Alice

TEACHER:
You don’t often get a proper cup and saucer, do you?

GUEST:
Lovely flowers.

AUNTIE:
So young. Seventeen. What a waste.

GUEST:
I mean it’s not like you can say it was a mercy, is it?

GUEST:
Lovely service.

AUNTIE:
It’s quite nice sherry, actually.

TEACHER:
Difficult to know what to say, isn’t it?

GUEST:
We’re very sorry for your loss.

GUEST:
Seventeen!

TEACHER:
What I remember most is how much he made you all laugh.

AUNTIE:
I cannot
imagine
what it’s like. To lose a child.

(To her son.)
Stand up straight, Christopher, have some respect.

MUM:
Thank you, thanks for coming. Have you had a drink?

AUNTIE
sneezes.

AUNTIE:
And you know, Alice
adored
him.

The guests move away from
MUM
.
AUNTIE
sneezes.

I’m so sorry, it’s all these flowers.

GUEST:
You see those flowers tied to railings, don’t you, but you never think –

The
TEACHER
comes up to
MUM
and
DAD
. The teenage boys (
TOM
and
DAN
) watch him from across the room.

TEACHER:
It was a nice service, I thought. Just the right tone.

DAD:
Thank you. Thanks for reading.

GUEST:
Terrible thing, drink driving.

TEACHER:
Well poetry’s very much my thing. Joe said he liked Larkin, so –

DAN:
So weird seeing Hunter here.

TOM:
Numpty Hunter. He’s actually more scary when he’s being nice.

DAN:
I’m starving.

TOM:
Have a sandwich.

DAN:
Mum said don’t eat anything, leave it for the proper guests.

AUNTIE
comes up to
ALICE
and hands her a piece of quiche on a plate.

AUNTIE:
Eat this, love, you’ve got to eat.

ALICE
nods and puts the plate of quiche on her lap. She looks at it, then at her mum.

TEACHER:
And the photo wall is lovely.

DAD:
We wanted to – you know, to pay tribute, to um, to celebrate his life.

TEACHER:
Important to remember the good times.

MUM:
Crack open the champagne. Why not?

Across the room the
CATERER
drops a plate, which shatters.

ALICE
’s
MUM
jumps at the sound, looking across the room.

For god’s sake!

DAD:
Suzanne –

MUM:
Well what’s she doing? God’s sake.

DAD:
It’s fine, just an accident.

A young male
WAITER
wearing a white shirt and long white butcher-style apron swoops in with a dustpan and brush to help the caterer clean up the
mess.

AUNTIE
comes up to
MUM
with another piece of quiche on a plate and hands it to her.

AUNTIE:
You’ve not eaten, Suzie, you should eat something –

AUNTIE
moves off again.

MUM:
Nobody calls me Suzie anymore.

(To teacher, holding out her plate.)
Would you like some quiche?

TEACHER:
I can’t actually eat eggs, so –

MUM:
Well, there’s soup.

TEACHER:
Yes, I might have some soup.

The
WAITER
is passing.
MUM
hands her plate to him.

MUM:
Sorry, can I give this to – sorry, I can’t eat it.

ALICE
, seeing this, puts her plate of quiche on the floor beside her armchair, untouched. She looks at her mum.

DAN:
Sod it, I’m having a sandwich.

They start to head towards the buffet table, but are intercepted by
ALICE
’s
DAD
.

DAD:
Alright lads? Some pictures of you with Joe on the photo collage – Should have got you to play, shouldn’t we? Bit of music.

DAN:
Yeah, be a bit –

TOM:
Bit weird.

GUEST:
And of course Alice adored him.

GUEST:
Lovely flowers.

GUEST:
D’you know she’s not left the house since it happened?

DAN:
We’re splitting the band up probably, so –

DAD:
What, musical differences?

ALICE
’s
COUSIN
, a young man aged around 19 sits down next to her, too close for comfort.

COUSIN:
Hi. All these people, huh? Who are they all, you know?

You know you can talk to me, don’t you? If you ever need comforting or – We could go for a drink or whatever.

ALICE:
I’m twelve.

COUSIN:
No, I know, I know. I didn’t –

You’re twelve? Hands up – thought you were older.

ALICE:
Piss off.

COUSIN:
Language.

ALICE:
English.

Her
COUSIN
gets up.

COUSIN:
Sorry you lost your brother.

ALICE:
I didn’t
lose
him.

Her
COUSIN
moves away.

GUEST:
Just doesn’t seem fair, does it?

AUNTIE
comes over to
MUM
, who is looking over at the buffet table.
AUNTIE
is carrying two glasses of
sherry.

MUM:
Gannets – look at them all.

AUNTIE:
(Handing her a sherry.)
Have a drink, love.

MUM:
You’re having another, are you? She’s had four of those. Gannets.

AUNTIE:
This is my first. D’you think there’s enough sandwiches? Plenty of soup left, so – Good to give people something hot.

MUM:
When did you last see us? When did you last see Joe?

AUNTIE:
Last year, wasn’t it?

MUM:
Three years.

AUNTIE
moves away from
MUM
towards
ALICE
. She sneezes.

AUNTIE:
Oh dear, all these flowers.

GUEST:
Lovely flowers.

GUEST:
Lovely service.

GUEST:
Lovely service.

GUEST:
Lovely flowers.

