Albatross (13 page)

His strong arms reached beneath her then, pulling her closer to him than even seemed possible. As his hands slipped down and around the curve of Jen’s back, she gasped and cried out, breaking their kiss for but a moment and burying her head into his neck, as she felt him slip gently inside her.

She groaned and arched as he held her there. Kissing her desperately, longingly, he returned her passion tenfold, grasping her firmly and tenderly all at once, pushing himself further and deeper, slowly and purposefully.

Jen felt every inch, and moaned uncontrollably as he slid up inside of her, sending her screaming.

Leaning in and out, slowly at first, Jen felt him bury deeper and deeper every time. But before long Deacon thrust harder and faster, over and over, and Jen screamed at the top of her lungs and clutched at him for all she was worth, digging her nails into his back and arms.

Deacon lifted Jen then and flung her over, spinning her so that she was atop him, and instinctively she thrust her hips down onto him, quivering as she felt every bit of him drive up inside of her.

Her feet wrapped beneath the backs of his legs and he drove his hips upwards. Jen shuddered with wild pleasure at every moment, feeling him so far within her that she could barely stand it. But at the same time, she never wanted him to stop, and she screamed endlessly for more.

The night swept by in a dark, misty haze of sweat and lust and euphoria.

Young Miss Jennifer Williams and Mr Deacon Ash revelled in each other for many hours to follow. It was only through sheer exhaustion, into the very early hours of the morning, that their aching hunger and their yearning desire for each other finally quelled enough for them to cease.

Panting heavily, drenched in sweat, breathless and drained beyond belief, in more ways than one, Jen clutched at Deacon, and his arms enveloped her protectively.

And there they stayed, shattered, falling into a heavy sleep that brought with it much needed rest.

Yet, it also unleashed wandering dreams, fraught with whole new experiences of their own.

Around Your Neck

             
The beach was grim and the driving wind whipped up clumps of damp sand in great flurries and flung them viciously at Jen’s naked, exposed face. A crippling grey mist hung in the air like a wet blanket that weighed heavily down on the Earth, soaking all of the warmth and joy out of even the very ground itself.

              There was no sunlight. Not that could be seen through the fog anyway.

              The rocks in the distance were black; they were so black in fact that it almost looked like they had been covered in tar and left to seal, hardening and fastening coldly on the brutal coastline.

              Even the very water itself had no colour to it, and despite the fierce wind, it sat still and undisturbed, without so much as a ripple crossing its bleak surface. It was as if somebody had stolen every ounce of energy from its swelling, breaking and crashing tides, locked it away forever, and thrown away the key.

              If there were gulls anywhere overhead, or people anywhere around for that matter, they could be neither seen nor heard through the hovering blanket of solid vapour.

              Jen’s clothes were drenched in an instant and they clung to her horribly.

She appeared on the beach out of nowhere, or so it seemed, for in one moment she was warm and dry and comfortable, and in the next she was cold and dank and miserable.

              Shivers clambered sluggishly up and down her back, and most certainly not the good kind, for it seemed she had gone from one extreme to the other, in every sense.

              Alone on the morbid, grey sand, she glanced around nervously, as if she didn’t want to be here, even though somehow she felt as though this was where she belonged.

              Besides, where else had she to go?

              She had made this her home, and now she had to live with it.

              And she didn’t mean the beach.

              Suddenly a vast shadow loomed in the fog; a single, monstrous figure that screamed recognition at Jen and swarmed around her menacingly.

              Jen cowered and ducked down to the ground, shielding her head and spinning round desperately, trying to keep the silhouette in view.

              She chased blurry shadows and hidden memories that outran her endlessly, just like always.

              The figure seemed to shift and change shape continuously in the fog, never assuming a single form that Jen could identify. Nonetheless though, she felt vaguely as if she recognised whatever it was that was taunting her. It haunted her in its ever changing form, yet it swooped around her in such a familiar manner that Jen couldn’t help but be intrigued.

              She almost wanted it to claim her, if only to allow herself to realise the truth.

