Alice Brown's Lessons in the Curious Art of Dating (51 page)

And they kissed the most delicious kiss imaginable.

‘And about the contraception . . .’ Tommy added when they finally came up for air. ‘Obviously it’s up to you. But if you’re asking me what I think, well . . . what’s the worst that can happen? You find yourself pregnant and we’re saddled with each other for evermore. That doesn’t seem so terrible from where I’m standing!’

‘No,’ Kate breathed, so excited she could barely speak. ‘Not so terrible at all!’

‘So, let’s do it, shall we? Let’s decide to live dangerously!’

‘Yes,’ she heard herself agree dizzily. ‘Let’s!’

And they both grinned ecstatically in the darkness.

Suddenly, a woman hurtled down the restaurant steps and into the street, shattering their moment as she ran blindly into them. She was sobbing hysterically, tears mixing with snot as she gulped the night air. Instinctively Kate held her arm to steady her.

‘Audrey Cracknell?’ Kate asked in surprise. ‘Are you OK?’

But the woman was already speeding down the road in the direction of the cinema.

‘Do you know her?’ Tommy asked as he watched the retreating figure.

‘I think so.’ Kate stared after her in concern. ‘I think it’s the lady who runs Table For Two, but it can’t be. She’s normally so . . . regimented.’

‘Hey, talking about Table For Two . . . I didn’t tell you, did I?’ Tommy said suddenly, his voice filled with excited amusement. ‘You remember my mate Steve? Well, he only got found out by Alice!’

‘Found out?’

‘Yeah. Well, you see, Steve didn’t actually join to find himself a girlfriend. He signed up because it’d been a year since his last shag and somehow he’d managed to be the only person in the universe to fail to pull on the internet. So his logic was, if a woman was desperate enough to pay good money to join a dating agency, then she might,
just might
, be desperate enough to sleep with him!’

‘He signed up for sex?’ Kate asked incredulously.

‘With as many women as his fee would stretch to.’

‘I
knew
there was something funny about him!’ Kate exclaimed. ‘He seemed, well, almost like he’d rehearsed.’

‘That’s because he had!’ Tommy laughed. ‘When he hit on a patter that finally coaxed some poor woman into bed, he’d repeat his stories verbatim on the next target. He still didn’t have much of a success rate, though. One in twenty, he reckoned.’

‘I can’t believe it!’ Kate said in wonder. ‘It’s so cynical. It sounds like something Lou would do!’

‘So, anyway, our friend Alice rumbled him,’ Tommy
continued, ‘and Steve’s supply of dates dried up. So he ditched Table For Two and moved on to the next agency. He’s got it all planned out, you see. Six to twelve months at an agency, try it on with all the women on their books and then move on to a new pool of talent. He’s signed with this other place now. Apparently it’s run by a real maneater. Steve’s only gone and convinced himself he’s in with a chance with her!’

‘The dirty dog!’ Kate replied thoughtfully, her mind filled with fond nostalgia. And she suddenly realized how much she missed her best friend.

Audrey staggered through the streets, her tears rolling freely. She lurched unseeingly into the road, across red traffic lights and through dangerously dark parks. She saw nothing, heard nothing, felt nothing but the knife that John and Alice had plunged into her heart.

John and Alice.

Her
John and
her
Alice.

When had Alice become attractive? When, exactly, had the ugly duckling turned into a swan? Her trysts with John must have been going on right under Audrey’s nose. Her insides twisted painfully. Had John kissed Alice before? Had he touched her face, smoothed his hand down the velvet skin of her back, pushed his hands under the straps of her dress and watched it fall luxuriously to the floor? Had he . . . ? With Alice? With butter-wouldn’t-melt, stare-out-of-the-window Alice? The Alice she’d employed and trusted and nurtured and supported? The Alice she – out of the goodness of her own heart – had taken to the ball? And how had Alice repaid her? By deceiving her; by lying. By hiding in cardigans by day and dressing like a vixen by
night. By stealing Audrey’s one true love and flaunting it in her face.

As Audrey neared home her whole body pumped with the poison of anger. How dare she do this to her! How dare she take John! She must have been laughing at her for weeks. Not a day must have passed when she hadn’t smugly congratulated herself for getting one over on the boss, smiling sweetly to Audrey’s face whilst sharpening the knife for her back and running her harlot fingers down John’s.