There’s a sudden burst of loud music – everyone dances to it, like a strange jerky version of the Twist.
ALICE
looks around in amazement.
After a few seconds the music and the dancing stops, and everyone goes back to what they were doing before.

ALICE
’s
AUNTIE
comes over to the big armchair.

AUNTIE:
Alright, Alice? D’you want a cup of tea or anything?

ALICE:
I’ll have a whisky, please.

GUEST:
Time’s a great healer, you know.

UNCLE:
How’s the soup?

TEACHER:
Bit peppery if I’m honest.

AUNTIE
perches awkwardly on the arm of the chair.

AUNTIE:
It’s OK to have a cry, you know, let it all out. He was a darling boy, your brother.

AUNTIE
looks as if she might cry. She looks for a tissue.
ALICE
hands her one.

You just have to give it time. Why don’t you go outside with the other children?

ALICE
stands up, moves towards her mum.

Bit of fresh air might make you feel better.

AUNTIE
stands up, rubbing her back. She downs the rest of her sherry, then looks over to her husband.

David?

GUEST:
I mean you never know what life’s going to throw at you next.

UNCLE:
(Showing the teacher his watch.)
Water resistant to 600 feet, and that’s a compass and it’s got a stopwatch as well.

AUNTIE:
David, I need you to rub my back, it’s killing me.

UNCLE:
Not here, love.

AUNTIE:
I am in
constant
pain right now.

UNCLE
rubs
AUNTIE
’s back, and she makes contented noises.

Somewhere else in the room someone laughs, then stifles it.

ALICE
hovers close to her
MUM
.
DAD
is standing by her now.

MUM:
Not very appropriate.

DAD:
Helen’s being very helpful.

MUM:
Sick of her fussing over me. Where’s she been for three years, you know, where was she when mum was ill?

ALICE:
Mum?

MUM:
Not now, Alice. Do something useful.

AUNTIE :
(To Teacher.)
Alice didn’t go to the service, you know.

GUEST:
Of course Alice adored him.

AUNTIE:
She’s not been out the house since it happened. Two whole weeks shut in here.

A couple of little boys wearing heelies come through, scattering adults in their wake.

MUM:
God’s sake – those are not suitable shoes for – Whose children are they?

DAD
goes after the two boys.

DAD:
Now boys, where’s your mum and dad?

MUM
moves too, nearly bumping into
ALICE
.

MUM:
Alice, will you get out from under my feet?

GUEST:
It’ll get better with time.

GUEST:
Doesn’t seem fair, does it?

GUEST:
Take it one day at a / time.

GUEST:
Time’s a great healer.

TEACHER:
We all miss you at school, you know. D’you think you might want to come back soon? See all your friends?

ALICE:
Don’t know yet.

TEACHER:
You mustn’t just think of me as mean old Mr Hunter, you know. Come and find me any time if you need a chat.

ALICE:
Thanks.

GUEST:
There’s a
lot
of pepper in these sandwiches. Big lumps of it.

GUEST:
But the flowers are lovely.

GUEST:
The flowers are lovely.

GUEST:
And you know, Alice
adored
him.

A little girl comes up to
ALICE
, and holds out a cuddly toy towards her. It’s a big, floppy white rabbit.
ALICE
takes
it from the little girl.

ALICE:
Thank you.

The little girl goes back to her mother, shyly.
ALICE
holds the rabbit, stroking its ears.
ALICE
goes back to the
armchair.

On the other side of the room, someone laughs.
ALICE
looks at her
MUM
, to check her reaction, but she’s talking
animatedly to another group of guests.

MUM:
Yes, there’ll be a trial, definitely. As big and public as possible. I’ve said we won’t settle out of court, no way.

DAD:
Well we haven’t actually decided that.

MUM:
We owe it to Joe to see justice done.

GUEST:
Lock him up and throw away the key.

GUEST:
Time’s a great healer.

DAD:
Suze – When do we want to show the thing, love?

AUNTIE
sidles over to join the conversation.

MUM:
I mean that man doesn’t have a leg to stand on, he’d been drinking. And then he goes speeding around past a school at chucking-out
time.

AUNTIE:
Have to live with it his whole life.

MUM:
Good. They should bring back the death penalty for people like him.

DAD:
Suze –

MUM:
String him up, cut his head off.

AUNTIE:
Very civilised.

MUM:
You know what, Helen, it’s none of your business.

GUEST:
You have to remember the good times.

AUNTIE:
I don’t know what I’ve done to make you so angry at me. I’m very sorry Joe’s passed away, but –

MUM:
He didn’t
pass away
, he died in massive pain at the side of the road, so let’s not. Let’s not sugar it.

The
WAITER
comes up to
ALICE
, checks no-one is looking and surreptitiously hands her a small glass of white wine.
ALICE
glances at her mum, then takes the glass. She looks up at the
WAITER
to say thank you, but he moves away smoothly.

The two elderly friends of
ALICE
’s granddad come over to
MUM
and
DAD
and
AUNTIE
.
LEN
is putting on a deerstalker hat,
JIM
a flat cap.

LEN:
Er, Graham – Jim and I thought we’d take your dad off now. Hop on’t bus back up Grenoside.

JIM:
Very sorry for your loss, Mrs Little. At least he had a good innings.

MUM:
He was seventeen.

DAD:
Jim’s on autopilot, that’s all. Don’t worry about it. Listen, don’t go for a minute, I was just about to show everyone
something.