              By now she knew she was dreaming. But that didn’t matter. Aside from the last few days that she had spent with Deacon, this sole dream felt more real than the past twelve months all combined.

              For some reason now, in her unconscious state, she seemed to understand things more clearly.

              In fact, she realised, it was not even that she hadn’t understood whilst she’d been awake, instead, it was simply that she had been unwilling to accept her own realisation.

              Now though, drifting amidst her dreams and lost in deep thought, her usual inhibitions were not so limiting, and that mere fact was quite uplifting.

              Seeming to respond to her very thoughts, the encircling silhouette slowed its frantic flight, settling into a much steadier rhythm. It adopted a smooth, peaceful glide, and assumed a single, much less threatening form, though admittedly it was still blurry in the mist.

              Jen rose to her feet, less affected by the cold now for some reason, though she was still just as wet through. She linked her hands and fingers in front of her and followed the shadowy figure with a calm, patient gaze as it slowed and descended and finally emerged from the concealing fog.

              Folding his wings graciously into his sides and landing upon the damp sand before Jen with unparalleled grace, the albatross looked her dead in the eyes with its black, all seeing gaze.

              Now she knew for absolute certain that this was a dream, for as he landed opposite her, barely three or four feet away, the albatross stood exactly as tall as she did. He shook a thousand droplets of moisture from his white and black feathers, ruffling his magnificent plumage repeatedly, only for the water to settle again almost immediately.

              “Hello.” Jen greeted the enormous bird, though her voice wavered slightly as she spoke for what felt like the first time in years.

              The albatross cocked his head to one side slightly, looking Jen up and down with his steady, pitch black gaze. His long yellow beak, tipped with orange more vibrant than ever, seemed to curve up impossibly at the sides.

              “Good afternoon Jenny.” He greeted her in response, tipping his vast head slightly, and very courteously, just like somebody else Jen knew.

              “Ahhh…” Jen faltered.

              She had not actually expected him to reply, and now she didn’t know what to do.

              He smiled understandingly, if that were even possible with a beak, and gave her a moment to recover.

              “I…I’m Jen…” She eventually managed to introduce herself.

              “I know.” The albatross replied immediately, without even the slightest flicker of mockery or ridicule.

              “Oh…” Jen replied dimly, hesitating again as her wit failed her, realising all at once that he had indeed greeted her by name. “Of course…”

              He allowed for there to be silence once again as Jen tried to gather her thoughts.

              At last she seemed to have composed herself.

              “Who are you?” She asked.

Her words were spoken quite pointedly, and with perhaps considerably less tact than she had intended. However, they did the job, and he didn’t seem to mind.

              “I’m your albatross.” He replied quite simply, as if that much was obvious.

              His voice sounded so age old that it seemed entirely possible that it might wear out completely at any moment. Yet, at the same time, his tone carried also the hint of lonesome youth that we are all burdened with for many years before we learn the truth about ourselves.

              “Right…” Jen answered, in once more not the most impressive display of keen intellect.

Nonetheless, she persevered, and the albatross was amongst the most patient of creatures, so it mattered not.

“Do you have a name?” Jen asked next.

The albatross looked thoughtful for a moment, and glanced out into the thick mist pensively.

“You’ve given me many different names in the past…” He eventually replied mysteriously, though Jen had no doubt that his word was the unquestionable truth. “Though, one much more than all others…” He added as an afterthought.

              Jen considered that for a moment and he looked on at her as if this point in their conversation was one of the most pivotal.

              “May I just call you Albatross?” She requested. “For now, at least.”

              He continued to stare at her, his eyes penetrating deeper than just the mere surface, and that look pressed an explanation out of young Jennifer, for it was the most vital part.

              “You…I… Jen struggled, but he pressed her still, not harshly, but firmly. “You’re not like anybody I’ve ever met…” She finally managed, though floundering still. “So…I don’t see how I can give you a name that anybody else I’ve ever known has…”

              He cocked his head again, this time to the other side, and his pressing gaze relented, his eyes softening, though they were still jet black agates.