Audrey stomped up her garden path breathing pure fury. She threw open her front door and steamed into the hallway, fists clenched. Well, she was going to show Alice! She was going to show that scheming little whore that she wasn’t to be trifled with. She was going to fire her. She was going to expose her. She was going to string her up and run her out of town. She was going to . . .

In the background of her rage she was dimly aware of Pickles snaking between her legs and clamouring for food.

. . . She was going to smash that conniving bitch. She was going to ruin her. She was going to make John regret the day he ever clapped eyes on that duplicitous, evil little tart.

Audrey kicked out in fury. Her foot connected with something soft. There was a pitiful yelp, and then a sudden flood of silence. Audrey stood paralysed on one leg, her other still extended as her mouth filled with the taste of bile.

And then she looked down.

Pickles had landed where the floor met the skirting board. His ribcage heaved with raggedy, laboured breath and his
hind leg was cocked unnaturally. His leg was broken. Pickles was broken.

Audrey cried out, a long anguished moan from the very gut of her being. She fell to her knees.

‘Pickles!’ she cried remorsefully. ‘My darling Pickles. I’m sorry. I’m sorry!’

She tried to stroke him, but Pickles flinched in pain.

‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,’ she pleaded. Big fat tears dripped from her face onto Pickles’s fur, disappearing into his luxuriant coat.

‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.’

The tears poured out, her anger forgotten as she watched her friend fight for breath. After several long moments, Audrey clambered to her feet and ransacked the telephone cupboard in panic, pulling out free newspapers and old leaflets as she desperately hunted for a Yellow Pages.

‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry,’ she repeated over and over as she tried to focus on the tiny print and find an emergency vet. Her tears fell heavily onto the pages. The thin yellow paper soaked them up like blotting paper, their wetness obscuring the numbers below.

Today had been the worst day of her life, Alice thought miserably as she lay in bed next to the man of her dreams.

Lying on her side, feeling the heat of John’s body as he sleepily spooned behind her, Alice couldn’t help but wonder if it was worth it. Of course,
John
was worth it. He was the best man she’d ever met and the thought of losing him made her feel like she couldn’t breathe. But was
she
worth it? Was her own selfish happiness worth more than Audrey’s?

Alice had looked at her boss’s face in the soft candlelight of Beckwith’s and she’d seen something inside her break.

She’d tried to go after her. She’d ignored John’s warning and had run out into the night in her wake. But Audrey was nowhere to be seen.

‘It’s for the best,’ John had said. ‘This isn’t some quick fling we’re having. She had to find out sooner or later.’

‘I just didn’t want it to be like this. I wanted . . .’

‘What?’ John reasoned kindly. ‘There’s no
good
way of telling her. At least now we can come out from the shadows; enjoy being together.’

But how could she enjoy being with John when Audrey was suffering? It didn’t seem fair.

‘Tomorrow . . .’ she started.

‘. . . is going to be tough,’ John conceded.

‘What do I do? Do I go to work? Do I stay away? What would the kindest thing be?’

‘Only you know what’s best.’

‘She must hate me.’

‘She probably hates herself more. This is a problem of her making. My relationship with Audrey was clearly defined from the start. Only she chose to see it for something it wasn’t.’

‘She was in love.’

‘No, she wasn’t. She was no more in love with me than a teenager is in love with the pop star they see on TV. What she felt wasn’t real. She didn’t even know me.’

Alice pulled John’s arm tighter around her, wishing it could shield her from tomorrow. She’d never come first at anything before. How was she to know that winning first prize could be anything more complicated than a straightforward delight? But in reality things were never black or white. They say there’s a silver lining to misery, she told herself. And now she knew that there’s an ugly side to joy.

She sighed heavily.

She
would
go to work tomorrow. And she’d get there early so she could speak to Audrey before the others arrived. She’d apologize. And then she’d resign. It was the least she could do. After all, she’d already won first prize. She should
have the grace to leave Audrey her business. She could at least leave Audrey with that.

Oh my goodness
, she thought suddenly.
I’m leaving Table For Two!

And suddenly she felt even worse.