything else. We will work things out together. There will be plenty of time.”
He kissed her brow and left her.

Alicia gazed down at the new ring on her finger and hoped she could indeed be a wife again. He had aroused a desire in her which her body wanted satisfied. But she was not so sure that her mind would cooperate. Perhaps she should have insisted that the wedding not take place until her mourning period was over. That would have given her an additional two months. No, she thought exasperatedly, two months would not help her. Better to wed him and face the situation straight on. Other than that she was very happy.

The month hardly seemed long enough for the preparations after all. There were two trips to York and several to the dressmaker. The arrangements for the shop had to be made; Mr. Allerton agreed to manage the shop and find an assistant who would work with him. Alicia and her daughter went many times to the Court, but the first time after the betrothal was the most difficult for them. They feared that some of the residents might be resentful or scornful, but they were welcomed warmly by the dowager, excitedly by the children, and kindly by the others in the household. Felicia was taken off to see the apartment which would be hers, with its separate dressing room and enormous bedroom. Helen returned shyly then to lead Alicia to the room which had been Helen’s mother’s.

“I am pleased that you are to marry Papa,”
she said softly. She gazed about the room sadly for a moment and admitted, “I have not been here since my mama died.”

“I can understand that,”
Alicia replied. “I am sorry that I did not know your mother. You must miss her dreadfully.”

The little girl burst into tears and sank onto the floor. Alicia sat down beside her and stroked her hair gently. “You must not think that my coming here in any way diminishes her memory, my dear. You will always have that—you and Matthew and your papa. But I think your papa is lonely and I am lonely, too. Together we may form a different family, with you and Matthew and Felicia, so that we need not be so lonely any longer. After a while, when we know each other better, things will be easier for all of us. At first I will be a little lost here, you know, for all of you have been here so long and I will be new. Felicia is young and she will adapt more readily, I daresay, but I am so set in my ways that...”

Helen looked up curiously, the tears streaming down her cheeks. “You mean you are a little afraid to come here?”

Alicia laughed. “Yes, I guess that is what I mean.”

“But we all want you to come. Papa told us he would not be happy without you,”
she confessed, as she wiped the tear stains away with the handkerchief Alicia offered her.

“And, you see, I would not be happy without him. But I will need help to become familiar with your ways here. I am not sure I even know everyone’s name,”
she admitted shamefacedly.

“Oh, I shall help you, ma’am, I promise. And Matthew will, too. You have not been in the towers yet. They are our secret place, when we want to be alone. You may use them if you like,”
the girl offered generously.

Alicia hugged her and thanked her for her thoughtfulness. When they left the room they were holding hands and chatting about the Court and how easy it would be for someone new there to become lost. Stronbert met them in the hall and invited them to go riding with him, and over his daughter’s head he bestowed on Alicia the smile she always longed to produce from him.

When Stronbert’s sister arrived, she had her husband and Dorothy and Rowland with her. Felicia’s days were filled with the brother and sister and her endeavors to assist with her mother’s wardrobe. Alicia had not told her daughter of Rowland’s encounter with Tackar, though she had mentioned that Tackar was dead. Rowland appeared to have matured in the short while since he had left. He was more serious and yet more confident; he reminded Alicia somewhat of Stronbert.

Lady Mary was not aware that her son had fought a duel. She would have been terrified. But she had come to meet her brother’s fiancée and she was well pleased with Alicia. Mary did not miss the significance of the relationship between Rowland and Felicia, and she made a special effort to become acquainted with the young woman. It puzzled her that Felicia was on such easy terms with Rowland and yet held a reserve about him as well. Their banter was playful and serious by turn, and Mary found them each gazing fondly at the other when they thought they would not be observed. But there was a formality in their actions, almost a quality of pantomime, when Rowland handed Felicia up on her horse or Felicia handed him a book.

“It is almost as though they were afraid to touch each other,”
Mary mused to Stronbert one day. “I had not thought our society so prudish.”

“You are by far too observant,”
Stronbert remarked dryly.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing much. They will have to work it out on their own, Mary.”

She regarded him suspiciously but said nothing further. It was her own opinion that they would need some talking to, but she had no intention of speaking with either of them. Let the girl’s mother speak with her, and Mr. Clinton with Rowland. She would reserve her motherly advice for her daughter when the time came.

Lady Gorham arrived with Cassandra the same day Stephen Newton arrived with his family. All of the guests were staying at the Court, which could easily handle them, though the numbers for tea became so great that the younger people escaped the daily duty unremonstrated. Alicia found it necessary to spend whole days at the Court to assist with the guests and plans for the wedding. She began to look rather peaked as the wedding day approached.

Stronbert had suggested that they honeymoon at his estate near Ambleside and Alicia had agreed. It would require perhaps fifteen hours of driving and Stronbert had arranged that they spend the first night at the Griffin in Leeds. The remainder of their journey could be made the following day, or they could travel more slowly as they chose. Stronbert began to seriously doubt that Alicia would be up to making the journey in two days and sent a messenger to bespeak a room at the Royal in Kirkby Lonsdale.

“You are trying to do too much, my dear,”
he cautioned Alicia two days before the wedding. “Let my mother and Miss Carnworth handle more. Mr. Allerton seems to be managing very well with the shop. Your sister-in-law and my sister are anxious to help here, too. I cannot like to see you look so pale.”

“I am frightened,”
Alicia whispered.

“Of me? Alicia, I would not have it so for the world. If you wish to cry off, you must not hesitate. It would be embarrassing for only a little while; life with me would be permanent.”
The pain in his eyes was evident even as he offered her a chance to draw back.

She raised a hand to touch his cheek. “Oh, no, never think I do not wish to marry you, Nigel. But I keep thinking of the inn, that first night. It will be so strange with no one about that I know but you.”

He was beginning to understand her anxieties. “Should you like to take Mavis with you?”

“Yes, if I may.”
Alicia sounded discouraged.

“Alicia, look at me. I will not bed you that night or any night until you are ready. Do you understand me?”

“Yes,”
she said in a choked voice. “But what if I am never ready?”

“Is that what you are afraid of?”

“I don’t know,”
she whispered.

Stronbert put his arms about her and held her to him, undemanding. He made no attempt to kiss her, just held her until his strength seemed to invade her. “I have promised you I will be patient.”

“Yes,”
she mumbled against his coat, “but I am afraid that if I make you wait too long you will go elsewhere.”

“I see. Well, that is not like to happen, my love. I do not want to say I will wait for a month, or for a year, or for five years, because then you would feel it necessary to make some effort, possibly against your better judgment, before the time was out. I don’t want you to make an effort, Alicia. When you are ready to give yourself to me, you will know. I should never have taunted you with such a bogey. I did it only to make you angry,”
he admitted.