              “Very well.” He finally answered. “A sound reason. Very unbiased.” He applauded her. “Albatross it is.”

              “Really?” Jen questioned, her brow furrowing as if she had expected him to reject her reasoning.

              “You shouldn’t doubt yourself so, Jenny.” He chided her kindly. “It’s not the name I expected.” He admitted. “But, actually, I’m pleased.”

              “Erm…” Jen wavered, unsure exactly how to take that comment. “Thank you…”

              What had he expected?

              “Let’s not worry about that for now.” He suggested, and Jen gasped slightly, for she had not spoken the question aloud.

              But then he gave her a very knowing look, as if perhaps she should have expected nothing else.

              “Ah…” She finally replied, laughing slightly as realisation flooded through her. “I’m dreaming…” She stated, clarifying the obvious. “Of course you know what I’m thinking. You’re in my head.”

              “And now we appear to be making progress.” He commended her, his tone congratulatory.

              “Thank you…” Jen repeated, and he ruffled his huge feathers once more, casting countless droplets of water off in every direction.

“Although…” He countered, looking at her in a strange, knowing and expectant sort of way. “We still have a long way to go.”

Silence ensued then for a few moments, and Jen looked to be deep in thought, as if she was waging some sort of internal, moral battle with herself. Finally, sighing and rubbing her neck, she seemed to come to some sort of decision.

“Albatross…” She eventually started, and he looked at her with keen, black eyes. “Why are you trying to help me?” She asked.

“I’m just a small part of your imagination, remember?” The enormous bird reminded her then, flicking flurrying sand away that had settled on his humungous feet. “You’re only trying to help yourself.”

“Help myself do what?” Jen countered immediately, and Albatross’s response came in just as quick succession.

“Acknowledge the truth.”

“What truth?”

“You know the answer to that question.” He reminded her. “You just need to admit that you do.”

“But…” Jen started, before she paused for a moment.

Her mind raced, thinking how best to phrase her next question, for it was perhaps the most pertinent of all.

Finally, she came to a decision.

“Don’t you get lonely?” She asked. “It must be very lonesome, flying out over the ocean for so long, all by yourself?”

The magnificent bird tilted his head to one side again, gazing at Jen intuitively. In a roundabout way, she was asking exactly the right question.

“Progress again, Jenny.” He praised her.

She smiled in response, but didn’t speak, knowing there was more he needed to say.

“Do you get lonely?” He asked her, his tone very serious as he turned the tables on her.

Jen thought on that for a moment.

She thought first of all, and understandably so, of Deacon. He was with her even now, as she slept, and whenever he was near her she felt safe.

But then she thought of her older sister, Clare, whom she had seen very little of the past few days, and the pit of worry in the depths of her stomach returned.

“I’m afraid that I would be…” She eventually replied, and the wise albatross could see that her words were incredibly honest. “If…”

But she could not finish her sentence.

He nodded slowly, seeing the pain and anxiety of truth in her eyes.

“How do you do it?” She asked of him then, her voice wavering and even pleading slightly, on the edge of tears. “How do you last?”

He needed barely a second to form the words of his reply, for they were indeed the crux that this entire conversation had been climbing towards, and the crescendo hit Jen with a wave of realisation.

Realisation at long last that, perhaps, although she was only trying to prevent herself from suffering the pain that would undoubtedly ensue, she was living a lie.

“I am often alone, but I am never lonely.” The great albatross spoke to her. “I am constantly wandering, but I am never lost. I am forever away, but I am always home.”

His words sunk into Jen’s mind with the heavy weight of reality upon them, and she nodded slowly, holding back tears.

Her albatross took two long steps forward and immediately closed the gap between them.

He opened his vast, gloriously white wings, spreading them wider than she would even have believed possible, and cloaked Jen within them.

She hugged his feathered body and buried her head into his shoulder, as he engulfed her entirely within his grasp, and wrapped his wings tightly around her neck.